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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

I’ve just found out I’m 18 weeks pregnant, OH is demanding an abortion.

106 replies

Leavingforgood1 · 20/03/2021 13:13

We have 3 dcs, I was on the mini pill (which I took religiously). Anyway I just took a test last week not thinking much of it and it came up positive. After having next to no period since our daughter was born in March 2020 I didn’t find the lack of period out of the ordinary. I booked a private scan to see how far along I was (expecting to be quite early) and to my shock I am 18 weeks pregnant. Strong heartbeat etc. The midwife said as I have an anterior placenta that’s the reason I haven’t felt movements etc. The minute we got home I threw up ( I think it was the shock of it). Anyway OH is demanding an abortion now, and saying we have until 24 weeks to do so! I am very much against late term abortions. He’s adamant and is saying he’ll leave if I keep it. My heads scrambled and I just want to curl up in a ball!

OP posts:
Inkpaperstars · 20/03/2021 16:47

I am so glad you are keeping your little boy. We are talking a little boy at 18 weeks, this is no cluster of cells. Anyone who has miscarried or tragically had to terminate at that stage for medical reasons knows that all too well. In my opinion it’s too late for an abortion for the reasons your husband gives, and to be honest if he has any idea about that stage of gestation the fact he even suggested it would really put me off him. He was ok with that, but not with a vasectomy? Pfft. Congrats to you OP, I know this was unexpected but I am sure you will never regret it and your little one will bring you much joy x

Chica1990 · 20/03/2021 16:53

Go on girl, you know you can do it and love your strength!! You would have always resented him and he could even leave you one day, your baby will always be yours.

I hope he comes around if you want him to x

Longdistance · 20/03/2021 17:05

18 weeks is fairy late. I’ve heard of babies surviving at 19 weeks. He can piss off!
He should’ve had a vasectomy. I could do it for you with a frying pan if you like? 🤷🏼‍♀️ He might cry like a baby, but job done.

tikha · 20/03/2021 17:30

Leave your OH. He can pay the child maintenance. Its his fault for continuing to have sex and not getting a vasectomy. No contraception is completely foolproof.

Covidcleaner · 20/03/2021 17:31

Let him leave then. He sounds disgusting

MrsBDarcy · 20/03/2021 17:46

I'm vet pro choice but your choice not his
I didn't see you other thread but if that's true then please take this as your route away from him

MollySxx · 20/03/2021 18:07

Writing this as a woman who was told yesterday she is having her 4th miscarriage and really trying not to be blunt. But tell him to F off. Your body. Sometimes contraception fails us, and sometimes things happen are unexpected. But they are BLESSINGS. You're 18 weeks, you're growing life. If you both don't want this child, consider adopted? For someone who can't have children. You could make those people very happy.

I'd do anything to be in your position right now. I would understand if you were really early, but you're 18 weeks, in my personal opinion you're to far gone and you need to search other options if keeping your child isn't what you want.

georgarina · 20/03/2021 18:09

Ahh, what a shock for you! Hope you're feeling ok.

You need space to think about this and process it. Neither of you should be making any snap decisions in the heat of the moment - if you make that choice, then once it's done, it's done.

Really think about what you want.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 20/03/2021 18:15

He took the risk when he failed to get a vasectomy.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 20/03/2021 18:27

Love the way men think we can just get rid of our children to suit them. he can fuck off.

LifeExperience · 20/03/2021 18:33

I'm so glad you're keeping your son. If your husband can't deal with it, he can leave.

LifesLittleDeciders · 20/03/2021 18:35

Make your decision then tell him you’ll leave if he doesn’t get the vasectomy.

Also; if you do decide to keep the baby; and if he does leave; make sure to let him know that a vasectomy would have been cheaper and over in less than 18 years.

What a prick.

Theunamedcat · 20/03/2021 18:39

If I had an abortion for a man I would forever hate him and we would split up anyway my body my choice

Sunshine1235 · 20/03/2021 18:45

Just wanted to say congratulations on your baby boy OP, so sorry that you are going through this with your partner. To be honest if it were me and he did stay I’m not sure how I’d get past it but as pp said maybe if he does a big u turn when you call his bluff and is genuinely sorry and shocked at the way he responded then there might be hope.

Hohofortherobbers · 20/03/2021 18:53

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP. I would never forgive him if I went through with an abortion I didn't want, the relationship would never recover.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 20/03/2021 18:53

Wow - what a shock / surprise.

Congratulations!

What made you test?

Is your marriage normally OK and thriving? Does he react like this a lot?

I suppose he has the same level of shock that you do without the maternal closeness / instinct.

Obviously a termination at 18 weeks is very very different from up to 12 weeks (usually earlier).

I would not attack him for his reaction, but give him 2 hours to absorb the news, and then tell him how you are feeling and that you cannot contemplate an abortion at this stage, however much you might have done at the very beginning. And how you are feeling about what you now know is your little boy, and your love. And that you would prefer to do this together, as a family, but if it is more important to him to lose you, the rest of his family, move away from his children, than to welcome another surprise baby, then you will have to accept his decision.

OKL19 · 21/03/2021 05:18

This is such a horrible situation and I massively feel for you. My partner doesn't want the baby I'm currently carrying, and it has been hell in our relationship because of it. As you have 3 kids together already, he knows how to handle parenthood. As a grown man he also knows that the pill isn't 100% effective and by having sex there is always a risk of pregnancy. It sounds like he needs to take responsibility and realise that he had an equal part in it. Breaking up the family you already have is a huge move. You can make it through this together if you want to, but he needs to stop punishing you and face whatever the real issue is here. You've successfully had 3 kids before, he should step up for your son, then take measures to ensure 4 kids is it (vasectomy!!)

whymewhyme · 21/03/2021 08:55

Yes girl, you can do this!!!

Mischance · 21/03/2021 09:01

Your OH's behaviour in this situation is absolutely out of order.

He would not take responsibility for contraception, so it follows that pregnancy is a possibility. He knew that.

hashbrownsandwich · 21/03/2021 09:05

Here's hoping you can teach your son to be a better man than his father. Congratulations!

marti2 · 21/03/2021 09:15

Congratulations and big hugs.

You do what feels right for you. It may be hard but you've got this! You seem like you're head strong and have made up your mind so go for it and whatever he chooses to do you will cope! 💐

Muststopeating · 21/03/2021 09:21

I am really sorry!! What a shock! How old is your youngest, are you going right back to the beginning after life became a bit easier?

I know there is a lot of 'leave him immediately' but I think that is a bit simplistic. I know that the idea of bringing up my 3 DC without my DH is TERRIFYING! I'm sure you could do it if that's what you want but I can understand reluctance, especially if he is normally a good partner and father.

I am NOT taking his side and simply playing devils advocate but he has also had a huge shock and we don't all behave at our best in situations like that!

Does he actually understand what an abortion at 18 weeks is? How it is performed? Perhaps he thinks because its legal its all much and such the same. Perhaps you could ask him to watch some videos, do some research. (Do NOT do thia yourself). Perhaps explain to him that many women can already feel strong movements by this stage. Would he still expect you to abort if he could feel the kicks? Could you try and articulate all this in a letter, away from the pressure and the arguments to give him time to read it and try to process it in his own time.

UtterPiffle · 21/03/2021 09:25

Congratulations on your baby boy! I can’t imagine how shocked you must be feeling, at the pregnancy news but more so at the terrible reaction of your husband. The fact that you are so sure of your wish to continue the pregnancy, will definitely make this time easier for you than if you were undecided. If your husband quickly comes to his senses and you decide that you want your relationship to continue, you should make it clear to him that he needs to get a vasectomy as a matter of urgency, if he ever wants to have sex with you again! I certainly wouldn’t budge on this, as a matter of principle.

Mummy2O · 21/03/2021 09:36

@Leavingforgood1 How are you doing today? x

Pyewackect · 21/03/2021 10:09

Our third was toally unplanned and altho I was quite excited about breaking the news to my DH the look on his face told me everything I didn't want to know. I realised I was asking a lot but I just couldn't have an abortion. He spend more and more time at work after that. Taking one promotion after another and extended overseas assignments. He had very little to do with the pregnancy, mainly because he wasn't here, and I lost him for a while. However he recognised he had a responsibilty and has always been actively engaged , never treating our youngest any differently but I know it's not what he wanted. I was sterlizied after that.

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