Too old for a baby

[deborahdiamond]

Hello im looking for some advice im just 48 am i mad into thinking lets have a baby at my age ie risks or just dont go there any advice please

Hi, I had my last child at 43, I'm your age now and would definitely try again if I wanted to. Are you still having regular periods? Are you generally healthy? Obviously you need to get a move on but I think if it's what you want why not try?
Please don't listen to anyone on MN saying it's somehow cruel to have a child so late. I had an older mother, it was fine. Someone in their 20s could be disabled or die as a parent, it's just life. Good luck!

Well, to be honest, your odds of carrying a healthy baby to term are virtually invisible to the naked eye. It happens, but only in very rare cases. If you did conceive, the chances of miscarriage are 80+%.

The only realistic option would be private IVF with donor eggs.

Have one if you are ready for a baby with whatever challenges they may have.

With donor eggs? Your odds of conceiving, carrying to viability a child at this age are astronomically slim . It's too old.

Do you have a deep desire to have a baby or are is it a case of that "last chance saloon" feeling creeping in because you are getting older?

Do you have any other children ? If not , I can understand your desire .
If you do have kids already I cannot understand why you would do it all over again at your age ! I was 38 and it was hard for me , but everyone is different

Get your fertility checked to see if it’s even an option. The doctors will advise you on risks etc.

Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear

Think about the child - when it's 10, you'd be pushing 60. Will you physically be able to cope with a baby, toddler, child? Will it be fair on the child having an older mother (and father I presume)?

At 48 unless super wealthy (multiple millions to pay for off surrogates nannies etc)

sorry yes you are mad....chances of a healthy baby are close to 0

I asked exactly the same question on another part of MN... I'm 45 and wanting a second one. It's so hard to decide whether to go for it and be disappointed (potentially) or just accept that it won't happen (science and advice tells me that the odds are stacked against us).

Thought I'd just say you're not the only one going through this and to say if you want it, stay positive and I have my fingers, toes and anything else I can cross, for you! x

@inappropriateraspberry I'm sure the op can count

I had my last DC at 39 and I am a very fit and active person with a mountain of energy. Even that is pushing it. I am now 51 and I have an 11-year old. I am the oldest of his DF's mums. Luckily I look a lot younger.

Sorry, but pushing 50 is way too old to have a baby. It is not practical. Also, if I was 25 and my parents were in their 70's I'd be really unhappy if I couldn't do whatever I wanted and live my life due to the responsibilities of elderly parents.

I think you’ll be disappointed, to be honest unless you can go abroad and have IVF and ongoing support from a disreputable private company.
Unfortunately, declining fertility tends to limit childbearing. People have done but it’s quite unusual to get to term at your age.

If you ca cope with repeated disappointment there is no reason not to.

@AnnaSW1 yes, I'm sure she can - what's that to do with anything?

This wont be what you want to hear, but I think you need to hear it. Having a baby at 50 (because at 48 you still need to TTC/IVF and then be pregnant for 9 months) is biologically very unlikely. The body just isnt designed for it. Growing and caring for a baby takes huge energy, stamina, and health. It wrecks most 30 year olds. It's not really a personal choice to have a baby at 50. Biology makes it near impossible for a reason. I think if you tried it would just be disappointment. Im really sorry.

I think at 48 you have to be prepared for the fact that conceiving naturally would be astronomically hard, and that your chances of complications would be very high. You would therefore need to consider whether you would be comfortable raising a child with a potentially severe disability, or having a TFMR.

I would also think about the kind of life and care you could provide a child. You will be parenting a teenager in your sixties. You will be nearly 80 when your child is 20. You would have to make peace with not having a very long relationship with them, compared to the normal parent / child span. And your child would have to deal with loss while still young. They might end up having to be a carer, or make difficult decisions about your care when trying to find their feet and their own path in life.

It’s your decision, and not really anyone else’s business. But since you asked for opinions I will say that in my view, 48 is too old for a baby. The risks are just so high, and it’s potentially a difficult burden to place on any child you do conceive.

@inappropriateraspberry Read your own post.

@stampsurprise

Get your fertility checked to see if it’s even an option. The doctors will advise you on risks etc.

Sorry if that’s not what you want to hear

Best of luck getting the NHS to do this because you fancy getting pregnant at 48. Many women can't get a hormone blood workup at this age when they stagger in suffering from perimenopausal symptoms - get fobbed off with anti-depressants or pressured to have a Mirena inserted. Total waste of money testing the fertility of a person this age. 'the doctors' will tell you the chances of getting pregnant and it going through at this age are next to none.

I had my last at 42. I’m 57 now and pretty knackered.

I wouldn’t do it again. What no one mentions is wanting to slow down or retire when you get older. I wouldn’t have believed it at 42, but l do now.

How are you hoping to conceive this baby?

I've assumed from user name and mention of health risks that you're female.

No. On the slim chance that you do get pregnant, your chances of having a child with significant disabilities are very high, and the chances of you dying in the next 30 years and leaving that child as a dependant adult with no one to depend on are even higher.

It's selfish, I'm sorry.

Pushing 50 is too old to have a baby in my opinion. Aside from the risks of birth defects, parenting a toddler in your 50s would be insane. Your child would hit their teens as you are in your sixties. I know a couple of people who were only children of older parents (ie 40+) and they hated it.

George Clooney, Robbie Williams had children at 47/48.

I don't think you'd be able to conceive and carry to full term very easily at that age if I'm honest. So depends if you're happy to consider the surrogate route? Even then, I personally wouldn't consider having a child so late in life, as I feel I'd be doing that child a disservice when they'll have their time with their parents in a fit, healthy, active state cut short. I know we can never predict what is round the corner, plenty of young parents end up with illness/dying young, but that isn't predictable. Choosing to have a child close to 50 would mean you are in your later stages of life, when they are just becoming a young adult and still very dependent on you, there's no way around that scenario. Do you already have children? I guess if older siblings are around to maybe take over a bit of the parenting role, would provide some comfort, but couldn't and shouldnt be expected of them. And if you don't already have children, bringing an only child into the world at your age, I'm sorry but that would be selfish, as at some point that child will be left with no immediate close family, alot sooner than is fair. 20's/30's/early early 40's for having babies, not pushing 50.