Gender disappointment! Please help!

[Sammy234567]

I dont know why i’m feeling so emotional as i learnt that my second child we are expecting will be a girl as we already have a girl.

I was desperately hoping for a boy! I always thought we have one of each we can be over and done with as i will never think what it would be like to have a boy or a girl.

Yesterday I found myself so upset and crying over this and i understand if people are judgemental and think it’s not the end of the world. I will come to terms with it eventually and wish I didnt feel like this.

I’ve been trying not to talk to my husband about this as he’s happy we are having another girl and I don’t want him to think i’m ungrateful.

Growing up I was one of many sisters and never had a brother and always wanted a son. I just don’t think i can go for a third child after this in the hope for a boy.

Has anybody else been through a similar feeling? Please advise x

The problem with gender/sex disappointment is it comes from thinking that “boys” have a particular personality and “girls” have a different particular personality.

In reality every single child is different. You cannot tell what a child is going to be like just based on their sex, at all.

My DDs fit one or two of the “girl” stereotypes but actually fit far more “boy” stereotypes. They are straightforward, loud, messy, physical.

Everything you have imagined a little boy to be, you could just as easily find in your girl. (Except the willy).

It’s not the OPs fault that some of you can’t have children.

Having a sister is the best thing in the world, I am so close to mine, we went travelling the world together last year and it was amazing.

You can be as disappointed as you want now, but I guarantee once that baby arrives you won’t care what’s under that nappy!

@AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings I was simply offering my opinion and trying to get OP to realise how lucky she is.

I get where you're coming from OP.
I had an image in my head of what I was hoping for and it didn't live up to that. It doesn't mean I don't love my DCs it just wasn't exactly as I'd hoped for.
I think this is another one of those issues that doesn't get talked about so some people don't realise/can't imagine how others don't feel that way.

Oh and also OP go easy on yourself. You're pregnant so extra emotional at the moment, plus there's a lot going on in the world right now which probably makes things that little bit more difficult to process.

Get over it! Some women can’t have any children at all. I was nearly one of them, but am blessed now to have a daughter after years of ttc and an IVF cycle. I also miscarried my ‘miracle’ baby (natural conception) last year and will be very unlikely to get pregnant again. You really need to count your blessings and consider who might be reading your post. There are many women reading this thread who cannot conceive at all and would give anything to have your ‘disappointment’ of two gorgeous little girls!

OP, have a cuppa and a cry. It's ok to feel how you're feeling and much more normal than you think. This feeling will pass and soon you will have a beautiful baby girl and love her for the person that she is.

👏👏👏👏👏 for all the posters who took time out of their busy days to be a dick to an emotional, pregnant woman.

Wow people are really harsh on this thread, you do know there's people in India and China who are literally killing baby girls because they wanted a boy right? Have a watch of "it's a girl documentary" and you'll see gender disappointment in those countries are a death sentence.

The

@Betty94

Wow people are really harsh on this thread, you do know there's people in India and China who are literally killing baby girls because they wanted a boy right? Have a watch of "it's a girl documentary" and you'll see gender disappointment in those countries are a death sentence.

The

Pressed post too early

OP, gender disappointment is normal and quite a few people have had it normally though it's usually when they find out it's a boy but you'll get over it, you need to mourn the baby you thought you'd have and then you can start to love the one you do have, once she's in your arms you won't think any differently, you'll probably wonder why you ever wanted a boy and will be completely in love with the little girl you have, don't be too harsh on yourself and like others have said in a less harsh way at least she's very healthy

@Crownofthorns

Your trouble conceiving isnt the fault of the OP. She is allowed to have a wobble during an emotional and hormonal time. It will be temporary, but it is common and she is allowed to talk about it.

You knew what the thread was about before you opened it from the title. No one forced you too. If you know that you cant offer support for what the OP is worrying about then dont get involved. She knows it is not a reasonable feeling, but emotions arent always reasonable. They're emotions; not a logical thing. She knows it's wrong, but she still feels it so she is allowed a couple days of feeling sad without being blamed for your infertility.

@Sammy234567 I think it's natural to feel disappointed when things don't go as per our expectations but certain things are out of our control and we have to learn to be content with them, focusing on the positives of the situation. I already have a boy and was completely confident that this time i am pregnant with a girl because all my symptoms were completely different from when I was pregnant with my boy. When the sonographer told me its a boy i was slightly disappointed but then I went through a terrible three weeks of dilemma where i tested out to be at a high risk for downs syndrome. After a painful long wait of three weeks waiting for my test results and all, I am thankful for having a HEALTHY baby with no disappointments about having another boy.
Stay positive ! Sending you lots of love

Sorry you're having a hard time OP. I see both sides as I'm sure you do. It's a blessing to be pregnant, and you've not said it isn't.
I think it's very natural to be upset that things haven't worked out as you planned.
If it was a boy you would have been ecstatic and no-one would have given you a hard time about that.
I was upset when I found out I was having a boy (I was sure it was a girl and had always wanted one) but it gets better with time and, as you know, you'll love your baby fiercely no matter the gender.
Your little girl will hopefully have a close bond with her sister and you should be able to save money by using hand me downs.
Congratulations on your pregnancy xx

Some of these comments are disgusting. I’m really sorry to those of you who are struggling to conceive but don’t use that against her. One of my friends took three years to fall pregnant, and she had gender disappointment too with her second. It’s two separate matters.

I totally get where you’re coming from OP, know that so many other mothers feel the same way at some stage. I’m currently pregnant with my second and am secretly hoping for a daughter. It’s bittersweet really because another boy would be just wonderful for our son, but I would love to experience having the opposite sex too. Obviously we all get over it eventually, but allow yourself these feelings, don’t push them away. By the time she’s here you will be fine x

[quote WhereverIGoddamnLike]@Crownofthorns

Your trouble conceiving isnt the fault of the OP. She is allowed to have a wobble during an emotional and hormonal time. It will be temporary, but it is common and she is allowed to talk about it.

You knew what the thread was about before you opened it from the title. No one forced you too. If you know that you cant offer support for what the OP is worrying about then dont get involved. She knows it is not a reasonable feeling, but emotions arent always reasonable. They're emotions; not a logical thing. She knows it's wrong, but she still feels it so she is allowed a couple days of feeling sad without being blamed for your infertility.[/quote]
Of course it’s not her fault. However, she can still have empathy for those less fortunate than her, no?

If you read my post properly you would see that I am not infertile, I have got a daughter and conceived naturally last year despite sadly miscarrying. Sadly, many people reading this thread will not have been as ‘lucky’ as me (despite my struggles I have the emotional intelligence to realise that I am indeed lucky) and won’t have been able to have any children. Perhaps you can only understand if you have struggled to conceive yourself, just how awful it is to read about someone complaining about the gender of their unborn child when they have been lucky enough to fall pregnant in the first place. Ditto anyone who has lost a child.

@Crownofthorns

They know what this is about from the title. They dont need to read it or get involved if they find iit hard to understand why someone may be disappointed about sex because they "should just be happy to be pregnant".

We dont all have to he upset about the same things, and I cant think of another topic where this happens. If I posted that I was demoted, would you say "how dare you conplain; you still have a job. I cant get one so think about how that makes me feel" or if I posted that I had a cancer scare but turned out to be fine but I wanted to talk about the stress I had felt, would you say "how dare you, people on here have cancer, how do you think that makes them feel".

You wouldn't. But with pregnant, women who have a little day if feel weepy over something they know is silly, they get bullied and treated like crap on here.

Leave her alone. She is allowed to have a thread about her where she isnt constantly told she shoils forget her own feelings and show empathy to others. Most people spend every day showing empathy to others. This thread was for her to have some support, even though she knows she is being unreasonable. Let her have it.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike - WELL SAID!

@Crownofthorns So people aren't able to talk about their feelings because someone else has it worse off? No wonder people are afraid to talk about their feelings or go to therapy.

Not sure why posters are being so harsh or telling you to just be grateful to be pregnant. It's unhelpful and gender disappointment is an entirely separate issue to infertility.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way OP. I had gender disappointment too and all the other feelings that come along with it - anger at myself for wanting a particular sex, guilt at feeling that way etc.

It does get better with time, I promise. And when she arrives you honestly won't care.

Hi everyone,
We know we can't really control what happens on an MN thread (tho lord knows we do try) but it might be a good thing to focus on the OP here rather than the earlier posts from when it was in AIBU?

I am sure OP knows exactly how lucky she is and for that, is very grateful.

Is mumsnet not a platform where everyone can share their own opinions without the fear of being judged or ridiculed? Or receiving abuse for that matter? Regardless of how trivial the subject may be?

OP this feeling will pass. You're emotional and you're probably even more upset due to this image you've built in your head about having a boy as your second and it is probably a shock more than anything.

My sister is almost ten years older than me and I couldn't be without her. We talk almost every few hours, consult on most topics and feel incredibly lucky to have her as a best friend. I don't have that with my brothers.

Give it a few days and you'll be excited at the thought of two beautiful girls.