Are people lying when they say they got pregnant after relaxing?

[JillyGake]

I’ve heard so many stories from people saying that they stop trying and get pregnant. So just relax.

So many people say they have had tests, are temping, IVF etc. Then when nothing works they give up trying and that’s when they get pregnant. But...surely they still KNOW when they’re about to ovulate and then have sex? They can’t just remove that information from their brain. To stop trying they’d need to not have sex around ovulation. I don’t get it.

I’m desperate to have number 2 and I’m wondering if I stop temping if maybe that’d work. But I’d be stressed wondering if I ovulated or not

I used to hate people who said relax.we tried for 4years in total. Including fertility treatment. "relaxed" seeing as we adopted our ds, forgot ovulation dates (only ovulate on fertility treatment anyway) total of 7 years in general and I concieved after having sex once in 3 months!

After my miscarriages and my baby dying neonatally, I was not at all relaxed and still conceived. I think if it just came down to being relaxed that women in horrific situations (think kidnapped and held against will etc) would not get pregnant, yet it happens all the time. I find it an unhelpful way of making women feel it’s their fault for not being pregnant.

My mother’s advice to my next door was to ‘drink a bottle of cherry brandy and do it on the wardrobe’. My neighbour said it worked for her and apparently it was how I was conceived.

I doubt it's true. Although my mum tried for 8 years to have my younger brother and finally fell pregnant after she gave up hope and accepted it wasn't going to happen. She was 8 weeks when she found out, went for an endoscopy and they done a pregnancy test before hand.

Also if you have pcos your hormones often level out as you get into your late thirties / forties / early fifties so people are often their most fertile then. But you are warned about this when you see a specialist

I’ve managed to use no contraception for 12 years and my only pregnancy was IVF.
I’m pretty relaxed In general so I’d imagine I’m just infertile.

@Makegoodchoices No no, it must be your mindset hun. Just have some prosecco at gin o'clock lol hun& a cheeky bar of choccy & a spa da & you'll be up the duff in no time. It worked for my neighbour n she was tryin for years babez

/s in case it needs spelling out...

I honestly say it's true! In August my dad died and I had an 84 day cycle.
We were trying and I was definitely over thinking everything.
We were told in November that my fella had low sperm and we were to expect a long ass journey. December rolled by, we were having sex every 2/3 days and this did happen to be one of the best months for noticing the mucus too which just happened to fall on one of those days. I honestly thought we were having sex to get his sperm count up, I had totally lost any thought we would get pregnant and so if we missed one of those 2/3 days I didn't care.
Well we got pregnant that month.
Sadly it ended this week with a medical misscariage but it did happen!

The mind has so much effect on our ovulation and until you experience that you just don't believe it to be true. I thought I was ok when my dad died but clearly I wasn't and my ovaries told me so.

It's not easy to switch off but I will never temp/pee on a stick again as it's just too much. Every other day is all you need to do. Xx

I know it's not helpful advice but I felt that's what worked for us. We tried for over a year (tracking ovulation etc), then I decided to have a break for a month as I had a few events and wanted to drink, enjoy the hot tub at the spa etc - sure enough, that was the month we got pregnant.

I'm not sure I'd say relaxed but I did get pregnant the month after a failed IVF cycle, I was so angry and just gave up hope. Maybe that helped!

The rate of conception from rape is the same as for consensual sex so it would seem that your mental state has no impact.

Hindsight bias.

It’s ridiculous. I TTC’d for years. Relaxed for plenty of that. Made no difference. Statistically lots of ‘infertile’ couples will get pregnant eventually so it’s no real surprise some will get pregnant after giving up. Others will have medical issues that require help.

I always felt ‘just relax’ was a bit victim blamey and accusative.

This relax ‘advice’ used to send me to the edge. Even the Dr suggested it. And I therefore don’t proffer my view often but as the OP has asked...

Tried for 8 years. Clomid. IUI. IVF. And the other stuff... supplements, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, healthy lifestyle, no alcohol, all the tests the medical world can offer.

And then we gave up. And I mean gave up. Really really gave up. Changed our life so it no longer had that in it. We moved to a stupid and inappropriate rental flat with a view to going travelling for a while and ditching our careers. We’d sold the house. I did indeed buy a very stupid sports car. I stopped all the supplements. We stopped being so healthy. We went out, a lot, and although I always knew roughly that the middle of the cycle was the middle that was about it. The month before I’d taken noristherone to delay a period for work travel reasons and I’ve always wondered if the hormone messing made a difference too.

Anyway, I fell pregnant within 2 months of stopping trying. When I looked back on when, exactly, it was a weekend we’d walked to the local pub, had an absolute ball with some friends and laughed from the bottom of my belly. I’d drank a ton of fruit cider and had not enough sleep and a massive hangover.

It isn't random whether or not people tell their stories. For instance: we decided to take a few months off trying after my second miscarriage. Didn't have sex at the 'right' time. Got pregnant. Went on longer than the other two, thought that I'd just relaxed and solved it! Then had a third miscarriage. Eventually had DS on a month where I wasn't relaxed at all because I was trying to get pregnant ASAP after a uterine scratch to increase chances. I never tell anyone that story because it isn't a very comfortable one, but if pregnancy no. 3 - my 'just relax' - one had worked out, I might talk about that more often as it's a happier, somehow more satisfying narrative.

Unfortunately I can't relax as I desperately want to conceive my second child. I guess what everyone here is saying who has their story is that they only relaxed once they gave up TTC. How can I give up TTC when I want to conceive?

I fell pregnant after being told treatment hadn't worked and we had to wait 6 weeks until the next course started. It hadn't worked, I had a internal ultrasound. Dh and I just had sex when we wanted and it was fun again rather than a clinical shag and legs in the air! Lo and behold was pregnant before the next cycle. I think there is something in taking the pressure off but we certainly hadn't given up hope at that point

Personally? I was neurotic as hell during the 2 cycles we were trying I'd read the fertility bible cover to cover tempting every day opks cm monitoring supplements etc. The time that I must have implanted was one of the most stressful weeks of my life. Had a massive family bust up which led to us having to move out abruptly (we were staying with them whilst waiting for our house sale to complete), moved our whole life in 24 hours feeling so upset crying constantly- none of this stopped it so personally I think the just relax chat is absolute rubbish! X

I'm not sure. I got pregnant in my honeymoon and I was veerryyyy relaxed!

The arguments about stress I think are only validated by two factors:

1. If your body is physically under a lot of stress so that you stop having periods then yes that will obviously have a detrimental effect but as long as periods restart stress alone shouldn't affect things.
2. Some people who only have sex around what they believe to be ovulation time are less likely to get pregnant than those who have sex regularly throughout the month as it's impossible to definitively predict ovulation without ultrasound and regular sperm turn over results in better quality sperm.

They’re not lying as such, they’re just falsely attributing a connection between the relaxing and becoming pregnant when the 2 things are entirely unconnected and it’s completely coincidental

Exactly this.

FWIW, both times I conceived the month I started neurotically tracking everything and upped the shagging.

I tried for 2 years with my first. Decided to take a break over Christmas while waiting on fertility treatment appointment in the new year. And I got pregnant over that Christmas.

I always wonder about this... Because the opposite was true for me. Stopped taking contraception but didn't want to overthink/track things so just waited for a few months. After 7 months of nothing, tracked ovulation and fell pregnant. Unfortunately ended in mc, waited a cycle and then tracked again and fell pregnant with ds.... So there you go!

Well we were told after 2 plus years of trhing that we would be best to start if. As we couldnt afford it straight away (not in uk) we focused on saving. Three months after being told that I got my BFP. I still knew when I was ovulating etc as I had become so aware of my cycle, but I was relaxed and thought ok it's not gonna happen naturally let's get saving for IVF.

The rate of conception from rape is the same as for consensual sex so it would seem that your mental state has no impact.

This is kind of horrifying. Surely the two aren't comparable. Presumably (hopefully) rape is a one-off thing and not an ongoing "project" to conceive.

Who even measured that statistic anyway??