I’m going to have to face the fact that something is very wrong aren’t I?

[Losing]

I had my first positive HPT on the 29th of August.

I had pain on one side on the 7th of September that I went to A&E with on advice of my GP. My bloods were taken then (507) and 48 hours later on the 9th (1070). They had doubled and the pain had stopped so I regained some hope that all might still be well.

A scan this Tuesday revealed an empty sac that might have had something in it, but they couldn’t be sure. A blood test from the same day showed a hcg level of 4013 (should have been around 8000 if it was doubling by then) and one yesterday, that I just got the results from, is only 5308.

I have to wait for a phone call on Monday to book another scan as they are worried it may be ectopic. I’m on strict orders to go to A&E straight away if the pain or heavy bleeding starts.

This is my last shot at this as I just can’t face it anymore (three previous miscarriages, one at 18 weeks).

I keep frantically googling, hunting for any slither of hope that I know deep down is not going to be true. I’m also now terrified that it is ectopic and that any moment now I’m going to rupture.

I just want it all over but feel I am stuck in limbo.

What a rollercoaster for you OP! Lovely update though! C’mon little one!!

I'm so pleased for you.
I very much hope that little one continues to progress x

I’ve had a really shitty day any this update has delighted me SO much! I’m so happy for you. But yes. Please change your user name (but report back!)

That's great news! Wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy

I know it’s silly but I feel like changing my username would be tempting fate, i.e. something would happen straight after.

Promise that if I ever hold a wriggling baby I will change it!

DH has been hilarious, rushing around trying to stop me doing anything strenuous (like fetching my own tin of beans ). It’s sweet but makes me worried. Just like I couldn’t get rid of that bit of hope...I can’t get rid of that bit of dread either.

I haven’t joined in with his excited planning/thinking about names because I know how early it is and worry it will make him more upset if something bad happens.

I’ll update after the NHS scan (next Tuesday at 8.30am) with hopefully good news. I’m waiting until then to (fingers crossed) book in with the midwife too.

Thank you again for all of your kind messages, I reread them when I feel myself starting to panic!

I get that about changing your name, so in my head I shall refer to you as 'losing the dread' or the like.

Your DH sounds adorable.

I'm sending you all the good vibes and wishes in the world OP.
Also I think the equipment used in private scans is probably better than that used in the standard NHS scan which might be why they can see things they can't see at the EPEU.
xxx

@zaffa, why do you think the equipment would be better?

@Losing, I'm so thrilled for you. I have 3 dc after years of loss and heartbreak. I completely get the 'not losing the dread'. When you have been the unlucky 1 percent in the past it is very hard to unsee what can go wrong. Wishing you all the best x

I don't know if the actual scanning equipment is better but I remember from my one private scan the image came up on a screen large enough to watch football on!

🤞 for you op xx

My experience of private doctors and hospitals is that they have access to the latest technology in general - I would assume private scans would be no different.

Iv just read this thread!

This is amazing and I really wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy!

I'm such a worries about literally everything and read into things far too much so I know what it's like to be so desperate to know and to have some sort of answers!

☺️❤️

I bled some bright red blood today ☹️ I’ve had about 10 days of light brown blood which triage didn’t seem worried about when I called them a few days ago.

I just noticed some red blood when I wiped going to the toilet and it was really shocked and upset. I called triage again, they said just monitor it and go to A&E if it gets heavy,

I text my midwife and she said try to rest and monitor it, and if it doesn’t settle call EPU on Monday. She also said if I’m worried to take a pregnancy test, but is that right? Surely it could still be positive even if the worst is happening?

It was such a shock for me and my husband and so upsetting but right now there doesn’t seem to be anymore blood so just got to wait and see xxx

OP - wishing you all the very best, so lovely to read your positive update.

@Cafeaulait27 I know that there are so many different stories. I had ongoing brown bleeding for the majority of the first trimester. On 3 occasions, this turned into bright red bleeding (light the first twice, quite heavy on one of them at 11 and a half weeks). It was absolutely horrible and I think due to the Covid procedures, it is a lot more difficult to get seen. Had a similar conversation on the phone although they told me to wait a week before doing another pregnancy test but to call back if it got heavier. It was so stressful. I did get seen twice in the end and they could find no explanation for the bleeding. 28 weeks today and baby is wiggling around as I type. Hope it works out well for you

@penguin423 thank you for the reassurance that is so helpful.
It’s so hard not knowing what’s going on, and my trust seem very reluctant to give me a scan unless it’s really bad bleeding (which makes sense but I just want to be reassured).

It was a real shock and so upsetting, especially as today I’ve been feel particularly tired and had extremely sore boobs, and felt like that was a really good sign... and then next thing I know, I’m bleeding ☹️

@Cafeaulait27 so sorry you are going through the mill too!

Could you possibly get a private reassurance scan?

I have heard from quite a few people that bleeding can happen even if everything is fine!

@losing thank you, I am very reassured that you ended up getting good news, although I know it might not be the same for me of course.

How are things going for you now? Xx

I’m sorry to have to update this post with a sad ending (and 💐 to any of this reading this thread in the future, hoping for a good outcome for you).

The NHS scan today saw no sac growth and a fetus of only 1.3 mm, up from 1.2 last week. (The private scan last week measured it as just over 6mm?)

As if on cue, I started bleeding heavily while waiting for the midwife to call me back in to discuss options.

With COVID they are more restricted than usual, so I’ve gone for the natural route (with another scan in two weeks to confirm complete mc or I’ll take the tablets).

DH is devastated and right now I think I never want to try again, this rollercoaster has been particularly cruel.

Thank you for all your support and well wishes over the last few weeks.

I’m going to load up on Brie and red wine now.

I'm so sorry @Losing I was so happy for you when I read your update before. Enjoy the wine tonight

I’m so sorry to hear this. My heart is breaking for you. I hope the mc is as straightforward as can be and that in time you both start to heal emotionally. Sending love and hugs xx

Oh no ! I am so terribly sorry. You have been through so much. . I hope you have support around you, and good medical advice too, very sad for you OP.

I am so very sorry for your loss xxxx

@Losing I am so sorry. The ups and downs of the last few weeks have been very trialling for you. At least there is some sort of a closure and you no longer have to go through this hellish rollercoaster. Lots of strength and hugs your way xxx

So sad for you. There are no words to take away the pain, but I did have a successful pregnancy after one like yours.