Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

If you aren’t married who’s surname will your baby have?

132 replies

lululocks · 31/05/2020 17:28

I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I don’t know if I want to marry my DP so should I give our baby my surname?

I hate the idea of not having the same surname as my own child. But I don’t think he would be happy about this.

Are others who aren’t married planning on giving the baby your DPs surname?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/05/2020 18:22

Use yours. You can always change to a different one if you marry. You can't change it to yours if you don't.

quarentini · 31/05/2020 18:23

Mine have my name been with dp for 30 years
And we never married. It's never been an issue and no one honestly cares!

YouCanBeMyWingmanAnyday · 31/05/2020 18:23

DS has DPs last name as mine is actually still my married name even though been divorced almost 20 years. Could never be arsed changing everything back to maiden name. But DS having my ex's surname...a step too far I think

Bubblesbebe · 31/05/2020 18:24

I am Spanish and I have both my parents surnames: first my dad’s and second my mum’s.
I am married to a british, but I never changed my surname (we don’t do this in Spain), so our baby will have both of our surnames, first my husband’s surname and then my first surname (my dad’s).
You dont need to have a hyphen or double barrel, I have been in the UK for a while and never had an issue having 2 separated surnames.

YouCanBeMyWingmanAnyday · 31/05/2020 18:24

Oh DS is almost 16 BTW so a while back

Pipandmum · 31/05/2020 18:26

My sister's child has her surname, but she was not with the father when the baby was born.
I think if I was in a committed relationship (but if so I'd want to get married) with the father I might use his, if not then mine.

HanPanPeg · 31/05/2020 18:28

Both surnames, not hypenated.
DS can drop his or use mine as a middle name when older - I am not precious about it but I found it odd to have a child who didn’t have my name seeing as i gave birth to it.

Our second baby also has the sam double surname even though we are now married!

DanceMonkey19 · 31/05/2020 18:31

@MrsTerryPratchett

Use yours. You can always change to a different one if you marry. You can't change it to yours if you don't.

^^This

puppypeach · 31/05/2020 18:49

Our baby is due in November and we aren't married - he will have DP's surname but mine as a middle name (which is the same as what I would do if/when we marry'

FrancesHaHa · 31/05/2020 18:52

My DD has my surname. She's 8 now and school often refer to DP as Mr My surname. He doesn't mind though.

FWIW we've been together 20 years, committed relationship. She had to have one of our surnames (not keen on double barrelling) and we both weren't happy with his being the default just because he's a man.

Some friends have done similar but given the mans surname as an extra middle name.

Whawhatisaweekend · 31/05/2020 18:52

@puppypeach do you think you’re kind of missing out by giving the baby your name as a middle name? Because nobody really uses middle names and it’s not as important as a surname?
I hope that doesn’t sound blunt, just genuinely curious!

Avvii · 31/05/2020 18:52

I am married, but I didn’t change my name, and our child has my surname. He also has my husband’s surname as a second middle name. We liked this option better than double-barrelling as he can choose to use both in future if he wants, but in the meantime isn’t burdened with a cumbersome surname. Luckily my husband isn’t a misogynist and so was fine with this plan.

kenandbarbie · 31/05/2020 18:54

If you're not married the baby should have your surname. That's traditional anyway.

Skyla01 · 31/05/2020 18:56

I am not married to dp and would not change my name. I decided to give our child both surnames, not with a hyphen. Perhaps 1 can be more like a middle name. Not sure if this is true but I read parents (esp dad) can have trouble with their kid if the don't share the name. E.g. at passport control worries over basically child abduction if there is no family name connection. That might be untrue, but thought if are child has both surnames neither of us can go wrong.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/05/2020 18:57

I wasn’t precious about my surname. Even though the name won’t continue (no one else in the family expect my sister with the surname still), it’s not an unusual surname. I much prefer my DH’s surname as it’s more unusual and fits my DDs’ names better.

Original poster

lululocks · 31/05/2020 18:59

We already want to use both of our grandfathers names as middles names, so already two names so only an option for one surname really.

I will bring it up with him. I didn’t have an issue with baby having his surname until I was reading the other thread. If we don’t marry and he went on to marry someone else I’m not sure I would like my child to have their surname and not mine.

OP posts:

PawPatrolMakesMeDrink · 31/05/2020 18:59

This baby will have both our surnames, his first, then mine. When we marry I will not be taking his name.
DS has mine and his dads (he’s my ex) surnames, in the same order as above. DP is free to take my name should be wish when we marry. I’m not overly bothered, it’s his name and he can do as he likes with it.

happinessischocolate · 31/05/2020 18:59

Mine have their dads surname, it's a really nice surname and I've always hated mine so it's was an easy choice.

The school call me Mrs their surname and I've travelled to Aus, France, Greece and Spain with them without their dad with no problems. Passport control in Australia asked if they were my kids and when I said yes waved me through

Original poster

lululocks · 31/05/2020 19:01

@MrsTerryPratchett I think that would be best.

OP posts:

Zoey92 · 31/05/2020 19:02

Due in 3weeks. Little one will have her dads surname.
My partner has his dads surname & his parents are not married but been together 25year

DontGoJasonWaterfalls · 31/05/2020 19:02

DD was just going to have then-DP's surname. On the way to the registry office I had a last minute change of heart and asked if he'd be happy if we double barreled it; he agreed, and then we said when we got married we'd change all of us to DP's surname.

It worked so well and suited her so much that when we got married we both decided to double barrel too so we all have the same surname 😊

Bumble84 · 31/05/2020 19:05

Mine will have dp surname, I didn’t consider doing it any other way. I also didn’t consider not changing my name when we got married (or asking him to change his)

I’m curious why some people would Only give a child their name but when they marry be quick to change theirs and their child’s? If you ended up getting divorced would you then want to change the child’s back?

megladon2020 · 31/05/2020 19:11

The mothers.if I was unmarried my child would've had my name.

Carabu1 · 31/05/2020 19:14

I’m married and ours will have my surname :) I didn’t change my name when I married, so don’t see why baby should automatically get husbands! He’s perfectly happy with this decision, though appreciate it may be a bit unusual.

MichelleOR84 · 31/05/2020 19:15

I never took my husband’s last name . Our son has both our surnames hyphenated .

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6