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Pregnancy

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Original poster

I’ve just found out I’m 18 weeks pregnant, OH is demanding an abortion.

106 replies

Leavingforgood1 · 20/03/2021 13:13

We have 3 dcs, I was on the mini pill (which I took religiously). Anyway I just took a test last week not thinking much of it and it came up positive. After having next to no period since our daughter was born in March 2020 I didn’t find the lack of period out of the ordinary. I booked a private scan to see how far along I was (expecting to be quite early) and to my shock I am 18 weeks pregnant. Strong heartbeat etc. The midwife said as I have an anterior placenta that’s the reason I haven’t felt movements etc. The minute we got home I threw up ( I think it was the shock of it). Anyway OH is demanding an abortion now, and saying we have until 24 weeks to do so! I am very much against late term abortions. He’s adamant and is saying he’ll leave if I keep it. My heads scrambled and I just want to curl up in a ball!

OP posts:
MrsWP · 20/03/2021 13:15

Huge hugs for you.

It's your body and your decision to base on you and your family. X

I'm so sorry your DH is being so unsupportive. X

NoSquirrels · 20/03/2021 13:17

Tell him to leave, then.

He doesn’t get to demand anything. Your body, your choice.

I understand he may be in shock, as are you.
I understand he may not have wanted a 4th child. Presumably you didn’t plan one either as you were taking contraception.

But he must not pressure you and it’s wrong of him to do so. It’s not the action of a loving man.

Tell him to leave (temporarily) if he can’t behave like an adult.

Fwiw I am pro-choice and have had a termination myself. But I wouldn’t have a late abortion if I found out at 18 weeks.

Flowers
Oodilallygolly · 20/03/2021 13:18

Tell him to fuck off

Donotgogentle · 20/03/2021 13:19

An abortion after 18 weeks is a very different prospect to the first trimester. It’s absolutely your choice Flowers

Original poster
Leavingforgood1 · 20/03/2021 13:20

I definitely didn’t want a 4th child and I am in absolute shock if I’m honest!

He’s being quite cruel (which isn’t like him) and hasn’t once asked what I might want/feel about this. I feel a massive pressure, and as much as this wasn’t planned (although I was the only one using contraception) we have to deal with it.

OP posts:
Lastbonestanding · 20/03/2021 13:21

He can't demand an abortion. He isn't pregnant.

chipshopElvis · 20/03/2021 13:22

It's absolutely not his decision, he has no right to demand that you do anything.

It might be sensible to ask him to give you some space so that you can work through it without the pressure.

Best of luck it will be a tricky decision but it will all work out eventually.

willibald · 20/03/2021 13:22

I'd tell him to leave. Having such a late abortion is a massive deal. He should have had a vasectomy if he was so against another child. His being cruel is coercive behaviour. That's actually a crime. I'd tell him that and tell him to leave.

Mummy2O · 20/03/2021 13:22

You have to figure out what you want here. His opinion absolutely cannot be the only voice being heard. Having a termination when you aren't sure it is right for you will ruin your relationship anyway.

Sending you lots of love. This must be incredibly difficult for you.

LeaveMyDamnJam · 20/03/2021 13:24

If he is concerned about a pregnancy he should abstain from sex or have a vasectomy.

Your body your choice. Men like him incense me.

Original poster
Leavingforgood1 · 20/03/2021 13:25

After the birth of our daughter i had asked him about a vasectomy which he said absolutely not.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 20/03/2021 13:25

Can you leave him with the DC and get some space and time to yourself? Could you go to a family member’s?

Otherwise tell him to go and only come back when he’s calmed down and understood this isn’t a situation he can demand anything about.

BRB2021 · 20/03/2021 13:26

@Leavingforgood1

After the birth of our daughter i had asked him about a vasectomy which he said absolutely not.
What were his reasons for saying no?
wizzbangfizz · 20/03/2021 13:28

Another here saying he should have had a vasectomy - he is being selfish and unnecessarily cruel

willibald · 20/03/2021 13:34

@Leavingforgood1

After the birth of our daughter i had asked him about a vasectomy which he said absolutely not.
Why am I not surprised? I'd show him the door. I'd never want to shag him again. He's bullying and coercive. Again, that's a form of domestic violence, a crime.
Original poster
Leavingforgood1 · 20/03/2021 13:36

He just said he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a vasectomy.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 20/03/2021 13:36

What a massive shock, your head will be scrambled. Have you got anyone else you could talk to? A trusted friend?

ukgift2016 · 20/03/2021 13:37

Were you told the gender OP?

I am 18 weeks pregnant and I think it's cruel he is demanding you have an abortion. If you were earlier into your pregnancy...4-8 weeks then yes but I don't blame you for wanting to keep the baby at this stage.

greenflamingo · 20/03/2021 13:38

I’d ask your husband to get out of the way so that you can think straight. He sounds so cruel to you, especially in such a vulnerable moment.

luxxlisbon · 20/03/2021 13:43

Never take into account the opinion of someone who threatens to leave if you don't do what they want. The reality is they will probably leave regardless.

Try and take a few days to process everything, I'm sure you are still in shock! Good luck x

IeatPotNoodles · 20/03/2021 13:43

I am currently 17+4 and there is absolutely no way I could consider having an abortion this late on.
I am so sorry you're in this position but you can do this on your own if you need to. Your husband is most likely in a lot of shock but it's absolutely no excuse for the way he is acting now. I hope you make the best decision for YOU Thanks

Original poster
Leavingforgood1 · 20/03/2021 13:47

Yes I have found out the gender which makes me love HIM so much more.

OP posts:
LoveIsAllThereIs · 20/03/2021 13:48

If you have an abortion and he stays you will always resent him.

If you keep the baby and he leaves I doubt you will resent your child who had no choice. In reality he in unlikely to actually leave.

Tell him to leave for a few weeks while you make YOUR decision, without his bullying tactics.

DeepThinkingGirl · 20/03/2021 13:49

Absolutely no chance.

Keep the baby ditch the man

mineofuselessinformation · 20/03/2021 13:50

Does he actually understand what an abortion at 18 weeks would be like? (And that's beside the fact that he's a selfish shit.)