Are people lying when they say they got pregnant after relaxing?

[JillyGake]

I’ve heard so many stories from people saying that they stop trying and get pregnant. So just relax.

So many people say they have had tests, are temping, IVF etc. Then when nothing works they give up trying and that’s when they get pregnant. But...surely they still KNOW when they’re about to ovulate and then have sex? They can’t just remove that information from their brain. To stop trying they’d need to not have sex around ovulation. I don’t get it.

I’m desperate to have number 2 and I’m wondering if I stop temping if maybe that’d work. But I’d be stressed wondering if I ovulated or not

“Just relax” is an oft complained about “unhelpful thing to say” on infertility threads. Conception and carrying a baby to term is not about “relaxing”.

Do whatever works for you, at present.

No I over obsessed with getting pregnant with number 2. Didn't happen for months so I stopped tracking everything and two months later I fell on.

I have a suspicion that “relax” is code for “shag loads”.

I often wonder how many couples who struggle aren’t ACTUALLY shagging loads, at the right time.

I had several rounds of IUI and that was when OPKs became a precision sport. If you’re shagging loads, I can’t see what use they are, cos you’re ALWAYS going to be timing it “right”.

Well, I know it’s meant to be an unhelpful thing to say, so I don’t usually! But since you ask, I did get pregnant when I had genuinely accepted it wasn’t happening and abandoned hope. I had plans for a little sports car instead and had come to terms with it.

just relax is quite honestly the most annoying thing anyone can ever say to someone TTC isn't it?

I am pregnant with my second. With our first it took years, and fertility treatment etc. This time we got pregnant without trying, when I told a friend that she said "oh see its because you were relaxed"... Or it's because we happened to have sex the day before I ovulated by complete chance?! and technically we haven't used any protection since I had my son so you could say it's taken us another two years to get pregnant again?!

I think once you've started down the rabbit hole of TTC there is no relaxing. I found it so overwhelming. I definitely needed a mental break from it at times as it made me so depressed. So definitely take time for yourself and try and focus on other things... But because that's good for your mental health, not because I believe it will make you get pregnant faster.

Nope. After 6 years of trying we did ICSI and luckily conceived first go. We haven’t used any contraception for the 12 years after having ds, been so relaxed I’m practically horizontal and still not got pregnant again!!

I used to hate people saying it and thought it was so patronising but it was true for me...I finally fell after I accepted that it may not happen for us and stopped obsessing over it!

I had a mmc and became obsessed with ttc. I was living like an angel no caffeine or alcohol and temping. After a year I was v stressed by it all. I went to a friends party, got drunk and smoked weed. I went home to dtd because I knew I was ovulating then I went to the party... Spent the next week drinking irnbru. And then at 10dpo I got my long awaited bfp which turned in to my dd.
So ye relaxing definitely did the trick for me

Well.. first up I think it's a hugely unhelpful thing to say to anyone struggling to conceive, or who has suffered losses. Because when you're in that situation it can take over your mind and take you to some very dark or vulnerable places.

But personally (not that I'd share this with anyone unless asked) I think there's a case for "just more sex" for the time when you're likely to be ovulating.

4 years TTC, drove myself crazy trying all the time to the point I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Spoke to my partner and decided to go and do my HND professional cookery 2 year course at college, I put the whole TTC to the back of my mind and concentrated on my college work. My partner is 41 today and I am nearly 40 so I think we started to except the fact that it might never happen for us so we both agreed to just enjoy the rest of our lifes together and treat each other with dream holidays ect. We both have 2 DC each for our previous relationships, well I say children the are all between the ages of 16 and 21. We didnt put any blocks in to stop it from happening, I actually said to my partner in august I am going to get the coil in for my own sanity. I was due to start my 2 year college course in September at the time .. I felt it was best because like most of you will know it's so sore on your heart when you really want something so bad and you keep getting knocked. My partner didnt want me to get the coil in, he said he could see exactly where I was coming from and asked me to give it to the end of the year. He said, if nothing happens you can book an appointment and get the coil in January. So we stopped obsessing over the matter, I started college and I am now exactly 14 weeks pregnant today. I found out I was pregnant on the 28th of December, you honestly couldn't get any closer to the end of the year if you tried. I'm now left feeling that it was fate and something told my partner that it was going to happen for us. We only had sexual intercourse one time the month I fell pregnant and it happened so yeah I totally believe it happens.

It's not advice I would ever give, but it worked for me. I became obsessed with getting pregnant again after my MC, and then when we decided to take a break from actively trying (only DTD once that month), I got my bfp. I think I knew there might be a chance I would get pregnant as it was around the middle of my cycle, but it wasn't the reason for us having sex that night iyswim.

But I didn't have any fertility issues, so I guess it only works when stress or pressure might be the reasons for not conceiving.

You need to to do what is right for you. I know I can get quite obsessed with things, so tracking everything wasn't good for my mental health.

I know women who have got pregnant after giving up on the idea - years of trying, IVF etc then just having sex whenever they wanted to and got pregnant. Only in two cases though. I also know women who never got pregnant.

I'm sure it happens but you only tend to hear about the successes. I just relaxed 2 years ago after 2.5 years trying, still not pregnant.

@Delbelleber but really you got pregnant because you had sex when you ovulated.... Being relaxed didn't make you ovulate if you were already ovulating

Truly one of the most annoying things a 'helpful' friend can say and I recently told this to a friend who'd been saying it! However, there is a slight ring of truth to it. After 27 months, a mc along the way, trying all sorts of things - cutting out caffeine, alcohol, losing a stone etc I'd given up and ate and drank whatever I wanted and that was the month we got our bfp. I can see it from both sides but there's obv still a science to getting preg!

I spent a year trying to conceive our second and had a miscarriage in the middle. DP and I had booked a two week all inclusive holiday somewhere hot and sunny and I decided that as we had been waiting months for this holiday and because it was only for two weeks, that I was going to have two weeks off TTC. I drank loads of alcohol and stuffed my face with the unlimited food, laid by the pool all day and did nothing. I conceived that holiday and my baby is now eight months. So yes it was true for me. I left my OV tests at home so I couldn't test if I wanted to! I just kept telling myself that the all inclusive part of the holiday was a waste of money if I didn't get my monies worth of the food and alcohol!

Three of my four pregnancies have been accidental and happened at times of great turmoil and stress in my life. The planned one was pretty stressful too. it's bollocks

There has been a recent study in Cardiff showing relaxing does absolutely bugger all to help ttc! It is really unhelpful when people say this. If stress had an impact on ttc there would be no babies born in wars or in poor, war-torn countries.
I think it comes from the people who happened to relax and got pregnant tell that story, but obviously the many many people who try to stop temping and relax etc don't tell the story where they tried to relax and didn't get pregnant, if you see what I mean!
I ttc for over 2 years tried many months of taking it easy and relaxing. I got pregnant on a month I was most stressed, but sadly MC'd but then it took IVF due to MFI.

@Lazydaisydaydreami i was tracking ovulation for a year and never got pregnant...

It took me a year to conceive number 2, 12 months of ovulation tracking, fertility apps, tests and scans etc and even my GP recommended ivf which we couldn’t afford. Everyone kept saying to me just relax and it will happen and I wanted to punch them!! BUT, it was the one month where I didn’t use ovulation tests, didn’t look at my app, and only had sex twice that we fell and I’m now 27 weeks. So for me it was true. Of course I still had an idea about when I was ovulating, but I wasn’t obsessed by the positive stick and then putting pressure on us to have lots of sex. It’s a bloody hard journey and I appreciate that a year in the grand scheme of things is not a long time, but my fertility clock was ticking and that didn’t help either x

I know someone who ttc for years and then thought sod it and they moved to Australia and immediately fell pregnant. It could've been coincidentally, or some sort of environment influence, or that they were happier and more relaxed. But it was interesting to note.

I think a lot of people make the mistake of checking when they are ovulating then thinking ok I'm ovulating now so best have sex tonight. The thing is though, you ovulate for 12-48 hours. If you wake up and check your temp and do an ovulation test then have sex that night, the egg may well have become unviable by the time you dtd as you don't actually know what hour you started ovulating at. If you take an ovulation test, it just means you are ovulating at that moment but you could have already been ovulating for 5 hours say then dtd that night which may be 14 hours later so by that time, the egg may well have become unviable.

A doctor told me the best thing to do (unless you're under fertility treatment) is to have sex 3-4 times a week every week and when you're in the mood. You've always got more chance if there's sperm already in there the moment you start ovulating and because sperm can last 5 days or so, having regular sex means there's always going to be sperm in there (gross I know) to pounce when an egg appears. Waiting until you actually ovulate is a common mistake people make unless they are able to take a test that says they're ovulating and have sex that moment

They’re not lying as such, they’re just falsely attributing a connection between the relaxing and becoming pregnant when the 2 things are entirely unconnected and it’s completely coincidental.

There is no evidence that “relaxing” improves fertility or pregnant rates. It is one of the most unhelpful things people can say to someone with infertility and is right up there with “why don’t you just adopt” in terms of uselessness.

Similar happened here @Emmacb82 - we’d been trying for a year using OPKs and were on the verge of getting tests done through the GP and I was signed off work with stress and depression so stopped using OPKs. Of course I had a vague idea when I’d be ovulating but didn’t force sex around that time like I normally would have done and instead we just did it when we wanted and I fell pregnant. We also came up with a proper plan of when I’d be leaving my job and going self-employed which I’d wanted to do for ages but didn’t want to do if I was pregnant. Now 16 weeks pregnant.

I don’t believe “relaxing” is the cure for everyone who wants to get pregnant and I’d never dream of saying that to anyone but it seemed to work for me so who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

We’d been trying for 2 years, decided to take a 3 month break and on trying again immediately I became pregnant with my twins