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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I’ve just found out I’m 18 weeks pregnant, OH is demanding an abortion.

106 replies

Leavingforgood1 · 20/03/2021 13:13

We have 3 dcs, I was on the mini pill (which I took religiously). Anyway I just took a test last week not thinking much of it and it came up positive. After having next to no period since our daughter was born in March 2020 I didn’t find the lack of period out of the ordinary. I booked a private scan to see how far along I was (expecting to be quite early) and to my shock I am 18 weeks pregnant. Strong heartbeat etc. The midwife said as I have an anterior placenta that’s the reason I haven’t felt movements etc. The minute we got home I threw up ( I think it was the shock of it). Anyway OH is demanding an abortion now, and saying we have until 24 weeks to do so! I am very much against late term abortions. He’s adamant and is saying he’ll leave if I keep it. My heads scrambled and I just want to curl up in a ball!

OP posts:

Easterbunnygettingready · 20/03/2021 13:51

Tell him you aren't comfortable having an abortion..
Imo your relationship is over. Would you have the baby without him? Maybe on your own you will have strength...

Calmyertits · 20/03/2021 13:52

So he wouldnt have a vasectomy because HE isnt comfortable with it but you can abort your baby because HE wants you to, irregardless of how you feel. Sounds like a prick. I wouldnt of even let him finish his ultimatum before he had a suitcase thrown at his head with a swift 'off you fuck' added for good measure

FrippEnos · 20/03/2021 13:52

Your body, your choice.

willibald · 20/03/2021 13:53

This man will continue to expect to keep squirting away whilst you carry the can for contraception and expect you to use abortion as contraception. Forever. No one is worth this.

He values his nads more than anything in life.

HariboBrenshnio · 20/03/2021 14:00

What he's telling you to do, with your body, is wrong. Absolutely he can share his opinion and make a decision based on your action, but this is your body and your choice. I'm very pro choice. If you have an abortion for him, the relationship probably won't recover - so either way, unless he comes round, the situation probably sees you not together.

Violetpuffin · 20/03/2021 14:00

OP my heart goes out to you. A scrambled head is exactly where I'd be too. As others have said - your body, your choice.
He should be taking time to discuss the situation with you like a grown up, not issuing demands like a toddler. No contraceptive is 100% and sometimes, despite taking it religiously, the pill doesn't work.
Give yourself some time and if possible, do this away from your OH. His cruel words won't help and you shouldn't have to add them to your thoughts.
Be kind to yourself.

LovesToBeInFrontOfTheCamera · 20/03/2021 14:01

@Leavingforgood1

He just said he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a vasectomy.

Please tell him that you are just not comfortable with the idea of a termination. What would he have said/done if your last pregnancy had been twins? Would he have asked you to choose one to abort?

NoSquirrels · 20/03/2021 14:02

@Leavingforgood1

He just said he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a vasectomy.

And you’re not comfortable with the idea of a late term abortion.

His body his choice.
Your body your choice.

You took contraceptive measures.
He did not.

His opinion is basically irrelevant.

I’m so so sorry OP. Poor you.

Chelyanne · 20/03/2021 14:06

Tell him to piss off. What a twat!!

iusedtohavechickens · 20/03/2021 14:09

You can tell him that abortions upto 24 weeks are only allowed in special circumstances (baby deformities ect) I'm pretty sure your too far gone for an abortion on nhs abs would have to pay now.

Go with what you want, it's your choice not his as it's your body. If he doesn't want any more children he can go have the snip x

willibald · 20/03/2021 14:15

@iusedtohavechickens

You can tell him that abortions upto 24 weeks are only allowed in special circumstances (baby deformities ect) I'm pretty sure your too far gone for an abortion on nhs abs would have to pay now.

Go with what you want, it's your choice not his as it's your body. If he doesn't want any more children he can go have the snip x

That's not true. At any rate, this man needs to be told to sling his hook.

JustPootlingAlong · 20/03/2021 14:18

I see a lot of these threads and it always shocks me how many husbands are happy to shag away and then demand an abortion when the inevitable happens.

Do what is right for you. But I would caution that if you do have an abortion, you will probably end up resenting your husband for making you do it and that will end your relationship eventually. If you keep the baby and he isn't bluffing then he goes anyway. So either way, I think you need to accept he is out of your life unless he has a sudden change of heart.

Hugs to you OP. It must be a massive shock but do not let him pressure you into doing anything you don't want to. Your body, your choice!

MissBPotter · 20/03/2021 14:19

Honestly men like this are scum. He ‘wasn’t comfortable’ with a simple procedure like a vasectomy (yes I know there is a small risk of complications) yet he now DEMANDS you go through a very traumatic late term abortion, even though you don’t want to?!? Wtf? How dare he behave like this!
What is he generally like as a partner? Are you married op? Would you be ok if he did leave? At least you would be rid of his horrible cruelty to you.

Original poster

Leavingforgood1 · 20/03/2021 14:21

I have a lot of support from family and friends and I do feel I could cope without him. I am going to leave it up to him, I am obviously keeping this baby. He can either get on board now or leave.

OP posts:

rhowton · 20/03/2021 14:23

I think an abortion at 7 weeks and an abortion at 18 weeks are two very different things!! Tell him you're not aborting and tell him to get a vasectomy. Selfish bastard.

giletrouge · 20/03/2021 14:24

There seem to be so many of these men around who think because they can walk away it's somehow ok to. But the woman, who is the one who's pregnant, has no choice but to deal with it one way or the other.
You sound strong and amazing OP and like you know exactly what you're doing, despite the obvious shock and difficulty.
Take care of yourself. You're so much better than him.

Horehound · 20/03/2021 14:27

Congratulations!

Ditch him. Don't see why he should decide. He was threatening to leave anyway so shows you how much he loves you

Sea12 · 20/03/2021 14:28

gosh has he looked at what an 18/19 week old fetus looks like?
absolutely get him to leave - you will never get over aborting a baby that late so the relationships would be over anyway.

Gazelda · 20/03/2021 14:30

@Leavingforgood1

I have a lot of support from family and friends and I do feel I could cope without him. I am going to leave it up to him, I am obviously keeping this baby. He can either get on board now or leave.

Good for you. Take advantage of all those around you offering support. He is a twat.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 20/03/2021 14:30

I think very very few women would go through with a termination so late unless it was for medical reasons. It would be very traumatic.

He just has to get his head around this the same as you do.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 20/03/2021 14:33

@Leavingforgood1

After the birth of our daughter i had asked him about a vasectomy which he said absolutely not.

If he refused to have a vasectomy then he knew there was a risk of another pregnancy.

It is your body, your choice.

willibald · 20/03/2021 14:34

He'd be the type who, even if you had such an awful abortion you don't want, would expect you to act like nothing happened, carry on looking after the kids and cooking as usual plus have sex with him and use contraception.

No matter if it's 8 weeks or 18, he doesn't get to demand you have a procedure on your body.

Didn't feel comfortable having a vasectomy on his outer bits but expects you to hop up and have an abortion to suit him.

He's a cunt.

Ikeameatballs · 20/03/2021 14:34

I would call him out on it.

Take a deep breath, bag him a bag and tell him that he’s free to leave but that you’ll be keeping the baby and he’ll need to pay maintenance for all 4dc.

I’d be surprised if he actually does leave, and it is possible that his reaction is just due to shock, but I’d need him to come round pretty quickly and beg forgiveness for this behaviour in order to salvage a relationship.

And I say the above being very pro-choice, if you’d posted that you were pregnant at 18 weeks and wanted a termination I’d totally support that. If you were posting saying that you were upset, unsure what to do and your DH thought that a termination might be best then I’d encourage you to talk it through with him. But this awful “terminate or I’ll leave” deserves nothing but “goodby and good riddance” as a response.

elliemara · 20/03/2021 14:40

Congratulations, what a surprise! Your husband sounds awful - he should be supportive right now not horrible. I'm glad you're keeping your baby. It might just be that he's also in shock and will come around in a few days time. If not, he doesn't sound like a great partner anyway, pressuring you like that.

LimpLettice · 20/03/2021 14:52

You said 'love him EVEN MORE' op. You love this baby. I'm glad you've made the decision you want, congratulations on your boy. I have an accidentally small gap between #2 and #3 and it's fine.

The 'D' H, not so much. I wouldn't be leaving it in his hands I'm afraid. I'd be telling him his reaction to give you an ultimatum between a late abortion or he's gone had killed the love and to sling his hook until I felt he knew what a dreadful way to behave that was. I can imagine his shock but telling the mother of his kids 'get rid or I'm leaving you all' is callous and ugly.

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