I’ve debated whether to share this but I do think people should be prepared. I lived 1st hand the justification for MW not listening for baby HB via Doppler this early on.
Everything worked out perfectly and baby is happy and healthy but I lived the most stressful 45mins of my life at 815am this morning.
So I had my 16week midwife (MW) appointment today (I’m 16W5D). I told DH he didn’t need to come so it was just me and the MWs. Wow, what an emotional rollercoaster. My appointment started with lots of questions (from me) and checking my general health and well-being. I’d mentioned to my MW that I am feeling unusually anxious. Not so much that it renders me incapable of doing anything but enough to have me googling everything and in constant reassurance of a private scan (I’ve already had 3) - my husband has noticed this change in me too and suggested I mention in order to get any support on offer.
Next, the Student MW put me on the bed to hear baby's heartbeat via Doppler- she’d mentioned that she may not be able to locate it but would hand over to the staff midwife if she couldn’t. She couldn't find my baby’s heartbeat.
The main MW took over but she too couldn’t isolate my baby’s heartbeat- I was already tearing from the student midwife but at this point I burst into tears. I felt so broken.
They consoled me and went to find another Doppler (and brought in another MW) but couldn’t hear anything. I could hear the staff midwife in the background muttering this is why they don’t like to use Dopplers before 18 weeks (not to me but I guess she was sad that someone who was already anxious was being made even more anxious). They asked if they could call anyone for me - I called my husband and bless him he was so apologetic for agreeing I should come alone. He stayed on the phone with me as they continued to look for baby’s heartbeat.
Finally they brought in a consultant and a scanner… there was my beautiful baby wriggling around, kicking and “waving”. Heartbeat strong. The consultant kindly talked me through the scan and turned on the sound so I and my husband could hear my baby’s heartbeat. She pointed out all the bits of my baby (head, legs, ribs, heart etc) and confirmed my baby’s health.
Honestly, I’m emotionally exhausted. So happy that baby is happy and healthy- keeping me on my toes! But after this scare I feel so on edge. I’m still crying whilst trying to work.
My 20 weeks scan was already booked but I’ll also be having another MW appointment on the same day. I’ve told my husband this has taken the shine off my pregnancy (this is my/our first pregnancy) and now I’m too scared to allow myself shop for baby - we were supposed to be going to try out prams this weekend. I’m hoping this feeling passes.
In the meantime, we’ve agreed to have a private gender scan ahead of my 20 weeks appointment to see if a change of environment will help my brain reset itself so I can enjoy this.
Naively I thought getting pregnant would be the hard part and since it wasn’t I hadn’t emotionally prepared myself for pregnancy having its own hard parts or the hormonal changes that come with pregnancy and what that might do to me and my mental health.