Gender disappointment

[HelloSunshine64]

Hey

I know I’m being stupid but I just need to talk. I’ve just had my scan and I don’t know want to know gender. The lady doing the scan said we won’t go down there because it was flashing earlier - surely this means a boy? X

@Bekka94

Oh no, not offended in the slightest. Just doing my best to live up to your assumption of me.

Massive derail, guys. Maybe knock it on the head now?

@whatwouldlangdo it's not assumption babe it's an opinion ✌

@Bekka94 I think you may be the one who needs to get a grip. Have you heard yourself? Calling someone a cunt. I don't think anyone has "dragged another woman down", except maybe you. Others just had a different opinion.

you need to get a grip not once did I mention that nobody is womaning wrong

That doesn't make sense, however you did say...."woman". As if people who don't agree, or sugar coat everything they say, are not women. So what are we? Men?

OP I'm going through the same. Disappointed that my second is going to be the same gender as my first baby.
It's partly because my husband only wants 2 children and I could have accepted that if we'd had one of each. Now there's going to be an issue as I'll want another.
My whole family has mixed genders so I'd just always thought I'd have a mixed family as well and feel I'm going to miss out. Both children will be adored. I already love the tiny baby I'm carrying but I'm disappointed and can't help feeling that way.
One thing I would suggest is finding out the gender before the birth for certain. I'm slowly coming to terms with it. Hopefully I can enjoy my baby when it arrives for who they are.

@FourPlasticRings it's no use. This is their little bubble now 🙄

OP I've been on the recieving end of the MN militia and it's not a nice position to be in so I hope you're holding up okay. Just because people have a right to freedom of speech some think that means they should be nasty to one another and that if they don't somehow their opinion is not validated.

As others have said, and I think it's been put really lovely, mourning the loss of a baby you're not going to have does not mean you'll love the one you are having any less. I had a slight preference for a girl I think last time, however I think that was due to my OH having two boys already so wanting it for him. We got a suprise boy at birth and he is the best little person ever. This time I'm torn. I'd love another little him but I'd also love a little her, for a change and for my OH so it's going to be interesting how this pans out 🤣

If I were you I'd personally find out to prepare myself however if you choose not to you will still love your son or daughter regardless x

@Lalla525 I is still entitled to a preference and there is nothing wrong with it. There is everything wrong with that sentence

@Wewearpinkonwednesdays
Your not acting very womanly bringing another one down over how shes feeling and wouldnt dare call you a man because even majority of them have respect for woman's feelings!! In the OP she didn't say she was disappointed she hoped for a girl but is under the impression the sonographer gave her false hope of a boy can you please tell me in what part of that post is there any need to call her immature and selfish for having a feeling that most pregnant women feel? And I think bringing another womens misfortune of an awful time having a miscarriage into such a post as this is completely out of order and irrelevant! And then to sit there and criticize her over mixing up the sex with gender is petty and something a little girl would do as a way of looking grown up sick of saying it if you have nothing nice to say or can't bring yourself to give her reassurance like her post merely ask for go find somewhere else to have your political bitchy debates I understand it's an open forum but by no means does that give you permission to be so judgey and assunptious on such an innocent post! Fair enough I called a small majority of you cunts but I've always been brought to know just because I have 1 doesn't give me the right to act like 1

There always seems to be a distinct correlation between poor SPaG and 'gender' preference / disappointment / reveals not to mention baby showers.

@Bekka94 I have to say a lot of what you are commenting accusing that person of saying was me. secondly, you have read what the OP wrote wrong - she did say she was hoping for a girl and is now worried it could be a boy (or something along those lines). I'm of the opinion that it might be useful to the OP to get some perspective, it actually might help her not feel so dejected or disappointed not having the sex she would of preffered if she thinks about the position some others have found themselves in. that isnt out of order at all, count your blessings is a lesson a lot of us could benefit from rather than always focusing on what we dont have

I think it's pretty common to feel very flat after a pregnancy scan, for whatever reason. I wasn't fussed about the sex of the baby, didn't even want to be told the sex at the anomaly scan... but I changed my mind on a whim and said "sure, tell me" and then cried because the baby was in an awkward position and they couldn't tell me after all. Bloody ridiculous, but I can understand why I felt like that, what with all the build-up to the scan and the worrying over whether the baby was ok, then the let-down when it was all over in minutes and I had another twenty weeks of waiting to meet my baby!

@tartanbow I get where your coming from but I myself experienced the same emotions as I was convinced I was having a boy but I found out I'm having a little girl I cried not out of disappointment at all I cried because of the overwhelming emotions I myself experienced loss twice one early on and one in the second trimester so I found it disgraceful that one person told her she shouldn't be having a baby as her comment was immature which is hard to swallow because I get where the OP is coming from what's pissed me off more than anything was someone bringing into the discussion how it was selfish of her to feel like that because they've read another post about a women experiencing a miscarriage why was that brought up? Its cruel malicious and should not be used as a trophy to make the OP feel guilty!! That's not reassurance or anything constructive it was malicious and unnecessary and I believe if your gonna be offended over a pregnant women having mixed emotions about the sex of HER baby then your best not commenting because it's the reality of the situation for most pregnant women! Myself included my baby now is of course a blessing and I'm pleased shes healthy and I'm past the stage I was at before but by no means does that stop me thinking about the what ifs and maybes if she was in fact a boy! A lot of people on here are just on here for the arguments the original poster could of had your point put across to her in a lot less savage way that didnt include her being called names and having a women experiencing a miscarriage used against her!

@WhatPollyForgot

What are you trying to suggest, that people who experience gender disappointment are uneducated?

OP, I don't know if you are still bothering to read this! But I think being a little bit surprised or disappointed is quite common. I've talked about it with friends, including those who have sadly suffered loses or are going through fertility treatment. We've often said similar things, you have ideas in your head about what a little girl or boy might be like or what your life and relationship will be like. Or it might be a sense of loss at not getting that daughter/son you'd been imagining. Often it's based on your own family, relationships and experiences. We all know it's a bit silly and it doesn't really matter but gender stereotypes are very strong. If you feel strongly perhaps it's worth finding out for definite. You won't care once they are here. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Not RTFT because it looked like a free for all

OP. Have you considered finding out the sex and dealing with any emotions now, as opposed to when your baby arrives?

I didn't care (after prior losses) what my DC were. What we did with both DC was tell the midwives that my DH was to tell me the sex at birth, not them. I didn't want a midwife doing the whole "it's a boy / girl!" thing, the baby was something my DH and I created, it was his place to tell me.

"Flashed" or "flashing" to me just means that the baby wasn't hiding its genitals, as they tend to in many scans I've known people have. Could still be either at this stage but maybe finding out now would allow you time to deal with any emotions or feelings you have before the birth?

@Bekka94 yourself and others have called people who had a differing opinion cunts and bitches so have also resorted to name calling. as I previously said this is an emotive subject which is quite clear from the strong reactions on this thread from both those who have felt the way the OP does and those who cant comprehend feeling disappointed by it. I'm going to leave it there now as I have no interest in derailing the OPs thread further. I'm assuming she gets the message from both sides by now

Just wanted to add my experience as went through the same thing a week ago! I have 3 girls and I'm 21 weeks pregnant. We weren't going to find out but with everything going on and me being convinced we were finally having a son we decided we wanted to know...and its another girl! This baby was a surprise but I'm having my tubes tied as we could not cope with any more, so this does mean I'll never have a son...and neither will my husband (he's having the snip to be doubly safe 😂) I felt so guilty for crying but now I'm so happy as I am quite girly and it's what we know...so what I would say is maybe it's worth finding out so you can deal with any gender disappointment now rather than worry about it the entire pregnancy...? If it is another boy your son will have a play mate 🥰 xx