People sharing our pregnancy news before we have..

[elc1234]

Hi,
My partner and I decided that after a previous miscarriage, we would take advantage of the lockdown restrictions and keep our pregnancy news as quiet as possible, with only close friends, family and work knowing. We have wanted to enjoy the pregnancy with our inner circle and not have to worry about the nosy people in the small town we live in. I am also estranged from my dad’s side of the family and did not feel comfortable with them knowing.
I am now 38 weeks pregnant and a few days ago I found out that a “friend” of ours has taken it upon himself to share the pregnancy news with others. As well as this, when I had to leave work due to COVID at 28 weeks, one of my work colleagues also saw fit to share the news with her daughter, who is my age, who then proceeded to share the news with her friends.
Am I overreacting by being upset by this? I feel like it is our news to share and no one else’s, and I really don’t feel like these people are friends to me if they are going to do this. I feel like some people are very entitled towards pregnant women and their babies/news. I’m not sure if I’m just emotional at the moment but I have struggled to get it off my mind for the last few days.

You are being ridiculous!

At this stage in your pregnancy you are really being a bit precious about this. In a few weeks you are going to turn up with a baby. It hardly matters if people know you are pregnant.

Is this a reverse? No one is this bonkers surely?

If you were 12 weeks I would understand. But you could have your baby any day now. It's pretty odd to keep it a huge secret. Unless you are planning doing a kylie Jenner ?

You've told too many people to expect to keep your pregnancy secret, even if you are able to disguise a full term bump ...

If you'd only told parents and your boss out of necessity and asked those people not to tell anyone else, then you wouldn't be unreasonable to be aggrieved if one of those people started gossiping, but once more than five people know anything its pretty much common knowledge.

The "our news to share" really does sound very silly when you're full term and all your work colleagues and close friends and family know - you must have told at least a dozen people, if not more - and you're about to give birth!

personally I feel you've possibly made a rod for your own back on this one.
had you made a lovely announcement and shared the news earlier then none of this would have been an issue and there'd be no need for anyone to talk about you being pregnant because everyone would know.
I've had a mc, I know how heartbreaking they are, however I'm currently 11 weeks and me and my husband are so excited about sharing our news because our mc happened at 6 weeks we are just so happy to get further.
people are curious, if you didn't tell people it'd be queried if you'd just put weight on because people are bitchy and without knowledge and understanding that is how people (especially women) are.
thing is, you've missed your chance for it to be your news! if you'd wanted that you should have announced it ages ago. sorry for being honest but you have over reacted slightly. xxxxxx

Yeah sorry you need to grow up a bit and get some perspective here.

You're about to be a mother- which you'll find a hell of a lot more challenging than dealing with someone telling someone you're heavily pregnant.

@elc1234, I’d be angry with said friend. Your body, your baby, your news. It may well have been an accident that they told or a slip of the tongue/ assumed people knew. But it’s your right to tell people in your own time. I’m surprised others don’t feel the same way. I kept my pregnancy hidden as I had a horrible fear of still birth and loss, so I kept it hidden as a form of ‘self protection’ so if anyone violated that- I’d have been really upset xx

But it’s your right to tell people in your own time. I’m surprised others don’t feel the same way

How can you be surprised? You don't have the right to tell people in your own time when people can tell just from looking at you. There is nothing to tell. It's not news, its just there.

It's like thinking you can tell people the news that you dyed your hair, or have new glasses. If I can see you, I know those things!

Yes you do, of course you do, it’s your personal information. I think there are many complex reasons someone might want to keep a pregnancy to themselves and a friend would respect that. Some people know their child won’t survive the birth and just don’t want to face people’s questions. Not saying that’s happening here, but just to illustrate my point that there are many reasons why someone would want to keep it to themselves.

Now don’t me wrong, I’m not saying cut that person off and never speak to them again, as it most likely was an accident as at term you are visibly pregnant lol. What I am saying it’s within OPs rights to feel a bit miffed about it when it’s not what she wanted .

@Sleeplessemma

Yes you do, of course you do, it’s your personal information. I think there are many complex reasons someone might want to keep a pregnancy to themselves and a friend would respect that. Some people know their child won’t survive the birth and just don’t want to face people’s questions. Not saying that’s happening here, but just to illustrate my point that there are many reasons why someone would want to keep it to themselves.

Now don’t me wrong, I’m not saying cut that person off and never speak to them again, as it most likely was an accident as at term you are visibly pregnant lol. What I am saying it’s within OPs rights to feel a bit miffed about it when it’s not what she wanted .

You are as ridiculous as the OP. Personal information...hardly. she's 38 weeks. She has told friends family and work. Do you think people dont then talk? So every conversation you have to someone telling them something is never passed on?

Don't be stupid.

Personally, I don’t tell people’s private business- I have other things to talk about.

But I really don’t think calling people ridiculous is warranted, it’s actually quite unkind. She feels how she feels at the end of the day. With my first pregnancy as it was quite medically complex, I too kept it relatively hidden. I don’t think you or anyone else can or should judge that.

She asked on a public forum for opinions. 99.99% of us have the same opinion. You are the minority of 0.1% I'm afraid.

And that’s ok. All I said is I relate. We’re all entitled to feel how we feel, even if it is a little irrational

Yes you do, of course you do, it’s your personal information

It is NOT your personal information when anyone has that information by dint of having eyes, fgs!

Something visible to all is not and cannot be news. What are you not getting here?

Ok, not sure why you need to get that wound up though.

I'm not.

@Sleeplessemma because you are arguing it’s reasonable to be upset with people for having a perfectly ordinary conversation with their friends and family.

You can’t control what other people talk about, and there’s no reason why they wouldn’t share basic information with others such as who is pregnant, who has had a baby, who has moved house, who has a new job etc. It’s ordinary human conversation!

Yes if she were less than 12 weeks and had told a good friend in confidence , she would have the right to be upset. But at 38 weeks, everyone can see she is pregnant, she’s already gone on mat leave and she’s about to have the baby. No one would have any reason to think it a secret. Being upset with them is incredibly self absorbed and unreasonable.

Please understand, not arguing just saying from my own personal experience with a difficult pregnancy ( don’t know Ops medical history) I kind of get it is all. That’s all. Also said, the person probably didn’t do it out of malice or ill-intent rather thought common knowledge (which is understandable). Based on my own personal experience (which probably isn’t the same) I’d have been a bit miffed too.

[quote Bizawit]@Sleeplessemma because you are arguing it’s reasonable to be upset with people for having a perfectly ordinary conversation with their friends and family.

You can’t control what other people talk about, and there’s no reason why they wouldn’t share basic information with others such as who is pregnant, who has had a baby, who has moved house, who has a new job etc. It’s ordinary human conversation!

Yes if she were less than 12 weeks and had told a good friend in confidence , she would have the right to be upset. But at 38 weeks, everyone can see she is pregnant, she’s already gone on mat leave and she’s about to have the baby. No one would have any reason to think it a secret. Being upset with them is incredibly self absorbed and unreasonable.[/quote]

Totally agree with this.

Are you Kylie Jenner?

I am 8 weeks pregnant, loads of people already know due to my terrible sickness..this was completely my choice to tell them.
I do get that lots of people want to keep it quiet until at least 12 weeks and thats a completely personal decision but at 38 weeks? Why do you think anyone cares?

I'm under no illusion that anyone cares whether I'm pregnant or not apart from our parents and maybe my best friend but its not going going affect anyone else.

My PT at the gym had to be told for obvious reasons as did my employer as I've been signed off sick for 3 weeks. Then I've told a few random people just in conversation which I didn't need to but I dont give a shit who knows and who doesn't.

I certainly don't enjoy my pregnancies as I'm sick most of time but who the hell else is expected to enjoy someone else's pregnancy?

If you haven't shared it by 38 weeks, then they are clearly people not worth telling. If you were 8 or even 18 weeks you'd have a point but unless you've been told not to say anything then it's not unreasonable imo

I think you are totally over reacting. In reality most people don't really care that much about other people having babies. They will hear such and such is pregnant and think "oh that's great news" and that's it. You are totally overthinking this. I had a high risk pregnancy so I do under the fear but I don't get the secrecy.

You sound utterly ridiculous, I think other people probably have far more important things to be interested in.

@Sleeplessemma

You sure you are not the OP but with a changed name. Not sure how you can relate to this at all?