BFP through IVF. Thread to calm the nerves!

[BeHereNowx32]

Hi!
I very recently got my positive result after a FET. (This is my second child. First one conceived through a fresh cycle). Just wondered anyone in a similar position wanted to join, and help keep us calm until scan day!

I am only 4+2 weeks. Still so, so early. Can’t wait for my 7 week scan!

@RosettaR

I actually got discharged this evening which was a bit of a shock and just sat in the car with DH and cried! I guess I was obviously doing too well in terms of recovery - haven't needed any morphine and only had paracetamol and Ibruprofen every 4-6 hours and been really mobile

Hand expressing is hard! I mean what's weirder than having to milk your own boobs! 🤣🙈
They started me doing it literally as soon as they stitched me up (a nurse was like "let me massage your boobs!"🤣) and then they say every 2 hours with a 5 hour break at night! The first time a nurse came and helped while I squeezed she collected in a syringe but was then left to it after that and really struggled rest of yesterday and again today. To the point i just stopped for 12 hours as boobs were so sore. But going to see the babies has really helped with incentivising me - little twin is so tiny I just want to give her the best I can. I have consented to use of formula too though until I can give more

Strangely after coming home I've done loads better with it and it's becoming much easier so I think my milk will come in in another day or so. I'm hand expressing and syringing as you have to have a good supply to use the pumps. I'm not sticking to 2 hourly though - I think that's what was stressing me out and making me sore. So I'm doing 3-4 hourly and a good sleep at night and that seems to be working better for me at the moment?

Midwives have been really supportive and just said not to pressure myself - I can tell they are very enthusiastic about breastfeeding and don't want to put new mums off so there has been loads of support. The NICU at my hospital actually has its own dedicated breastfeeding support nurse and my area also have a breastfeeding team that come to your house.

Just catching up, huge congratulations @ivfbeenbusy glad you're all doing ok though it must be a lot of emotions. Can you visit as much as you like?

Glad 20 week scan went well @thefishthatcouldwish, I've found myself considerably less crazy after this point. Getting to 24 weeks viability is a nice little milestone to look forward to.

I'm sure yours will be absolutely fine @SantoPalo but absolutely appreciate the fear, just take it a day at a time

Must be nearly at 30 weeks now @RosettaR thats amazing!

Just plodding on here, definitely feels time is speeding up now I'm 26 weeks. Staring to buy bits and pieces, got a mat leave date, start nct in a few weeks - all feels very real. See the consultant in a couple of weeks and finally get an inperson midwife appointment, nice to get out the house if nothing else!

@ivfbeenbusy that is quick for you to be discharged! I hope you are feeling like you were ready physically - it sound like you've made a pretty good recovery, I can only hope for the same! I am sure you will eat and sleep better at home than on the ward so hopefully it's for the best. Do you live far from the hospital, and will you be able to go in lots to spend time with the babies?

It's good to know you did get support with expressing colostrum. I keep reading that all this support will apparently be available but I have wondered whether it actually will, especially with covid and things. And it's good to know it does get easier with time! But lol at a nurse randomly asking to massage your boobs!

@Parkandride yes I'm 30 weeks tomorrow! I feel like I should have some kind of celebration because back in the earlier stages I was reading about survival rates for different gestational ages, and 30 weeks stuck out to me as a really good milestone to reach in terms of longer-term health prospects. I'm still desperate to keep them in until 34 weeks if I can though to reduce NICU time!

It is scary as it starts to feel more real! I found starting to pack a hospital bag was a big moment for me, something about putting stuff in a suitcase really drives home that I will be going somewhere, and stuff will be happening! Not that my hospital bag is ready, but it has some stuff in it at least ...

@RosettaR @Parkandride

Both DH and I can go whenever we like together as have twins otherwise we'd have to take it in turns as it's one parent to one baby. They also have bedrooms where parents can stay overnight

We are about 20 minutes away but can't guarantee that the babies will stay in the same hospital as it depends on spaces and if more poorly babies come in then they can send ours elsewhere which wouldn't be great for us. Relying on DH to take me is hard as can't drive after a c section so can't go whenever I want

We are going twice a day at the moment - morning and evening - for an hour or so at a time more if we can - ours are out of incubators so we can change nappies and dress them and they have a good set up for electric pumps etc so you can feed them - they also let you take an electric one home for a refundable deposit. It's less scary once out of incubators as don't have to ask nurses to get them out for a cuddle we can do that ourselves now.

There is another set of identical twins in our room - they were born at 28 weeks and seem
To be doing really well - there are lots of really really premature babies on the ward so our 34 weekers which might seem small To us are massive compared to some of the babies here

I saw the consultant yesterday and they have booked my c section for 17 February (34+1) and given me a big bag of drugs, so it's all feeling very real! I'm feeling a bit manic, struggling to think about much else (let alone concentrate on work!). I feel like I should be doing something to prepare but in reality there's not much I can do now that I've bought most things!

@ivfbeenbusy How are things with you now, hopefully your babies are still in the local hospital and doing well? I've been told if NICU is full they will delay my c section which is a concern, because my understanding is the reason they deliver at 34 weeks for sIUGR is because it's risky to go beyond! I am going to speak to the consultant about that at my scan next week.

That's lovely you can cuddle them when you want now, and change nappies and things! Yes I think our babies in the grand scheme of things aren't that premature for these days. It's amazing how well they are able to look after the really premature ones!

@RosettaR

Ooh a c section date does make everything more real doesn't it!

I'm ok - my babies did end up getting moved hospitals in the end and was really upset about it as just makes everything seem harder and they feel so far away now - been very hormonal and tearful last few days

I'm surprised about the delaying the c section date bit? I was basically told I would be sent anywhere in the area/country for my c section - wherever they had NICU space for the twins rather than delaying it too much - but maybe that was because they knew with the bleeding etc I'd not make the planned c section date?

@ivfbeenbusy oh I'm so sorry they've been moved, that must feel much more difficult. I think the not being able to drive part makes it a lot harder as well - if we are far away it will be a real challenge for my husband to fit in driving me around his work. In normal times I'd get a taxi / train / bus but with covid those aren't things I want to do. Have you been given any idea how long they will need to stay in hospital? Hopefully it won't be too long before you can take them home!

I'm trying not to worry too much about the c-section being delayed because there's a good chance I won't get there anyway, basically that would be a nice problem to have because it will mean all my scans between now and than look good and the babies are doing well, and I don't go into early labour! But I know if it does get delayed I will be in pieces because it won't be what's best for the babies and it will be completely outside my control.

@RosettaR

At the moment it depends on little twin as they are quite a way behind/smaller. Bigger twin is breastfeeding so if it was him on his own they'd have sent him home I reckon by now but they don't like to separate twins. I'm hoping another week? (They'll be 37 weeks then)

One thing to think about is how much time you'll be at the hospital - first day or so we came for couple hours morning and night but it's just not long enough to get breastfeeding started when you have 2 so DH brings me in the morning (he has 1/2 hour with them then) then I stay all day till around 5pm (DH has another 1/2 hour or so then too). With them feeding at different times you've got to be on hand to catch them when they are hungry enough to try it. It's very tiring as pumping every 2 hours to make sure milk supply stays constant and then we have an older child too who we don't want to feel left out plus home schooling.

@ivfbeenbusy how are twins doing now?

@thefishthatcouldwish

They are doing well thanks! Sunday is when they weigh them so hoping big twin is back to his birth weight, I don't think little twin will be yet. Big twin doing great with breastfeeding- he's only being tube fed now over night when I can't be there to feed. Little twin has just started trying but she's much weaker so I think she needs to gain strength before we can get going with that

Had some really tough moments - especially in the mornings and before bed when I'm getting upset - I just miss them and want them
Home now. It's hard being further away too but I've been staying the odd night in a hotel round the corner (it's so cheap at the moment it's not much more than the petrol would cost us!) I can stay later at the unit and also give DH a break from all the driving. Although to be honest - another week I reckon I could drive

How are things going with you? X

It must be so hard for you leaving them especially being so far away and with your old child too it must be hard juggling everything.

Each day though does take you closer to the day they can come home.

Fingers crossed 🤞 for weigh in that they both have gained good weight.

For me things are starting to get real now. Am at 22 weeks which is good. Am feeling movement more but not consistently I find I feel him every other day. I have an anterior placenta though so have convinced myself that is why.

One thing that has struck me is that where I live there are no general hospitals. There is a midwife led team for the county with midwife led units. The upside is I have seen the same one midwife all the way though. The down side is obviously if there was a problem the nearest general hospital is over an hour away and special care is more like 2 hours away.

Am also missing my dad lately. It’s coming up to a year of him passing and I am saddened by the fact that my LO will miss out on his grandad. Silky I know as I am lucky my LO will have lots of people who love him.

@thefishthatcouldwish

Both mine were anterior placentas - big twin I felt a lot more but I think that was because of the lack of space and him being bigger. Little twin I'd feel big kicks and around 30 weeks more rolls than kicks but I'd still have the odd quiet day right up to 34 weeks

Do you want a midwife led birth? Ie no/little pain medication? My midwife unit although only 2 miles away is gas and air only - not sure they even give pethidine there? My pregnancies have always been high risk so never had option of midwife care but with no visiting hours and if you don't have a c section you could go home same day the hospital 1 hour away might still be worth thinking about - with my first pregnancy I felt better about being where the consultants were

Sorry to hear about your Dad - not silly to miss him at all - the gap he left will still be there x

Thanks that’s reassuring re moment.

Yes midwife led is gas air and pethidin but partner can be there the whole time.

My thinking has been if possible start there and if need be transfer to the other hospital. Now I’m not sure but hate the idea of consultant led.

@thefishthatcouldwish

Partner should be allowed at the bigger hospital the whole time you are in labour now too?

If I had to go through a vaginal birth I knew I'd want an epidural so always discounted midwife led plus I felt reassured by knowing the consultants were on site if something went wrong

Honestly even if you chose to go to the bigger hospital If you are low risk and birth/labour progressing normally you won't even see the consultant. At my big hospital it was literally - turn left through the double doors for midwife led and gas and air and rooms with massive birthing pools or turn right if you want the full suite of drug options!

Currently the one hospital partners are allowed in during established labour and for up to an hour after birth.

Whereas in the local MLU partners are allowed all the time. The only thing I would say is midwife has mentioned that where I am if a general hospital is deemed appropriate the midwife will stay with you until she and you agree it’s time to go to the hospital to try and ensure you get as long as you need with partner. In some cases they will come in the ambulance with you

@ivfbeenbusy I'm glad your bigger twin is doing so well, and I'm also glad to hear they are keeping them together - me and my husband were saying how hard it would be to look after one at home and also spend time with the other in NICU.

It sounds really hard work trying to get breastfeeding started, I just hope I recover well enough from the c section and am able to put the effort in! My plan would be to go to the hospital at 8.30am or so and stay ideally until about 6pm but in reality until I get too tired and have to go home! That's assuming they are at the nearby hospital, it will be a real challenge if they are far away.

@thefishthatcouldwish I have an anterior placenta too and I started feeling movements around 22 weeks. I still really love feeling them! My little twin I feel a lot less too, very rarely. The consultant thought it might be the position as he is so much lower down. I try not to worry because it's meant to be about the pattern that is normal for you, and it seems to be normal for me not to feel him move much.

That's difficult choosing where to give birth - I didn't even have to think about that because of needing the c section. If not I think I would have gone for a midwife-led unit within a big hospital so more medical help is close by if you need it. But with that being so far away it makes the decision more difficult, you don't want to be driving an hour when you're in labour if you can avoid it. Midwife-led units are meant to be very safe and you might be able to find statistics on how many of their births end up having to be transferred to hospital, I think generally the numbers are quite low which would be reassuring.

As for me I'm 31 weeks today which is exciting! Just waiting until Thursday to speak to the consultant about what the other consultant said about my c section being very liable to be delayed, I'm hoping she can reassure me because everything I've heard says it's not safe to go past 34 weeks with sIUGR (and I'm booked for 34+1), so I'm really hoping that won't happen!

@RosettaR

Congrats on reaching 31 weeks! Not long to go now!!!

With the hospital ours are saying if big twin is ready to go home first then they would move little twin into a side room on her own so when I come in i can bring big twin twin me

Our twins are now 11 days old - little twin really started picking up breastfeeding in the last 24 hours so I feel like another week we will move
Into the special ward where I stay overnight to do 24/7 feeding and then allowed home. Feeling more positive today as has some really low moments this week

I've also been staying off and on in a hotel - (it's ridiculously cheap at the moment due to covid!) partly due to the snow and also so that DD doesn't have to do multiple car trips as not fair on her. Feel bad that I've not spent much time with her but I think it has helped really being little twin on as I've been here 8am - 7pm - with feeding being every 3 hours means get at least 2-3 good breastfeeds in. Be prepared to be knackered though - you just don't stop - constant nappies, temperature checks, feeding etc. But good practice for when they home. DH and I also going to do the tube feeding training this week in the event it gets little twin home earlier we can supplement breastfeeding with tube feeding

@ivfbeenbusy I know, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all now it's so close. Such a lot of new and unknown things, particularly as I've not had a baby before, so even the basics are unfamiliar let alone dealing with two and with NICU / special care etc. It's been so helpful to have you sharing your experiences!

That's so good to hear the little one is getting on with breastfeeding now, that must be a huge relief! I can imagine having down days, it must be a lot of pressure to get breastfeeding working so they can come home, plus you must just be so tired with spending all day there and then waking up to pump overnight! I don't generally deal with poor sleep very well so I am really going to have to toughen up to be able to cope!

@RosettaR

I hope your hospital is as good as mine - mine has a dedicated breastfeeding advisor and the nurses on the SCBU are really good about giving support and useful tips. They don't crowd you and let you do as much with your babies as you want like feeding, changing, cuddles etc - The breastfeeding lady is especially amazing and spends a lot of time especially with the first time mums to get them where they want to be. I'd ask your hospital if there is a transitions ward like mine too as I know on there the first time mums get loads of help too

Don't worry too much about the lack of sleep - you'd be surprised how quickly your body adapts. Before DD I was a 10 hours solid sleep a night person with afternoon naps and lazy Sunday's and was petrified about how I'd cope!. I think adrenaline (and caffeine - which id never drunk before!) got me through the first few weeks (although DD is 5 and still doesn't sleep through the night!) - you are just operating on auto pilot. Just go with with it and don't listen to anyone else's advice about parenting - just do what feels right/what you need to to get through the day! Every man and his dog will have advice about when to put babies down to sleep, how to feed, what they should wear, how to burp god the list goes on 🤣🤣

Oh and Sign up to a meals delivery company like gousto or something so you don't have to think about what to make for dinner

I find minimising the amount of decisions I have to make in a day helps as my mind is just completely fried - I just can't cope with deciding what To make for dinner as well! 🤣

How is everyone?

So good news update from me - twins will
Hopefully be coming home tomorrow! They are 37 weeks now! I'm staying in the hospital tonight to ensure they can keep up breastfeeding for 24 hours and then we are good to go!

For the twin mummies/NICU/SCBU to be I definitely feel like mine have come on quicker because I've been able to be at the hospital 8 hours a day to establish breastfeeding . I do think there is an element of staff keeping an "eye" on you - the babies have to be on 50% feeds either bottle/breastfed to be allowed home so being here a lot gives the nurses confidence that you know what you're doing 🤣. You can be tube trained to feed them via the tube at home but I felt that was too much responsibility for 2 babies together with distance to hospital if they pulled the tube out (which my big twin does almost daily of he doesn't have scratch mitts on)

Id say for being born really small my little twin once she was strong enough picked up breastfeeding within a couple of days so was just about building her stamina then.

My twins are on 3 hourly feeds which will maintain until little twin really starts chunking up. I'm Not tandem feeding as due to the size difference found it really hard - does mean I'm constantly feeding though

Hopefully your twins won't be born any earlier/smaller than mine so at least my experience should give you a timeline to work to (2 weeks in SCBU / 37 weeks gestation had they stayed in the bump!)

Oh and also for the breastfeeding mummies to be - I 100% ate for 3 my entire pregnancy - tins and tins of Xmas chocolate. I weighed myself 2 days after c section and had lost 1.5 stone of baby weight and just by breastfeeding/expressing another 1/2 stone in 2 weeks - I'm now at pre pregnancy weight (and eating more chocolate than I did before as breastfeeding is making me sooooo hungry all the time!)

@ivfbeenbusy that's great news! it will be lovely to have them home safely I'm sure. Hope your older DD is doing ok too, she will no doubt be glad to have you and DH all in one place together.

@RosettaR hope you're feeling ok and not too overwhelmed, going from 0 to twins must be a huge adjustment but a lovely one I'm sure

I'm now 37+1, still feeling pretty much ok and managing to take the dog out every day, although I have major sugar cravings!! I'm finishing work next week which will be nice as I can focus on finishing my hypnobirthing course. Baby is head down and at my last mw appointment she thought he/she was partially engaged so I'm now just hoping that I won't go overdue !

@ivfbeenbusy I'm so glad to hear your babies are on the verge of coming home, that's lovely news! How was your first full night with them?

Thanks for all the advice, I will definitely try to see my NICU visits like a full time job and spend as much time as I can there, going home in the evenings to rest and recover.

Thats also great to know your little girl knew what she was doing once she got strong enough! I'll have to see if tandem feeding works for me, I did read if one is smaller that one might need smaller more frequent feeds compared to the other one, so it might be hard. Do they get them into a really regular routine in NICU that you then continue, is that the idea?

@takingthistooseriously yes I'm sure it will be a huge adjustment, I feel like this pregnancy has been so scary that I'm only just starting to think about the bit that comes after!

I'm totally with you on the major sugar cravings, I can end up feeling almost dizzy and weak sometimes and I just want sugar!

I finished work yesterday which has made it all feel a bit more real! The plan is now for two weeks of rest before the babies are delivered at 34 weeks. But I've been put on twice weekly scans now because of increased resistance in the little one's cord, and if the situation does deteriorate delivery could be 32 weeks or soon after. At least I know they are watching closely but it's all quite scary really.

@RosettaR

The overnight at the hospital was a bit daunting - having been separated from them for 2 weeks now it doesn't feel quite the same as it did with DD but I know we'll be able to bond much easier at home.

They like you to maintain the 3 hourly feeding, changing and temp check so I set my alarm for every 3 hours and fed them one after the other (plus a nurse always pops in about the same time probably to check You haven't fell asleep when you shouldn't!) but that means about a 90 mins sleep in between (managed about 5.5 hours sleep).

Also i like to feed one twin permanent on the right and one on the left so that I don't permanently have one massive engorged boob waiting to go - honestly I find the milk leakage one of the least dignifying parts of post pregnancy 🤣

The breastfeeding advisor did show me how to tandem feed but I'm quite a clumsy person and I like to have both arms secure on one baby at a time! 🤣

Yeah the NICU/SCBU is all about routine - big twin could in theory go longer between feeds but I want to stick to the routine until little twin is bigger. It's apparently normal for premature babies not to cry when they are hungry (as they've been tube fed at specific timings) so you could inadvertently let them go too long between feedings as they wont necessarily wake you up

Also stock up on size 0 nappies - they never seem to have a big stock of them at the supermarkets probably due to the lack of demand

Hey everyone anymore baby news??? 🤞🤞

No news here at the moment, other than that my c section date is approaching and I'm getting more and more nervous about the whole thing! More the babies health and NICU than anything to do with the procedure, I think I will get through that one way or another. Just the idea that there will be two tiny helpless things for me to try and look after is terrifying.

How are you @ivfbeenbusy, are the babies home?