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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

10.5 wks and want an abortion

121 replies

Maggie272 · 01/02/2020 11:03

please be kind
Will keep this short as possible...IVF pregnancy, bad reaction to all the hormones including anxiety and paranoia since August. Last week became worried that my prenatal vitamin had little iodine after I read that iodine deficiency can cause mental retardation. It's one worry after another and I'm exhausted. We had a happy life and I'm a shell of myself. Doc said my thyroid is fine and all bloods are fine but it's not enough reassurance. She said she's never seen iodine deficiency before. I'm a vegetarian so no fish and I don't eat dairy just some eggs and goats cheeae. My diet is otherwise so good. I thought I had everything covered for the baby.

My husband has a brain injury and I couldn't manage a child with mental retardation.

My doc had me see a psychiatrist who was trying to push antidepressants, saying my stress would harm the baby. Since he said that I haven't been able to get out of bed or go to work. I've harmed my baby...

In Ireland and can it get abortion up to 12weeks. What do I do. If I was happy and ok before will I be like that again after abortion? I'm so worn down and lost

Thanks for reading xxx

OP posts:

WorriedButterfly · 01/02/2020 21:45

I stopped my progesterone jabs at 7wks but still on 3 pessaries 3x a day, going to start reducing them This week. I'll be 11 wks on Monday but measuring slightly ahead. I've had 3 scans, IVF/drugs has made me so anxious, as well as pregnancy - you only have to look at the groups to see it isn't just IVF that causes all this worry! Get to Tuesday, talk to you Ob-gyn. Thinking of you and here for you x

Original poster

Maggie272 · 01/02/2020 21:50

@Betsyboo87 wow, when you say it was a turning point...that anxiety lifted? Motivation? The psychiatrist I saw said there is no evidence that IVF hormones can cause this reaction. He was a prick, really, wouldn't even let my husband stay with me.

@WorriedButterfly thanks so much love. Yes I forgot the pessaries! This shot is brutal. Did you feel different after stopping the shots? I am measuring a little ahead too which sounds good xxx

OP posts:

Brenna24 · 01/02/2020 21:56

I am glad that you are feeling a bit better. As others have said, iodine is required for your thyroid. If it is fine, then your baby will be fine. But, as others have also said, this isn't your rational mind talking. It is the anxiety lying to you and twisting everything. I was on steriod and hormone treatments for recurrent miscarriage. My last pregnancy resulted in a very much wanted and adored baby. But that pregnancy was hard mentally. I was in bed miserable for most of it convinced that the baby had died or wasn't going to survive, or that my stress and all the pills would harm it. It got better once I was off the hormones but that didn't happen for us until 24 weeks. She was born at 34 weeks in the end by which time I had PGP and gestational diabetes but she did well and got out of hospital a week later. She is now a very healthy 2 year old who catches fewer bugs than her contemporaries. My life changed through that pregnancy and even more after she was born. But it was for the better (once the pregnancy was finally over). Now my life is just amazing. Please keep going to the Dr until you find someone able to treat the anxiety. And take the pills. Many of them do not cross the placenta in appreciable quantities and won't harm your baby. But they will make such a difference to your life.

Original poster

Maggie272 · 01/02/2020 22:06

@Brenna24 thank you for telling me this. When the psychiatrist said it wasn't the hormones...well I think that pushed me over the edge. I was counting down the days til I could co.e off them. And reassurance about iodine and thyroid is helping so much
Yes feeling brighter after a brutal few days and so happy this site is here xx

OP posts:

hyperem · 02/02/2020 05:19

OP I was admitted to hospital at 4 weeks pregnant. Practically spent 9 months there.
Have a chronic vomiting illness and hypermesis. I can think of maybe once I kept a meal down. Was fed through a picc line.
My baby was fine.

florababy34 · 02/02/2020 07:06

So sorry for what you're going through OP. My friend did IVF and after she got through early pregnancy and could relax, her husband said it was like he got his wife back again after months and months of IVF. It really does a number on you.

With regards to the psychiatrist's comments on reassurance - he doesn't sound like a caring person, but there is some merit to this. The goal when you have obsessive thoughts is not to find reassurance on the particular thing you're worried about (iodine, birth defects etc). The goal is to cope with the thoughts for what they are, irrational thoughts that can and will pass. If you keep looking for reassurance from others or the Internet, then it perpetuates the obsession and doesn't solve it.

I have had some trouble with this myself and I found it useful to use an app called Thought Diary where you can 'log' each thought, label it from a drop down menu with a kind of disordered thinking, such as catastrophising, black and white thinking, etc. It gives you somewhere to vent, and helps to put the OCD thoughts in perspective.

Not for everyone, but just something my counsellor recommended.

Betsyboo87 · 02/02/2020 08:12

We’ll never know for sure that it was the meds causing my low moods or a coincidence but I think there was a link. I feel like it shouldn’t have been dismissed by your psychiatrist. Depression is a possible side effect of the contraceptive pill and FET meds are the same hormones.

I’m so pleased you’re feeling brighter. Make sure you have a really honest discussion on Tuesday. It sounds like you will as you’re already opening up and talking about your feelings. That is the biggest step towards getting the help you need.

I hope today is a new day for you. Just take one day at a time. Get out and enjoy the beautiful Irish countryside. I know it’s not a magic cure but fresh air and exercise are nature’s medication.

Original poster

Maggie272 · 02/02/2020 10:37

Thanks @Betsyboo87 et al I am feeling much better this morning esp after hearing all the stories, other women's worries and potential cock-ups...it does make me feel more human.
I totally get where you're coming from @florababy34, but I really think that asking a first time, first trimester mum, who knows nothing about pregnancy not to ask for reassurance just for these few weeks is ethically unsound. This is the first time I think that I've been fixated on something for more than a day or two and he only spent about 30mins with me. The nurse even phoned to apology the next morning. He said, as I was crying, that the stress was harming my baby, which made me worse, and then he wouldn't allow the nurse to give me a scan to reassure me before I left. I nearly left the hospital thinking my baby had died, but after he left the ward she sneaked me down for an ultrasound. Women in Ireland have been second class citizens in terms of the care of their bodies and minds, all you need to do is read the papers... If a woman tells you how she feels, when it started, why it started and what she needs, you should listen first
Mx

OP posts:

Itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy · 02/02/2020 11:15

@ Maggie272

As others have said your thoughts are an indication that you aren't well, nothing has shown there is anything wrong with your baby.

I’m also veggie and I have thyroid cancer, therefore my thyroid was removed. I’ve been rubbish at taking my vitamins due to nausea and so far my baby is doing fine. Like others have said the baby is actually really resilient.

Please don’t make any big decisions right now, just try to rationalise your thoughts and speak to someone who will listen and help you xx

NameChange30 · 02/02/2020 16:25

I know it's not top of the priority list right now but please do consider making a complaint about the psychiatrist if and when you feel able to

Brenna24 · 02/02/2020 16:47

How are you doing now?

Original poster

Maggie272 · 02/02/2020 16:51

@itsnoteasyfeelingqueasy you poor thing! I hope you are ok?

@NameChange30 I've already written a letter, cc'ing the two nurses who were there and my GP. I don't care to make a formal complaint, because you can't say he did anything really wrong. My letter simply reads the last sentence of my previous post. He said he didn't think any of my symptoms were caused by hormonal changes - me, who was fine even after a MC, until I started the drugs. Have decided today to come off them for sure starting tuesday. Thanks for your reply hon xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Maggie272 · 02/02/2020 16:56

@Brenna24 hello love, feeling wonderfully burnt out after all the panic yesterday, and reassured totally about the fecking iodine. A brief worry about toxoplasmosis stopped in but not for long. Watched the Taylor Swift doc this morn. If she could get thru all that Kanye BS I can get thru this : )

OP posts:

LouReidDododo · 02/02/2020 17:31

Maggie I’ve just read the whole thread and so happy that your feeling in a better place and what wonderful support PP gave you in a very stressful situation. MN at its best!

We’ve done the IVF route a few times and have two daughters but it’s bloody tough. The amount of hormones they pump in to you can cause you to feel like a bloody alien!

Your psychiatrist is a total dick head.

So glad your feeling better and can start to relax and wait for your new baby

florababy34 · 02/02/2020 23:17

Maggie, yes he sounds terrible. It's not on to make you feel like that.

Original poster

Maggie272 · 02/02/2020 23:37

@LouReidDododo . I'm convinced I'd just have a normal amount of worry and my usual positivity if I wasn't taking all this stuff...at least other women on Mumsnet have felt similar effects

@florababy34 he was a bollox, I was so relieved the nurse said sorry, otherwise I would have wondered if I was just being a stubborn pain in the ass. Thanks for replying : )

OP posts:

WorriedButterfly · 04/02/2020 17:53

Hey@Maggie272 how did you get on today? Are they cutting down the progesterone ? I am just about to start cutting down my pessaries- the clinic are very relaxed and haven't given me much guidance on reducing or just stopping?! x

Original poster

Maggie272 · 04/02/2020 18:00

@WorriedButterfly yes!!! Just left my ob-gyn and she said to stop progesterone and keep the estrogen for the moment. She sees no problem stopping cold turkey but I'm goi g to start reducing gradually as I'm only 11 weeks. How are you feeling?

OP posts:

mummy1214 · 04/02/2020 18:36

I think you need to go see your GP again. I believe in choice so if you are adamant you want an abortion no one should stop you but honestly I don't think it will make you feel any better if anything it will probably make you feel worse. You are worrying already that you have harmed your baby (which you haven't) but yet you are willing to end the babies life. You've had scans you've said everything looks fine I honestly think I if you end the pregnancy it will hurt you more mentally tha carrying on and getting support x

Notsure94 · 04/02/2020 18:49

I wish I could give you a big hug OP. I think it's absolutely natural to try to do the best we can and to worry when we fall short, and OP you are doing everything you can with some very challenging circumstances.

Motherhood is going to be about going "oh shit" and "I haven't done enough" and generally trying your best and doing what needs to be done though our fears and tears. There are a whole heap of positives too and in time the intensity lessens and you get in your swing. Pregnancy is our learning curve for motherhood. Do seek support. Many of us feel overwhelmed. X

Brenna24 · 11/02/2020 08:34

How are you doing now?

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