Gender disappointment! Please help!

[Sammy234567]

I dont know why i’m feeling so emotional as i learnt that my second child we are expecting will be a girl as we already have a girl.

I was desperately hoping for a boy! I always thought we have one of each we can be over and done with as i will never think what it would be like to have a boy or a girl.

Yesterday I found myself so upset and crying over this and i understand if people are judgemental and think it’s not the end of the world. I will come to terms with it eventually and wish I didnt feel like this.

I’ve been trying not to talk to my husband about this as he’s happy we are having another girl and I don’t want him to think i’m ungrateful.

Growing up I was one of many sisters and never had a brother and always wanted a son. I just don’t think i can go for a third child after this in the hope for a boy.

Has anybody else been through a similar feeling? Please advise x

I had an abortion. If I had posted looking for support in that, would all of you have piled on telling me how awful I was for planning that because you'd just love to have a child?

Everyone has a different situation. You shouldn't judge someone else's feelings based on your own experience. Instead, show some empathy for someone going through a different kind of upset. Disappointment in sex of a child is common, but usually short lived. Its healthier to let it out so you can move past it rather than bottle it up and let it ruin your relationship with the child. The OP is letting it out; she is entitled to have a momentary wobble.

@worraliberty hahahaha that gave me such a laugh. I was thinking 'sex not gender' but you are totally right !

Wow

First world problems and all that.....

I've been exactly your situation except I didn't find out the sex at the scan which made it much easier to accept. It's much harder to be disappointed with a baby in your arms. My two are 12 and 10 and so very different, they are definitely not two of the same as some people say. The are very close though which is great. I was never disappointed with DD2 but sad about the boy I would never have. I don't give it a second thought anymore. Some people are very tactless and will tell you that you are missing the amazing love of a son and your poor husband won't have a boy to play football with. Just ignore and enjoy your lovely girls.

I have 2 DDs and there’s nothing better! Congratulations.

Also if you have two children the same sex then apparently there’s a 67% chance that a third child will be the same sex again so I wouldn’t bother having another one after this just to get a boy. (I was told this by another parent in the playground. No idea if it’s true).

It may be harsh but I do judge you as I couldn't have children and there are many women like me who would give almost anything to have a child of either sex. Your post makes me cross and sad at the same time.

Sorry but it's ridiculous to be crying over this 🙄

Some mums on this site are horrible!!! Gender disappointment is real and dont let anyone make you feel wrong for feeling like this. I know I would of felt it if my girl was a boy. How dare some people just dismiss your feelings. You will get over it and you will be amazing.

You’re feeling a bit emotional right now, as you’re having to let go of an imaginary child. But after that, it will be fun having two girls. I have two girls myself, and they are lovely, so much fun, and such great sisters to one another. It’s never boring at home!

It's weird how nasty Mumsnet is about this when there are so many threads saying have a boy and girl is the perfect family. It's no wonder we end up disappointed when society tells us we must produce at least one child of each sex.

OP I've been in a similar position, but not brave enough to post on here about it! I have two boys that I wouldn't change for the world but I grew up wanting a daughter and it's just the realisation that that wasn't going to happen left a tiny pang of disappointment for a few weeks when the sex was confirmed in my second pregnancy. However, it was overshadowed by the relief that baby was healthy etc so I don't think I ever actually got upset like you are describing. But i think I did subconsciously imagine I'd have 'one of each'!

Honestly though you will get over it. I never really think about it and have the two most amazing sons (now 2 and 4), and have never once wished DS2 was a girl from the second he was born. if I ever were to have a third (not that I'm planning), then I may get that slight pang again for a daughter (while pregnant and before finding out the sex) and I'm not ashamed to admit that.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and honestly two same sex children can be amazing too!!

Why are you so desperate for a boy?
What's so amazing about having a son?

My friend is so bloody desperate for a girl. She has 4 boys eldest 20 years old and youngest 2. She's pregnant again for a final go to get the girl -it's a boy. 5 boys and her husband still isn't happy. I just roll my eyes.
After 5 m/c I was lucky to have one DC never mind more than one and I'm so so so so so blessed.

Don't try for a baby to get a certain sex.

Dont listen to those saying there are worse issues. Although they are technically right, you could apply that to any situation (what, you're upset at having a couple of fingers chopped off? You should be grateful, some people have lost their whole hand. Be grateful you still have both thumbs!). Smd it doesn't actually make you feel any better.

I felt a bit the same as you. Not maybe to the same extent, but I had a brother, and most of my family had mixed sex children, and I just kind of assumed I'd be the same and I'd have a boy after having a daughter. I was a tom boy and was not into the whole princess thing that my daughter was into.

I was a bit upset when I was having a girl, I knew this would be my last child and I'd never experience having a son.

And then she came along and she is also into the whole princess thing. But she is completely her own person and I've never ever once thought I wished she was a boy. There is literally nothing I can think of that she can't do or that we can't do together because she is a girl. And she gets on so well with her sister. Now if I could go back and change things without ever having met her, I wouldn't. Because it doesn't even seem important

Yes yes yes. My 2nd was the same gender as my first. But they are severely disabled. Blind. Deaf. Tube fed. Etc etc. Just doing her advanced care plan and deciding whether we'd resuscitate or not.
So, my suggestion is just hope your number 2 is healthy and get over your disappointment.

People will tell you that you are being selfish as you have a healthy baby bla bla bla.
I know that this is true but i felt so very much like you.
A kind old lady said to me when i had my little boy after having two sons already that ' It was ok to have wanted a girl and it was ok to feel dissapointed as its normal to want to have a different experience' She was so right and she made me feel better as i felt an utter shit for feeling this way. So i say it to you. Its ok to feel dissapointed.
In the end i loved my son like i did my others. I didnt have any more because i was afraid that i would have another boy. Roll on 18 years and i wanted another baby [ 38] Fearing it was too late I fell pregnant right away and i couldnt have cared less what i had. It just so happened i had a little girl!

YANBU for having your feelings/ but YABU to think it matters.

It’s fine you built a picture up and now it’s different - and no you don’t have to be constantly grateful your pregnant when others aren’t, there aren’t a limited number of children allowed to be born ffs.

Give yourself time, trust you will as obsessed with your daughter as you would have been a son. Perhaps get excited that you will have sisters, a fabulous bond, go look at baby stuff and just focus on the new joy!

It's not lack of empathy, it's gaining perspective. Of course OPs worries are valid. But this is not the end of the world and she needs to gain perspective on that. Her ideals of having two sexes have been dashed but it was an ideal in her head. Having two girls can be a wonderful experience. She needs to re evaluate and gain a better perspective on this new ideal.

And understanding this isn't the end of the world can come from stories of others who have been in positions where their situations have actually been the end of the world. Infertility, miscarriage and all the other examples given on this thread aren't something that can be so easily overcome. She is in a great position, OP needs to recognise this and look forward to the awesome future she has ahead of her.

Get over yourself.

YABU. SEX (not gender) disappointment threads really annoy me, why does it matter?

You have a healthy baby, you are incredibly lucky, so many women would do anything to be in your position.

Why do the babies genitals matter that much?

I don't care what sex my baby is, as long as they are happy and healthy.

@WhereverIGoddamnLike

I had an abortion. If I had posted looking for support in that, would all of you have piled on telling me how awful I was for planning that because you'd just love to have a child?

Everyone has a different situation. You shouldn't judge someone else's feelings based on your own experience. Instead, show some empathy for someone going through a different kind of upset. Disappointment in sex of a child is common, but usually short lived. Its healthier to let it out so you can move past it rather than bottle it up and let it ruin your relationship with the child. The OP is letting it out; she is entitled to have a momentary wobble.

This

I am sorry for those struggling to conceive or who have experienced baby loss, that's awful. But this is a site for all issues, including that of gender disappointment. If that's how she's feeling, that's how she's feeling. It could help her to know she's not alone in feeling this way so she has every right to post on the site asking

OP I'm sure once you hold your baby this will all be forgotten, I have a great relationship with my sister, she's one of my best friends, sisters are awesome

@Littlepaws18

The vile "oh get over it" responses are not perspective. They're just bullying.

Evening, @Sammy234567 - we're just bobbing on here to let you know that we've moved your thread over to Pregnancy as we don't think that AIBU is quite the right topic. We hope you get some useful advice here.

@tillytoodles1 dont be so nasty. What was the need for that comment? Why are you even on this site.

My DS is nearly 21 and my DD is 18 .

When I was pregnant with DD , I got all the questions
"Is this your first/What have you already got ? Oh you'll be wanting a girl /"

I had complete fucking strangers TELLING me I would be wanting a girl.

Well a 2nd boy would've been easier . All I knew of girls was they screamed ( I live next door to a CM and work near schools . All I heard was screaming girls )
I saw myself as a Mother of Boys .

DC 2 was a girl . A steep learning curve after a boy .
But I consider myself very lucky to be her Mum ( and my DS , I am lucky to have him )
I had a carcrash when I was 5 months pg with DD so this baby was determined and destined to be mine .

I know loads of posters will tell you to get over yourself and stop whining . You're having a baby think yourself lucky etc,

Once she is here , you will adore her .