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Original poster

Partner’s parents to stay for 2 weeks after birth?

124 replies

Puppysharness · 14/07/2021 17:50

Hi everyone, please can I get your views on this scenario as I have no idea what life with a newborn is like!

My partner would like his parents to stay with us for 2 weeks after our first baby is born. They live abroad. I don’t know them very well and in general am someone who likes my space, so I don’t feel fully comfortable with this.

Would others who know more about newborn life be OK in this situation? I don’t know what everyday life will be like once we have the baby, but I’m sure I’ll want the freedom to sleep whenever I want and get my boobs out whenever I want! I don’t think I’ll feel able to do those things with his parents in the house.

They’re nice people and I’m sure will want to help as much as possible, but I’m not sure how much ‘help’ they can be when all the baby needs is to breastfeed and sleep.

Any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
Sleepinghyena · 14/07/2021 18:22

Absolutely definitely 💯 no!

NeepNeepNeep · 14/07/2021 18:22

You'll be in pain, bleeding, weepy, sleep deprived.....

Rosiiiiie · 14/07/2021 18:23

I’d let them.
My MIL will be coming a few days before my due date and stay for a little after. I’m actually looking forward to having extra help with the house and school runs for my 5 yr old!

Orangedaisy · 14/07/2021 18:24

Definitely not for baby 1. Subsequent babies maybe. But it’s very different first time round.

welshladywhois40 · 14/07/2021 18:33

To give a slightly different answer - why not ask if they will wait a few weeks. My mil stayed for 10 days after my last baby to help with my toddler. We needed her to be with the toddler while I was in hospital and couldn't just send her away immediately.

She is very hands on and helpful with the children and does clean etc. She was often frustrated as she wanted to do more with the baby to help me recover from my c-section but baby just wanted to be near me so there was little she could do.

If they can wait a couple of weeks there will be more they can do and you don't run the risk of feeling that your bonding time has been interrupted.

ignatiusjreilly · 14/07/2021 18:34

Dear God no.

waltzingparrot · 14/07/2021 18:36

I'd say get them to give you a couple of weeks on you own so you can get into a routine etc and by then they'll be useful and able to help with cleaning the house, cooking , shopping etc.

hellywelly3 · 14/07/2021 18:38

My mil came to “help” with my first. It’s wasn’t a help it was a massive inconvenience

Garman · 14/07/2021 18:38

Not a f*cking notion would I let that happen 😂

30degreesandmeltinghere · 14/07/2021 18:38

Ask your dh how he intends to host them and support his dw and new dc 24/7?
Hand him the questions and let him see there is no logic to them staying... It isn't for your benefit. Def isn't for a newborn dc's benefit... They don't call the shots here. Unless they come accompanied with a maid /butler /nanny and a cleaner...

30degreesandmeltinghere · 14/07/2021 18:38

and a 5 chef...

exybusiness · 14/07/2021 18:39

Oh my god, no!!
If they insist on coming (which they might) then they stay in a hotel and you need to set some clear ground rules about coming round so they're not turning up all the time and staying all day.

Can they do touristy stuff when they're here and visit other people or will the sole focus be the baby?

quizqueen · 14/07/2021 18:39

Both my parents and in laws came to stay one week after the other as soon as I got home with my baby but I was happy for that, as I knew everything would be fine as they would just get on and do everything with running the house, and I could just sit there with the baby. So it depends what kind of people your in laws are. This was in the 80s; I think new mothers are more precious nowadays though!

purplemunkey · 14/07/2021 18:40

Nope. Will he have two weeks paternity? The first two weeks would be much better just the two of you and new baby. You’ll be recovering and working it all out. Have them stay once you’re settled.

careerchangeperhaps · 14/07/2021 18:41

Nope. I'd have found this very hard. I understand that it's difficult with them being based overseas, but hold firm. They can either a) stay in a nearby hotel (Premier Inns and the like are super-cheap at the moment) or b) leave it a couple of months until you're more up to hosting.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 14/07/2021 18:41

2 weeks! Not a chance in hell.
I was a bleeding, crying, leaking mess. I wouldn’t not want my in-laws having a front seat to all that x

Schrutesbeets · 14/07/2021 18:42

Noooooooooo

Dandy0911 · 14/07/2021 18:42

You can't get those first few weeks back with a newborn.

They're precious, fucking savage, sleep deprived, cute, emotional and all the rest.

All you want to do is cuddle your baby and sleep (when you can) and probably constantly feed.

It's such a mega adjustment and you need to get to know your little person before people come and stay weeks at a time.

It's a resounding no from me.

Sh05 · 14/07/2021 18:43

Nope. Not happening.
Don't be swayed into saying yes, the first month atleast you'll want to be able to just be yourself, not have to worry about what you're wearing, how you look and feel and whether you want to get out of bed that day or not.
Even if you have a dream baby and no problems feeding you do not want someone you barely know staying over regardless of who they are and how much help they offer you.

Notaroadrunner · 14/07/2021 18:44

Another no! If they come then they can stay in a hotel and visit when it suits you. As a new mum you'll be sore, possibly uncomfortable down below, hormonal therefore probably crying at the drop of a hat, getting used to breastfeeding... You don't need an audience for that especially as you don't know them well.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/07/2021 18:44

Hell no! Appreciate they are coming from abroad but even daily visits from a hotel could push you over the edge with a newborn….rethink!

wedswench · 14/07/2021 18:44

No no no and NO

Cocossponsor · 14/07/2021 18:47

If you are not comfortable with them staying with you then that’s it. You can say no. Perhaps wait a few weeks as others have suggested or if their expectations are a holiday experience at you and your child’s expense then a hotel and clear boundaries are needed.

Funkmaster · 14/07/2021 18:47

No. Certainly not for the first anyway. I was up and about much quicker after the second for many reasons, including having a toddler to look after but the long labour, stitches, constipation and general battering was intense first time. I knew what was coming second time round!🤣

InTheNightWeWillWish · 14/07/2021 18:47

I’m pregnant with my first, so not speaking from experience.

However, my in-laws live in a different country and my parents live 4 hours away. Nobody will be staying at our house when the baby is born. I want privacy and I also want my dogs to be able to adjust to baby without more disturbance in the house. My in-laws will be over anyway, due to other events happening and they’ll be staying in a hotel. My mum is also planning on visiting and she will also be staying in a hotel. Both are aware that we will let them know when we’re ready to see them. I really like my inalws (well, my FIL has his moments but on the whole he’s fine), they still aren’t staying. I love my mum and get on with her but she’s definitely not staying either.