Gender disappointment

[HelloSunshine64]

Hey

I know I’m being stupid but I just need to talk. I’ve just had my scan and I don’t know want to know gender. The lady doing the scan said we won’t go down there because it was flashing earlier - surely this means a boy? X

Completely agree with @ Lalla525 and other posters why can’t other people just accept this, everyone is different (otherwise life would be pretty boring) and people are entitled to feel the way they do, it doesn’t mean they won’t love baby when he/she is here.

We all have hopes and dreams sometimes having a girl/boy is also one of those things!

I can’t stand all the negativity around this.

Gender disappointment is a real thing all you have to do is Google it to see many many people feel this way. It’s completely normal (in some cases) and best it’s dealt with now before baby is born!

OP we found out we were having a boy at the weekend and both myself and my partner (were not ashamed to admit) we’re both a little disappointed - that lasted all of an hour and now we’re both super happy and excited and I am looking forward to having a boy!

@HelloSunshine64

I will give you one of the best pieces of advice I've read on here about gender disappointment. You only care right now because you jack all else about your baby. You don't know their favourite food, colour, sports team. You don't know that they are a fast or slow runner, an introvert or an extrovert or if they can draw, paint or dance. There is literally nothing else to go on right now so while it may seem big right now it won't be later.

Good on you for admitting you have these feelings and trying to get past them now.

*know jack all else

People do understand.

Doubtful.

But gender and sex are used relatively interchangeably in many contexts

They don't mean the same thing so shouldn't be interchangeable. Leads to a whole host of issues like the one posted about here..

This poster clearly isn’t trying to make a political point about sex v gender, so there’s no need to try and shoehorn one in.

Biology isn't political and my point is relevant, hardly shoehorned

Ever stop to think that the gender stereotypes we have might just be the reason that OP would be disappointed with a male child?

Private companies that market 'gender' scans do so as a money making exercise, purely and simply. And some women, for some bizarre reason, have bought into it, thus lining the pockets of the owners of the companies.
Fair enough, if you want to throw away money trying to find out the SEX of your unborn baby that's completely your choice. But a least have the intelligence to know it doesn't tell you what 'gender' your baby will be.
As for so called gender reveal parties, again it's just another way to extract more money off us.

Some of the comments are the reason I’ve not talked about this. I absolutely love my little boy and will love my next just as much. I don’t know why it bothered me and I feel ashamed that it did.

@wannabemathmatician thank you! You’re post is giving me all the positivity I need. Thank you for understanding x

@EarlGreyT

I actually listened to an interview with the woman who came up with the gender reveal concept a little while a ago. She deeply regrets it and thinks the whole trend is ridiculous.

God fobid you use the word sex when it comes to reproduction! Which is why people have coined the ridiculous and twee terms DTD

I’ve seen women on this very forum star out the word sex (s*x) because they can’t bring themselves to type the word.

'Flashing up on the screen' is most likely what she meant, as in the 'bits' are showing ive worked in antenatal care with sonographers and this is a common phrase. They are damned whatever they say.

@WannabeMathematician so true , great advice !!!

Yes I agreed - dammed whatever they say! I’m 100% the pest for not wanting to know 😂 ‘Bits’ as in boy or girl bits?

Bits’ as in boy or girl bits?

Bits can mean anything, OP. It's a unisex term. For someone who doesn't want to know you certainly seem to be clutching at linguistic straws.

I had those fleeting moments of disappointment/shock each time with mine. Any initial disappointment will soon melt away when you have that precious bundle in your arms. Blame it on the hormones.

Do not be ashamed. GD is officially recognised. Would half of these bitches tell someone with PND to cheer up because they have a healthy baby?

You are fine. You will be fine. And if you do have a little boy you will both be fine. As long as you don't bury your feelings and try to deny them.

I cried after my scan with my daughter. We didn't find out with my son and wanted something different. My son was wonderful and I'd just felt like I was getting to grips with everything and didn't have a clue how to parent a girl.

They are absolutely chalk and cheese. He is a football mad, hyper typical boy and she hasn't worn anything but princess dresses for 2 weeks. Lucky she has enough.
But even though she is the exact thing that I was terrified of she is absolute perfection.

Every night she holds my face and says I love you best friend.

When I planned for DC 3 I wanted a boy because DS ordered one. But she is a girl and again perfect. And I'm so glad she was a girl. The age gap would've been to big for her and DS to really play. But DD is loving having someone to serve food to from her kitchen.

Thank you. It’s such an emotive topic and it’s a very much wanted baby whatever they turn out to be.

I don’t understand how you can be disappointed when you haven’t even found out the sex of the baby 🤷🏻‍♀️ Unless I’ve misread your post and you did find out?

@Fedhimtotigers

Would half of these bitches tell someone with PND to cheer up because they have a healthy baby?

This!!

^^ second that! Some people on here are so quick to criticise how others feel! Have had it myself on mumsnet and that’s with mental health issues I posted!

Can’t believe how judgemental some people really are on here.

When I went for my scan, the sonographer spotted the gender within the first 3 seconds, I felt sure it meant it was a boy but mine is a girl.

Hi OP, I don't think the sonographers statements means either.

In terms of being a little bit disappointed about the gender, maybe its just because you have gotten used to the idea of a girl. I was sure I was having a boy (not that it mattered either way). So when I was informed I was having a girl at the scan, I was momentarily disappointed. Not because having a girl is disappointing but it was almost like this little boy I had been expecting was no longer there. Weird I know!

Needless to say, it lasted about 1 minute and I am now very excitedly expecting the arrival of my little girl in a few weeks.

If you are worried that you are really disappointed in the sex of your baby, try this thought experiment.
The woman in the bed next to your is also disappointed in the sex of her baby - but hers is the sex you wanted, and yours is the sex she wanted. You could swap now, quickly, before the babies are registered, before you've done birth announcements - and no one would know.

Would you swap?

If not, you don't really want a baby of a particular sex - you want THIS baby. Your baby. Much more than you want "a girl" or "a boy". This child.

Firstly OP don’t assume anything, my LO bent fully over on the scan and we knew it was a girl!
Secondly you can want whatever sex you want, we all know once the baby arrives the love is the same. And yes I understand why you want a girl, I understand why men want a boy - men just aren’t as judgemental on themselves or eachother.

Would half of these bitches
Charming

Interesting use of words though, women are bitches for having an opinion. Considering that OP began her post admitting it was stupid, it's hardly surprising that some agree is it?

@WhatwouldLangdo, I don't think the statement was because people had an opinion. More because some posters were being unnecessarily mean and showing a lack of kindness to someone who was just looking for a bit of support.

@WhatwouldLangdo I am happy to call people who come onto a post of someone clearly vulnerable and down and decide to start kicking and ridiculing them bitches. Everyone may have an opinion. They can piss off and keep it to themselves.