10.5 wks and want an abortion

[Maggie272]

please be kind
Will keep this short as possible...IVF pregnancy, bad reaction to all the hormones including anxiety and paranoia since August. Last week became worried that my prenatal vitamin had little iodine after I read that iodine deficiency can cause mental retardation. It's one worry after another and I'm exhausted. We had a happy life and I'm a shell of myself. Doc said my thyroid is fine and all bloods are fine but it's not enough reassurance. She said she's never seen iodine deficiency before. I'm a vegetarian so no fish and I don't eat dairy just some eggs and goats cheeae. My diet is otherwise so good. I thought I had everything covered for the baby.

My husband has a brain injury and I couldn't manage a child with mental retardation.

My doc had me see a psychiatrist who was trying to push antidepressants, saying my stress would harm the baby. Since he said that I haven't been able to get out of bed or go to work. I've harmed my baby...

In Ireland and can it get abortion up to 12weeks. What do I do. If I was happy and ok before will I be like that again after abortion? I'm so worn down and lost

Thanks for reading xxx

Maggie, I think you urgently need to go back to your doctors as I think you are struggling with your mental health. People know about post natal depression, but peri-natal depression is less well talked about. This is a wanted baby - you’ve gone through the trauma of IVF. Your hormone levels and associated anxiety/depression are a temporary thing and with help (and potentially medication) can be sorted out. I worry that you are mentally not in a healthy position to make such a life changing decision.

You have not harmed your baby in any way (babies are resilient little buggers)

Please please speak to your GP or psychiatrist (ideally a maternal psychiatrist) as soon as possible. 1st trimester is hard enough without the burden of anxiety but termination is not the only answer.

Hi @Anaesthetist83 I think I remember you from way back. There is no maternal psychiatrist, just the one I saw Tuesday in hospital. He told me to stop asking for reassurance, and he didn't believe me about the hormones. I know this is to do with my mental health but the pain of feeling - even knowing - I've harmed the baby is too much and I want to end this so badly. Have you ever heard of iodine deficiency? I can't believe I screwed up so badly

I agree with anaesthetist, don't trust your thoughts while depressed. First and foremost, you need some help with this depression, I think medication would help massively as would councilling.
You have been through IVF this baby is wanted, you owe it to yourself to get some help for your perinatel depression.
Here is a link for you to read, you can request help from them also www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/postnatal-depression-and-perinatal-mental-health/postnatal-and-antenatal-depression/#WhatAreTheCommonSignsAndSymptoms

Reach out for help x

An IVF pregnancy is so hard in a mum but you obviously really wanted this to go through everything you have.
Don't give up now; seek help for the feelings you currently have, you can safely take anti depressants when pregnant. Stress is worse for you, why don't you pay for a private scan to help put your mind at rest.
There is nothing to say you have harmed the baby at all it's your mind playing horrible tricks on you.
You need to seek support and quickly. They can help and you can get through this pregnancy and have the life you have dreamed off with your little one.
You can make changes, if your worried about diet look in to supplements.
This doesn't have to end in termination which I don't believe is what you want. There is help available to you. X

Your bloods tests are fine there are.no issues.Please go and see someone about your mental health asap

Please go back to the doctor/psychiatrist and talk about your mental health. This is not normal worries, you’re really exhibiting signs of illness from what you’re saying and need proper mental health support

You haven’t harmed your baby this is paranoia, this is illness and you need help

Please don't give up now. I too had an IVF pregnancy and struggled during the first trimester. I felt sick but it was more than that, felt so down although it manifested itself slightly differently to yours.

It was only the thought that I'd wanted this so much that kept me going. Needless to say I'm glad I did, DS is now 2 and I am totally back to normal in myself. Early pregnancy is rough on the body AND mind. There's no reason to think there will be anything wrong with your baby, please go back to the doctor and take medication if necessary?

Thanks everyone, I can't stop crying I'm so glad you replied. Since August I have been to see 2 GPs, no one listened, the third one referred me to the psychiatrist. I wound up in hospital at weekend because of panic attacks, and saw him then. It's the main maternity hospital in my area. I don't want medication because I would be too afraid of birth defects, I just am. He said in order to stop the thoughts I have to stop asking for help and reassurance.

This is one part of the problem the other is the iodine. I know i sound like a dog with a bone, but I can't...have a baby I've hurt or neglected. I feel like the old me disappeared after I started ivf

Ps. I have had weekly scans. The baby is growing a day ahead of where it should be and the heartbeat is strong.

Your focus on this one thing is an indication of illness, this is not normal worries and you need to go back to the psychiatrist before this escalates more. There are medications you can take during pregnancy that won’t harm the baby and your mental health is really important, you need to keep yourself safe. Please go back to the psychiatrist and show them this thread.

Think of all poor women in developing countries who don't take fancy pre-natal vitamins and have poor diets - AND go on to have perfectly healthy babies! I agree with others. Your baby is fine but you need support for your mental health.

Telling you to stop asking for reassurance isn’t helpful. Ask for a different doctor if you need to. Show this thread to your GP or midwife.

Sweetheart, you want this so badly, please dont give up now.
the chance of iodine deficiency harming your baby are so very very slight. So slight that no one else would even wonder.
you have got this disproportionate ( I think you know you have but...)

Any family close by that can hold your hand?

Your baby is totally fine. You are poorly. Show a health care professional this thread.

I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm pro-choice and certainly believe that everybody should do what they feel is best.

Abortion can be horrible on mental health. However, so can anxiety and you sound in real distress.

Do you have a support network you can rely on? Family/Close friends who could help when baby is born? I'm not expert (first pregnancy myself) but heard that having a newborn can be extremely tiring and distressing (potential of PND, lack of sleep, difficulty feeding, crying all the time and, god forbid, more serious health problems). I think, if you decide to keep baby - which I hope - you should try and focus your mind on how to deal with its first months of life. I was a difficult baby for the first 3 years, and my mum always 'jokes' that she had seriously considered throwing me out of the window.

Parenthood is filled with worry, we all worry from the moment we conceive all the way through their lives. I have 3 children, pregnant with my 4th. It is normal to be concerned, however the severity of your concern is not. This is where the problem lies. I am on anti depressants, they are safe for pregnancy and breast feeding. My mental health is very important during pregnancy, I'm carrying a child.
Years ago, people where drinking and smoking through pregnancy, eating liver and soft cheeses, drinking tap water though lead pipes, digging potatoes out of dirty soil. Generations have been born despite all of these things. We live in an age, where knowledge is far superior to before. Sometimes that can feel like a curse for us expectant mothers, sooo much to think about, so much pressure to get it right

Trust the doctors, take the medication and enjoy your baby, the baby you have wanted for so long xx

You took prenatal vitamins, with iodine!

You will not have iodine deficiency after taking a supplement containing iodine.

You will suffer before your baby will. Your baby will drain all its needs off you. Its you that will suffer anything lacking.

You said you have a good healthy balanced diet and you've taken supplements. This is all anyone else ever pregnant has done. Its all you can do. Noone can do more.

Consider all the efforts you went to to conceive, and as you say, you had a bad reaction to the hormones.

Focus on the evidence you have before you. We can all pluck worries out of nothing, but all it means is anxiety, not that the worry is real.

I am sorry you've had such poor responses from the ncp paid to supprt you. They have done more harm than good. There are psychiatrists with training in maternal health issues. Make sure to ask for a referral. Just becauae the previous hcp didn't know how to help, doesn't mean it isn't out there. Keep pushing for help with this.

I just screwed up so badly on this...I've been a vegetarian for most of my life because I didn't want any animal to be harmed, now this baby could have a mental defect. I have more or less made up my mind and want the abortion. I should never have gone through IVF, life was just getting good again after my husband's illness xxx

Please dont get an abortion. I'm anti against abortions. I understand some people decisions. But you want this baby and it's so worth it. I hated being pregnant. I didnt have any of the problems you are suffering. But it is all worth it I promise!!!!! Its the most amazing gift and the fact you are already worrying so much about the baby shows you will be an amazing mummy!

@Smotheroffive no I didn't take vitamins with iodine until week 6, and even then only 33percent of the RDA was in them. I had been taking prenatal vitamins for the past two years but they didn't have iodine xxx

It's scary you are jumping into the unknown, pregnancy is out of our control...

BUT focus on how much you wanted this baby...your baby will be perfect and you will look back and question what on earth you were thinking.

This anxiety and fear you are experiencing isn't uncommon and you can be helped to feel better...but you have to ask.

Not against * sorry

There's nothing at all to suggest that you've harmed the baby. This is health anxiety. The psychiatrist was right (although perhaps didn't phrase it in the most helpful way) in saying that the only way to fight that is to attempt to ignore it. The more reassurance you look for, the worst the anxiety will get...

Your baby is okay. There's no indication anything is wrong, the heartbeat is fine, the baby is growing, you've taken vitamins.

An abortion won't necessarily end the anxiety here, it'll just be about something else. And your hormones will start levelling a bit.

Do anything - anything at all, whatever it takes - to keep your mind off this. Ping your wrist with a headband whenever you think about it. It'll feel almost impossible at first, but get easier.

Congratulations