Too old for a baby

[deborahdiamond]

Hello im looking for some advice im just 48 am i mad into thinking lets have a baby at my age ie risks or just dont go there any advice please

Practically, I think your first step is getting booked in with a fertility clinic for tests to see where you stand. Get a hold of the book "It Starts With The Egg". Do all of this asap.

Age wise - that's something only you can answer. I have a friend who had 2 kids in her late teens/early 20s and 2 at 39 and 41. Now I get that there is a big different between 41 and 48 when we are speaking about fertility, but she is still an older parent. She coped better with the last 2 pregnancies due to being healthier, fitter, more confident, settled etc. She says she feels like she's been a better older mum than she was a younger mum due to not being resentful of being tied down with 2 kids at a young age, watching friends go to uni, go backpacking and travelling the world, building up a life for themselves. She was quite resentful of all that when she was younger.

I know that everyone is an individual and some would prefer to have kids younger, some older, some in between. It really is what right for you and what's going to be right for a baby. You and only you can evaluate your individual circumstances.

@BabyElephant2

I’m due my second at 27 and feel I am far too old, I would never put myself through it again even if I did want more and will be having my tubes tied asap! But.. personal choice. Are you willing to accept that there’s a lot higher chance that things may go wrong?

🙄Having your 2nd child at 27 is definitely not too old. You're almost at the other end of the spectrum here.

For those asking how old I am. I'm nearly 36 but due to PCOS it's taken me 15 years already to even fall Pregnant and almost 2 years since I miscarried with no signs at the moment of falling Pregnant anytime soon.

Other peoples fertility post 45 is totally irrelevant. Only your fertility matters here. I had my last at 40 and my first MC at 42. The counciling MW said she she used to work on IVF and they saw zero live births over 42 with own eggs.

My fertility was proven as I had kids pre 40 so that's another factor. With your first child post 45 you could in fact have been infertile at 25 or 35 decades before.

Without proper private fertility tests you would just be wasting time trying that you might need to be researching donor eggs abroad.

@Fiona2020 I have friends who were unable to have a successful pregnancy and gave up trying at 40. They love seeing us as a family but do suggest child free nights out too. We get that sometimes the madness of the kids is fine and other times it's just a bit much even for other parents. My parents look buggered after having our kids for a few hours, I don't ask them to have them often. Always makes me laugh because I do that on my own most of the time as hubby is military and away a lot.

At 48, unless you pay privately for ivf I think it's very unlikely you'd get pregnant. Even then you would be unlikely to carry to full term.

it's too old. You'd likely have to use donor eggs which comes with its own issues

My daughter born at 42 was with my own eggs.

To each their own but having my one and only at 35 is about where I would personally draw the line. I told my partner my cut off was 36 at a push 37 as I don’t want to be an old mum. Women who have kids older have my full respect however 48 maybe just that little bit too old?

Another question is ‘can I cope with a teenager at 67ish?’
The baby years can be a piece of cake compared to the teenage years. It varies of course .... but think about it.

I had my DDs at 41 and 44, both conceived naturally, both absolutely perfect, with easy pregnancies. I've had 2 miscarriages, one before each.
I didn't meet my DH until I was 38 and I don't consider us selfish. We're fit and healthy, financially secure and able to give them lots of time and attention. We both really wanted children and our girls are happy and healthy.

If it's what you want then definitely investigate the possibility.

My sister has two colleagues who had babies at 48. One was unplanned, one planned. Both healthy. It might be rare, but it is possible.
Having said that I am 48 with a 6 year old and although I have a lot of guilt about her being on her own we have never wanted to try for a second one. We were far too tired for many years (she did not sleep through the night until she was 5) and now I feel too old (due to risk, and wanting to be able to retire at some point).

I'm 44 & due to give birth to my 3rd baby, on monday,12 year age gap between next child & baby,so have had a tough time getting head round being an older mum. In all honesty having a baby at this age wouldnt have been first choice,as it's been much more tiring this time round,plus u have the downside of much higher risks of disability,complications etc, but on the plus side, you get much more closely monitored as an older mum,& if you think you will have the energy & good health to have a child then if it's what you really want then go for it.

Friend recently gave birth just short of her 47th birthday, no fertility assistance. It can happen but it is unlikely. I was told to use contraception as it's a possibility at my age, my gp had experienced a few surprise pregnancies among her patients, it's just the odds are against you

Are you really sure you want a child? You haven't had the urge before now? It's completely life changing and earth shattering. You need to be willing to give up everything. Are you sure you want that now and into older age?

@Smellybluecheese

My sister has two colleagues who had babies at 48. One was unplanned, one planned. Both healthy. It might be rare, but it is possible. Having said that I am 48 with a 6 year old and although I have a lot of guilt about her being on her own we have never wanted to try for a second one. We were far too tired for many years (she did not sleep through the night until she was 5) and now I feel too old (due to risk, and wanting to be able to retire at some point).

Lots of people lie, too, pretend it was natural when it's donor eggs. It's extremely rare to occur naturally and be healthy at that age with own eggs. There's a real dip after the age of 45.

Good luck. I couldn't imagine it!

Tired at 27 😂😂😂

It is unlikely, though not totally impossible. If you don't already have children (something you don't say) and have only recently met a partner you are happy with then I can see why you may feel the urge to try.

It wouldn't be my choice, but then I am aware that I was fortunate enough to be able to have my three DDs during my late twenties and in my 30s. DD3 was born when I was 36 and is now 18. I am 54 and going through the menopause. Having an adolescent teenage girl when I was myself peri-menopausal and moody certainly had its moments too, I'd be lying if I said otherwise.

If I hadn't been as fortunate as I was in managing to have my children more or less when I wanted them then possibly I might have still been thinking like you when I was 48. I don't know.

Good luck whatever you decide, but bear in mind that it may not be straightforward.

I think if IVF donor eggs I had a look at the stats recently (some association which collects stats from all clinics) and it was about 25% success compared to 2.5% with own eggs for over 45s. Not your DNA but have a read up on Epigenetics.

If own eggs I’m wondering whether one would be better off trying to have a natural conception (if any conception possible) and have the strongest egg win rather than what was stimulated by drugs. Have a read on the Zita West website but also read the book It Starts with the Egg. There is a kindle version you can read on an iPhone or iPad. The author also has a website which recommends supplements.

I haven’t commented on the age aspect as both my grandmothers had healthy pregnancies past the age of 45, obviously long before IVF.

My gran had 3 kids in her 40s, including one at 48 - all healthy. It used to be the norm. Get a blood test and see what your particular fertility situation is. It's all too easy for people on here to say you're too old, but everyone's body and circumstances are different.

Yes, start with an AMH test. You should be able to have one without going to a fertility clinic eg if you are in London check out the gp surgery (private gp) in Wimbledon which has good value prices.

Just wondering when is too old ?
Nobody knows what their baby will be like before they are born whatever the age . They could have various diagnosis in the future . I had my son age 24 but he has complex needs . I just want to point out that having a baby is a lottery in some ways nobody knows what the future holds you just cannot predict it .
I’m 34 now is this to old to have another , should I not bother as I have. Disabled child . It’s not all about age

Sorry about my grammar . I just feel that nobody knows what life has in front of them . I thought I don’t smoke didn’t drink I was guaranteed a healthy baby , I was very wrong