Gender disappointment

[HelloSunshine64]

Hey

I know I’m being stupid but I just need to talk. I’ve just had my scan and I don’t know want to know gender. The lady doing the scan said we won’t go down there because it was flashing earlier - surely this means a boy? X

At the end of the day the OP is expressing her feelings @tartanbow which she is entitled to. Your opinion on her feelings being wrong is ridiculous! No one actually wants to experience gender disappointment or negative emotions and just because you haven’t experienced that emotion yourself doesn’t mean it isn’t real or justified for others.

It not that these threads are ‘always about boys’ because women don’t want boys it because women want to experience that same sex mother daughter relationship. If this was dadsnet it would be the other way around FACT!

I burst into tears when I found out my second was another boy.....and I literally couldn’t tell you why!

My first son is awesome, I love him to pieces. I was actually hoping for another boy, I love the idea of same sex siblings. There seem lots of positives to having two of the same. I was also happy if it was a girl too, I hand on heart wasn’t bothered either way.

So why on Earth I burst out crying, I really couldn’t say! I think it just hit me for a moment that I’d never have a girl, because this is definitely our last child, I didn’t even have a strong yearning to have a girl, so why it hit me, I don’t know. I guess I was very close to my mum, and I’ll not get to experience a mother daughter relationship. Or that I’ll always be outnumbered 3 to 1. I really don’t know.

But what I do know is that, just for a moment, I was sad for the little girl I’d never have. But I also know that I was NEVER sad about the little boy we will have! Those are two totally separate things. And after a scan at the 12 week scan, I really can truly say that I’m just happy baby is healthy.

Pregnancy hormones are funny things. I think it’s ok to feel a bit mixed up and emotional for a moment, as long as it’s not something that lingers. I do however think you maybe need to find out the sex, as I think you’ll drive yourself crazy from now until labour.

@lollypopspan not following your comments atall, hypocritical to say that OPs allowed to express her feelings but essentially others cant, I've already acknowledged in previous posts everything you've just said, not going to do it again

I hope you're ok over there, OP! @WannabeMathematician really does have the best response. I suspect that this is why so many people love dressing babies in pink or blue - it's as close as you can get to having an identity.

I'd only take "flashing" to mean "showing", either for boy or girl. Bear in mind the sonographer is so experienced at analysing tiny detail that girl parts would be just as easy to see as boy parts, so to them a girl can "flash" (is as obvious) just as much as a boy would be.

Just to point out @tartanbow the OP actually wasnt asking anyone their opinion. Her original question was, do you think from what the sonographer said this means it's a boy. Not whether her feelings were ok, or understandable, etc. No opinion was sought on anything other than what the sonographer said.

I'm going to stop replying now because I just feel sorry for the OP whose thread has been hijacked by a debate.

OP I hope you've found some helpful posts within this thread, it seems as though theres quite a few people who have said reassuring things.

Not sure why people seem to think that you can't love the little boy you're having while simultaneously grieving for the little girl you may never have. Why does it have to be one or the other ?

It's very natural to project yourself with a baby, and you usually project a boy or a girl for whatever reason (some unimportant, some quite traumatic). When you find out the actual gender, you have to let go of that projection. That can be deeply upsetting depending on how invested you were in that projection.

I know my SIL was hoping for a girl, it doesn't mean she'll love her son any less. Myself I was hoping for a boy. I don't think having a preference makes you immature or a bad parent, it makes you human. Of course we imagine things we'll do with our children, and we imagine different things based on what we think the baby will be like. Their sex/gender is a huge part of that.

OP, don't feel bad about having those thoughts. Just remember that once the baby's there you'll love them equally regardless, and that it'll all be okay in the end.

PS - to answer your actual question, I agree with pp's that the sonographerns answer is not revealing in any way, they just meant they'd already seen what they needed and another look was not necessary.

Why are half of you 'women' on here bringing down another women over her feelings about HER baby shes not disappointed in the sex of the baby but more to the point she thinks the sonographer has given it away and now she could possibly be misled into thinking she is having a boy when shes dreamed of a little girl!! It's not wrong of her it doesnt make her immature or selfish and I myself have suffered losses but I'm still not bitter enough to put another women down over her feelings and bringing up and belittling her for the fact she put gender not sex scan if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all or go create your own thread and have the sex gender debate on there!!!

I suppose I always wanted a girl. I think in reality, I didn’t actually mind either way. But when you’re growing up, they’re virtually all girl dolls, aren’t they? So to some extent, maybe we are conditioned to want a girl that we can dress in pink dresses.

When I found out our first was a boy, I didn’t feel disappointed. Just surprised. It seemed weird to have a male growing inside me - I’m not sure why.

With our second, I had already seen a telltale sign on the early scan pics and suspected we were having a girl. When the sonographer actually told me though, I felt a surprising little pang of disappointment. Not that I was having a girl, but that I wasn’t having another boy.

I’m an older mum and won’t be having anymore children. I think maybe it just brought it home that this is it now, I don’t know. I’m very happy with one of each but actually, I would have liked more. Biological clock has kicked in and screaming - I just want ALL the babies. What can you do.

I have had 2 miscarriages. Before I had DS, I always thought people were lying when they said they didn’t care, so long as they’re healthy. I mean, you must have a preference, or so I thought.

Despite always wanting “one of each”, if I find out in 4 weeks time they made a big mistake and we get a boy instead, I will be equally thrilled. I’m not going to get into the whole gender/sex debate but in terms of personality, I don’t think it makes any difference. Our son is as happy playing with his cars as his cooker and tea set. I love him to the ends of the earth, as I will the baby we’re soon to meet. I guarantee you’ll feel the same way too, OP.

So why on Earth I burst out crying, I really couldn’t say! I think it just hit me for a moment that I’d never have a girl, because this is definitely our last child, I didn’t even have a strong yearning to have a girl,

This is it. Exactly the same.

@Bekka94

Any reason why you put women in quotes like that? Very odd.

And, happily, the old 'be nice or be quiet' trope doesn't fly here. Free speech in the 21st century is a wonder!

Ironic that you mentioned immature though, bit like folk who lose their shit that someone dares disagree.

@whatwouldlangdo

You've been causing trouble on a few posts now. Will be reporting you numerous times until you're dealt with. Get lost.

Hey @WhatwouldLangdo in response to your question I am gonna use women in that term because what sort of female would drag another down when she is already experiencing the wrath of pregnancy hormones! Women don't do that to each other it's a lot easier to be kind than to be nasty why cant you grasp that concept? Nothing you said has been structural all you've done has made critical opinions which to be perfectly honest are not wanted so in my eyes and clearly the eyes of others you have acted immature and unreasonable and in some comments cruel.

In answer to the OP , the sonographer saying flashing could literally mean either boy or girl, I PROMISE you. If you are that hung up on it I think you need to find out either way and not wait until delivery

@Bekka94

why cant you grasp that concept?

Why can't you grasp the concept that women are free to form their own opinion? If OP wanted an echo chamber of folk fawning over her then don't post on an open forum where people are free to share anything. Its not difficult.

Will be reporting you numerous times until you're dealt with.

Well don't you have a big opinion of yourself? Does policing a thread make you feel all important? If so then crack on! Not sure what I've said to violate talk guidelines though. Reporting something you don't like repeatedly isn't really how it works.

I have grasped the concept that everyone has freedom of speech so thanks for bringing that up what I cant grasp is why you as an individual feel it necessary to use another posters misfortune of a miscarriage as a trophy in this post to personally attack a women with mixed emotions over her own baby which she has not once said she is disappointed about if you weren't so high up on your high horse you'd of been able to read the original post a bit better and as for stating it's not difficult how about you follow your own quotation and stop commenting if your so offended over the OP ITS NOT DIFFICULT people like you come across as looking entitled when in fact nobody on this posts owes you any explanation of THEIR own feelings in the politest possible way your acting like a cunt.

I completely agree that the OP would have been insensitive if she'd said she was devastated that she might be having a boy or something similar but she didn't. She admitted she was 'being stupid' and it's likely down to being pregnant.

She knows that she's irrational to feel disappointed but I'm guessing she was looking for an outlet to talk through her feelings.

Have the people having a go at the OP never felt sad about something they know is irrational? Don't feel sad because they can't have their hair cut, have coffee with friends, see your mum or anything else right know when they know there are others suffering much more?

@Bekka94

"women"? Why the quotes? Because a woman dares to disagree or have her own opinion, they are not a woman? Are they not womaning properly for you?

Reporting something you don't like repeatedly isn't really how it works.

I'm in support of @WhatwouldLangdo on this one.

Don't ask on a public forum for opinions if you aren't going to like to hear ones not in agreement to yours or which may not necessarily conform to the popular opinion. Similarly don't READ or comment on threads if you don't like hearing opposing opinions. 🤷‍♀️

Fact is OP needed some perspective and I agree with @lang not "fawned" over

@Bekka94

your acting like a cunt

you're *

HTH

Have you honestly heard yourself @wewearpinkonwednesdays you need to get a grip not once did I mention that nobody is womaning wrong 😂😂 but I dont think it's very woman like to drag another one down over a harmless post it's ridiculous 😂 I honestly can't stop laughing

Thank you for the correction @WhatwouldLangdo I apologise for my incorrect spelling hope me having dyslexia doesn't offend you as much as the original post 😂

@ivfgottostaypositive

Thanks, I appreciate it.
From a fellow thick skinned bitch

@Wewearpinkonwednesdays

Shockingly, we've dared to cross the threshold of nice and silent. We should be excommunicated immediately!