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Original poster

Partner’s parents to stay for 2 weeks after birth?

124 replies

Puppysharness · 14/07/2021 17:50

Hi everyone, please can I get your views on this scenario as I have no idea what life with a newborn is like!

My partner would like his parents to stay with us for 2 weeks after our first baby is born. They live abroad. I don’t know them very well and in general am someone who likes my space, so I don’t feel fully comfortable with this.

Would others who know more about newborn life be OK in this situation? I don’t know what everyday life will be like once we have the baby, but I’m sure I’ll want the freedom to sleep whenever I want and get my boobs out whenever I want! I don’t think I’ll feel able to do those things with his parents in the house.

They’re nice people and I’m sure will want to help as much as possible, but I’m not sure how much ‘help’ they can be when all the baby needs is to breastfeed and sleep.

Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
Flippantfair · 14/07/2021 17:55

I stayed with my mum for a week after the birth because I love her and trust her, and I knew she'd look after us.
My in-laws- no way. Perfectly nice people but when you're feeling vulnerable and exposed post birth, the last thing you want is people you aren't totally comfortable with being around for any length of time.
My son lives abroad. If he and his partner have a baby I will wait till I'm invited, and I will stay in a hotel.

Durham01 · 14/07/2021 17:56

OMG no way!! What is your partner thinking!! They can visit once you've settled back home. You might have a traumatic birth or be in physical pain - or you might have depression or feel incredibly overwhelmed - you have no idea how things are going to go. You will definitely feel knackered and not up to hosting people you barely know. Plus you'll want your space to bond with baby. No way would I ever do this in a million years.

WimpoleHat · 14/07/2021 17:57

God no! My mother came for the weekend three days after I had my first baby; I’ve never been so glad to see the back of someone on the Monday morning…..

IdblowJonSnow · 14/07/2021 17:58

Err no.
Doesn't matter how lovely they are. If you're like any other new mum I've ever met you'll want space, privacy and sleep.
Bad idea and it would be very unfair of your husband to impose this on you.

SuperbOwls · 14/07/2021 17:59

Absolutely not

Mommabear20 · 14/07/2021 18:02

Absolutely not! The half hour visits from people were more than enough! You need your time and space to figure out your new family without people getting under your feet.

Velvetbee · 14/07/2021 18:03

No.

HalloHello · 14/07/2021 18:06

No way hosay! My in-laws are coming for a week a few days after my due date but staying at a hotel, and that is bad enough. My first baby they did the same and think we only saw them 3 days out of 7 for a couple of hours cause I just wanted to be in my newborn bubble, with my husband. Sit on the sofa, cuddling, feeding, eating, napping!

AliceW89 · 14/07/2021 18:06

This is a terrible idea. Obviously everyone’s experiences are different but I spent the first two weeks with my boobs out almost 24/7, swearing every time I sat down due to humongous haemorrhoids, surviving on minimal sleep and going from crying to laughing and back again at the drop of a hat.

Only allow them to come in the first few weeks if they might be some help (putting washing on, bringing meals, cleaning your house without you needing to ask). If they come get them to stay separately in an air bnb or similar. 100% not in your house.

All the best with the rest of your pregnancy Flowers

irresistibleoverwhelm · 14/07/2021 18:06

Don’t consider this under any circumstances.

PinkPlantCase · 14/07/2021 18:07

My in laws live about 4 hours away and they came down for 2 weeks after DS was born. They arrived 18 days after my due date, this worked quite well as DS was 8 days late so by the time they arrived I was able to sit down and was beginning to go for short walks.

They stayed in a hotel rather than in our house which was nice as DH and I still got some time together in the evenings and we could get up at whatever time we wanted and let them know and they’d come over.

It was really lovely and I’m so glad they took the time to come and stay. They made us dinner every evening, we went for some walks and they’d take DS out for a walk whilst I slept. I’d feed him before and he’d happily sleep in the pram for a while.

I also learnt a lot about what a newborn needs from watching them with him.

I did know them quite well already though and they were very onboard with breast feeding so didn’t bat an eye about me having a boob out.

They were very happy for the day to fit completely around the baby, there was no time pressure.

So in our case having them come worked really well and they were a big help for us both practically and mentally.

Xyzzzzz · 14/07/2021 18:08

Don’t do it. I speak from experience.

IDontDrinkTea · 14/07/2021 18:08

Oh good god no. I’d say a weekend max and they stay in a hotel

Scirocco · 14/07/2021 18:10

No no no no no. That sounds like a terrible plan.

Owlshouse · 14/07/2021 18:12

I couldn't have coped with that even with my own parents who I love to be around especially not sleeping over instead of in hotel if they weren't local, as per previous poster you want space, privacy and freedom to sleep whenever until you've had time to settle into your new role as parents and time for your own recovery post-birth, the short visits from family and friends in the first couple of weeks are often more than enough to have to fit in. You won't know how you feel until baby is here so each to their own but I wouldn't personally agree to any dates/bookings until after that.

firstimemamma · 14/07/2021 18:14

I wouldn't want any family around me when I'm trying to find my feet with a new baby so in your shoes I'd be saying no but I bet some people would like it.

Also i'm really sorry but you won't be "free to sleep whenever you want" so probably best to leave that idea now to avoid disappointment.

peonyrose87 · 14/07/2021 18:15

Absolutely not! My MIL was here for a few nights when I brought my baby home as we needed childcare for our 5yo (I was admitted for a week prior to birth) and it was so hard and stressful having someone else in the house.

CactusPat · 14/07/2021 18:16

Why does your partner think it would be a good idea?

You will be feeling pretty vulnerable, potentially sore, definitely tired. I think if you felt super comfortable with the in-laws it might be a different matter but if you’re already not feeling great about it, straight after birth when you’re shattered isn’t the time to try it out. Also two weeks is a v v long time.

megletthesecond · 14/07/2021 18:19

No. No. No.
A newborn first baby is not the time for visitors. You and your DH need space to go at your own pace. You will feel battered for a while and probably want to lounge around in pyjamas.

MonkeyPuddle · 14/07/2021 18:20

Sweet fucking hell jesus wept fuck no.

GrrrlPwr · 14/07/2021 18:21

It's a no from me

Ell17 · 14/07/2021 18:21

What @MonkeyPuddle said 🤣🤣

Purple21 · 14/07/2021 18:22

10000000% no

WallaceinAnderland · 14/07/2021 18:22

No. It has to be an absolute no, don't be persuaded. It will be hell on earth.

Just tell everyone that you will make arrangements to meet up when you feel ready after the birth and you cannot possibly predict that now. Block your ears to anyone else's opinion or stories about how it was for them. Everyone is different. Also make it clear that any visitors will have to book in local hotel as you are not hosting overnight guests. End of.

Enjoy your baby!

DuggeeHugPlease · 14/07/2021 18:22

No no no no no no no no no no no no no. Absolutely no way. Don't do it.