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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

What age did you have your first child?

103 replies

Emm98 · 15/09/2020 13:52

Hi all,

I would love to know when you had your first child.

Recently my partner has been suggesting we start trying for a baby but I’m not sure whether we are too young and should wait a few years.

About me: I am 22 and have been with my partner 2 years. We have lived together for nearly the whole 2 years!

We both work full time and have stable jobs, we are also in the process of buying our first home☺️

I’m concerned about Covid- everything is always changing at the moment! Our jobs are secure but you never know what could happen as a result of the pandemic.

There is so much to consider- Childcare costs are not cheap and I would definitely be going back to work if I was to have a child, maternity leave and pay confuses me so much and I feel a bit clueless.

I would love to have a little family but I would like to hear other people’s opinions/experience. Is there anything we should consider before deciding?

Thank you!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

YouBoggleMyMind · 15/09/2020 14:01

I was 30 but not through lack of trying before then. We started trying when I was 26. We had bought a house, both working full time but had worked out that we could afford for me to be off on just statutory maternity pay and leave for a year.

I suspect a lot of people will tell you you're young and to get married first for your own protection. I agree with the marriage part but as for being too young, I think so long as you're both on the same page and can both be aware how life changes when a child comes into it, then why not. It is hard work, most definitely challenging and needs team work but it's also (from my own point of view) the best and most rewarding thing I've done.

lucymagoo · 15/09/2020 14:02

I'm 30 and my husband is 35, we waited because we wanted to be established in our careers and own our own home. I'm really glad we did as I don't want to struggle with money while looking after a little one. I'll be 31 when this one is due but everyone is different so do whatever feels right for you

biscuit13 · 15/09/2020 14:06

@Emm98 im 27 and now 33 weeks pregnant with our first.
We wanted to be married first which we did last year and we own our home. So we felt settled and ready for the next step. Fell pregnant 2nd month trying. :)

PolarBearStrength · 15/09/2020 14:08

Got pregnant at 25, had him at 26. It’s worked out well for us so far. I’m currently 28 and pregnant (33w) with our second (DS is just 2).

MissConductUS · 15/09/2020 14:10

I was 39 for my first and 41 for my second. It was a second marriage for both of us.

Waiting was good in that we were settled financially and I could afford to be a SAHM for a few years. Still, we cut it pretty close.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/09/2020 14:11

Contraception failure but a very happy accident.

DH (DD1’s dad) and I now own our own house (have since I was 23) and have stable jobs. DD2 is due on Saturday and I’m 26.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 15/09/2020 14:12

I was 32 when I fell pregnant with first and 34 with second.

I was too busy having fun in my twenties and wasn't financially stable enough to have children but once I hit 30 I felt totally different. I was in a more secure relationship and financially in a position where I could stay at home and raise them.

Old fashioned idea I know but this was 22 years ago and it worked well at the time.

mummy2myJJ · 15/09/2020 14:13

19, big surprise but still with my sons dad, happily engaged and own our home with baby number 2 on the way and I'll be 23 when they arrive... you will know when you're ready xx

QforCucumber · 15/09/2020 14:13

29 with my first, 33 with my second. Honeslty now feel so glad we waited, we had some fabulous holidays, got our careers on track and just had some amazing years together (we met at 23 and 24)

ElspethFlashman · 15/09/2020 14:13

If I was your mum I would be concerned.

Where is your youth? Living with someone from 20, buying a house at 22.....where are your adventures???

Once you have a kid, that's it. You're not free until your 40s.

And what on earth is the rush anyway??

Port1aCastis · 15/09/2020 14:13

ElspethFlashman · 15/09/2020 14:14

BTW I was 39. Other extreme.

But by God I enjoyed the hell out of the 20 years before! Adventures galore.

BreadmanAndCake · 15/09/2020 14:15

I had my son at 23. He is now 2.5 years and I'm currently 28 weeks pregnant with his baby brother so will be 26 when he arrives.

Our son was carefully planned - in fact it took us two years to conceive him so very much wanted. Me and my husband have been together since we were 18 and felt very established in our relationship and were (and are) in a good place financially.

Nobody can tell you when the right time is, and actually there is never a 'perfect' time - pros and cons at any age.

So if you feel it's right - go for it

ALLIS0N · 15/09/2020 14:15

I know you are not asking for advice but I’ll give it anyway. Don’t have a baby at 22, it’s when you should be out having fun at weekends and building your career during the week.

Don’t have a baby without being married unless you are taking a very short maternity leave, going back full time and sharing all childcare and housework. Even then it’s very risky.

Do NOT whatever you do give up work to care for a child of a man who has no Commitment to you. You are the one who will be left holding the baby if it doesn't work out with him.

pallisers · 15/09/2020 14:15

We met at 24, married at 28, had our first child (planned) at just turned 32. Getting pregnant before that would have been immensely stressful and would have meant my career would have dived. We didn't buy a house until I was 33.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 15/09/2020 14:15

I’m pregnant.. age 30 and we’ve been together 10 years, married for 5. We didn’t try any earlier because we enjoyed our life of just the 2 of us (and still do).

Of course only can know what’s right for you, but I would be tempted to give it a little bit longer. I’m sure you have a lovely relationship, but 2 years is still the “fun” bit in the earlier stages. It might be nice to have your partner to yourself for a little while longer without sharing him with a baby.

Does your house need any work doing? On a practical side, might be better to do everything you want to first while you have the time and money.

I’m not suggesting that you “should” get married to have a baby, but is marriage something you would like?

The last thing to consider is your job - is it something with career progression? Would your salary be higher in a few years time? Maternity pay is not a lot, so you’ll need some savings to fall back on.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 15/09/2020 14:18

@ElspethFlashman

If I was your mum I would be concerned.

Where is your youth? Living with someone from 20, buying a house at 22.....where are your adventures???

Once you have a kid, that's it. You're not free until your 40s.

And what on earth is the rush anyway??

Some people don’t want the same adventures as others.

I don’t want to travel beyond holidays with my family. I don’t want to go out and get drunk. I go for weekends away with my friends and DH.

I’m perfectly happy with my life, thanks!

BreadmanAndCake · 15/09/2020 14:19

@BeingATwatItsABingThing I was just about to write an identical reply.

Daisyandroses · 15/09/2020 14:21

Had DD at 26, hoping to have a second before turning 30. As I’d like to get the baby years over with to enjoy my 30’s! We got on the property ladder quite young though, and have been able to buy our forever home. We got together when we were 19 and married at 25.

It sounds like you are doing really well for yourself but personally I’d give it a few more years, like a PP has said. 2 years isn’t that long to get to know someone in the scheme of things and you do change a lot as a person in your early 20’s.

tobytoes1403 · 15/09/2020 14:23

@ALLIS0N

I know you are not asking for advice but I’ll give it anyway. Don’t have a baby at 22, it’s when you should be out having fun at weekends and building your career during the week.

Don’t have a baby without being married unless you are taking a very short maternity leave, going back full time and sharing all childcare and housework. Even then it’s very risky.

Do NOT whatever you do give up work to care for a child of a man who has no Commitment to you. You are the one who will be left holding the baby if it doesn't work out with him.

Why shouldn't people have a baby without being married? And how would it impact on how much maternity leave you can take??

1990shopefulftm · 15/09/2020 14:23

I'll be 25 when our first is born next month. We've lived in our first house that we own together for a bit over 2 years (lived together in rented places for 4 years before that ) and been married almost 3 years. We've done everything we wanted to do before having kids and are in an okay position financially.

My dad didn't make it past 36 so for me it's always been important that if i was going to have children that I did so as soon as I felt we were in a good place to do so, so that they hopefully would get me in their lives for as long as possible.

Also, i've had family members admit they found their pregnancies and getting pregnant in their 30s much harder than their 20s, but you won't know there's an issue yourself until you've tried for at least a year in most cases.

Dyra · 15/09/2020 14:23

Had DD at 33, but we started trying shortly before I turned 30. We had waited until we

AlbertCookie · 15/09/2020 14:27

I was 23, unplanned but we were happy about it, and unfortunately had a premature baby born at 25 wks.
We lost him at 3 weeks old, and in hindsight I wasn't emotionally ready for the trauma that that brought. That whole period of my life is a blur. We waited another 3 years after that to have our son.

I'm now with a new partner. Aged 34 and pregnant again.

Sienna9522 · 15/09/2020 14:27

I don’t regret her at all but I do wish I waited a couple more years.

IndieTara · 15/09/2020 14:27

I had DD at 42, I'm now 53 with a whole raft of health and mobility problems and she's an only child and I'm a single parent.

I couldn't have had dc any earlier really as didn't get married til 40.

I did loads In My life before DD though. Partied, lived and worked abroad, travelled a lot etc.

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