Absolutely effing HATE being pregnant

[BertieBoo88]

There.. I said it. I'm sorry for people who long to be pregnant and don't want to sound ungrateful.
But I fucking HATE being pregnant. I'm only 14 weeks and I feel constantly on the brink of vomiting so I can't even go to Tesco without having a panic attack.. all I can do is lay in bed or on the sofa. 6 months sounds like a lifetime away. I feel like I'm on the worst rollercoaster and all I want to do is get off. How is this meant to be the most natural thing in the world!? What a joke. I think it's triggered some underlying depression and I just feel like my life has stopped. Everyone is going to work or living their lives the best they can in the circumstance and this pregnancy has put my life on pause. Seriously wondering if it's too late to do something about it to be honest.
Sorry I just needed a rant.

OP it is ok to have a termination if that is what you want. You don't have to endure this.

I loathed being pregnant and this was a much longed for pregnancy after infertility and several miscarriages.

I felt constantly nauseous and the last few months were extremely uncomfortable.

Can your gp give you anything for the sickness?

OP - I researched terminating around week 7-9 and even got as far as booking myself in. My biggest relief is not going ahead with it and waiting it out. Not gonna lie to u and say the waiting was easy, every day went by I was miserable and silently dying with nausea. Now I’m 15 weeks and still get the waves of nausea hitting me at random points of the day but not like they did before. I’m soldiering on telling myself this is my last time going through anything like this and once I get my body and life back I won’t have to ever be in this situation again. I’m not trying to sway you in any way but just want to tell you I was glad I didn’t abort x

@ninonk it’s not my intention to either. I’ve taken on board everyone comments and feelings. Witnessing my sister and taking her to hospital, sitting next to her while on drips because she so dehydrated and weak. Also battling with her mental health. I’m just only sharing my own story and my opinion of what I went through, yes ok my pregnancy is ok with some hiccups along the way but it doesn’t mean I was having the hatred for it before. That all I’m saying. I’m sorry if I haven’t been able to express that in what I’m typing and possibly the context has taken wrongly.

Would you like me to remove my post? Clearly it’s causing harm when I was just sharing.

Cyclizine 3 times a day, 6hrs apart... You just need to decide which is worse... Sickness or side effects xxx

And find the hypermesis support thread and website!!!

Thank you everyone, the support, comments and stories of personal experience means a lot to me.
Someone mentioned all the joy being sucked out of their life - that's exactly how I feel. People who aren't or haven't been through it don't understand how depressing it is to simply not be able to enjoy a meal. It's Easter for instance - normally I'd be excited for the big Sunday lamb roast, fish and chips tonight, pinching some of DS's chocolate. None of that this year. I'll be lucky if I'm able to be sat nursing a bowl of plain pasta. I enjoy my job (work in a farm shop) I love speaking to the locals, it gives me a boost and a life outside these walls. I'm too ill and anxious to go to work and haven't been since January. I tried to go to Tesco yesterday, I had to run out. That was the first time I'd tried to go into a shop since New Year's Eve. I won't be again any time soon.
I just see no end to this torture. No one can say oh by such and such date you should be better. It's the unknown, and I don't cope with the unknown very well. I would rather not have another baby at all than feel this way. I love my son and he's a cool little boy who makes me smile every day, but i'm not even maternal. I hate playing with him, despise parks and soft play (thank god covid stopped them for a while and hopefully they'll be cleaned more now).. just anything "motherly" I'm no good at and I just do not enjoy at all. I'm not maternal whatsoever, sometimes I wonder why I'm a mother at all. I'm too selfish. And I don't know why I decided it was a good idea to it again. My sister died last year and I don't know if I tried to use it as a way to mask my grief but it's made it so much worse.
Wouldn't an abortion after 14 weeks be very painful? Or a big operation now?
I don't really want rid of the baby per se.. but I just do not want to feel this way and I really do not want to suffer like this and be pregnant anymore. I honestly have thoughts of just driving to the cliffs near us and just driving straight off them so I don't have to make the choice and just end this shit show that is my life.
I do feel for people who would want this and would pay for IVF etc.. if I could take this pregnancy out of me and give it to them; I would.

@NC4UmpteenthTime

Cyclizine 3 times a day, 6hrs apart... You just need to decide which is worse... Sickness or side effects xxx

Do you need to take it regularly for it to work? I just thought it was as and when x

I felt really nauseous, almost constantly, until about 16 weeks. I feel you, its the absolute pits. After 16 weeks I felt considerably better with some good days, some bad. But by 19/20 weeks the bad days has almost completely disappeared...in all likelihood there is a light at the end of the tunnel for you don't worry.
I'd echo a previous poster though who said talk to your GP about it - if you say the nausea is affecting your mental health and causing extreme anxiety so please could they prescribe you some anti sickness meds they should oblige. Worth a shot if they'll make you feel more able to cope?
It'll probably also feel all more worth it once you start feeling baby move.
Take each day as it comes and try not to beat yourself up about how you're feeling. First trimester / beginning of second is utterly rubbish. It gets better.

I just didn't realise the very simple pleasures in life and how miserable it is when you feel too unwell to do them. I used to be so houseproud - I've now got a washing pile bigger than my 4 year old, I can't use any cleaning products as the smell makes me bork. I've given all my wax melts to my mum and I used to love them. As I said a wander around the supermarket, a cup of tea and biscuits on a night.. going to work, enjoying a meal, just driving your car.. not living in a constant state of anxiety all the time. It's stripped everything away from me and no one really seems to give a shit. I'm making myself feel worse, I'm being dramatic, it's just one of those things, it won't last forever. No maybe it won't, but it's going to last at least another 6 months unless I choose to end this torture sooner. I was taking anti anxiety meds but I stopped them. And now I'm scared to start them again as side effects are usually nausea and worsened anxiety and I just don't think I could handle it. I just think to myself why the hell did I want this.

@Ttwinksy Thank you. So when you were 14 weeks you were still feeling really sick? I think it's just been like a kick in the teeth, I didn't abort and I've had this magic 12 weeks in my head and it's come and gone and I feel the same.. possibly even worse. Earlier on a could manage to eat small amounts now I can hardly eat anything x

Being pregnant sucks, so does giving birth, obviously not enough for me to do it again though!

I love my kids though, so much, and it’s totally worth it in the end but obviously at the time of being pregnant with no reward is crap, but it is worth it in the end.

@BertieBoo88... Can't believe your GP didn't go through this with you... YES REGULARLY... Especially if it's not going away it will build up a in your system.

You get instructions printed on your bottle of tablets.... There are also written instructions in the leaflet... Or online www.nhs.uk/medicines/cyclizine/

@NC4UmpteenthTime No she didn't she just put the prescription through and the label said "take up to 3 times a day or when nauseated/vomiting" I was worried taking them too often would cause me to build up a tolerance to them!

Right two time hyperemesis sufferer here and it’s crap! But.. sucking on mints/lemon drops combined with meds (cyclizine but was told last week I can’t get that anymore - I’m now on pregnancy 3 so now it’s ondansetron).

It’s awful, I used to think it was easier actually being sick because the nausea was so debilitating so I feel for you and I’m sure I won’t be far behind you because I’m just over 5weeks PG now. With my first it was all the way with HG, but my second wasn’t as bad (would come and go after 15 weeks). Get yourself some good meds and mints mate x

@BertieBoo88 seriously start taking them 3 times a day, give it 10 days and see how you feel then go back to the GP

I had those "wtf have I done" thoughts in the 1st trimester with this one as the nausea and fatigue were worse than with our twins. But it did pass and now I'm at the I know I'm pregnant but just don't feel it most of the time. I love having babies so I think it's worth enduring but it's okay to feel not okay about it so don't give yourself a hard time. This is baby 6 for us, pregnancy number 10 past 6wk but only 5th to get past the 1st trimester.

14 weeks was probably the worst point for me. The sickness started to ease slightly by 16 weeks and was gone both times bang on 20 weeks. I really dreaded the pregnancy the second time around even though I really wanted another baby, it was a means to an end.

@BertieBoo88 don't apologise for feeling like this! We struggled to get pregnant and I have been in hell for the first trimester, ended up in hospital with hyperemisis and I felt so ill for weeks after I genuinely thought I was dying. How you feel is completely valid and its ok to hate it. I'm 15+4 now and have cried alot because of how sick I feel mostly- it IS getting a bit better this week though, feel nauseous but the vomiting is less now, im hoping as I inch closer to 20 weeks it goes away completely

Thanks everyone. I've just got this constant nagging voice in my head telling me I don't have to feel like this, that there is a way out.. that I could go next week and feel better this time in a couple of weeks. That it could all be forgotten about and I'll feel back to myself by summer rather than enduring months and months more of this suffering.

I've had 2-3 scans and just feel no connection to it at all. Even though there's arms, legs, a heart whatever.. all I think is that's the bloody cause of all this.

If I'd had a stomach bug/food poisoning type symptoms lasting daily for about 20 weeks I'd have had a hell of a lot more sympathy in general from my boss/family/friends, etc, but as it was "just" morning sickness I just "had to get on with it" and should feel grateful because I was pregnant. Seriously OP, it sucks.

Morning sickness lasted until ~20 weeks with my first but got progressively better. With my second I had to take diclectin twice daily until about 18 weeks just to cope with life. It really sucked but the meds helped a huge amount. Now with baby 3 I’ve had virtually no morning sickness at all. There’s just no telling! It really gets you down though and I think it’s normal to feel well and truly fed up.

@CheeseAndHackers

If I'd had a stomach bug/food poisoning type symptoms lasting daily for about 20 weeks I'd have had a hell of a lot more sympathy in general from my boss/family/friends, etc, but as it was "just" morning sickness I just "had to get on with it" and should feel grateful because I was pregnant. Seriously OP, it sucks.

Exactly!! As if feeling sick from pregnancy is a different kind when in fact it's worse. At least with a bug you know you've probably got 24-48 hours of feeling shit and maybe a weeks recovery.. plus you get lots of sympathy and peace! I've been told to just get on with it, it's self inflicted "I wanted this", it's my own doing made my bed so lie in it (that's all I feel like doing all day tbh), take my mind off it, I'm making myself worse and the old classic "it's not an illness" No because not being able to eat, drink, or sometimes even talk for fucks sake without wretching isn't an illness at all. Yes I wanted to be pregnant and have a baby. WANTED. I'm not sure I do anymore and I certainly no longer want to feel like this. x