What age did you have your first child?

[Emm98]

Hi all,

I would love to know when you had your first child.

Recently my partner has been suggesting we start trying for a baby but I’m not sure whether we are too young and should wait a few years.

About me: I am 22 and have been with my partner 2 years. We have lived together for nearly the whole 2 years!

We both work full time and have stable jobs, we are also in the process of buying our first home☺️

I’m concerned about Covid- everything is always changing at the moment! Our jobs are secure but you never know what could happen as a result of the pandemic.

There is so much to consider- Childcare costs are not cheap and I would definitely be going back to work if I was to have a child, maternity leave and pay confuses me so much and I feel a bit clueless.

I would love to have a little family but I would like to hear other people’s opinions/experience. Is there anything we should consider before deciding?

Thank you!

Stupid fat finger....

Anyway... We waited until we owned our home, both working, and married. However fertility issues (PCOS) meant it took much longer to conceive than we thought. I wish we'd started trying in our mid 20's.

I was 32, which is on the young side around these parts . Didn't even occur to me to have a baby before 30 tbh, I was much too busy climbing the career ladder and having fun.

22 but we had babies younger then.

32 for my first and will be 35 for my 2nd and last. I would have preferred 30 and 32/33 but you dont always get what you want. DH and I got together late at 28 and I wanted to own a house and be married before having children.

I personally think 22 is too young. Being a parent is a massive responsibility and frankly, especially while they are little your life isn't your own.

Even if you were to wait 3/4 years you could have a little more carefree time. I would if I was you. Had I got together with DH sooner I still think 28 is the absolute earliest I would ever want a child.

To all those saying where was the fun and the youth if you have kids young... I spent the age of 16 to the age of 21 partying my absolute socks off and enough to last me a lifetime. I had my daughter just shy of 22 and am now TTC #2 at 24. I’ve never felt I missed out on partying as I done a lot of that in my teens/early uni years. I also cannot wait to be out of the child years before I’m 40 while many will still be changing nappies 😂 I am in similar situation to you also, was with my partner for just over 2 years when we had our first and spent most of that 2 years living together as he kind of came into my student house and never left until we got our own place, if it feels right then go for it.

Why shouldn't people have a baby without being married? And how would it impact on how much maternity leave you can take??

If you ( the mum ) take a long maternity leave it damages your savings, income , career prospects and pension. Many women then go part time and do nearly all the housework and childcare.

Meanwhile the dads career goes on from strength to strength, he earns more and does less housework and child care “ because of his job”.

Then women struggle to leave the relationship if they want to because they have kids to support, no savings and have buggered up their career to benefit him.

Many women are also homeless ( if they are unmarried ) because it was his house ( bought before they met ) or their are on the deeds / mortgage because they were on family leave / not earning / bad credit record / he said it was easier / the mortgage company “ said no”.

If you are married you have the right to a share of the house / his savings / his pension. Unmarried you get nothing.

There are hundreds if not thousands of threads on MN from women like this stuck in bad or even abusive relationship.

Had my first at 22, second at 25, third at 38. I think the only right age is when it feels right for you.

I was 20 when I had my first (then 24, 26 and 32) We owned our first house when we were 18 and 20 and I had PCOS and took Clomid so was advised to start a family sooner rather than later

32 - I was in further education until 29 and the course was not compatible with pregnancy or childcare. My partner and I lived apart for a year and then I had a relapse with a health condition so I wanted to get that back under control. I was 31 when we started ttc, daughter was born a year later.

It was important for us to have some stability before trying - not just a stable relationship (we have been together since we were 18) but financially (savings), job security (we both started new jobs in 2017/18) and health. We both did post graduate degrees which pushed us into our 30s before being in a position to be parents. So this time was right for us. When is right for others depends on your personal circumstances.

First at 24. Second at 33 third at 35. If I'd stopped at first, I'd have my life back at 40! A lot of my friends are in the baby/toddler stage now at 40 and I thank the lucky stars that I'm not! Mid twenties to mid 30s are the prime ages I'd say

I’m sorry to mention all these bad things. I know it would be much more fun to say “ yeah babies are cute go right ahead hun”.

But the above is the sad reality for thousands of women. So yeah, don’t marry if you don’t want to. But go back to work soon and full time and make sure he does 50% or everything. It’s not about romance and and pretty dresses, it’s about legal protection for you and your kids.

Sorry to piss on your parade OP. But I’m thinking about how things will be for you at 30 and 40.

I was 27. We were trying for a year. The main thing for us was had we seen the places we wanted to see travel wise, and did we have secure jobs that would ensure a roof was always over our heads. We did buy our house before having DD. I say go for it if you are happy with your life turning upside down. It's not really an age thing. It's more of a 'have you done what you want to do' thing.

I’m currently pregnant - 36 weeks - I was pregnant at 32, will be 33 when I have her. I was pregnant at 30 but had an early miscarriage. Personally I think early 30s is ideal for me because I’ve owned my own place since I was 26 and established in my career my partners have added to my life that I had already built instead of me having to rely on them, I’ve enjoyed travels with friends and lovely holidays before this time in my life.
Everyone is totally different though and you’ll know the right time for you.

22 does seem very young to have a baby. I'm late twenties now and have had some of the best experiences that I couldn't have had being tied down. You have plenty of time so what's the rush? Also 2 years isn't really that long together to be having kids (in my opinion anyway)

31 and 27 weeks pregnant.

We’ve been together for over 10 years and married for nearly 4. We are both established in our careers and are home owners, as well as having chance to establish a good chunk of savings.

More importantly, we did a hell of a lot of travelling, partying and generally being selfish in our twenties. We lived abroad for 7 years and travelled loads, experienced life in different places. We both studied for Masters degrees which I would not have fancied doing sleep deprived!

I would have been far too young personally at 22 to take on such a change. It was only really at 30 that I felt ready, and we were very lucky that it took two cycles.

I’ve just turned 30 and am currently 35 weeks pregnant with my first. I would have preferred to be a little younger tbh but DP is 3 years younger than me and we wanted to strike a compromise on when we’d start trying. We have our house together and both work full time. I just wanted to add that in my opinion, I don’t think you necessarily need to be married first. I understand why a lot of other posters would see it as an extra security when it comes to having a child but if that’s not something you plan or want to do, I don’t think it’s a necessity. DP and I aren’t married. His parents had a very traumatic divorce when he was growing up which has completely put him off and honestly it isn’t something I ever saw happening to me so I’m not all that fussed about it.
That turned into a bit of a ramble but the point I was trying to make was to do what feels right for you and your other half. If you want a family young and understand the commitments of it then go for it. Live your life the way you want

My two cents: It doesn't matter how old we were. What's more important is if you actually want a child now. Its a big commitment , and the early years will be expensive in terms of childcare if you choose to work. I'm in the south east and it was £1000 a month until DS was 3. Statutory maternity is crap, i was getting 500 a month roughly but i managed to save beforehand. Also, DP and i were on the same page about finances and i think thats really important. Definitely have that discussion before you get married, let alone try for a baby.

I was 31, DS was completely unplanned and we had only been together 10 months when i found out.

We're still together and DS just started school. We've only just started thinking about another one largely due to the cost.

28. I had long term relationships before meeting my partner so don't jump into it just because you've been together 2 years and have lived together for that time. Kids are hard work. IMO 22 is far too young and it can really put stress onto a relationship.

30, but had been ttc since we were both was 27! Married at 25, got a mortgage at 24 and had been together for 10 years prior to that.

Marriage was important to both of us before we had children. (Marriage isn't important to everyone). Also having a mortgage for our home and having stable jobs. My maternity package is good for the NHS and we saved so I could have a year off also.
Childcare provision is very important. We knew from early on that it would be myself that would work part time and then our parents caring for our child 1-2 days per week depending on my shifts. Then once she is 3 she will go to nursery and hopefully we have another child.
I don't find 22 too young. We've always said if we hadn't went to university and got stable jobs with on the job training we would have been married with a mortgage earlier x

I had Dd1 when I was 29, we'd been together 10 years and married for 6. I then went on to have ds at 31 and dd2 (unplanned - mirena let us down!) at 32.

Plenty adventures and career building before they were born, many adventures since.

I was 28 and I still wish I had waited a bit longer. Mine are teenagers now and I feel like all the worry/angst is going to send me to an early grave. Enjoy your freedom while you can - I'd wait until 30!

I was 37, we'd been together 13 years. It was always something we planned to do in the future - I wanted to have a career, have travelled and own a house of our own before starting a family. Once we got to that point - both in middle management, earning a decent salary each, and with a mortgage on a three bed house - we felt stable enough to have a baby.

I do wish I'd had him a bit younger - I think 32/33 would have been perfect, as that would have given me time to have another before 40. As it is, I doubt I'll have another as I don't want to be an older mum and risk dying when the child is still quite young, and my physical health was significantly affected by pregnancy, which will only get worse as I get older.

However, I very much enjoyed my 20s and I'm very, very glad I didn't have kids then. They change your life so completely, you essentially have no freedom. I've found that really hard. It's worth it now, but I'm glad I had 13 years of pleasing ourselves, having lovely holidays, partying, working hard at our careers and setting up our future lives.

33 for my 1st and currently pregnant with number 2 at 35. Have been with my husband for 11+ years.

My sister had her first at 22 with her boyfriend of 3 years ..... The relationship lasted less than 5 months after baby was born and with no owned property or savings he disappeared over night. My sister and nephew had no choice but to move back in with my parents - where they still are 4 years later.

You never know what's going to happen but make sure you have some savings and do what feels right for both you and your partner.

28!