Are people lying when they say they got pregnant after relaxing?

[JillyGake]

I’ve heard so many stories from people saying that they stop trying and get pregnant. So just relax.

So many people say they have had tests, are temping, IVF etc. Then when nothing works they give up trying and that’s when they get pregnant. But...surely they still KNOW when they’re about to ovulate and then have sex? They can’t just remove that information from their brain. To stop trying they’d need to not have sex around ovulation. I don’t get it.

I’m desperate to have number 2 and I’m wondering if I stop temping if maybe that’d work. But I’d be stressed wondering if I ovulated or not

We were actively trying for 3 years, gave up completely, decided we would be happy as we were, went on a couple of weekends away, got drunk which I hadn't done for 3 years. 1 month later I was pregnant.

Can't say for sure it's linked but it felt that way.

I too hated people saying it but after trying for 3 years and deciding to be child free (decided not to have IVF after clomid failed) I fell pregnant within 3 months!

I had a miscarriage in July and tried every month afterwards to fall again. It made me a little crazy, especially when you hear that you're most fertile straight afterwards and nothing happens! I started a new job just before Christmas and decided to stop actively trying, but if I did get pregnant then great. I had a positive test at the end of January with my now 4 month old. I would definitely say that taking the pressure off helped somewhat but I know that it's easier said that done too!

Hmmm if all it took was being relaxed why didn't I get pregnant in months 1 - 6 of trying when there was no stress, no ovulation tracking etc. It never occurred to me that it wouldn't just happen. My dad was still knocking out kids at a drop of a hat in his late 50s. My mum fell pregnant first month six time ( three miscarriages so only three DC) so I never thought I'd struggle to conceive. After years of trying, treatment etc we got DS on IVF round four nine years ago and haven't used contraception since, we would have been delighted to have another but despite being relaxed it never happened.

I can see why it is an insensitive or irksome piece of advice to give to someone struggling to conceive or someone who cannot. In fact it must be very difficult to take and not something I myself would ever dream of saying

However there does seem to be quite a few people it has happened to ........

I agree it’s an unhelpful thing to say but it worked for me. I had 2 rounds of donor iui (for genetic reasons) which both failed. I was eating healthily and doing all the usual things that are advised when ttc - no drinking etc. After the second round failed I went for a weekend away, drank a lot, ate whatever I wanted and am now pregnant with twins (I know MN hates these sorts of stories but it’s true). It was totally unexpected and at the “wrong” time of my cycle according to the clinic but there we go.

Tried for a year. Horrible situation at work. Declined some medication as ttc, gp laughed at me (in a nice way, we got on well) and said you'll never conceive while you're in this state. Had to take beta blockers to get into work. Changed roles (same company), job stress immediately removed, pregnant within weeks.

I think that it is hugely insensitive to say it.

However, I suspect that the science approach may work for some and not for others - as @YappityYapYap said, perhaps some are having sex after their sticks etc say you are ovulating, but that is a bit too late by the evening of the morning on which you measure etc.

I never used the sticks, but I did use period tracking etc as a rough guide to the week in which I might be fertile and just had sex at least every other day for the period in which it said I "may" be fertile and this seemed to work pretty well for us. I conceived on holiday, when we were happily having sex pretty much every night and probably more relaxed than usual, but not sure if this is a factor or not!

Friends of mine did all the science and didn't conceive for months and then conceived on the night on which he came back from a business trip when they had accepted that they had likely missed the window for that month - is it relaxation or is it the fact that despite the whizzy technology we now have, it isn't quite as exact as people think it is? Or is it just coincidence or something people retrospectively roll out as a factor after they have conceived? I genuinely don't know.

When I got pregnant we'd had a date night and later had honestly the most romantic sex of my life that night and that's the month I got pregnant so I'm sure it was the romantic time that worked! Never had sex that romantic before or since 😂 but it worked as we weren't thinking about TTC we were just full of love (how cheesy!!) Though I did stick my bum in the air afterwards to help things along (though I always did that) I also used a castor oil pack that month for the first time. Good luck

It's not advice I would give although I heard it loads at the time, we were trying for over a year and with the nhs website we ticked enough boxes that it was time to visit the gp about not conceiving. In my head I gave up, I knew we weren't eligible for IVF and my partner didn't want to adopt so tried to see the bright side in the situation we had at the time and I was pregnant very soon after, maybe the next month even.

For the first 6 months of TTC, I charted my BBT, tracked ovulation, measured my cervix, noted my cervical mucus, used PreSeed, had acupuncture. Nothing happened.

In December we decided to stop trying for a month because we were getting married in January. Just had sex when we felt like it.

BFP on Christmas day.

So as long as there aren't underlying issues, maybe just not "thinking" about it too much can help.

To be fair, it was kind of true in my experience. Two years of known infertility, a laparoscopy, then 6 months of clomid, a second laparoscopy for removal of endometrial adhesions, with instructions to specifically not to take clomid for 2 months and to wait two cycles before trying. I fell pregnant 2 weeks after surgery after a valentines meal out. It was a shock. I went back to work 6 weeks pregnant off sick leave without even knowing. I only found out when my gynae did a test to find out why I hadn't had a period after the surgery.

My second, I lost weight for 8 months then used period tracker for 6 months, no success, went on holiday and said I wasn't going to bother or think about it for the summer holidays and drink what I wanted etc and in fact made my peace with my first being an only, and fell pregnant again.

I think it’s just so you dont put as much stress on yourself and upset yourself more when it doesn’t work straight away.

Though a lot of people do get pregnant “by accident” (me included), it just means they had sex at the right time, but this would also have been the right time if you had been analysing and tracking everything. It’s just minus the stress and mental upset.

We were TTC for a year before I "decided" became emotionally exhausted to relax. 7 months after that, I'm still not pregnant. But I am enjoying coffee and gin when I fancy it.

I think if stressed it can affect things. Years and years ago, long before IVF, I worked with a lady gave up all hope of conceiving, and they booked a fantastic 3 week holiday to the Far East (before it was so popular), spending their baby fund (no paid maternity back then). Unfortunately she was quite ill out there (thought seafood poisoning) so while they had a nice time she was sick a lot of it. Came back and a few weeks later it turned out she was pregnant and the sickness had been morning sickness (all day). Surprise suprise (no scans then either) it was twins too.

I don't believe that you can just choose to relax once you've thrown yourself down that particular rabbit hole, I was stuck in a cycle of euphoric hope each new cycle but then dreading the end of it. It literally was giving up that did it for me, fertility treatment was lined up but not immediate future and I told myself that there was absolutely no point, after years of being unsuccessful, thinking that we might get lucky naturally any more. I knew I had six months before I hoped treatment had the potential to work, and we couldn't even start the initial meds for a month or two due to existing health conditions. So I gave up fully ready to pick up the crazy, intense obsessed mindset at a later date, but told myself it was OK not to try anymore.

As for those who say you know you are unprotected and therefore aren't actually stopping trying, so how do you relax, when you truly reach the hopeless (natural conception) point and accept it, your brain is kind and goes "logically, if its not happened for #years, whats changed now?) and you grieve and then I personally felt relief, like I was in need of help, and it was coming, but not yet. Hubby and I decided on a few small things we wanted to do while it was still us, we had fun, and I researched adoption, so that I knew how the journey would go to being home our child one way or another. We conceived after three months of giving up, three years after first ttc

Stopping trying and relaxing didn't help me. I'd get on with it! I got some very stressful news during tww that distracted me from waiting and when I got my bfp a friend says - see you just needed to distract yourself. This was after an IVF cycle, so I was like yeah right ffs

We only had sex 2-3 times a month (and some months none!) in 2018 (we had a lot going on and lacked opportunity). I didn’t know when I was ovulating and didn’t track cycles. We just didn’t use any contraception and we were totally relaxed about whether we would or wouldn’t though. We did conceive within the year and we were 40 and 45.
I think you can try too hard which is psychologically damaging but I can’t see there’s any physical explanation for relaxing working.

I got pregnant on holiday in Turkey and told myself it was because I was chilled and relaxed same with my OH xx

The trouble is that telling people to relax (or even trying to convince yourself) won't actually make people relax! You can do all the spa days or drink masses of alcohol or whatever you think will relax you but if in the back of your mind you're still thinking 'oooh all this relaxing will help me conceive' then it's still at the forefront of your mind and will be causing underlying stress.

What a lot of these stories (mine included) have in common is that the people involved genuinely thought it wasn't going to happen for them and so the weight of expectation/hope was lifted. We were told after initial fertility testing that if DHs sperm quality didn't improve we would probably need icsi so in our minds the goalpost was moved a lot further away and we thought there was no way we would conceive without help. Yep, you guessed it - a couple of months of 'just for fun' sex and I was pregnant (after 18 months of disappointment). So although there does seem to be something helpful in stopping obsessing, it's not really something you can choose to do....

I think its a stupid piece of advice but it happened to us. Obviously, we were still trying but e ergo other month I'd been obsessing, multiple tests wouldn't drink after I thought I'd ovulated etc. One month I was like meh I wont be pregnant anyway I never am, so drank, partied didnt stress about it etc then, of course that month bingo! Could be a coincidence, I'll never know.

It's not something I ever say (unless specifically asked!) Because its not helpful or kind but yes, it happened for us. We decided it wasn't going to happen and spent the money we'd saved for my ML on a holiday. Came back pregnant!

To me and dh, relax was stop the schedule and just have sex when we wanted. Make it fun, not for the end result.
In the back of my mind I was still thinking x date would be the best day, but I was trying not to think about it iyswim, some months I was successful others not so much. After 8 months and 2 miscarriages we were successful.

It's unhelpful to tell someone to relax because, what does it mean to relax when you are trying to create a life?

My Dr was the one to tell me to have fun. She said I was 27 (at the time) healthy (even after my blood test came back with me needing to take some suppliments, iron especially) dh and I just needed to have sex when to mood struck, not when my tracking app said I was ovulating. I think having a medical professional tell me to have fun and not focus on the end result was helpful.

It used to drive me mad when I heard people say that but I have to say, after 12 months of ttc I was losing all hope. Decided over Xmas I would eat what I liked, drink what I liked. Did the biggest food shop with loads of alcohol (I’m not usually a big drinker) endless cakes, biscuits, chocolates etc. Me and OH both had over a week off work so we had the most relaxing, lovely week and bang, pregnant!!

No idea if it was coincidental or not. That month I also started taking DHA and COQ10 which had been recommended to me and had finally got my OH to start taking men’s pre conception tablets. So could have been one of those, could have been a mixture, who knows!

1st pregnancy we had a very find Xmas/New Year off work. 2nd was when I got very stressed and threw all my ovulation things away in despair. Unfortunately we lost both pregnancies which increased the stress factor.

We decided to go away on holiday to Cornwall for a week as a break ... acted like teenagers! Lots of sex, bad food, cuddles on the beach, more sex (caught my the maids, that level of silliness!). Boom - rainbow baby made himself known 2 weeks later.