Constant anxiety due to previous miscarriage

[LittleGem638]

Hi everyone
I am 6+5 today and have been suffering with anxious thoughts and constant worry that I'm going to lose this baby. I have no other children.
I had a miscarriage in December at 7 weeks and obviously was over the moon to be pregnant again this soon after.
I want to be so happy but it's like I am holding myself back to try to stop it hurting emotionally if something goes wrong.
I had an early scan on wednesday at my EPU as my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared, all was well, could see little kidney bean shaped baby with a flickering heartbeat and this filled me with relief but again I am now anxious!
Any advise on how to get through this would be appreciated because I want to enjoy this pregnancy.

I think private scan places are still open but they can’t do the gender scans or 4d scans as that is seen as a nice to have. The other scans are to check the health of the baby so still available. I’m hoping to go next Thursday for an early scan - I’ll be 8 weeks. I haven’t booked yet as never know what the government will do next.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing/bad thing that I won’t see any midwife etc until the 12 week scan - that’s what my community midwife told me on the phone - Is that they same for you early weekers? Booking bloods urine etc will be done at scan.

Anyone having morning sickness? Mines in full flow now - working full time at home with a 3 year old....it’s not enjoyable at all!

Hope you’re all doing well x

@Annabel2019 I have my booking in appointment over the phone on wednesday, I was told by the community midwife hub that I would then probably have my bloods taken in a 15 minute slot at a local clinic, but this may have changed from last week. Will let you know once had the telephone call.

I've not had any actual sickness but my nausea is now kicking in throughout the day. Have you found anything that helps you? Cant see it been too long before it gets worse so I am glad to be working from home during this first trimester. I cant imagine trying to work whilst having a little one around so hands up to you!

Having a bad day anxiety wise. My symptoms seem to have lessened in intensity today and of course I am now worried.
I wish I wasn't like this because I'm aware I'm causing all this stress myself and reading too much into everything.
I wish I could switch my brain off sometimes.
I'm just trying to repeat to myself that there is nothing happening to indicate baby isnt okay and that just because I've had a loss before doesnt mean I will have another.

I'm in exactly the same boat @LittleGem638. I feel like I'm convincing myself something has gone wrong just in case. I'm 6 weeks tomorrow so it's very early days but feel like the few symptoms I had have disappeared, but I'm so early o wouldn't have many yet anyway. Mine is an IVF baby so luckily I will get an 8 week scan but I know that will only calm be for a day.

I keep telling myself that worrying is pointless as it won't change anything and that calms me for a little bit but then it starts again.... I'd happily take some morning sickness as a reassurance right now

@Pinktruffle @LittleGem638 honestly ladies you can be as reasuured by no symptoms as by symptoms. I had the worst morning sickness with my last pregnancy up until my 12 week scan, where it showed the baby had stopped developing at like 5/6 weeks. But my body kept producing the hormone to try and sustain the pregnancy. A very cruel trick. But it goes to show that morning sickness or other symptoms are not a sign you are still pregnant.

I am currently nearly six weeks after finding out about that missed miscarriage last October, and I worry every day too that it might not work out. I totally understand absolutely everything you are worried about @LittleGem638, thank goodness for mumsnet, because I know that trying to be positive even of you fake it till you make it, does help, and the women here are good at lifting each other up 💜🙌

@Pinktruffle thanks for joining my worry boat (got to laugh or I'd cry). I'm quite an anxious person anyway and I am a pessimist so always looking for the negative in good situations. Really want to let myself be happy and calm because this baby is so loved and I want to give it all my hope. Fingers crossed for us and hopefully we are just the lucky ones who are not going to have horrendous first trimester with sickness

@ChampooPapi thank you. A lot of people have said not to read into our symptoms as they can nothing. It really is nice to see that we can all be here for each other, even if it is just to share our worries and make the other person feel they aren't alone in feeling it. I'm having a bit more of a positive day today after my anxiety filled day yesterday.

Today I went for my midwife appointment to get my bloods and blood pressure done so trying to give myself a break from stressing as this morning I was a bag of nerves (I hate needles)

@ChampooPapi reading your message I felt like it was me typing it. I also had a missed miscarriage last October...I had dreadful morning sickness from 5 weeks up until my scan and I was so shocked when they told me the baby was only measuring 6 weeks, I didn’t understand....so you’re completely right Symptoms don’t mean anything...honestly I don’t wish them upon anyone, they are actually debilitating (for me anyway). I’m 7 weeks tomorrow and my sister keeps telling me that there is no reason to think there is anything wrong...but it doesn’t seem to matter to me what people say you still end up feeling like the same thing is going to happen again. It’s so frustrating. I really hope once we are all past the dreaded 13 weeks that we start to ease our worry, or at least when we feel our babies kicking. @littlegem638 glad you’re having a better day and it’s good you’ve had your booking bloods etc. I honestly feel like the days are going by soooo slowly. Coronavirus doesn’t help either! On bad days I think to myself that I’m one step closer to having a baby in my arms...there are many women in the phase of trying to get pregnant. We are all there now and I feel so grateful for that. X

I'm having a really bad day today, I feel really negative like I've already lost and I have no real reason to feel that way. My husband told me to be positive and I kind of ripped his head off about it.

I think I may need a break from the internet and just try to change my thinking a little.

There must be something in the air at the moment as I've just had a full on break down to my husband. I think its because this is the week the baby stopped growing last time so feeling super anxious- plus any twinge I'm getting I think yep that's it it's happening. I feel like I'm holding my breath constantly not allowing myself to breathe. Being stuck at home has also made it 10x worse, being at work would at least take my mind off it for a few hours. X

@Annabel2019 I definitely think my own anxiety will lessen once I can feel baby moving and kicking.
You're right about Corona virus making anxiety worse, I feel like if I was busy working and seeing my family and colleagues that I would be more distracted and have less time to think about these things.
@Pinktruffle the internet can be such a positive place but it also bad for fuelling anxiety, especially with the state of the world at the minute. I think it's hard for partners to fully understand the anxiety (I know my partner doesnt) and they are just trying their best to think positively and get us through it x

@Foreverblowingbubbles18 I'm the same with any little twinges, my first instinct is to google but I know I shouldn't x

And not only was this week when it stopped growing before, this week is when the baby would have been due so it's a double whammy for me 😔

@Foreverblowingbubbles18 oh this week is going to be a hard on for you :(
Make sure to make time for yourself, dont put too much pressure on yourself and talk to your loved ones ❤

@Annabel2019 it was one of the most confusing situations in my entire life, as well as being the most poorly I even had felt in pregnancy (it was my third), so I feel you girl! I wouldn't wish morning/all day and evening sickness on my worst enemy, let alone the sickness that you just about got through to the other side, after riding out the worst days of your life, only to find there is no actual baby. A blessed relief in some ways that there was very little for us too see on the sonogram, but it is incredibly hard to now imagine that there is anything inside us, I believe we have to just have grit , bring forth the strength we had to get through the first trimester last time, and use that again to reach out goal. We have been robbed of any innocence and certainty, but I believe we have been given the gift of gratitude for the things that matter, the things we may not have appreciated as much before our losses.

I do refuse to be defined by that experience or that loss, I am still me, we are all still us! But we will carry our losses and experiences with us and to a certain extent, we must try and embrace them and take what we can from them.

One day we will look back rather then forwards , and we will be on the other side.

But it is a load of bollocks sometimes and incredibly hard not to obsess under these circumstances , i know I'll never look at any woman the same after this past year 💜

@champoopapi I agree, I certainly have a different perspective now. I have one child already and never even thought about miscarriage or that anything could go wrong. My not so little one just turned 4 and I only recently realised how often people ask “when are you having another?” “Are you just going to have the 1?”...obviously they don’t know you’ve had a miscarriage and are trying but still I don’t think I’ll ever ask a woman if she’s having anymore or why she hasn’t got kids ever again - it can be a very painful and unspoken about journey.

We also haven’t told our son this time round as it was so hard telling him there was not going to be a baby Last time because he didn’t really understand. Prob won’t tell him for a while to be honest. How about you?

Have any of you told people your news? I’ve defo been more guarded with telling people - I’ve told my parents and sisters only, last time I’d told so many people in the run up to the 12 week scan. X

@Annabel2019 with my previous pregnancy I told all my family (siblings, aunties, grandparents) and found it was the hardest having to untell them.
We decided this time to only tell the people we feel we would want to know if we lost this baby too, so we have told our parents and I have told my two closest friends. Due to the situation with coronavirus I have had to tell all of my colleagues (which I really didn't want to) but needs must I suppose. We will be telling all the family and friends once we have had the 12 weeks scan

@littlegem638 yeah that’s exactly my thinking too! I haven’t told my boss - hoping to keep it quiet for now although if my morning sickness gets much worse I may have to tell him. Hoping for us all that we get there 😘 counting down the day’s until my 8 week scan first though.7 days to go. I wanted to have a scan last time at 8 weeks, really wished I had as I think I’d rather no the bad news than carry on with an unviable pregnancy. X

@Annabel2019 let's hope those 7 days go quickly for you so you have the chance to see your little baby :)
I think even though I had a scan at 6 weeks I will probably look into having a private scan at around 9 weeks to give me some more reassurance and also so my partner can also see his baby.
My fingers are crossed for all of us that we can get through this pregnancy with a little rainbow at the end of it, so that all the worry will have been worth it ❤

Hiya everyone

Ive been off mumsnet for a few days as anxiety is getting to me again. Currently 6+4 and the nausea has really kicked in big style. Thankfully not been sick yet but the nausea is there literally all day 🙄 It eases up when I eat but then comes right back.

I booked in for a private scan last night at window to the womb as I just cant wait for my 12 week one. I had my mc at 8 weeks in November and this scan will be at 8+6. Thankfully my bf will be able to come with me as if things stay the way they are I will be going on my own in May.

Quietly reading and catching up with everyone just not in a good headspace to actively chat.

One of my friends has just announced her pregnancy at 10 weeks. I want to shout at her wtf are you doing?? I just hope she never has to go through what we have all been through xx

@MissSparkles81 I feel you....the nausea is so awful and I’m the same the only relief is when eating. I also just booked my scan today for 8 weeks +1 and then if all is ok I think I’ll go again at 10 weeks just because like you said I don’t think we will be allowed daddy’s at our 12 week nhs scans. 😩 Hope you are feeling ok.
X

@MissSparkles81 completely get where you're coming from. I'm 4+5 and had an MC at about 5 weeks last year. Cannot relax for a second and spend way too much time on google. No real symptoms yet. I'm 37 so think that doesn't help with stress surrounding MC. Not even my boyfriend knows. Not sure he's going to be exactly happy as he's older and already had a family. Don't know how I'm going to get through the next few weeks without losing my mind. Comforting to know others feel the same. Feels like a very lonely place right now but hopefully going to be worth it in the end and history won't repeat itself. Sending you lots of love and positivity vibes x

Thanks ladies ... hope your both doing ok. Today I have hit 7 weeks and the nausea is still going strong.

Ive also become obsessed and I mean obsessed with checking my underwear like 50 times per day and that doesnt include wiping after going to the toilet. I constantly feel like I have discharge all the time.

Does anyone else experience this?

Hi ladies hope you're all finding time over the weekend to relax.
@MissSparkles81 I get what you mean about the checking on the underwear, although I am finding I have a lot of discharge, almost like egg white (ovulation discharge), googled this no end of times and apparently it's normal.
I keep toying with the idea of booking in a private scan before my 12 weeks scan. Had my scan at 6 weeks and everything was fine but relief was short lived and I am again convinced something is going wrong or is going to go wrong.
Spoke to my OH about booking a scan and he said not to and that I need to be confident in myself and the baby but i also want to book one so that he can see the baby too, I feel it's harder for men to attach to a baby without seeing it in black and white (especially with what our OHs have been through with MC). I dont know what to do for the best x

@littlegem638 I had my booking in appointment today over the phone and the midwife said that a lot of women are having private scans around 12 weeks so the OH’s can see baby. I think I will because they look like a proper baby by this point. X

@annabel2019 I'm thinking of having one around 10-11 weeks just to take away some of the anxiety of going to the 12 week scan alone x

@LittleGem638 yes this is exactly what I am having. Relief to know that someone else is having it too.
I had a scan at 6 weeks last time but we have waited this time round. Ours is a week on Friday so will be 8+6.