People sharing our pregnancy news before we have..

[elc1234]

Hi,
My partner and I decided that after a previous miscarriage, we would take advantage of the lockdown restrictions and keep our pregnancy news as quiet as possible, with only close friends, family and work knowing. We have wanted to enjoy the pregnancy with our inner circle and not have to worry about the nosy people in the small town we live in. I am also estranged from my dad’s side of the family and did not feel comfortable with them knowing.
I am now 38 weeks pregnant and a few days ago I found out that a “friend” of ours has taken it upon himself to share the pregnancy news with others. As well as this, when I had to leave work due to COVID at 28 weeks, one of my work colleagues also saw fit to share the news with her daughter, who is my age, who then proceeded to share the news with her friends.
Am I overreacting by being upset by this? I feel like it is our news to share and no one else’s, and I really don’t feel like these people are friends to me if they are going to do this. I feel like some people are very entitled towards pregnant women and their babies/news. I’m not sure if I’m just emotional at the moment but I have struggled to get it off my mind for the last few days.

My bump is actually surprisingly small, I am sent for growth scans every 2 weeks due to this. Also with the right clothing, you can cover anything. Whether you “look” pregnant or not, surely it is still your news to share and not someone else’s?

So what are you going to do when, at some point in the next 4 weeks, you have a newborn with you and you see someone whilst out?

Pretend they’re not yours? I don’t get it.

@elc1234

My bump is actually surprisingly small, I am sent for growth scans every 2 weeks due to this. Also with the right clothing, you can cover anything. Whether you “look” pregnant or not, surely it is still your news to share and not someone else’s?

Honestly even with a small bump at 38 weeks regardless of your clothes it would still be pretty obvious you had a baby bump.

As several others have said those sharing the news won't of meant any harm they would probably not have thought twice especially when you're so close to popping.

I really wouldn't be so focused on them telling others. Realistically in a matter of weeks you will have a baby and where ever you take baby it will be obvious you're a mum. At this stage it really isn't this huge secret that needs to be only shared by you.

My cousin had a late loss and didn't want to share the news of later pregnancies with many people, so i get where your coming from. However, she didn't share it with anyone except her mum and dad and her DH's mum and dad. It's okay to expect these people to keep your secrets as long as you want them to.
But once you've told lots of friends, whole 'sides' of the family, AND work colleagues, you've got no chance someone won't say something. Who is there left to tell anyway - you've already told them all!
I would never tell anything to work colleagues, extended family members and (most) friends if it was a proper proper secret.

Whether you “look” pregnant or not, surely it is still your news to share and not someone else’s?

No, of course it isn't! News is something you tell people that they don't know. If the entire world can see it with their own eyes, its not news.
This is bonkers.

Completely agree with everyone here - if I was asked to keep someone's pregnancy quiet, I'd assume that meant until they were clearly showing. Beyond that it is just ridiculous. Similarly, if everyone at work knows, it's not the same as a close friend - you can't expect colleagues not to share information around unless it's HR or someone with confidentiality obligations.

Op: AIBU?
Everyone: YES!
Op: no, I'm not!

Look, I don't know what the deal is, it seems like you just wanted to keep it quite and then surprise everyone to shock them or something m it's a very strange thing to do.
Don't burn bridges with friends over this!
Focus on the bigger picture. Good luck for you a smooth birth.

Quiet* obvs

In the nicest possible way, you are being really, really over the top.

I could understand your feelings if you were maybe 20 weeks or less, but 38 weeks - I wouldn't even think twice about telling someone that a friend was pregnant that far along. It isn't a secret at 38 weeks.

I think you would have to actively tell people you didn't want them to tell other people that far along. I can't see why it matters when you are about to have a baby on the next couple of weeks?

I can understand why it's a sensitive topic for you but I agree with all the previous posters that YABU.

Once you tell one person your secret, it is no longer a secret.

I find this keeping pregnancy until birth a secret quite strange.
A friend of mine is pregnant, and has told family and some friends. Her DH does not want the pregnancy discussed on Facebook, but is happy for her to post on Instagram about it. I'm not sure what the difference is (the privacy settings are the same for both) but that is their choice. But they can't stop people they have told from talking about it with others

Pregnancy news is exciting but after the initial news the only person who will truly care is you.

Other people have their own lives and will move on.

Given you will be obviously pregnant/imminently going to have a newborn it will be obvious to those that see you about.

Of course it is best to break the news yourself but unless you tell people to keep quiet, you can't expect people to keep a secret they didn't know they needed to keep.

Don't let it poison what is supposed to be a happy time for yourself.

Unless you clearly say it’s a secret no one is going to assume you’re planning to hide your pregnancy after about 20wks. I think your hormones are slaying you, hang on in there.

They probably forgot or don't care to be perfectly honest, if these are just townsfolk

I'd only be annoyed if my estranged family were told.

I thought you were going to say you were 6 weeks pregnant, if so, fair enough. You could give birth any day now. It's not something that would bother me at all. People like to share nice news, particularly after the misery of the last year.

When you finished work at 28 weeks did you really tell your colleague not to tell anyone why?

Its just 1) absolutely bizzar to keep it a secret up to 38 weeks (even those who've suffered still births would be very very unlikely to cover a 38 week pregnancy with 'the right clothes'). 2) extremely self-absorbed to think that your pregnancy and baby are so so special to the rest of the world that anyone outside your close friends, family and colleagues who already know are going to be obsessed with this news. It's just chat to them - like: "Did you know number 5 are starting an extension next week", "Sarah's mum is really ill in hospital with Covid". "Pete and Barbra got a new electric car." I'm 38 weeks too and couldn't imagine believing that anyone other than the baby's grandparents and aunt/uncle and my best friends have any interest in my pregnancy.

You're being ridiculous. Are you not more likely to attract attention and whispers when all of a sudden you appear with a newborn and nobody knew you were pregnant?

You can't be annoyed at people, nobody thinks a pregnancy is a secret when you're ready to drop the baby any day.

Also agree that nobody will care that much, sorry but your pregnancy isn't THAT exciting to your neighbours or anybody else that aren't your close friends or family.

You are being ridiculous. If you'd only told your parents I would understand, but once work colleagues know it is pretty much expected to be common knowledge!

Thing is if I walked past someone in the street that I knew, but maybe didn’t know super well, and I could visibly see quite clearly they were pregnant with a bump, I’d not think twice about mentioning it to someone else. Like if then talking to another mutual friend perhaps say something along the lines of ‘oh I saw so and so earlier, I didn’t realise she was pregnant’

I certainly wouldn’t be thinking the pregnant person I walked past was trying to keep it a secret!

“Keeping it as quiet as possible” but you told work, friends and family? Who else would you tell? That is not keeping it quiet. That’s telling people the news just like the rest of us do.

Unless you specifically told this person not to tell anyone, then yes I think you're being unreasonable.
I'm 13 weeks pregnant after 3 miscarriages and I've told a handful of close family and friends, with very specific instructions not to tell anyone until we announce it ourselves. Purely because I'm still early in my eyes. Being 38 weeks pregnant, it's ridiculous for you to assume people would know you wanted it kept a secret..

If you are 38 weeks pregnant , you are being really unreasonable to be upset about this. People would have no idea that it was a secret- why on earth would it be? You’re about to give birth any moment, and are clearly visibly pregnant. I also had a small bump and growth scans (growth restricted baby) and by 38 weeks there was no question for even a moment that I was pregnant to anyone who saw me.

@Anotherdayanotherdollar

If you're 38 weeks surely the sharer didn't realise that it was a "secret"...

Exactly! You are being entirely unreasonable, sorry. You're the size of a house, for goodness' sake!

Keeping it as quiet as possible” but you told work, friends and family? Who else would you tell? That is not keeping it quiet. That’s telling people the news just like the rest of us do

Yes. When work people know, expecting anyone to think that they should keep it hush-hush beyond even 20 weeks, is just ridiculous.

Also the title of this OP is mad. There won't be a pregnancy to tell anyone about in two weeks, it'll be a birth! When WERE you planning on telling people you were pregnant?