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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Constant anxiety due to previous miscarriage

99 replies

LittleGem638 · 27/03/2020 21:18

Hi everyone
I am 6+5 today and have been suffering with anxious thoughts and constant worry that I'm going to lose this baby. I have no other children.
I had a miscarriage in December at 7 weeks and obviously was over the moon to be pregnant again this soon after.
I want to be so happy but it's like I am holding myself back to try to stop it hurting emotionally if something goes wrong.
I had an early scan on wednesday at my EPU as my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared, all was well, could see little kidney bean shaped baby with a flickering heartbeat and this filled me with relief but again I am now anxious!
Any advise on how to get through this would be appreciated because I want to enjoy this pregnancy.

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Montii · 04/04/2020 20:05

Hi Ladies,

I’m in the same boat as a lot of you, currently 9+1, I had two MC last year at 5+2 and 6+3 and I’m still checking for blood every time I go to the toilet.

I had a scan at 7+2 and everything was measuring right with a strong heartbeat but I’m still so nervous. I’ve booked for a private scan at 10+4 because I don’t think I can wait until 12 weeks and want to see that everything is ok still.

I have found this website reassuring, someone on another Miscarriage thread here posted about it a while back, for me it has made me feel better seeing the odds of a miscarriage going down.

datayze.com/miscarriage-reassurer

I have a 2.5 year old and didn’t feel this anxiety with him at all. We haven’t told any of our family or friends about this pregnancy yet, will wait until the 12 week scan.

I’ve just been speaking on WhatsApp with a girl I met on another miscarriage board after my previous one because she understands what I’m going through.

Take care and fingers crossed for all of us Flowers

MissSparkles81 · 05/04/2020 18:15

Ive just had a bleed and im terrified that its another MC(miscarriage). Im 7+1 today and literally went to the toilet about an hr ago and nothing and then was getting changed into pjs when I noticed it. I would say that it was a medium amount ... definitely not spotting.

It seems to have eased off now but im so gutted that I am going to have to go through the farce of having to get in touch with the epu tomorrow again. My care was so badly managed last time that I ended up putting a complaint in.

I just feel numb just now ... cant believe that this could be happening again

LittleGem638 · 05/04/2020 18:44

@misssparkles81 sorry to hear that but a bleed does not mean a miscarriage, although I know saying this will not reassure you. Its positive that its eased off.
Are you having any pain?

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MissSparkles81 · 05/04/2020 18:48

Im having some cramping but nothing too bad. Just my normal level of cramping.

I know it doesnt always mean bad news but after going through this once before thats obviously where my heads going.

Im just so sick of this ... why cant I have a normal straightforward pregnancy 😔

Annabel2019 · 05/04/2020 19:43

@misssparkles81. So sorry to hear you’ve had a bleed - really hope you are ok. Hopefully it’s nothing and not the worst case scenario - but it’s understandable that you think it’s going wrong again, I think we would all be the same. If you can, try and get some sleep so you can get to the EPU first thing tomorrow and get checked over. Keeping my fingers and toes tightly crossed for you. Please let us know how you get on x

MissSparkles81 · 06/04/2020 09:04

So managed to get the through to the epu and they cant scan me till wednesday at 12 and sadly my bf isnt able to come in with me.

Ive had spotting every time I wipe. Its not alot and its kinda going dark brown so hoping thats a good sign that as last time the bleeding continued and got heavier.

LittleGem638 · 06/04/2020 09:36

@misssparkles81 waiting until wednesday will be hard :/ is there any other EPUs in your hospital district? I know for mine I can visit two, one in my town and another an hour away.
Sadly they aren't letting anyone in for scans with woman, which I think in your situation is not right. When I went to EPU over a week ago I had to go in alone as well.
Dark brown means older blood doesnt it, so that's positive in my eyes.
Fingers and toes crossed that everything is okay for you. Here if you need to talk x

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Annabel2019 · 06/04/2020 10:39

Yeah I think dark brown is a good sign :) Could you go and get a scan privately? They should be able to get you in today and your partner can go in with you? Waiting until Wednesday is so hard, stay strong. Thinking of you x

MissSparkles81 · 06/04/2020 10:48

There is only one private scanning place still operating and they dont have any appointments till 23rd April. We actually have a private scan booked for next Friday at this place.

Im just gonna have to wait it out I think.

Annabel2019 · 06/04/2020 11:19

Hmph that's so annoying. Rest up and take care x

MissSparkles81 · 07/04/2020 08:29

Morning ladies.

I still cant believe I have to wait another 24hrs for my scan. Im pretty much only having the tiniest little brownish stained discharge when I wipe so I am hoping and praying that this is a good sign.

I came across an NHS leaflet online that said its common to have some brown discharge for a few days after a bleed so taking some comfort in that.

Its totally different to last time where the bleeding just continued to get heavier with clots etc so thats whats keeping me going.

I even said prayers last night in bed ... which is totally not like me at all. Brought up catholic but havnt been to chapel since I was wee.

Officially losing the plot!!

Annabel2019 · 07/04/2020 14:54

@MissSparkles81 Positive news then, I think it would have got heavier by now if it was the worst case scenario. Wednesday is nearly here and you will know for sure!!!

I have my scan on Thursday and am also stressing out.....just hoping everything is going to be normal. The not knowing is killing me. It's also not until 6pm so I feel that Thursday is going to drag like anything.

MissSparkles81 · 08/04/2020 13:13

Afternoon ladies. Im so happy to report that everything is fine 🥰 No obvious reason for the bleed and measuring slightly ahead at 8+1

She said there was a wee pocket of blood still sitting there so I might have more spotting but she was happy that everything looked ok.

Only worrying thing was I had a temp of 38 even though I feel completely fine so just spoke to my manager who is going to arrange testing for me through occupational health at work.

So relieved and thank you for the well wishesFlowers

Annabel2019 · 08/04/2020 13:56

Oh I am so so happy for you! Enjoy the good news, hopefully you will have some comfort now you have seen heartbeat and baby x

LittleGem638 · 08/04/2020 19:54

Sorry @MissSparkles81 mumsnet is not sending me notifications when people reply on posts so I just hopped on here to ask how you had got on and saw that you had updated us! I am so happy that everything is fine with you and baby, I've being thinking about you today.
Make sure you get lots of rest and relaxation for yourself, you deserve it ❤

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MissSparkles81 · 08/04/2020 21:10

Thank you ladies. I know we are very much not out of the danger zone but I do feel so much better after today.

We had already booked a private scan for next Friday so as long as my temperature doesn't develop into anything else more serious then we will still be going along to that one.

It will give me even more peace of mind and also lets my bf have the experience of a happy positive scan. He has a wee boy with his ex and she only let him go to one scan and it was a horrible experience as his ex is bonkers 🙄

LittleGem638 · 08/04/2020 21:53

@misssparklea81 I have a private scan booked in for next Friday too! I wanted a scan for my own anxieties but I also want my partner to experience a positive scan, like you said. My partner has only ever seen two ultrasound scans, both of which were of our first baby that wasnt there anymore Sad so fingers crossed at the scan next Friday he gets to see his little baby

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Annabel2019 · 09/04/2020 19:05

Thought I’d let you know that my scan went well! Baby with good heartbeat. So relieved I cannot explain. Hope everyone’s doing well x

LittleGem638 · 09/04/2020 19:46

@annabel2019 was this a private scan? So glad baby is doing okay :) how far along are you now? X

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Annabel2019 · 09/04/2020 19:52

@littlegem638 thank you! yes it was a private scan! 8 weeks 3 days x

LittleGem638 · 09/04/2020 19:57

@annabel2019 I'm nervous for my private scan next week, was it a good experience? I'll be 10+1 next week x

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Sundance5 · 09/04/2020 20:10

My heart goes out to you I have been in exactly the same situation as you. I don't think anyone who hasn't had a miscarriage can quite understand how it can ruin the early days of subsequent pregnancies.

I did the same as you the second pregnancy, early scan which helped for a small amount of time, looking at the statistics from the miscarriage association really helped me. The heartbeat at this stage is such a promising sign.

I went on to have two healthy babies (the first took over two years to conceive after the miscarriage) and both pregnancies I felt just as anxious in the early days. Each milestone did help it ease off though, the 12 week scan, first movements, the 20 week scan etc. Don't beat yourself up for feeling anxious, it's perfectly understandable. High levels of anxiety will only cause harm in the third trimester and by then you will likely feel very differently.

Another way that I got through it was so imagine how I would cope well and what I would do l if I did have another Miscarriage - bit hard to do in current times but I would think oh well I can drink at the next social event I had planned, or book myself a spa day etc with friends. Just something I wouldn't have been able to do pregnant.

Also someone who I knew from work who had some terribly late miscarriages and went on to have children spoke to me at the time I had my
Miscarriage and it makes sense to me now. She told me that when you finally get your baby, you realise that this was the baby you were always meant to have and you wouldn't want a different baby as yours is the love of your life and perfect in every way. I understand what she meant now.

Let those close to you know you are struggling and best of luck I hope this one sticks.

Annabel2019 · 09/04/2020 20:14

@littlegem638 I won’t lie, I was an absolute nervous wreck before! But I wrote on the form that I’d had a missed miscarriage previously and honestly as soon as I was lying on the chair she said within 5 seconds baby and heartbeat! I cried my eyes out - they were so lovely, I have found the people at private scans so lovely compared with the NHS ones. We got to pick a photo after and we even bought video of the baby and heartbeat for an extra £10. I’ve watched it about 20 times already. At 10 weeks your baby will much more developed. As long as everything is ok it will be wonderful. It’s just the anxiety before is awful. Will this be your first scan? X

LittleGem638 · 09/04/2020 20:48

@Sundance5 thank you your words are so encouraging and make so much sense :) it's an every day battle with feeling really excited and then feeling scared and anxious so I'm just taking each day as it comes until things have progressed and probably until I start feeling baby move. Speaking to my partner about how I feel is difficult because I dont want to worry him as he bottles all his feelings up, my mum is a wonderful source of support at the end of the phone though. Your story fills me with hope, as does every woman's who have gone through the saddest of experiences to get their rainbow ❤

@annabel2019 aw that's put my mind at ease a lot! I know I will be so nervous before going in, I'm just glad my partner gets to come in with me. Which scan place did you go to? Mine is at window to the womb. I'm hoping everything will be fine and we will be able to see our baby looking like the pictures I've seen on google images for 10 week ultrasounds. Did you get to hear the heartbeat?
I had an early scan at EPU at 6 weeks and I saw baby and heartbeat :) x

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Annabel2019 · 09/04/2020 20:59

@littlegem638 yes mine was also at window to the womb. We didn’t hear the heartbeat, hopefully we will at the next one though. I’m just hoping this puts my mind at rest longer than just for tonight. Not long until your scan, let us know how it goes. X