I’ve just found out I’m 18 weeks pregnant, OH is demanding an abortion.

[Leavingforgood1]

We have 3 dcs, I was on the mini pill (which I took religiously). Anyway I just took a test last week not thinking much of it and it came up positive. After having next to no period since our daughter was born in March 2020 I didn’t find the lack of period out of the ordinary. I booked a private scan to see how far along I was (expecting to be quite early) and to my shock I am 18 weeks pregnant. Strong heartbeat etc. The midwife said as I have an anterior placenta that’s the reason I haven’t felt movements etc. The minute we got home I threw up ( I think it was the shock of it). Anyway OH is demanding an abortion now, and saying we have until 24 weeks to do so! I am very much against late term abortions. He’s adamant and is saying he’ll leave if I keep it. My heads scrambled and I just want to curl up in a ball!

Sorry you're in this hard situation OP. It sounds like you really want to keep your baby, don't be bullied into anything.

Imagine if you had an abortion and then he left anyway, the fact that he would threaten it is a huge red flag.

Funny he's not comfortable with the idea of a vasectomy yet he wants YOU to make an uncomfortable decision about your body.

He either sorts his own contraception out or quits complaining about what you do with your body.

I had a baby 2 weeks ago today and as it's our 3rd DH has put his name down for a vasectomy as he doesn't want any more kids which I completely respect.

@Leavingforgood1

He just said he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a vasectomy.

Well you're not comfortable with the idea of a late termination! Works both ways

So sorry you're having to deal with this OP, it's your body and he can't make the decision for you. Baffles me how he even thinks he has the right to tell you to have an abortion after refusing to get a vasectomy!

People don't just continue a pregnancy till 24 weeks to decide if they really want a baby or not! Your husbands an idiot!!
Your nearly 5 months pregnant and it is a very different procedure to what it would be if you were a matter of weeks, like others have said.
I personally would be fuming at even the suggestion of that from him.

I could never do it especially that far along, he needs to grow the fuck up

He wasn't comfortable with the idea of a vasectomy??? Well, you aren't comfortable with the idea of a termination! So he wants you to murder his child? What a prick.

I don't think I could bring myself to have sex with someone who refused to get a vasectomy yet demanded I terminate an 18 week foetus ever again. If you feel anything like me I'd say your marriage is pretty much over anyway so don't factor his wishes into your decision making in the least.

I think you know exactly what to do. You've said you love HIM. Don't do it , especially for the sake of some immature twat.

Two weeks ago you posted that you'd decided to leave this man as he is abusive.

@Leavingforgood1

He just said he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a vasectomy.

Then if you aren’t comfortable with the idea of an abortion that is your position stated.

If he was prepared to let you put chemicals inside your body for the next however many years rather than spend an uncomfortable half an hour being snipped then he needs to accept that he has responsibility for the pregnancy just as much as you do.

@Leavingforgood1

After the birth of our daughter i had asked him about a vasectomy which he said absolutely not.

Wanker

Well he would be from now on for sure!

He didn't want minor surgery to prevent another pregnancy, but he's 'demanding' you have a fairly late abortion.

Fuck That Shit

Your body, your choice. THAT is THE bottom line.

There's no way I could stay with him after him treating me like that. So I'd base MY decision on what I could best cope with
For ME that would be a 4th child. I could not live without an abortion at that stage.

I'm sorry you've found out what a bullying wanker he is!

Nope. Personally I’d only ever consider an abortion that late for myself if it was for very serious medical reasons, like my life was in serious danger or the baby had abnormalities incompatible with life. Your DH is totally ignoring the fact it would nothing like a very early termination. He’s selfish and scarily lacking in empathy. Not that he would have any right to demand anything even if your were only 4 weeks pregnant. I’d ask him to leave, possibly permanently, but at the very least until he’d accepted that abortion was totally off the table and I was sure he would never mention it again.

I’d be gutted to be unexpectedly pregnant with a 4th I can understand the shock but at that stage in pregnancy I couldn’t terminate
He’s got a couple of choices he steps up and stops being such an arsehole or leaves
Or you make decision for him and tell him to jog on

@Leavingforgood1

I have a lot of support from family and friends and I do feel I could cope without him. I am going to leave it up to him, I am obviously keeping this baby. He can either get on board now or leave.

Make it clear to him this, that it's absolutely non negotiable.

If he does go make sure you put in a claim for CMS immediately and in the interim get any copies of paperwork you need.

Hopefully this is shock and the fact he's been a collosal dick when you say he isn't normally is just shock, adrenaline, panic.

Congratulations on your son x

I’m not even sure you would be able to book a late abortion at this time for no reason. If you could I’m sure it would take weeks to organise and I wonder if your OP actually understand how these late abortions happen? Does he understand you would have to birth the baby, that it wouldn’t be a cluster of eggs, it would be a fully formed child that you would labour out of you? I honestly think a lot of the time these men that demand abortions don’t actually understand the ramifications physically and emotionally.

*cluster of cells

I'm a man, and I just wanted to say I'm ashamed to be the same sex as you OH. What absolutely appalling behaviour.

I’m not sure if is weird to say congratulations but I feel I should - I’m so envious of your pregnancy!

Anyway, when your OH had sex with you, he consented to the risk on another child. He must know that no contraception works all the time. Tell him to get his head together or fuck off.

Huge unmumsnetty hugs to you. I have had a termination but having since had my ds I'm not sure I could again. And certainly not a late term one. Absolutely wouldn't judge if that's what you decided to do but it sounds like you're very set against it. Your 'd'h is a dick - how can any man go around insisting what a woman does with her body, let alone one that you already share 3 children and a life with. Knob.

He didn't want a vasectomy. Actions have consequences.

Good luck with everything OP

Think with the way he is acting, your relationship is over either way. Take time to think about what you want

you have posted saying your partner is abusive and you're leaving him last month -so how is that progressing?

Kick him out now and be done with it! He will not forgive you if you keep it and you will not forgive him if he pushes you into a traumatic termination that you don't really want. This is your decision not his.

Do what is best for you. Its your choice, your body.

I’m glad you have decided to keep your baby boy and ditch the man child if needs be.