Late October Thread - 4

[DressingGown87]

Thread 4 ladies!

Girls: @DressingGown87 @Jaffas22 @DogCatDex @EmmaA96 (twins) @Parks11 @LadyB90 @Strawberries4days @LST87

Boys: @sunbreak @FirstSurprise001 @WaveStreet @roarfeckingroar
@Mc3209 @KitKatKit @1990shopefulftm @Lolllyf @HelenMarie1001 @Freddie1987 @BS9790

Suprise / Waiting: @60sPony @Monkeyseesmonkeydoesnt @UpsyDaisy1234 (twins) @Glooorb @AdventureAhead @Elizag20 @justtb @Clalou83 @Sls668 @SJR86 @Flora20 @SamK93

If I have missed you! Sorry!

@roarfeckingroar also the perception/reputation is different to maintain in different fields. I would expect there will be a need to put in extra effort to re-establish oneself after a period of absence. But I keep telling myself I am not the first to do it, so it will be fine. There is a book by Sheryl Sandberg 'Lean in' which I found quite useful. She talks precisely about this topic.

@roarfeckingroar that's good your other half is on board, that's one of the most important pieces of a puzzle to make it work. And there are always options. If new Zealand's prime minister can do it, we can do it ☺️
Re support network, it's just me and DH. Of course we have friends, but I would not expect them to help with my childcare, that would be unfair. We spoke with DH of how it's all going to work, and it should, so now I am keeping fingers crossed the stars will align.

@Mc3209 I've heard of Lean In. Might give it a go. Fingers crossed for us both and thank you for sharing your own worries. I swing between over the moon and absolutely terrified about having a baby.

@KayBM thanks, that's really interesting to hear from your perspective and I totally agree on the coffee and chocolate front. I'm counting down until I can enjoy flat whites in a cafe again 😂

I heard of a good idea somewhere the other day. To keep a little 'self care' basket underneath your bed or somewhere you're sitting regularly that has little treats you store in it, like a face mask, cooling eye serum, fancy chocolate, luxury socks, whatever it is that might perk you up a bit while your feeding during the night or on your own in the house. Think I might try that.

I do have a record scrapbook with scan pics and notes in it etc but I've been really slack with it recently, you've spurred me on to fill a bit more in! ☺️

@roarfeckingroar oh hell yes, this is something I have been thinking about a lot recently! The prejudice against women with children in the creative industries is ridiculous and especially in my role which is more production based. I am worried about how I will cope with long days away from home and the general fast paced nature of the job. I have also had dreams eating away at me to start my own business in the next few years but it's an internal battle deciding whether I'm going to be able to do it, especially if we want to have a second child. I try not to dwell on it too much though. No one knows what the future will bring and we may surprise ourselves with how we feel becoming mothers, I'm sure your priorities shift. Or how much we do actually achieve (I mean we are superheroes after all 😆)

@roarfeckingroar Yep absolutely bricking it! I work in an industry heavily impacted by Covid19, so despite the fact that I have been able to do my job remotely for the last few months, I'm half stressing about whether I'll even have a job when I return from mat leave, and if I do, how on earth I'm going to continue to perform at the same rate + juggle childcare etc.

I agree with @Mc3209 , if you have a supportive partner that's half the battle. As long as you can tag team, I think having a fulfilling career is totally possible. I know you said it was a bit doom and gloom on the other thread you created but, depending on your industry, I think there's lots to be hopeful for. The way we work these days has changed drastically and I think that the pandemic has actually made those who don't have kids realise how bloody difficult it is having to juggle them and work. So I'm hoping in this new world that is emerging that there will generally be a lot more empathy towards parents in the workplace! I need to think positively otherwise I'll drive myself doolally for 12 months 😀 xx

@Mc3209 @roarfeckingroar This is one of the many thing I've worried about. I worked hard, spent years building my career and doing my education to feel it's going to suffer too. I have already due to pregnancy, had to sell one of my companies, step down from a teaching role, and just clinging on to my full time job. The industry I work in is male orientated, so its hard work. This is the first time in the 65+ years that my company has been in operation, that someone has / is taking maternity leave. My mum and dad worked hard when I was growing up, so I spent most of my childhood with family. My dad says now, he realises now how much of my life he has missed. I don't want that life for my daughter, as I am the only person she has. But then I don't want to throw away my career and passion. Just going to have to try and find a happy medium, and hope you both do to.

I’ve been panicking a bit the last week or so that I still am not feeling much movement from baby, I was getting some movement every couple of days but just didn’t feel that strong and took some effort on my part to get her wriggling. Today I just coincidentally checked my notes from my private scan at 20 weeks (the day after my nhs 20 week scan) and they noted down anterior placenta! I wish someone had verbally told me before, I wouldn’t have spent so much time thinking about it! I wish I’d have checked beforehand (probably my own fault Tbf!). I feel like I can stop poking her so much now!

@sls668 Can't believe they didn't tell you. Especially with having an Anterior placenta, and would have reduced movements. Glad you have found out now, laughing about the 'poking' I do this! I have a posterior placenta and still get quiet days.

@dressinggown87 I can’t decide if I should ring my midwife tomorrow to check my nhs notes and baby has been wriggling like mad tonight but really low down, I wonder if it’s anterior but a bit higher up? I don’t know if that can actually happen 😂

@Sls668 that's awful that they didn't mention it, it's written on my NHS notes and both the sonographer and the midwife briefly explained it, are your notes electronic? .
I haven't had a full on kick yet, it's more like wriggles 3/4times a day but there's some sort of pattern to it so I m not worrying about it yet.

@Sls668 I've had an anterior placenta both times now and I've only found out from my notes. It's so common that they don't mention it usually! I'd assumed mine would be in a different place this time as I've been feeling moments for so long and they're so strong now - it seems second time round you feel more even with placenta at the front.

Just remember that even if it muffles the movements to begin with, you should still feel them regularly once you are aware of them - you'll feel them more around the edges instead of at the front of your tummy. If you're worried make sure you ring your midwife 🙂

@Sls668 I have a high anterior placenta according to my notes. The sonographer explained that means I might feel movement later but that’s not the same case for everyone. I have only felt baby a handful of times so far (usually at night) and always really low down in my stomach.

@Sls668 mine is high anterior according to my notes and any movement I've felt has really been low down.
I've had five scans now and nobody mentioned it to me until my last scan.

@1990shopefulftm I have a paper pack but it barely has anything written in and the sonographer at the 20 week scan didn’t ask for them at all so I assume they must have something electronic that I don’t have access to.

@Flora20 @watersintheclouds @SJR86 I’m assuming I’m the same. Last night she was really low down and I could feel her wriggling loads for hours on end. I think she was having a party for one in there 😂

@Sls668 that's frustrating, they printed off scan notes and stuck them in for me.

Happy Hump Day ladies! These weeks really are going faster and faster!

I think it’s time we had an update on bumps! (Mainly because I hope I’m not the only one looking huge!)

23 weeks today ☀️👶🏼

I m 22+2 and feeling quite big, my belly button is pretty visible in some outfits.

@1990shopefulftm has your belly button popped out now? I keep thinking mine will be any day but it just seems to be stretching out flattter rather than out!

@FirstSurprise001 it's popped out a bit but it's more oval looking than round now.

Is anyone struggling a bit with the unknown of whether their birth plan or hopes for one are going to be an option? Looking at the news today and reading medical journals that there's absolutely no plan for if things with covid get worse again, is making me worry a bit that I don't have a back up birth partner (DH is going to speak to a manager about if he can be at home in the run up to my due date to lower his risk of getting anything and not being able to be there but it's a bit soon to ask) and that I don't know how long I d be on a ward alone if I need to be induced.

I think part of my anxiety is that after my dad's sudden death when I was a child , it took me 5 years to let a medical professional touch me again when I had to be tested for his condition and I m now in a really good place with appointments alone and things but being vulnerable and having to be examined alone during labour or induced alone makes me worry that I m going to be rude to a midwife or irrational in making decisions if I m not allowed a support person at that time.

@Freddie1987 I've heard that about creative industries and I think you're right -we will only really know when we get there. I think when work is such a big part of your identity and self esteem it's even scarier.

@KitKatKit let's hope for this new world! Having a partner who wants me to succeed and believes strongly that our baby is ours to look after, not just my responsibility, is indeed half the battle.

@DressingGown87 it sounds like you've already had to take huge steps. I can relate to studying / working so hard to be where you are and worrying about getting the right balance when baby is here. Part of me is considering taking a short mat leave and throwing myself back in but the other part thinks fuck no, why should I give up that precious time? But then, it isn't my business; I have the luxury and security of working in a senior role for a big company and there are plenty more out there if I don'tI get the same respect when I return.

There's a beautiful saying, I think punjabi in origin but my yoga teacher says it: when you have a baby two people are born, a baby and a mother, you're a whole new person and if you accept that and are kind to this new person it can be easier.

Beautiful bump photos!

I've just been for my 24 week midwife appointment and all is well. We listened to baby's heart beat - it's such a beautiful wonderful feeling every time. I weighed myself and have put on 4.5kg at 24 + 3 and I can deal with that.

@Sls668 I'm anterior high. I asked at my scan. Second baby for me but only just starting to feel movement x

@roarfeckingroar that's wonderful you heard the heartbeat , was that with your community midwife?

@1990shopefulftm yes, at my 24 week appointment. I've had the same midwife for all appointments so far and she's awesome.