What age did you have your first child?

[Emm98]

Hi all,

I would love to know when you had your first child.

Recently my partner has been suggesting we start trying for a baby but I’m not sure whether we are too young and should wait a few years.

About me: I am 22 and have been with my partner 2 years. We have lived together for nearly the whole 2 years!

We both work full time and have stable jobs, we are also in the process of buying our first home☺️

I’m concerned about Covid- everything is always changing at the moment! Our jobs are secure but you never know what could happen as a result of the pandemic.

There is so much to consider- Childcare costs are not cheap and I would definitely be going back to work if I was to have a child, maternity leave and pay confuses me so much and I feel a bit clueless.

I would love to have a little family but I would like to hear other people’s opinions/experience. Is there anything we should consider before deciding?

Thank you!

26 for the 1st, 27 for the 2nd!

20 for the first. With the others I was 26, 28 and 29.

If you do have kids young/unmarried - make sure you keep working. Have your own bank account, and separate savings. And make absolutely certain you are on the rental agreement/house deeds as an equal owner/occupier. You can protect yourself from being screwed over. I would actually advise you do all of this anyway, being married isn't a magic bullet.

45 (although I first got pregnant at 41 I had three miscarriages first)

@ElspethFlashman

If I was your mum I would be concerned.

Where is your youth? Living with someone from 20, buying a house at 22.....where are your adventures???

Once you have a kid, that's it. You're not free until your 40s.

And what on earth is the rush anyway??

@ElspethFlashman I forgot to mention in my post that I have done A LOT of travelling. I have been fortunate to have travelled so much of the world already.

There is really no rush at all

28...but after 5 years of obstacles inc a complicated mc BUT I have endo and even though that wasn’t dx until that mc I knew from symptoms there was something wrong which is why I was reluctant to wait.

We’d been together since 18 married since 22...divorced eventually just after 10 years married due to his cheating. Complete turnaround in his character and if I’d not been married I’d have been totally screwed! You don’t really know someone until you divorce them!

Another who would highly recommend marriage before babies - not just in the event of you and he separating (although that’s the most likely outcome of the ending of a relationship around this age) but also in the event of his becoming incapacitated or dying. Rare but does happen and can you leave you up shit creek financially.

But to be honest you’re only a little older than my dd and I too think that barring obvious known or likely fertility issues your twenties should be enjoyed child free.

Many your age have only just left home/uni and don’t yet have the life experience to be able to assess whether they really want or are ready to be parents. It’s a huge commitment and a huge change. Not to be undertaken lightly.

Have you even looked at potential childcare costs yet? These can be very high!

Also as you’ve only been with him 2 years I think it’s unlikely you’ve been through a crisis of any kind where both of you have been tested in the relationship.

A baby tests a relationship like almost nothing else! Exhaustion, hormones, recovering from a traumatic birth possibly even surgery, colic, teething, developmental anxieties...

It’s a lot!

I wouldn’t recommend anyone of any age consider it in a relationship of less than at least 3 years.

Why shouldn't people have a baby without being married? because marriage in the Uk at least still confers rights, responsibilities and protections on people that living together simply doesn’t.

If a couple separates or the main earner becomes incapacitated or dies the lower earner (usually the woman due to time off work for mat leave. Plus the FACT that women generally are still paid less) then it is much clearer legally and financially what happens to protect/support the lower earner and usually by extension the children of the union.

If anything it’s especially the case if the main earner dies.

@ALLISON that post is spot on

It’s not about romance and and pretty dresses, it’s about legal protection for you and your kids. exactly

to all those who've experienced difficulties/losses

I was 22 with my first, then 26,29,30 and 33.
Of course people will assume that I have had no life but actually my DH is a SAHD and I've been able to build a solid and relatively lucrative career whilst being a monther.
Twenty two is young but it comes with as many positives as nagatives. Older motherhood would not have been a choice I would have made. Similarly others would have hated to forego their nights out and child free holidays. Its a personal choice, as with most things in life.

In any case due to having very involved grandparents DH and I have been fortunate enoufh to have enjoyed city breaks and nights out sans DC, so its also prudent to consider your extended family input, or lack thereof.

Good luck with your family planning OP, its such an exciting time, planning your family. Covid nonwithstanding, although admitedly it may have given me pause for thought.

I think it just depends - I've been with my DH for 4 years, married 2 and we bought a house last year prior to that we traveled around we went to LA, Florida, Japan etc so we've been through quite a bit in these four years - I'm pregnant now and working and at uni but it feels okay to me, I don't know if it's right but seems to be working

Expecting first at nearly 32. Depends what you are like I guess - husband and I been together 10years - we spent most of those years travelling, partying, festivals, Basically just having loads of fun! Regret none of it. Finally got our act together a bit and got our house deposit together, settled into jobs etc! We deffo weren’t ready before now!! And we are in such a better position now that when we have the baby we won’t be broke, we will be pretty comfortable, can still have our holidays etc !

But if you don’t like any of those things and prefer the quiet life then maybe now would suit you

@Closingtime94

I think it just depends - I've been with my DH for 4 years, married 2 and we bought a house last year prior to that we traveled around we went to LA, Florida, Japan etc so we've been through quite a bit in these four years - I'm pregnant now and working and at uni but it feels okay to me, I don't know if it's right but seems to be working

Sorry meant to mention I'm 25

Just turned 21, after being with the dad for 6 months, obviously not planned but very much loved. We split up when DD was 1 but I’ve loved every minute of having her. Now pregnant 9 years later with DC2 this time planned

If you have stable jobs and are in there process of buying a house concentrate on that first. Have more of a relationship before you have children.

Set your house up, earn more money, save more money, go on more holidays and build
More memories before having children.

If you have children now, you won't have time to yourselves til your early 40s, and you'll probably be more broke than if you had waited a few years

I'm pregnant with my first, I'm 33.

You have so much time, so many amazing things to do! And you will probably still want them later.

I was 29. I had studied, travelled the world, got married, had lots of different cool jobs, owned a property. Now I'm ready to leave those things because I've done them.

Also 2 years isn't very long. Enjoy your time as a couple so you are really ready when you have one.

@1990shopefulftm

I'll be 25 when our first is born next month. We've lived in our first house that we own together for a bit over 2 years (lived together in rented places for 4 years before that ) and been married almost 3 years. We've done everything we wanted to do before having kids and are in an okay position financially.

My dad didn't make it past 36 so for me it's always been important that if i was going to have children that I did so as soon as I felt we were in a good place to do so, so that they hopefully would get me in their lives for as long as possible.

Also, i've had family members admit they found their pregnancies and getting pregnant in their 30s much harder than their 20s, but you won't know there's an issue yourself until you've tried for at least a year in most cases.

@1990shopefulftm Thank you for commenting! Sorry to hear about your Dad☹️ Me and my partner get on very well and enjoy living together. Unfortunately my Dad has lung disease and this is one reason why I wouldn't want to put off having a child for years and years, his health isn't getting any better and I would be devastated if he never got to see my child. It's so hard but everyone's replies are helping me consider a lot more x

I'm first-time pregnant at 29. DH is 31.
We weren't quite ready before, but in the last 2 years we've bought a house, got married, and I've finally got a full-time job (only finished my PhD at 27).
In my opinion, 25-35 is the ideal age, but I absolutely would not have considered trying without being married first - there are threads on here every week from unmarried mothers who can't afford to leave their awful "DP".

I was 33. I'd been with my dh since we were 21/22 though. For me, 22 would have been too young. I had a job and purchased a flat in my early 20's so in theory we could have practically had a child, but I wanted to please myself for a few years first and I'm glad I did. In the first 10 years of our relationship we went on loads of holidays, travelled and just generally enjoyed lots of date nights and time with friends and doing hobbies.

I've loved becoming a mother but it's all consuming and you no longer get to put yourself first so I'm really glad I had 'my' time while I was young and could enjoy it. Because I lived such a full life before children, I don't feel like I'm missing out too much now I can't do those same things. It's feels like a new chapter and I feel positively about it.

Everyone's different though, it's really only a decision you and your partner can make.

@Emm98 that's understandable, knowing that choosing to wait meant your child never got to meet their grandfather would be a difficult thing to come to terms with.

Losing a parent when you're young does tend to make you grow up a bit quicker from my experience so imagine them being unwell can do a similar thing to you.

I was 34 and 35. People talk about waiting until your 30s because of the big things like travel and careers but actually for me, now in hindsight, it's the little things that represent total freedom before you have children. Reading a magazine of an afternoon, staying in bed on a Saturday just because you can, watching Sunday brunch not kids tv, going to the shop for a bar of chocolate without having to argue with a child about why they can't have more sweets. Honestly so much freedom you don't know you have until you have kids. If I had lost that at 22 I am sure I would have been resentful. By 34, I felt I had had enough selfish time to give my all to the all consuming nature of motherhood. You really are only young once. Once you have children you are never truly 'free' (physically and mentally) until they are way into adulthood.

24 but we had been together since I was 17 and got married when I was 23 and owned a house together

I’m 33 and pregnant with my first. This feels like a good time for me. We own our home, have good jobs with comfortable financial stability, and have had several happy years together in which we got to travel, socialise, eat out etc without restraint.

I don’t think there’s a universal right time - it depends on your circumstances and what you’re comfortable with!

First child at 23 after being together for 5 years. Both very family orientated, that for us was what we wanted out of life so didn't see any need to wait. I love my life with kids and don't have any regrets about being a 'young mum'. It's all very dependent on your personalities, some people at that age couldn't bare the thought of being 'tied down' so young.

If you're both on the same page and want it, as long as you're financially stable I see no reasons to not to. If we were all the same and went through life in exactly the same patterns, the world would be an extremely boring place!

35. Probably felt ready from around 33 but took a while and I changed job too. Hoping for 2nd before I'm 40. I got married when I was nearly 29, so did need to wait for the right man. If I'd started a family at 22 with my university boyfriend (who looking back I realise was an arse in very many ways) we would not still be together.

I was 33.

Your twenties are a time of massive personal growth... so much can happen and change.

I would highly recommend waiting a few years - it's completely personal choice, but if you have dreams in mind - no matter how daft - do find a way to try and pursue them now!

I'm 30 and today is my due date. Started trying at 28.

I was 27 when I had my first and having 2+3 when I'm 29 (currently 25 weeks with twins).
Me and my partner had been together for 6 years before having 1st. We don't own our own home.
With regards to @ALLIS0N 's comment, me and my partner although been together nearly 8 years, we are not married and there is no intention to get married, don't feel the need to be married, we're very much happy how we are without having a piece of paper to say we're happy together. I trust my partner that if there was concerns in our relationship we would communicate with each other. Just because your married doesn't mean you won't ever split up.
He is on our sons birth certificate and will be on our twins certificates also so will always have parental responsibility for them regardless. I only returned to work part time which is what was good for us and our son attends nursery 1 day a week on the day I work(ed) (currently signed off for Covid due to suppressed immune system as well as being pregnant and normally a health care assistant at the local hospital so not safe for me to work).
You do what is good for you and your partner, only you will know when you are ready, and if your not ready if your partner loves you he will respect that your not ready and wait 😊