Constant anxiety due to previous miscarriage

[LittleGem638]

Hi everyone
I am 6+5 today and have been suffering with anxious thoughts and constant worry that I'm going to lose this baby. I have no other children.
I had a miscarriage in December at 7 weeks and obviously was over the moon to be pregnant again this soon after.
I want to be so happy but it's like I am holding myself back to try to stop it hurting emotionally if something goes wrong.
I had an early scan on wednesday at my EPU as my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared, all was well, could see little kidney bean shaped baby with a flickering heartbeat and this filled me with relief but again I am now anxious!
Any advise on how to get through this would be appreciated because I want to enjoy this pregnancy.

Hi, I had a miscarriage last year too.

I'm currently 16 weeks and noticed that I've only this week stopped checking the toilet paper every time I go for a wee, for months I've been checking for blood.
The anxiety doesn't ever really leave I'm afraid, but the further along you get it does dull a bit.
I found reaching key land marks helped, so getting past 11 weeks (when I lost the last one) then having my 12 week scan, then getting to 16 week midwife appointment.

Don't feel like you have to enjoy the whole pregnancy. Honestly my symptoms kicked in pretty hard at 7 weeks and I felt bloody awful until 14 weeks, not enjoyable regardless of fertility history!

Just try to distract yourself and focus on the landmarks/milestones.

Hey littlegem, could have written your post this time last year. I miscarrried at 7 weeks then got pregnant a few months later.

I think it’s natural to hold back once you’ve had a loss, it’s you mentally protecting yourself in case it happens again. But I do feel sad that my miscarriage ‘robbed’ me of being able to enjoy my next pregnancy.

I second the previous poster of focusing on milestones. I got through the anxiety by only focusing on a couple of days ahead at a time, so getting to the 7 week mark, then 7 and a half and then 8 etc. Then focusing on bigger milestones such as the 12 week scan, 16 week midwife check and so on.

To be perfectly honest my anxiety didn’t really start to settle until I started to feel her move (around 20 weeks) but you will get through it. Also stop reading any of the miscarriage boards, it doesn’t help to read negative stories.

I’m cuddling my little one now so happy endings do happen, stay strong x

@anotherypasswordtoremember and @Careybeary thank you for reaching out and giving me this advice. I am sorry for your losses and its nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this.

I think I am maybe thinking into things too much and needs to chill out a bit and i think the focusing on milestones sounds like a really great idea.
I think it's the fear of the unknown and all the hope that comes from peeing on that stick and seeing the two lines (even though I kept telling myself not to get ahead of things).
I've been trying not to focus too much on the pregnancy apps and what symptoms I 'should' be feeling as I know every pregnancy is different and I dont want to compare myself to others.

Hi @LittleGem638 I could have wrote your post myself. I had a mc at 8 weeks in November last year and I am currently 6 weeks today.

Its like my brain has completely shut down to the fact im pregnant- I cant get excited at all plus all this coronavirus stuff has got me stuck at home so I dont even have work to distract me.

Your not alone 🥰🥰

I keep telling myself I’ll relax when I get to X. First one was no AF. I had a chemical pregnancy last year and AF came like normal in spite of my BFPs. Second was my early scan. Then I had another early scan. Then I wanted to get to 12 weeks. I’m now 15 weeks and have a wellbeing scan next week. DH has told me this is the last private scan I’m allowed. After this scan, I’ll probably tell myself I can relax when I can feel the movements.

I honestly didn’t panic at all with DD. Your anxiety definitely hyped up after a loss. Try not to worry and congratulations.

I had a mmc last April and I'm now 15+4. My anxiety was quite bad in the first trimester. This has eased a fair bit but the anxiety is still there. The fear of the next scan, especially with the prospect that DH won't be able to come with me.

@MissSparkles81 nice to know someone is at the same stage in this journey as me, I feel less alone :). I'm stuck at home too so hardly able to keep distracted at all with work
@BeingATwatItsABingThing thank you, I'm definitely going to try and focus on my milestones, I think that will help me focus my mind a little
@Chanel05 I know I had to have my early scan on my own and was a ball of nerves so cant imagine how it would feel for you with your later scans when you want to share the happiness with your partner. I found comfort in the fact that the midwife was very kind and got me out of the waiting room where I was sat on my own as quick as possible. Although I did find she didn't let me look at the screen for very long as she wanted me out and I wasnt allowed any pictures with me only being 6 weeks.

Thank you all for your replies, I'm definitely not alone in feeling this way which gives me reassurance and hope ❤

@littlegem638 I understand how you're feeling, I had a missed carriage in October and I'm now 7 weeks tomorrow! I've still not contacted doctor / midwife because I'm scared it will jinx it 😔

You're definitely not alone ❤️

@watermelonsuger sorry for your loss. I understand where you are coming from with not wanting to jinx it but seeing/speaking to a midwife could also make it feel more real.
Glad we are all not alone in this ❤

@watermelonsuger I know how you are feeling. I did contact mines and have my booking in date and scan as they give them over the phone but I haven't opened the letter from the hospital yet.

@LittleGem638 & @MissSparkles81 I think I am going to bite the bullet and call them on Monday x

Hi. Congratulations!

I know it's hard. I had a MMC last year followed by a MC. I'm now 28 weeks pregnant.

At the beginning I was extremely pessimistic. But you have seen the heartbeat and that is a big milestone. I think I'd say you need to take each day as it comes but it is understandable you would feel anxious. It does get easier, particularly for me when I passed the points at which it went wrong for me before and more than anything when I started feeling movements. Just know that it is normal to feel this way but the odds are in your favour.

@watermelonsuger ring them when you are ready but just know making that call isnt going to harm the health of your baby :)

@SnoozyLou thank you for that, through this thread I'm starting to realise I'm not the only person going through this and that there are so many other at different stages in their pregnancy. I'm definitely at the point where I'm taking every day as it comes :) seeing the heartbeat did help as I never had that with my previous pregnancy and it showed that although I was feeling all that doubt and anxiety since finding out at 4 weeks that I was still growing a baby

I had a MC at 6 weeks and fell pregnant again quickly. I was a nervous wreck, currently 20 weeks and am still worried something is going to go wrong but I'm a lot calmer than I was, especially when I feel the baby kick.
I don't have any solutions but take each day as it comes and found focusing on the landmarks/dates as a PP suggested helpful.
One thing I read someone post on another thread was remember that it's a new pregnant, it is a new egg, new sperm. Sounds obvious but reminding myself of this really helped when my anxiety got the better of me.
Good luck.

Hi everyone, I am currently 6 weeks pregnant and also a nervous wreck. I had a missed miscarriage at 11weeks in October last year, it’s been stressful trying for the last few months and now although I’m so so happy to be pregnant I am so nervous. I have booked an early scan for when i am 8 weeks so I’m hoping all goes ok. However due to corona I’m going to have to go back to the same scan place that I went to when I found out about my MMC. Feeling so anxious. Find myself saying “if this one sticks” “hopefully by Christmas we will have a baby” it’s like I’m trying not to attach myself just in case. It’s been comforting to read your stories and know that I’m not alone in feeling like this. I agree with a previous poster who said she feels robbed of a happy pregnancy - I totally feel that and just hoping it doesn’t last the entire 40 weeks. Hope everyone’s staying safe x

@2020Aug thank you and congrats :) that's a really helpful way to look at things, like this baby is a fresh start and to give this pregnancy the best chance

@Annabel2019 seems we are in the same situation and a lot of the feelings you have are the same as mine, that I have to catch myself from saying 'if everything turns out okay..'. Moving forward I'm going to try my best to feel positive and hopeful, going to focus on small milestones but I think I will always be anxious until i have my baby in my arms. Trying to not put so much pressure on myself as well.
Hopefully we can all check in with each other and give each other the little boosts we need to keep going

Sounds like a good way forward @littlegem638. You’ve had a scan too which is reassuring - do you think you will have another before 12 weeks? I was too worried they wouldn’t find a heartbeat yet which is why I have waited til 8 weeks so fingers crossed all is ok then. Were you allowed anyone in with you to the scan? X

@Annabel2019 I'm not too sure about having another scan, I think I'll wait to see how I feel but if my anxiety gets too much I will probably book one in to give me some reassurance.
I was scared they wouldnt find a heartbeat but was so happy they did, felt so much relief.
I wasnt allowed anyone in the waiting room or the scan room, this was done at a hospital though and they are being very strict around visitors at my local hospital. Having no one there made me feel very panicked but the nurse came for me very quickly so I didn't have to wait on my own and she reassured me straight away that baby was okay x

Hi all,
I’m also in the same boat. Currently 8 was today and had a MMC in September. Feel such a range of emotions on a daily basis. 1 minute I want to talk about it, next I don’t even want to think about it. Constantly prodding my boobs to check they’re still sore. Can’t imagine feeling relaxed ever about this pregnancy.

I'm in the same boat. Just found out today I'm pregnant. Had a miscarriage last year at about 6 weeks. Anxiety already through the roof! x

@Foreverblowingbubbles18 the range of emotions is crazy. I cant even really rely on my symptoms as I am finding things like sore boobs and nausea come and go for me :/

@BBW28 congratulations on that lovely news :) we can only try our best to ignore the anxiety I suppose and try to focus on the positives but I know it's going to be long few months for us all x

@LittleGem638 thank you lovely and you too! Almost feels too soon to get excited if you know what I mean. So good to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this xx

I had similar OP. I got pregnant 6 months after a loss and was very happy BUT the previous loss did spoil some of my pregnancy.

I was scanned quite frequently 3 NHS and 3 private and each one put my mind at ease for a short time but the thought of that previous loss was always in the back of my mind.

I loved being pregnant but there was definitely an undertone of worry the whole way through and I don't think I fully relaxed until DC was safely in my arms.

I think you need to just embrace the worry, it's natural but don't let your mind run away with it. The likelihood of the same happening is so slim.

Massive congratulations to you.

Hi ladies.

We have a very active thread at Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows - 2 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3835015-pregnant-after-loss-and-dreaming-of-rainbows-2 that you're very welcome to join - we're all in the same (terrifying) boat experiencing pregnancy after one or more losses and can sympathise with the crazy rollercoaster of emotions you are going through. I'm 14 weeks tomorrow and it still doesn't seem real, the first trimester was an incredibly long and slow slog having lost my previous pregnancies at 7 and 8 weeks. I've been batting coronavirus for 10 days now so again it's all been feeling quite surreal and although everything was good at my 12 week scan I'm nervous as to how the baby is doing after I've been so poorly.
The only advice I can give is to take each day as it comes and that it's always better if you can share your anxieties rather than keeping them locked up - Mumsnet has been an absolute godsend to me to be honest. I was lucky enough to have NHS scans this time round at 7 and 9 weeks which helped but they only took away the anxiety temporarily - it quickly creeps back again. I'm assuming private scanning places are shut now?

@knightlight thank you for that, knowing others have felt the same helps me feel less weird about how I feel. Like you said I dont think I'll be fully relaxed until baby is in my arms and then there will be a whole other load of stress and anxiety to deal with haha!

@Avocuddles I cant imagine what you are going through battling this awful virus on top of having the anxiety of pregnancy after loss. I have been lucky to have an early scan but hoping if my anxiety ramps up again that I have the option of private scanning although they may be closed due to the virus. I'm finding talking to people is really helping me because I know I'm not alone x