If you aren’t married who’s surname will your baby have?

[lululocks]

I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I don’t know if I want to marry my DP so should I give our baby my surname?

I hate the idea of not having the same surname as my own child. But I don’t think he would be happy about this.

Are others who aren’t married planning on giving the baby your DPs surname?

Mine (with his as an additional middle name).

Whatever name you were given when you were born is your name. It doesn’t matter if it was passed down by a man, it became yours once you started using it, and presumably continued to use it for the first 20-30 years of your life pre-marriage.

Then why doesn’t my husband’s surname become mine when I start using it?

OP, no offense but it doesn't sound like you and your partner are very committed to each other. (Which is not a criticism of you but the relationship does not sound like it is likely to last, for whatever reasons.) You need to give the child your surname. I know women who have a child that has their ex's surname and they hate it.

Our son has his dad’s name, partly because I like the sound of it better and partly because his older son also has his surname and we’re planning to get married at some point so it makes sense for us all (eventually) to have the same name. My partner would have been happy for him to have my name if I’d wanted him to though.

@Kokeshi123 We are 100% committed to each other. He wants to get married but I don’t, not because I don’t love him but because I personally don’t like the idea of marriage. Marriage doesn’t = commitment you only have to look at divorce rates to see that.

I had this issue also, being unmarried. I initially stated that I wanted to have the same surname as my child.
We decided to go with his surname, as we are planning on marriage at some point in our future.
However, the only reason I chose this was because our surnames are very similar and to double barrel our names sounded awful. Under any other circumstances I would have double barrelled. I must say the children's names we've picked do sound slightly better with his name - so that could be something you consider!

My neighbour changed her name by deed poll to have the same name without marriage.

The baby came first, but I always planned/hoped to marry the Dad one day, so used his surname. We used my surname for a middle name of the child, so technically child has both our surnames, but we only ever use his one.

You're not married, you're not sure you want to marry him, marriage is not on the cards. The baby should have your surname.

I have two separated surnames (my mum and my dad) one is rare and I hate it but the other is common as muck. I go by the rare one in every day usage but bank cards etc say both.

DD has mine and her dads, also separated with no hyphen. She uses his in day to day usage as it's quite a nice normal surname. I would never have a child and then not have have my surname.

The child should take the mums surname it's just that normally the mum has already taken the dads.

In my (humble) opinion babies should always take their mothers names.
I hate to be cynical (and I am happily married) but half of marriages end in divorce and the vast vast majority of children mainly reside with their mums.
Far less complicated and makes so much sense!

@Kokeshi123 hello? Is that the 1950s calling?
Some of the happiest and longest relationships I know are unmarried ones....

You know you don't have to take his name even if you do get married?
He could take yours? Or keep your own or double barrel?
I'd give baby your name. Or double. It does really matter how it sounds.

@Kokeshi123

OP(original post/poster), no offense but....

Before proceeding to be extremely offensive. You don't know the OP and you don't know her relationship so shouldn't be making judgemental sweeping statements based on a couple of posts you've read on an anonymous Internet forum.

Both of mine have dp's surname.

I hate my surname, its foreign, very long and a lifetime of spelling it out.

Weve been together 13.5years and plan to get married soonish anyway

Your name.

Your Dp could change his name to yours in order to all have the same names.

You (and your DP) can change your name to anything you like, whether you are married or not.

We are married, I have not changed my name, Dc have both our names.

Some of the happiest and longest relationships I know are unmarried ones....

Your anecdote is interesting. However, the data shows very clearly that unmarried cohabiting parents are much, much more likely to split up than married ones.

If the OP is already saying herself that she is not sure if she wants to marry the father of her child, I think it's unlikely the relationship will persist longterm. I'm being realistic here.

Mine took my partners name as he hates double barrelled names. Incidentally his is double barrelled 🤣

We got married eventually

I didn't take DH's name when we got married, but gave it to the kids. If we weren't married or actively planning a wedding it would have been mine though.

I had my mums surname then she married someone else when I was 10 and I didn't want my stepdads name so I ended up not having family with the same name as me apart from my nan and grandad. So when I was pregnant with DD I changed my surname to DPs and we called her the surname that we both now have. We are getting married next year but we knew it would be a few years before we would get married otherwise.

Im really quite asounded how judgemental some people are in this thread.

If the parents make a decision either way, what on earth does it have to do with anyone else.

Its like there's some kind of misguided militant Feminism at work here, telling women what surname they ought to give their baby. As if they're a traitor to womankind if they make a different choice. Very toxic in my opinion.

Better than a misguided patriarchy telling them which name the baby must have! Progress is progress.

Also, don’t worry, plenty of people are judgemental enough in real life for DARING to keep our names and then give them to our children. We are punished for ever more by being sent crimbo cards aggressively addressed ‘the MR D HUSBAND family’. 🤪

I mean if only we could burn those misguided militant feminists on a nice big pyre, life would be SO much easier, amirite?!?

I'll def be using my OHs surname for our baby I figure we'll get married at some point and I don't really like double barrelled names