People sharing our pregnancy news before we have..

[elc1234]

Hi,
My partner and I decided that after a previous miscarriage, we would take advantage of the lockdown restrictions and keep our pregnancy news as quiet as possible, with only close friends, family and work knowing. We have wanted to enjoy the pregnancy with our inner circle and not have to worry about the nosy people in the small town we live in. I am also estranged from my dad’s side of the family and did not feel comfortable with them knowing.
I am now 38 weeks pregnant and a few days ago I found out that a “friend” of ours has taken it upon himself to share the pregnancy news with others. As well as this, when I had to leave work due to COVID at 28 weeks, one of my work colleagues also saw fit to share the news with her daughter, who is my age, who then proceeded to share the news with her friends.
Am I overreacting by being upset by this? I feel like it is our news to share and no one else’s, and I really don’t feel like these people are friends to me if they are going to do this. I feel like some people are very entitled towards pregnant women and their babies/news. I’m not sure if I’m just emotional at the moment but I have struggled to get it off my mind for the last few days.

@elc1234

My bump is actually surprisingly small, I am sent for growth scans every 2 weeks due to this. Also with the right clothing, you can cover anything. Whether you “look” pregnant or not, surely it is still your news to share and not someone else’s?

I totally agree in the early stages but tbh later on I imagine most people just think it's 'open' news? I doubt anyone has been seriously talking about you, but I wouldn't think anything of mentioning it in passing.

Given that you are 38 weeks pregnant, the people probably assumed (quite reasonably) that it is common knowledge now, @elc1234. So I think you are overreacting somewhat - but hormones/late pregnancy can do that to you.

@MikeWhiskeyIndia lol, can you imagine? Alas I’m a different person .

Ultimately the OPs reasoning seems to be different than mine during my first pregnancy. I also get my reasoning was irrational, but I had it in my head the more people that knew, the ‘worse’ it would be when (not if, I had severe anxiety) bad happened. Obviously a still birth is horrible regardless of the amount of people that know but the thought of people asking me questions made me feel sick. I only told a select few friends, my boss forced me to tell my colleagues and just parents, all other family members found out after her birth. I also hid it best I could with clothing.

Maybe the reasoning seems ridiculous to you, which is ok, but it wasn’t about feeling self important or like kylie Jenner, it was due to severe medical complications. And because of all I went through, I can empathise with OP, even if we are both a bit irrational.

I empathise. DH and I aren't active on social media (DH doesn't have it at all) and have kept everything off. No announcement, no scan, no photos of me pregnant. It's definitely your news. But you do have to make it clear. A few days after I told my mum she said "I told you father", from whom she is separated. Fortunately I'd told him first but it still hurt that she would consider sharing that news with him without asking first.

I can see your point but to be honest it wouldn't even cross my mind after about 20 weeks that it might be a secret sorry

Op I'm 31 weeks pregnant and having regular growth scans because I'm small. It's still bloody obvious.

I also haven't told anyone in my wider circle, for various reasons - my immediate family and work know, but that's it.

You're being ridiculous but we'll put it down to the hormones

Honestly, OP, you're about to not be pregnant any more. The moment for behaving as though your 'inner circle' has contravened the Official Secrets Act by mentioning your pregnancy is well and truly behind you.

You wouldn't last two minutes were I live

I'm not pregnant never have been

Well as soon as a maternity role was advertised for my colleague that was shared on fb. In a small team it wouldn't take much deduction who it was

Also I had to get some baby grows for my dog ... don't ask. And I knew the checkout person and saw 1 neighbour, 1 person from work and a school friend. So if I was in your position I'd have had to say : yes the baby clothes are for me but ssshhh keep it quiet

I don't get why you'd call people who mention you're pregnant entitled. It's just news that people share like anything else that is new with people in their lives.

Also, are there people who you were holding back from telling that you wanted to tell yourself? I don't get that if you're so far along. Why hadn't you told them already?

We didn't tell people until after our scan. After we told close family etc it wasn't a secret anymore and so I don't see why I should get annoyed at people telling others about it.

To recap - you live in a small town, your are 38 weeks pregnant and ready to pop, you have told family, friends and your coworkers definitely knew before you left work at 28 weeks. Someone else know knows and you are raging.

I’m guessing, unless you are literally hiding in a closet, someone saw you walking along the street/in Tesco and said to someone else ‘oh, I didn’t know x was pregnant, saw her and she looked ready to give birth’. The other person ‘yeah, I heard that from Sally who saw her filling her car up the other day’. And you are raging about this?