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Original poster

Partner’s parents to stay for 2 weeks after birth?

124 replies

Puppysharness · 14/07/2021 17:50

Hi everyone, please can I get your views on this scenario as I have no idea what life with a newborn is like!

My partner would like his parents to stay with us for 2 weeks after our first baby is born. They live abroad. I don’t know them very well and in general am someone who likes my space, so I don’t feel fully comfortable with this.

Would others who know more about newborn life be OK in this situation? I don’t know what everyday life will be like once we have the baby, but I’m sure I’ll want the freedom to sleep whenever I want and get my boobs out whenever I want! I don’t think I’ll feel able to do those things with his parents in the house.

They’re nice people and I’m sure will want to help as much as possible, but I’m not sure how much ‘help’ they can be when all the baby needs is to breastfeed and sleep.

Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
stopringingme · 14/07/2021 18:48

I second what @MonkeyPuddle said

Chelyanne · 14/07/2021 18:50

Absolutely not. Wouldn't have my own parents stay for 2 weeks after birth either.
You really need time to settle as a family, others visiting for short times is fine but even 1 full day would be a bit much for me.

stitchmaker85 · 14/07/2021 18:50

No way, I remember coming home from hospital day after I had DD, sitting with a lounge full of people and wishing I could scream at them all to just fuck off. If I'd had any more I'd be saying one set of visitors at a time, at my convenience, no overnight guests.
There are hotels

MissBPotter · 14/07/2021 18:50

My MIL stayed for a few days after dd2 and she was quite helpful, cooking and cleaning for us and entertaining our two year old, plus I knew her pretty well and she’s quite relaxed. If it had been as soon as baby arrived though I would have said no and not for a full two weeks. Plus depends on how much space and how useful they will be. Some guests can be a big burden, which will be the last thing you’ll need with a new baby!

miltonj · 14/07/2021 18:51

Nooo you need time just the three of you bonding. It's such a special time.

boathemianrhapsody · 14/07/2021 18:52

I wouldn’t like that. You’ll want to take some time getting to know your baby and being able to do what you want when you please

PandasCatsWolves · 14/07/2021 18:52

You won't be able breast feed (if that's your choice) comfortably with company all the time. IMO

Iknowtheanswer · 14/07/2021 18:53

Mine stayed in a hotel for two weeks, and visited every day. Tiny house, FIL embarrassed every time I tried to breastfeed. I had a 3rd degree tear, couldn't sit, awful constipation. And only one loo.

My advice - no no no.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2021 18:56

Your husband is an idiot and my guess is that he wants his mummy there so he can do fuck all to care for you and the baby.

Babdoc · 14/07/2021 18:56

My MIL was on the train as soon as she heard the baby had arrived. She stayed for a week, and was brilliant - did all the shopping and cooking, and as she’d had 5 babies herself she was great at demonstrating bathing, winding and nappy changes etc.
DH sprained his arm and ended up in a sling, so it was a good job MIL could drive to the supermarket for him, too. I was NC with my own abusive mother, so was v glad to have MIL.

CanIHaveAHolidayPlease · 14/07/2021 19:01

Hell no!!

Crying, bleeding and boobs everywhere.

Where's your privacy and bonding time?? Your MIL should know that no matter how nice they are, they are taking this precious time away from you. It cannot be replaced.

Point them to booking.com and advise they can visit for 20 mins / half hour every other day IF you are up to visitors!!

Original poster
Puppysharness · 14/07/2021 19:02

Thanks for your responses everyone- I’m relieved to hear that I’m not being a drama queen!

I am trying to be flexible as it’s been a long time since my partner has seen his parents with the pandemic, but clearly a compromise is necessary…

When do you think would be an ok time to have them visit (and point taken about hotel also!)- would when the baby is a month or two be meaningfully better? Challenge with that is that my partner would be working at that point, so he’d have to take A/L. Feels reasonable to suggest he do so though.

OP posts:
GettingUntrapped · 14/07/2021 19:05

Trust your gut. Definitely no.
I had this shit except it was a threatened visit from a brother-in-law and his girlfriend who live in Australia.
I said a big fat no, and still can't believe the cheek. I know bro-in-law wouldn't be any help. Just more work for me.

lunar1 · 14/07/2021 19:09

Mine stayed with us when ds1 arrived. The were lovely and it was fine. There are some cultural differences but we all managed ok.

Crowsaregreat · 14/07/2021 19:10

You know how when animals have babies, you have to leave them alone in peace and quiet or they will growl and snap? Humans are the same. You will feel bewildered and vulnerable. I'd say let them come from a month onwards if you don't have feeding problems (let's hope not, but they're not uncommon and stress doesn't help). I wouldn't have them staying with you all the time, and I doubt they'd want to as they probably won't get much sleep!

sarahb083 · 14/07/2021 19:11

I wouldn't schedule a time at all until the baby is here and you're sure you feel up to it. I love my in-laws and I'm close to them but even having them here for the day when my DD was a newborn was exhausting. I don't think I put a top on for the first two weeks because my nipples were so sore. Babies are up all night and the last thing you need is to be worried about disturbing them.

AliceW89 · 14/07/2021 19:13

A month or so sounds reasonable. I don’t think DH should take much leave though. Your inlaws popping in for a visit once a day or so will be adequate. Newborns don’t sleep until late at night so they could even come in the evening when he is back from work x

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 14/07/2021 19:14

I'd say after 6-8 weeks, this tends to be the time you start re-emerging and you might want someone to take the baby for an hour or so so you can sleep!

Play it by ear though, you might not feel ready then (or for the next 10 years!!)

thatllberight · 14/07/2021 19:20

Absofuckinglutely not. No no no no.

NCJuly2021 · 14/07/2021 19:20

My mum, yes. She came and stayed for 10 days when our baby was born, and she provided support in showing us how to look after baby and also looking after baby so we can rest, but mainly she looked me and DH - making meals, tidying up after us, doing the shopping, and so on.

My in laws, no way! They’re lovely people but the last thing you want when you’ve had a newborn is guests. My own mum didn’t feel like a guest to me, but my in laws would have.

TiredMummyZZZ · 14/07/2021 19:21

I cannot stress this enough - absolutely fuck that.

You’ll be sore, bleeding, your boobs will be leaking. If you’re breastfeeding you will constantly have your boobs out and they will hurt. You’ll be exhausted but also territorial over your baby, I’d have hated to have to hand mine over constantly but she was born in lockdown so we didn’t have that problem.

If they could stay in a local hotel a week or two after you’ve had the baby then that’s one thing but people staying in the house with you when you’ve just had a baby, NO! Please don’t agree to it!

whatthejiggeries · 14/07/2021 19:21

Nooooooooooo

bakingdemon · 14/07/2021 19:22

I would be v wary esp if you don't know them very well. Will they do all the cooking and cleaning while they're with you, or will they expect to be fed and watered? Will they give you space to BF in front of the telly on your own, or will they always be on the house? Will they change nappies? If they will do all of that then they will be of use.

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 14/07/2021 19:23

It’s a no from me. Unless they were super helpful in the house and meant you could sit. All day. With your baby. Whilst recovery of from childbirth abs bleeding profusely. Then no.

bakingdemon · 14/07/2021 19:23

My in laws stayed in a local budget hotel the first time they came to meet DS so they were around when we wanted them but had their own space. Can you do that as a compromise? They could book an Airbnb.

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