November 2020 Babies?

[Elley2912]

Anyone?

@MoreGinPlease2020 just accept drinks and don’t drink them. Honestly that’s much easier. Antibiotics excuse is so obvious! And if you get alco free wine someone will spot it. If you’re at home you can make your own “gin” and tonic or “rum” and coke and just say you’ve got one if anyone asks. It’s also really easy to just put your drink down and “lose” it when you’re at home or out.

Just back from scan and not looking good . They could see sac and yolk but no heartbeat. Measuring 6 weeks (although I thought I was 6+6) and so they said it could be too early and to try again in 2 weeks.

Unsure what to do now. If I go to EPU will they be able to do anything, or is it simply wait and see? Haven't had this before - I had my eldest scanned at 6+2 and he was almost double the size with a heartbeat which makes me think we should prepare for the worst.

Not sure if this is pregnancy related or just me being a bit crazy so was wondering if anyone else has been feeling extra irritable lately? I'm about 5+5 and just noticed over the last few days that I have been snapping a lot more and a lot more easily than normal ?? Other than that I'm just feeling a bit knackered (constantly).

On the topic of not drinking I've already had 2 occasions since getting my BFP. One I was the 'designated driver' for (very unlike me!) and the second I just avoided altogether as I knew I wouldnt get away with it!! Cant wait for all my friends and family to know so I dont have to pretend anymore

so sorry to hear that @MummyMilla xx

Thanks @HarrietM87 that's what I was thinking.

@MummyMilla I heard the heartbeat can start anytime between 6 and 7 weeks, so hopefully you can get a scan next week at the EPU?

@MummyMilla sorry to hear that. I’ve had 2 missed miscarriages and it’s been a similar scenario, but both times I did lots of googling and there were loads of positive stories where the baby just caught up. There’s no point going to the EPU now as they’ll tell you exactly the same thing. The NHS always advises a 2 week gap between scans as that will give you a conclusive answer, but even a week should give an indication so maybe try to get into the EPU this day next week? 6 weeks is still early to see a heartbeat and sometimes private scanning equipment isn’t as sensitive as the NHS. It’s just a waiting game now unfortunately.

@HarrietM87 did you have other pregnancy symptoms for the MMCs? My boobs are still fit to burst with exhaustion to boot, which makes me feel very pregnant.

I wondered whether I can get my bloods checked to see if they're going the right way? My GP appt is this time next week so I guess I'll just have to wait for that and see if they refer me to EPU. Never been in this situation before, so crappy.

@MummyMilla yes I did have symptoms. It’s cruel because your body doesn’t realise that the pregnancy isn’t progressing. That doesn’t mean that’s what is happening for you though - it could just be a bit too early. You could ask your GP to do hcg betas, but I’m not sure how reliable they’d be here and they’d probably want to rescan you anyway. I’m so sorry, it’s a really shitty wait. I’m convinced this pregnancy is going to go the same way for me too.

@MummyMilla I've read that a heartbeat at 6 weeks can be hard, I believe the virginal ultrasound is slightly more reliable sorry your going through this and fingers are crossed for you

@MummyMilla so sorry for the uncertainty. Fingers crossed though. Could you have gotten your dates wrong?

@Emelene I’m going for 6 weeks. My last pregnancy was a blighted ovum (I think, although I’ve never been told) which meant that there’s a possibility that a baby hadn’t been there, just a sac growing with all the symptoms. So as long as I see something I’ll feel somewhat settled... for about a day.

My SIL had a MC 2 months ago. She had an early scan and all seemed fine, but really she had a blighted ovum...meaning there was no embryo in the sac. So who knows how the scan could miss that. So tbh I don’t think it helps to have an early scan. I’d rather wait for the 12 week one when I can start to feel a bit of hope, as chance of MC drops.

@uisage haha yes that’s exactly how I feel. Pregnancy and parenthood is so tough, but just think how nice it’ll be in a couple of years’ time when the kids are running around together playing and will hopefully like each other!

@Beesly we just wrote about the same thing at the same time! Coincidence. Sorry it happened to you too. My poor brother tried to take comfort in the fact that there wasn’t really a baby there in the first place, but still sad.

@SJ1989 that's what I've had done

@Sakura54 I am dreadful with uncertainty so for me I feel happier preparing myself for a bad outcome vs. blindly carrying on oblivious.

@Beesly yes they could be. I'd thought I was perimenopausal as my periods have been all over the place (also the reason why I didn't think I'd get pg!). My mum has just reminded me of that fact, so I am now thinking I probs should've waited another week!

@HarrietM87 I am seeing the GP on Monday. Not sure whether to try and bring appt forward a bit? Suspect they will still want me to wait until I'm at least 7 weeks before scanning again.

@novicettc @MoreGinPlease2020 thanks for words of support x

@MummyMilla so sorry your going through this, 6 weeks is early so hopefully with your periods being all over the place its just earlier than you thought

@Sakura54 I don’t think I would have taken much comfort if someone had told me there was no baby there to begin with. The fact that I loved something for 11 weeks that was making me sick and my tummy grow was real enough.

For me, getting an early scan means a midwife can tell me that everything is (or isn’t) looking on track for my dates. Rather than spending 12 weeks having to suppress any feelings of love or excitement just in case, you know?

@Mummymilla I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes ignorance is not bliss!

Yes I agree @Beesly. I think that Tommy’s has campaigned to stop people using the term “blighted ovum” - it’s a miscarriage like any other.

It’s tricky with early scans because if you go too early they can be the opposite of reassuring and cause needless worry. On the other hand with my history of losses there’s no way I’d wait until 12 weeks. My doctor will scan me at 6 weeks but I can be certain of my dates because my ovulation was induced and triggered with the trigger shot.

Is anyone thinking about maternity leave? I will not have been with my employer a year, so will only have statutory. That’s fine for six weeks, but we won’t be able to survive afterwards on just SMP.

Looking at saving so I can have a bit extra, although I am only planning on taking 2 months anyway.

@HarrietM87 oh interesting, I wonder if that’s why I was never actually given that diagnosis. I just googled it myself afterwards.
Yeah I know what you mean. When I was booking my early scan it gave the option of putting in ovulation date or last period date. I know when I ovulate and I have long cycles so if I’d have put my last period date I would have been able to be seen earlier which I was so tempted to do! But I know there wouldn’t have been much to see and i would have been more worried

@ParisInTheSpringtime we have already figured out my maternity leave. As we cant afford two kids in childcare I have to quit my job, so I will be on SMP from day one. Its rubbish, and we will have to tighten our belts, but hubbie is currently interviewing for a job with slightly more money. To be honest, with the childcare we are paying already, I am only earning £400 a month (I am an experienced teacher).

Oh gosh. That is awful. I can completely see why you would choose to give up work.

I am the higher earner, so I need to go back to work ASAP after really if I am on SMP. We’ve just had an offer accepted on a house that needs a lot of work doing, so it’s going to be stressful enough anyway in financial terms.

This has all happened rather quicker than we thought, so we haven’t even considered childcare costs. I guess there is a minimum age for childminders etc?

I might have to tell my mum about this pregnancy, as I feel I really need help to understand how everything works

@ParisInTheSpringtime i think the minimum age is 6 months for nursery. Maybe childminders are different. But we were looking at £1300 a month for two kids in childcare 3 days a week. It would be £2400 full time. It's an insane amount of money. Until my youngest starts getting free hours at 3 and my eldest is in school, my (very hard earned) career is on hold. I am pretty peeved off I have to say.

@Beesly @HarrietM87 yeah I think my bro was just telling himself that to make himself feel better. He even compared himself to his friends that have had late miscarriages (where you have to give birth anyway). I understood that he was just trying to deal with his sadness.
I don’t think the doctor said ‘blighted ovum’ to him either...he googled it and told me it’s what he thinks happened.

I used to be a nursery nurse and six weeks is the earliest they can take. I’ll be going back shortly after giving birth and that’s my plan.

Re. pretending to have a drink - I had a tricky situation this weekend as we had friends over for a dinner party. I’d already told them that I’ve given up wine for Lent (quite impressed with myself here!) but they insisted that the champagne which they’d brought wasn’t wine! I took a glass, had a few sips, went out to the kitchen to check the dinner and swapped glasses with DH. I then poured myself a Ceder’s non-alcoholic gin and tonic (very nice, if expensive) which I drank with dinner. When they had spirits after dinner, I took a glass and pretended to drink it. They were so gone by this point they didn’t notice (or care probably!). Phew!

On another note, I had an interesting chat with my GP this morning. I rang him because I was concerned about our trip away this weekend - I booked a foodie spa break for DH’s 40th before we found out I was preggers. The deal includes a 3 hr session in their hydrotherapy centre and the hotel said I will have to sign a disclaimer to use any of it. I totally understand not using the sauna and steam room but was a bit gutted at the thought of not being able to use the posh hydrotherapy pool etc. My GP was happy to talk on the phone and said that I shouldn’t use the sauna but the risks of using the hydrotherapy pool (essentially a slightly warm pool with jets) and the jacuzzi were ‘insignificant’ as neither would be warmer than my bath! He thought that the relaxing benefits would totally outweigh the tiny potential risks. This is what I’d been saying myself, but nice to have the go ahead. Feeling more excited about our trip now - has been imagining myself sitting poolside for 3hrs!

He also said, and again, I think I already knew this, that as long as we don’t do anything reckless (such as high risk sports etc) there is nothing we can do to cause a miscarriage. It is out of our hands and we need to trust our bodies. He did also say that me being 40 IS a significant risk, but I already knew that!