November 2020 Babies - Thread 4

[Sakura54]

Another new thread for the Nov mums to continue our discussion. It’s nearly time for our dating scans!

Today is the first day I’ve really felt nauseous (8 weeks but expect scan to put me back a week). I almost threw up before breakfast but forced down a slice of toast and ginger tea and feeling better now.

Kind of feeling reassured by it even though it was a horrible feeling

Marking my place, these threads move so fast!

Hi to those who have joined, glad to see that meds are kicking in for MS for those trying them. I'm also trying to stay away from Google...managing other so far but incredibly nervous.

Re the chat about bloods and scans... I was meant to have bloods taken at my 8 week booking in appointment but the midwife couldn't get a vein so it'll now be done at my 12 week scan which ive been assured is suitable for the purposes of the tests they do. Hope that's right.

For the scan, my letter is a standard template too but the midwife told me DH would not be allowed in when she gave me the letter. I'll phone up the day before anyway to double check. The trust website doesn't say about that just now so fingers crossed. I don't want to be alone if it's bad news, but likewise it's our first and DH is so interested in pregnancy, how I'm feeling etc, I don't want him to miss it. But it is what it is for the greater good - if he can't attend 12 week scan, we are going to book a private one that he can be at x

@Sakura54 I completely understand it isn’t essential. I just feel they should be clear. I got wee photocopies in my pack too. All I did was suggest they include this also. I’m just hurt for my husband. We’ve been trying to have a baby for over 2 years now and after three miscarriages we are hoping for our baby this time around. He’s going to feel quite detached and he’ll only get a photo as my hospital don’t allow videos or FaceTime. I’m just worried too about being alone. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

@FlashesOfRage
I'm completely with you - I had a meltdown at partner yesterday, I'm 8+5 I'm was worrying that I've not had many strong symptoms so was worrying about MMC - I choose to book a private scan just to reassure me......spoke to partner expecting him to be excited and he's acting like I'm inventing my worries and me stressing is stopping him from getting excited!
I had a full blown meltdown - tears and everything (very unlike me!) he's now being more supportive but I just don't think they get what were all going through emotionally and physically!

@futuredreams I've had letters tellings me partner can go, then phone calls saying he cant! I was worried I'd have to deal with bad news on my own which is one reason I've booked private scan as he can attend that one!

@rara88Cas that’s awful conflicting advice. I’m sorry you had that. I was going to book a private scan but all private clinics here aren’t allowing partners in either and also have cut all their scans to essential only which starts 17-20 weeks only. I’m trying to cope with all of this but everyone has a limit. Lol

@futuredreams I booked with window to the womb yesterday (mines in Leeds but they're all over!) they have said that you can bring 1 person with you. See if there's one near you?
My partner is feeling very disconnected so I want him to see baby and hopefully we will both be able to hear a healthy heartbeat, obviously My biggest wish is baby is healthy, but secondly I want partner to feel more connected to whats happening.
I have been so worried about MC and MMC that he says I've terrified him now I he said he cant start to enjoy it until 12 week NHS scan, I'm hoping this one might relax him a little - and me!

DHs can find it all very odd. They just see their partner/wife, same as normal, just saying they feel sick. They dont really realise there is a baby in there. My DH didnt get it at all on DD. He wasnt interested in touching the bump, or the movements, or the growth updates. He admitted when I was pregnant he didnt know how he would bond with the baby as he didnt feel like it was real. However, he cooked, he cleaned, he toilet trained our pup alone, he made me toast in the morning. That was his way. They all have their own way. Try not to expect it to be like the movies where men are all excited and obsessed with the bump. DHs just all help or cope in their own way. When the baby comes, it will all be very real, trust me lol.

@futuredreams and @Sakura54, my letter does say that I can bring one person with me. However, my gut is telling me that it’s a standard letter. I’m not going to worry about it until the week before (as policies are changing day by day) and then ring then.
I had a miscarriage in January and due to being admitted to hospital (with a suspected eptopic), I ended up going through the whole scan procedure alone. So when I found out the policy was that I had to go on my own this time I was distraught, we tried to ring a lot of private places but nowhere near us was scanning. Anyway, at 8 weeks (about 2 weeks ago)I had a small bleed, rang my gp in tears (because the midwife was engaged for an hr), he called through to a gp in AnE (Due to the CV new protocol) and I was seen and scanned in the epau in the same hour. I think the adrenaline stopped me thinking about being alone. My OH had to sit in the car but tbh the hospital were brilliant, I couldn’t fault them, they told him where to park that was nearest to the doors I was going in so I wasn’t on my own too long and they didn’t leave me in the waiting room in the epau more than 2 minutes. They even printed him a photo (which I didn’t expect at 8 weeks). Baby was fine and was seen on a normal scan (not Internal). So I’m now just hoping and praying everything is still ok.

I’m planning on asking my OH to sit in the car at my 12 weeks (just in case it’s bad news), as he’s on furlough anyway. I’ve also liked every private scanning place in my area on Facebook so I can book a private one for him to be there as soon as restrictions lift for businesses. I’m worrying that he might struggle to bond as he’s not going through the same journey as me (seeing scans, not being at appointments etc).

My midwife told me in my booking appointment (which was over the phone) that I’d have to come to the scan by myself. I knew I would anyway because my DH will have to look after our toddler during it. Luckily the private scan I had this week did a couple of mini videos (10 seconds each) of the baby kicking so my DH has seen those - it’s just magical. I think it really brought it home for him. If you’re going to your 12 week scan alone I’d so recommend asking them if you can film a bit because it’s actually lovely being able to watch it back yourself!

Maybe I am just a pessimist (well that's not really a maybe), but I have just come to accept that this pregnancy isnt going to have those 'magical moments' that were there for my first. The scans will just be me, and they will be done when they 100% need to be done, I will barely see the midwife, I will have to tell people i am pregnant over video chat, there will be no baby shower, no gender reveal (again, probably over video call), and DH will miss a lot. I will just bake the baby and push it out. It's sad, especially as I am pretty sure this is my last baby, but there is nothing I can do really . I just try to focus on the idea of the baby being born and the enjoyment you get out of your child, rather than enjoying my pregnancy. It's a small period of time in relation to being a parent.

It is really sad, this is my first baby and probably only baby I'm going to have. You get these magical ideas of having a lovely social pregnancy, shopping with your Mum for baby clothes etc, but we are just the unlucky ones!
I really feel sad for the women giving birth in April/May/June as they will face big restrictions, and be really scared. Hopefully we should get a fairly normal time with our newborns fingers crossed, and if not we had months to prepare for it mentally

@Squidgebum I get that but I’m also hopeful that things will improve in the months between now and the babies being born 🤞🏻. Being pregnant is also so different when you’ve already got a child I think. I couldn’t relax and milk my first pregnancy because we were renovating our house and living in a building site, but wish now I had!

Can anyone help - I had my booking appt on the phone last Thursday. The midwife said the notes would be posted to me and I should take these to every future appt. I'm having my bloods on Tuesday but haven't received anything yet (don't think the bank holiday and reduced postal service has helped) has anyone else had their notes posted did they take a while to arrive?

@excitednerves my husband is the same. And I have genuine worry after my bleed and scan and he's still in the "what will.be will be" and "don't worry about something you can't change" mode. Its so frustrating. He's great at everything else but emotions are not his strong point!

@squidgebum, maybe that’s the way I am going to have to deal with it. It’s just difficult especially if it’s your first. :( I feel like I’m going into the unknown alone...

I understand the severity (my mums a nurse for the nhs) and the need to keep everyone safe but equally, I’m just hoping and praying that by summer some restrictions have lifted as if not this is going to be a loooong 9 months.

Wow these threads are moving fast 😂 I haven’t had a chance to catch up but just jumping on the new one.
Had a scan at the epu yesterday, doctor referred me as I was having pains on one side. All was ok baby measuring at 7 weeks had to be an internal as I have a tilted uterus and it made it clearer to see.

@LozEliza, My notes are online but I need:

1. A password via text - which I have
2. Instructions of how to access them via letter - which I don’t have yet.

So at the minute I have parts of the jigsaw puzzle... I’m hoping by Friday I’ve got everything. It’ll give Mr postman 2 weeks (since my booking appt) to catch up before chasing.

@Workingmama1 exactly like mine. Part of me kind of wishes I could be like that but when it’s happening to you, it’s so hard not to worry. I care about this little baby already, even though it’s only like a cm long. We all just want everything to be ok.

@KatieGlo I'm in the same boat as you - first baby, and likely the only one I'll have. X

Does anybody know what I will experience being consultant led? Is it any different than midwife led?

I’m sad for my husband, as this will be our only child so the only chance he gets to go to scans etc. And he was the one that really wanted a child, much more so than me. So it’s sad he won’t get to come to things. I wouldn’t have a baby shower/sex reveal anyway, so not concerned about that. I am only really bothered about medical treatment. I think things will be fine by the time we give birth, and my midwife was hopeful that I’d be able to have the home birth that I want. So am holding on to that.

@LozEliza my booking was over the phone 3 weeks ago and I had to go to their base to pick the notes up the next day. They couldn't find them so said they'd post them to me but I got nothing. So rang them yesterday, a lovely midwife was very apologetic and I went to pick them straight up you could always give it til Monday and give them a ring just in case x

Thanks @burntpinky back feel better today but still getting the odd twinge, I find that easier to cope with though. Trying to be more zen today!
Hope the test goes well. We may well get the NIPT too, I need to read through everything again, I’ve already lost grip of what’s when!

This is all very upsetting really, my hospital has a separate building for maternity services so I am hoping things will be more straightforward. I am currently waiting for my scan letter to arrive, but I haven't had any post for a couple of weeks, which is very odd.

I am not that fussy about baby shower/gender reveal, but I am from South America and really wanted to fly out there for a family and friends get together at around 6/7months but pretty sure that won't happen.

@LozEliza - I got my notes on Tuesday, a full two weeks after my booking appointment over the phone. The postal service is definitely impacted at the moment. If you haven't received them before your next appointment just give your midwife a call. I'm sure it won't be an issue. x