Summer '20 Grads Part IV

[SmileyT]

@Blondi3 💚10th October EDD 25th May
@Mococo1 💚11th October 🧡 12th November EDD 29th March
@littleRa 🧡 14th October EDD 8th March
@Mustbemad82 ❤️ 15th October EDD 20th April
@MrsEmilyB ❤️ 15th October EDD 29th April
@Dipsy77 🧡🧡 26th October EDD 15th March
@smileyT 🧡 26th October EDD 15th March 💙 BOY
@Ltay2 💚9th November 🧡 20th November EDD 10th April
@blodyn91 🧡 20th November EDD 12th April

@cocoblue22 EDD 12th March 💙 BOY
@noble89 EDD 24th March
@mrsmummy1111 EDD 30th March
@zippityzip EDD 31st March 🤍 SURPRISE
@fairylights2 EDD 1st April
@eloise27 EDD 8th April
@samilicious EDD 10th April
@Lettie365 - EDD 11th April
@Madz123 EDD 13th April
@Catherinettc EDD 19th May
@Sophi123 EDD 20th May
@mrsI2020 EDD 22nd May
@Busybee143

💚 extra scans ❤️ 12w scans 🧡 20w scans 💙 Boy 💖Girl 🤍 Surprise

@SmileyT Your attitude is great - that's the best advice I can give is just being informed. Everyone has just drastically different experiences. My two births so far were polar opposites. Some love it and some hate it.

Just wanted some advice ladies and your opinions.

DH and I have been invited to a wedding literally 4 weeks after the baby is due. If it was any other wedding it would have been a blanket no on me attending but DH is the best man and the groom is a lifelong friend.

They've strictly said no kids which is absolutely fine and totally get their choice. But it's overnight around 2 hours away from where we live.

I think I've already made my mind up not to go. But then I don't want to say no and regret not going. Then I don't want to say yes and be unable to leave the baby. Or, get there and really regret it.

I think what's swaying me is that I really want to breastfeed. Plus, if the baby is late like the other two it'll probably only be 3 weeks old.

On one hand I'll be desperate for a night out - but three weeks is SO TINY.

My mum would be amazing overnight with a baby she's done it for me before. I would trust her 100%. But if it was my first I wouldn't even consider it.
I'm just really torn. My heart is saying no don't go - but on the other hand. I'm not sure.

I need to RSVP soon so I don't really know what to do! It's annoying especially as no one would judge the dad for going away overnight so soon!!!!!

Thanks for the new thread x

@zippityzip seeing as your hubby is best man I would probably ask if baby can POSSIBLY attend. A newborn in a pram is not the same as a 6 year old running around. Although I personally never understand why people don’t want kids at weddings 🤔

I reckon an exception would be made. Imagine you go 2 weeks over abs baby is 2 weeks old you could take them. Imagine you go 2 weeks early abs baby is 6 weeks old and you want to leave them with your mum? You just don’t know and I don’t think anyone should expect you to make that deduction yet. It won’t even affect their numbers. Seeing yous are close I would ask. I don’t think it’s cheeky. Actually I think it’s cheekier too expect a pregnant woman to rsvp and decide she’s leaving her weeks old baby tk attend a wedding xxx

@Sausage1990 So glad you are as well as you can be. Also glad that you had a caring staff team around you, whilst doctors and nurses are supposed to be caring sometimes they just aren't and it really does help having nice people around you who give you their extra time. ❤️

@zippityzip I have a no kids policy at my wedding beacuse sorry @Mrsi2020 I want the parents to have a good night and don't want 3+ years olds running about and taking up room 🤭 I want a proper adult party (saying that my 4 nieces are allowed). The biggest issue is if kids were allowed there would be about 30 so where do you draw the line?. BUT saying that any baby under 12 months or still BF was/is allowed to come. I would definitely ask, because no kids doesn't mean no babies!
Im going to a wedding when its 6 weeks old. Thats also a no kids wedding.

In regards to birth I am learning all about hypnobirthing at the moment which is interesting however I fully understand when it comes to it it may not go that way and I'm happy to do whatever needed in terms of pain relief etc. Would like to try birthing pool too as water always helps me when I'm in pain and tens machine but again can't use them together so all just depends on the day 🙈 I agree with no forceps though that just sounds horrendous and would rather have the recovery of c section if that was the alternative!

@zippityzip yeah it's a private scan getting kind of nervous lol..with regards to the wedding as an option Could you, DH & your Mum rent an air bnb close by? Provided other DDs are looked after by someone else?!

That way maybe you could attend the wedding but if you are really struggling and feel the need to go back to the little one it's within an easy safe distance to get to - you might find you would be able to relax and enjoy yourself knowing they are only ten mins away?

defo say/hint that you would love to come but it would be difficult with a newborn and BF so maybe they will kindly say as the exception you can bring yours x

@SmileyT @Mrsi2020 @blodyn91 thanks for all the birth chat been very informative!!- I think you hit the nail @SmileyT lol

I'm scared, not sure what to expect of labour and sort of happy to start off with my preference of a peaceful birth centre labour but happy to go along with what baby/I need as long as i feel informed about what's going on and in control of understanding why decisions or recommendations have been made knowing they are for the safety of everyone

If anyone else has the happy birth book I think it has an acronym for when things are explained vaguely so u feel informed, currently still lying in bed so when I'm up il type it out lol x

@Sausage1990 so glad you and DH have each other to support one another at this time, you are so strong and glad you have found some peace xxx

@Ltay2 are you going to do the £10 taster from the hypnobirthing sign up? They emailed me the other day but I'm still in two minds xx

@Mococo1 Great minds, I did think about booking my parents a hotel but then they would still be over a mile away (closest one) and driving to me every two hours to feed 🤦🏼‍♀️ just didn't feel feasible.

I've text and asked anyway - and actually hearing your points of view makes me think if they say no, then they are out of order! I just said hey no pressure, I totally understand if it's a no but here's the situation... it's not like I would let the baby scream through the ceremony. Worst they can say is no and then I'm just not going.

@Sausage1990 it’s good to know that you have lots of support and are feeling loved

. Keep your chin up and that spirit positive
Thinking of you xx

@zippityzip I'm a FTM so my plan may be naive but one of my besties is getting married 6weeks after my due date and I'm thinking I'll take my mum with me (it's about a 3hr drive so will stay overnight). I'd definitely speak to the couple and see if they'd have any issues with bubs popping in for feeds rather than being there for the whole thing and having the risk of screaming baby during the vows. As bad as it sounds I'd rather RSVP now and then if at the time I can't make it I'll just have to cancel, there is no way to be able to tell how you will feel at that stage. And all of this is assuming that the wedding can even go ahead with all this Covid lark 🤷🏾‍♀️ she has already moved once and I think if it's still at 15 or 30 it might get pushed again xx

@Ltay2 this is obviously easier said than done but one of the books I read referred to how the fear of labour can sometimes inhibit your bodies natural instinct so staying as calm as possible before the day will help the right hormones be released. This could be complete garbage but it's kinda helped me to see relaxing beforehand as the first stages of a positive birth. I'll definitely be doing some form of hypnobirthing course but probably around the 30week mark 👌🏾

Last day in work after 6 long months in the office without a day off (and the last week I had off in March was for my MC surgery 😭) can't bloody wait for 2weeks without mortgage chat 🥳 🎉 🎈

@Mococo1 Yes I have signed up for the £10 class on Sunday. If it was any more expensive I probably wouldn't have bothered but thought for a tenner it's worth a go!

@SmileyT That is what was covered in the first chapter of my book too! It's so interesting and actually makes so much sense from a science point of view. I'll definitely be going back to it further down the line too! Enjoy your time off work you've definitely earned it!! 🥳

@zippityzip funnily enough we have a very very similar situation. Except it's a very good friend of mine, and she's said strictly no kids. It was planned for July 2020 which was easy as mum could have DS, but been postponed to May 2021 (if it even goes ahead!) which means new baby will be here. It's slightly later than yours so baby would be more like 6/7 weeks rather than 3 weeks, but what we've decided to do is leave the big baby with my sisters, then my mum is actually coming to the venue with us and we are going to get her a room in the venue (it's at the Ned in London so pretty easy) and she's going to stay nearby with the baby so whenever it needs a feed she can just let me know and I can go to where she is. Like you I breastfed my first and plan on doing the same so will need to be nearby. It's too young to guarantee the baby will accept a bottle of expressed milk. I'm not sure what the venue is like where you are, and if there's a similar option for you? Or is there a hotel nearby that mum can go to and someone else can have the older girls?

I also had no kids at my wedding and my friends we're all grateful for a night off 🤣🤣🤣

@mrsmummy1111 Ah I just don't know what to do for the best. I'm really hormonal and snappy at the mo too - so I'm quite resentful of the fact it's just accepted that DH can swan off and be best man and get pissed and have a night away but likelihood is I'll be at home with the baby with sore boobs, up all night, saggy and tearful with two other kids.
Like what if I DO end up having a section?! Who's going to help me then?

Just miserable today really. DH finally has a weekend off and this morning he was like "I can't wait for some REST" so that means I'll be the one getting up with the kids as usual, cleaning, washing, cooking and I've got a shit ton of uni work to get on with.

Where's my rest?

I'm juggling work around the kids and my hospital appts and organising bloody everything in this family I want a fucking break too. He goes on about how stressful his day is yet I'm working 50 hours a week and then doing at least another 20 towards my degree. One lay in wouldn't go amiss.

@blodyn91 that's the problem with it because everybody isn't the same speed I'm like a medium slow person but if there's a slow slow person and a fast slow person in the "slow lane" it's a nightmare even with 4 so can't imagine 6 or 8 is tolerable!! I'm so annoyed about it as I've loved swimming. I'll try it....

@zippityzip I'd have suggested the same as others to see if mum can stay overnight in same venue or very nearby so that you can still feed. Otherwise I'd probably not go but DH has to go as he is best man just make sure he makes it up to you by giving you a night off soon as you're ready for one!

I know how you feel I feel that way most days because my OH never helps me with house work which is normally just our dynamic I do the girl stuff he's does the boy stuff haha so I get frustrated when I feel crap and yet I'm still washing dishes, cleaning, making food etc it gets to me some days as I still work and he works 4 days and has 4 days off so he gets more time off than me!

As DSS is his son tho he gets up with him in the mornings at weekends so I do get some lie ins at least! But even then he winges if I sleep in late so I'm usually up by 8:30 anyway 😖😖😖 struggling to not wanna punch him in the face some days 😂😂

@zippityzip @SmileyT We've just moved our wedding again to 2022, and my friend I mentioned earlier is now also moving hers to 2022, so I no longer have a wedding to attend with a baby! Do plan for them going ahead but it is very likely they will change if they want a big wedding. I felt so relieved once we moved to 2022, didn't realise how much it was bothering me.

After weeks of feeling good, Im feeling hungover today 😣 taken last min AL.

Daft question incoming...

What should I wear for my scan tomorrow I wanna be prepared for either external or internal scan so I am not really sure 😂

I've had an internal scan before for the MC and I didn't give a flying fuck then and I think I just had on comfies (joggers and a tee) there was zero dignity in it haha stupid piece of paper over me but again zero fucks given given the circs.

Thinking maybe something I can easily pull up/down for external belly scan and something I can take off on the bottom but still have something covering me a little on top? 😂 I know I am ridiculous

@Bl0ndi3 not daft at all could you maybe wear a long dress top and leggings? You know so if it's internal you could just pop the leggings off or just pull them down if external xx

@blodyn91 Aww a shame you have had to move your wedding again but like you say at least it means not worrying about it being cancelled again! We briefly discussed when we'd like to get married after we got engaged yesterday and were thinking Autumn 2022 but i bet it's going to be very difficult now to get a date with everyone's from this year and likely next year too being postponed!

@Bl0ndi3 I wore leggings and longish top to my scans. You just need something on bottom that will pull down slightly and top that will roll up for external scan so anything comfy!

So completely random question: is getting critical illness insurance worth it? We're buying our first house and can't decide if it's worth the additional cost- would be around£65-£75 for both of us a month including life insurance 🤷‍♀️ we just can't decide 🙈

@Bl0ndi3 Pretty good to think of actually. Not like when I went for an abdominal scan with a dress on 😂 poor woman.
Leggings and a long top is probably always a good shout.

@Madz123 I would consider if you would manage on one salary if god forbid one of you ended up off work for cancer or something else horrific or in a serious accident. Do you have parents that could step in and pay your mortgage? Or do either of you have excellent sick pay packages at work? If no, then get it. Obviously I'm not a financial advisor but I've known of a few people or parents of friends who have come undone. My own cousins parents went bankrupt when one of them had bowel cancer because she had to stop working and he became her carer - it was only temporary but long enough to absolutely ruin them financially.

@Madz123 personally I don't think so. I mean yes if you were critically ill having something to help pay the mortgage would be great if you couldn't manage on one salary. I didn't bother as our mortgage isn't massive and either of us could manage it alone if needed. even though our financial advisers sent us an email every week offering us it!! I just had to tell them I work for an insurance company so my insurance needs are covered TYVM.

@zippityzip haha see I always thought my overthinking was a negative but clearly not lmao

@Madz123 I'm a protection advisor and read peoples stories everyday and I can honestly say 90% of people can't comfortably cope financially without some form of cover. If one person gets ill it's not really about being able to cover the mortgage, it's about having choices. If your partner is ill and your salary covers the mortgage that assumes that you will not attend any appointments, chemo, surgeries with them (most companies pay like 5 days compassionate leave, even the nicest companies won't pay you full pay if you aren't at work for a year). Also it means if they became terminally ill you'd still be working 9-5 or whatever which is unrealistic, probably wouldn't be able to afford a last holiday and in general critical illnesses actually increase your monthly outgoings. It also means if there is a new treatment but you'd have to go private to get it you could have the option to try that. I don't necessarily think that having your whole mortgage covered is necessary but having a nice lump sum to give you options is always a good idea, depending on where you work you may be able to get group policies that are much cheaper than standalone policies aswell. Also some policies cover children so you can chose to go private if little one was really poorly. But life insurance as minimum 😊

@blodyn91 ahh glad you feel better about moving your wedding, no pressure for yourself then x

@zippityzip hope you are feeling a bit better this afternoon. You really do sound like you do everything, I've said it before but I don't know what I'd do if I had to cook my own dinner right now let alone doing all the housework, mummy time, working full-time and studying on top, you are a warrior x

@Bl0ndi3 what everyone else said, I've worn dresses as going straight from work but top and jeans probably works better for abdo 👌🏾

Got a message today at work that DP has booked a holiday for us for next week, cannot wait to get out of the UK 🥳