Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

People sharing our pregnancy news before we have..

110 replies

elc1234 · 21/04/2021 12:13

Hi,
My partner and I decided that after a previous miscarriage, we would take advantage of the lockdown restrictions and keep our pregnancy news as quiet as possible, with only close friends, family and work knowing. We have wanted to enjoy the pregnancy with our inner circle and not have to worry about the nosy people in the small town we live in. I am also estranged from my dad’s side of the family and did not feel comfortable with them knowing.
I am now 38 weeks pregnant and a few days ago I found out that a “friend” of ours has taken it upon himself to share the pregnancy news with others. As well as this, when I had to leave work due to COVID at 28 weeks, one of my work colleagues also saw fit to share the news with her daughter, who is my age, who then proceeded to share the news with her friends.
Am I overreacting by being upset by this? I feel like it is our news to share and no one else’s, and I really don’t feel like these people are friends to me if they are going to do this. I feel like some people are very entitled towards pregnant women and their babies/news. I’m not sure if I’m just emotional at the moment but I have struggled to get it off my mind for the last few days.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

IbrahimaRedTwo · 21/04/2021 12:15

I am now 38 weeks pregnant and a few days ago I found out that a “friend” of ours has taken it upon himself to share the pregnancy news with others

Anyone who looks at you knows you are pregnant. It's really not your private news to decide who knows now....anyone you walk past in the street knows!
I think you're being really odd about it.

PegPeople · 21/04/2021 12:17

In the nicest possible way you're 38 weeks pregnant. Literally any stranger you pass in the street will know you're about to have a baby, it's hardly a secret.

OverTheRainbow88 · 21/04/2021 12:18

As above, I thought you were going to say you were a few weeks pregnant.

MaMaD1990 · 21/04/2021 12:19

It would upset me too if they knew you wanted it kept quiet, even if you are near the end! What's done is done though, I'd move on and forget about it, you'll have more important things to worry and stress over in a few weeks time.

FelicityPike · 21/04/2021 12:19

Anyone who sees you will more than likely know you’re pregnant.
I’d let it go this time.
Congratulations and good luck.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 21/04/2021 12:20

If you're 38 weeks surely the sharer didn't realise that it was a "secret"...

EvilOnion · 21/04/2021 12:20

Tbh at 38 weeks unless you'd specifically asked me to keep quiet I would assume most people knew so wouldn't think anything of mentioning it.

ChelseaCat · 21/04/2021 12:20

@IbrahimaRedTwo

I am now 38 weeks pregnant and a few days ago I found out that a “friend” of ours has taken it upon himself to share the pregnancy news with others

Anyone who looks at you knows you are pregnant. It's really not your private news to decide who knows now....anyone you walk past in the street knows!
I think you're being really odd about it.

Agreed

campion · 21/04/2021 12:22

Are you going to keep the baby a secret as well? You're 38 weeks and could have your baby today. Hasn't anyone noticed a rather large lump in the pregnancy area or have you been staying at home to avoid this?

Concentrate your energy on your lovely new baby who will be here very soon and I hope you'll soon want to show him or her off to other people too. Most people just want to wish you well as babies are generally good news.

FTEngineerM · 21/04/2021 12:22

When we’re you going to share the news?
When you gave birth?
When they started school?

ivfbeenbusy · 21/04/2021 12:22

At 38 weeks unless you were obese before it's pretty bloody obvious to look at you that you're pregnant 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Most people would think by this point in your pregnancy must be common knowledge so talk about it more freely

I think you're being a bit precious if I'm honest

Tryingtryingandtrying · 21/04/2021 12:23

But surely if you are 38 weeks it's obvious? Or have I misunderstood?

Stressedtoddlermum · 21/04/2021 12:23

Sorry you’ve had a hard time! But at 38 weeks it’s so secret!

I am currently 24 weeks with twins, and I’m always surprised when strangers comment because in my head I don’t look pregnant! Also don’t particularly like talking about it as for some reason it’s just something I find really private. But it’s all well meaning, and to be honest the fact is most people are being polite and don’t really care.

You will have your new baby soon anyway and forget about all the little small things like this!

Stressedtoddlermum · 21/04/2021 12:24

*No secret that is!

Poppins2016 · 21/04/2021 12:24

If you're visibly pregnant, people will naturally assume that it's public knowledge and that you don't mind people knowing, because you can see it.
There are only a few weeks until you have a baby in your arms and I wouldn't expect people to keep that quiet, either... it's natural to talk about these things as common knowledge.

I think it's fine to expect confidentiality in the early days (but you'd need make that explicitly clear to the people you tell).

WeAreAllCompletelyFine · 21/04/2021 12:25

First trimester/early second trimester: you are not being unreasonable at all.

Beyond that it is likely to be obvious you are pregnant and people would not be expected to keep that 'secret' really.

Chelyanne · 21/04/2021 12:25

You are overreacting. People talk and the news spreads.
I know how you feel about keeping it quiet, I was the same as this one follows 2 mc's and a few chemicals. Pretty hard to hide now though as she's getting big. Once I was past the anomaly scan I wasn't as bothered about people knowing as all was looking well and I felt more relaxed about it all. Unless someone mentions the bump I don't mention the pregnancy.
We'd not spoken to SIL for over 5 years (her choice) and out of the blue she messaged my husband mentioning the pregnancy as his dad had clearly told her. She had a son in that 5 years and we've not been welcomed in to their life so hubby said a short thanks and left it at that.

Horehound · 21/04/2021 12:27

Emm...yes you're being very unreasonable.
You said about the miscarriage being a reason to keep schtum except you are now 38 weeks pregnant so what is the reason to keep quiet so long?

You also said "only close friends, family and work" well, that's quite a lot of people!!!

Stop being so precious

LaceyBetty · 21/04/2021 12:29

Very unreasonable! You are about to not be pregnant anymore!

Moondust001 · 21/04/2021 12:29

You only shared it with close friends but a "friend" has told people? Are they now demoted from being a close friend and are now only a "friend"?

Yes, I think you are over-reacting. I seriously doubt anyone, even if previously told that it was a deadly secret, would imagine that you were still being to secretive at 38 weeks. And honestly, they would mostly think you were being weird to think it's such a big secret now.

Ivy48 · 21/04/2021 12:32

I think you’re being a bit precious if you’re this far along. I could understand up to maybe 20/25 weeks as not everyone starts showing. But anyone could see you in a shop and gossip. That’s all it is, gossip. If you had your child tomorrow would you expect friends to never mention it? No that’s a bit off. Also if you’re estranged from family then it doesn’t matter, not like they’ll come knocking and they’ll find out eventually

TheFoz · 21/04/2021 12:36

@Horehound has it exactly right, precious is how I would describe your attitude. You are seriously going to need to develop a thicker skin.

Trixie78 · 21/04/2021 12:36

At 38 weeks I'd probably share your news as well as I'd just assume everyone knew by then. They probably didn't think you were still keeping it quiet.

Abouttimemum · 21/04/2021 12:37

You’re being ridiculous

foxyroxyyy · 21/04/2021 12:41

Bless ya. Don't worry just have your baby and enjoy your precious little one.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5