10.5 wks and want an abortion

[Maggie272]

please be kind
Will keep this short as possible...IVF pregnancy, bad reaction to all the hormones including anxiety and paranoia since August. Last week became worried that my prenatal vitamin had little iodine after I read that iodine deficiency can cause mental retardation. It's one worry after another and I'm exhausted. We had a happy life and I'm a shell of myself. Doc said my thyroid is fine and all bloods are fine but it's not enough reassurance. She said she's never seen iodine deficiency before. I'm a vegetarian so no fish and I don't eat dairy just some eggs and goats cheeae. My diet is otherwise so good. I thought I had everything covered for the baby.

My husband has a brain injury and I couldn't manage a child with mental retardation.

My doc had me see a psychiatrist who was trying to push antidepressants, saying my stress would harm the baby. Since he said that I haven't been able to get out of bed or go to work. I've harmed my baby...

In Ireland and can it get abortion up to 12weeks. What do I do. If I was happy and ok before will I be like that again after abortion? I'm so worn down and lost

Thanks for reading xxx

Hi Maggie, like others have said, I'd say your hormones has perhaps triggered some major anxiety. I too am an anxiety sufferer, and it does spike during pregnancy, I get extra sensitive and worried about everything. But I know it's just my mind getting me worked up and hormones so I've learnt to ignore it and put it aside. Please try to realize that you've gone through IVF to have this baby, if you did have an abortion, I'd be really worried that once your hormones are no longer triggering anxiety, you'd really regret your decision to terminate.

Also, regarding doctors, it's important to let them know you think you're having a reaction to the pregnancy hormones and that you don't think the way you're feeling is long term. I'm not sure if antidepressants is the way forward, but definitely some talking therapy I really think would help. Try and make the doctors feel confident that this is a pregnancy induced situation as you were fine before like you said. Honestly I wouldn't have a termination in your situation my love, I feel confident that this will pass. Anxiety is one of those things you have to try to be an outsider looking in and ask yourself if your fears are really rational? Then try to put them aside and focus on yourself and baby. X

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted oh I'll be thinking of you hon. The best bit is sedation!
No, I'm an optimist and gratitude was always my attitude. My ob-gyn thinks that I didn't react well to the hormones for sure, and now that the placenta is taking over I'm just flooded with oestrogen and progesterone. She said on Tuesday we can talk about coming off every thing. Thanks so much for replying

@maria2bela thank you too hon, yes definitely hormones @PerinatalAnxiety19 big hugs

The support has been amazing xxx

OP, I'm vegetarian and did not know I was pregnant until 7 weeks gone (long story) and turned out my iron was slightly low so I had to start taking iron and supplements at that stage. At no stage was an iodine deficiency mentioned. My DD is perfectly fine, in fact she is top percentile for weight and height and she has lots of words now at 16 months old, she is such a smart little girl. In the nicest possible way, your fixations on iodine levels are irrational and a product of your poor mental health. I sympathize completely, I had PND myself. Abortion if anything could send your mental health spiralling further (and I am completely pro choice). Please, please, find another GP or someone to listen to you and please consider medication. There are many you could take which won't affect the baby. You are ill and need to be treated as such. Your baby will be fine, they are resilient little things.

"I'm not sure if antidepressants is the way forward"

Are you a GP? Psychiatrist? Maternal mental health professional?

Didn't think so!! Don't tell someone who has been advised by a professional to take medication not to take it!

Maggie, been thinking about you off and on today........ please don't do anything drastic while your mood is so low...try and find anything that helps you to stay calm, that is all you have to do.

Forget 'normal' right now, life won't be normal for a while and that is ok, try and accept this weirdness is here for a while, but not for ever, that really helped me. Just focus on getting through each hour, focus on your lovely DH, close family and friends, even if all you can face is a few text messages.
Until say Monday make an effort to lay down all this worry, let go of it as much as you are able, think you will take a break from all the overthinking and strain, and pick it up bit by bit on Monday, all decisions can wait until you have had a rest.
More knowledgeable posters have eliminated any worry over the health of your baby, so let it go.
When everything feels horrid and strange just know your hormones can make you feel dreadful, and have panicked thoughts but this too shall pass.

You have had some good advice from pp, Just wanted to add I am vegetarian and usually buy iodised salt like cerebos. Easily available in most supermarkets. Pls take care of yourself x

You know another thing which helped me manage my anxiety? I allowed myself 1 hour per day of anxiety. Meaning everytime I have a fear/anxious though, I park it and I do it confident that I will assess it between 7pm.and 8pm. Sometimes I have a long list, sometimes it is shorter. However, I find that when i get back to it, most of the worries are not there anymore.

I found it to be a very effective method, maybe you could try that.

I echo what the other poster says: I would not make decisions in this state. If you are set on abortion, I would take medications first (no harm at that point). Once medications settle, you can always reassess with a more lucid mind.

Op I’m veggie, have a low thyroid and only took folic acid in my second pregnancy, the multivits made me feel sick. Baby is completely fine!

Hi @Maggie272, sorry you are going through a tough time. Well done for asking for help and for being able to articulate how you are feeling on here., its not easy. No advice from me, I just hope you start to feel better and to echo other posters your fear over a lack of iodine is probably unfounded.

Oh also there are a lot of women on here who due to extreme morning sickness ate nothing but toast and crisps ect for the first 12 weeks and their babies are absolutely fine.

Op I had undiagnosed hypothyroidism, gestational diabetes, didn't take any vitamins, was drinking wine as didn't realise I was pregnant for the first couple of months and was also smoking in that time. My diet was also shit as I felt so sick. My boy was born perfectly healthy. Please please please don't make any rash decisions. You want this baby. You have not harmed this baby. It is your mind playing tricks on you due to your mental health not being in a good place right now.

Well done for seeking help, even if it hasn't been useful so far.
My first (and second) trimester were awful. I was so poorly and barely ate anything at all, lost loads of weight and couldn't take any vitamins. I was so worried that I was depriving my baby of what she needed to develop properly and was so paranoid I had caused issues. However, everyone assured me that the baby will be getting everything it needed. Every scan has been okay and she is growing at a rapid rate of knots and everything looks good at 32 weeks.
Yes, there is always the concern about possibly abnormalities and I think you will find everyone struggles with those worries throughout their pregnancy. Nobody actively sets out to have a baby with special needs. However, my mum works with special needs children and I can honestly say that they are some of the most wonderful human beings, so happy and loving to all. So it really isn't the end of the world if the child has SN (at least that is what I keep telling myself!).
You should get all the scans and they check for abnormalities at 12 weeks normally so you could always ask then for an abortion if something is actually wrong. Try not to jump the gun out of anxiety because for all you know, your baby could be 100% healthy. Just think, you only have to hang for another week and a half until 12 weeks.
Big hugs to you xx

Thanks again everyone, I think you've all talked me off the ledge for now. I feel reassured esp by all the veggies that my diet is ok. Today I had a baked potato, home made chilli with black beans, avo, rice, hummus, porridge with flax, green smoothie and fruit all made by me and with sea salted stock...
I also spoke my a midwife in the hospital and she will talk to my ob-gyn about coming off the bucket load of estrogen and progesterone I'm on. I know deep down that's what's causing it. I was so cute and chipper before IVF, even after a miscarriage, even with my lovely hubby. Sorry I've been such a downer.

Thanks @BumbleBeeFlower that's lovely...my hubby is special needs, in a way, and you're right, it's not the end of the world if something did happen. Xxx

@Maggie272 so much healthier than my diet today of a large portion of chowmein for lunch. And cheese on crumpets for dinner. You have inspired me to eat much more vegetables tomorrow.

Good luck with everything x

Oh OP reading your post made me feel so sad for you. I'm glad you are going to talk to someone about this. Sometimes it can just all feel too much can't it? Anything that passes your lips/ you do the first thing you think is 'have I harmed my baby'. Your diet sounds okay. Have you started to take folic acid?
I hope you get all the support you need

Ah perhaps reducing or even stopping all the hormones would sort it, without having to take antidepressants. Maybe your body is producing enough hormones of its own already! Glad you will see your ob-gyn soon to discuss it. Hang on in there

Have you been able to discuss with oh. (I get he a brain injury,)

Thanks girls, yes coming off hormones seems to be the plan after speaking to midwife. My hormone dose was doubled in Oct and they are entertaining the thought that, since the placenta is now making estrogen and progesterone, my anxiety and depression (which is not natural for me) has gotten worse.

@Lalla525 thank you for your posts, I'm sorry I was snappy in a previous thread, it's not like me and I very much regret it. Sorry that you have also been struggling with anxiety. There is a thread here somewhere for anxiety in pregnancy...it reassures me that the fears don't end up boiling the baby : )

@Merename you're my OG now, that's an amazing story!

@Pixiedustt yes folic acid, b12, all that stuff for past two years...everythit but the iodine...but I am feeling more reassurance from the ladies here, esp all the veggies xxx

@maggie272 I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time, I really hope coming off the hormones makes a difference. I know you mentioned you were in ireland- I read recently that about 50+ years ago they thought that Irish people weren't getting enough iodine so now cows are fed very iodine rich diets- if you drink milk/ eat dairy at all then you are getting plenty of iodine in! Potatoes, esp with skin, are also a great source of iodine along with eggs, and beans!! And strawberries!

Don't give up just yet, sending you lots of grá x

@Girlinglasses : )
No dairy as I have intolerance but lots of spuds and goat cheese and eggs... I'm just hanging on to the fact that my bloods including thyroid were all fine. thanks so much for replying xx

Hey Maggie- firstly I am so sorry you've been feeling like this. Second, I don't have anything that people haven't already said. You can and will get through this if you want to. We are IVF warriors after all, it does change you. You will feel so much better if you can drop the drugs, I can't wait to stop the progesterone. Please know You can message me anytime You want love. x

@Maggie272 plenty of iodine in goats cheese too so it sounds like you're diet is great for baby!! Now to focus on yourself and get back to your usual self, I'm really glad the midwife is listening and going to help you with the hormones, I really feel like that is going to make a big difference to you so good luck x

@WorriedButterfly!! How are you?? You feel similarly about the progesterone? I'm on 1.5 MLS and 8mg of estrogen. I'm massive but that's the least of it. It's so nice to see you here...you are about ten weeks too?

@girlinglasses thanks for being so positive...yes I really want to get back to my old self and I'm sure I will. I love goats cheese, if it's in the fridge it doesn't last long : )

Oh Maggie I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I can’t add much more than the pp as you’ve had great advice but I want to offer some support. Early pregnancy was the lowest time for me, DH came home from work more than once to find me sobbing saying I couldn’t do it anymore. We both agreed that the FET meds were possibly contributing. I stopped both oestrogen and progesterone at 10 weeks and it was a huge turning point. It sounds like your dr is considering this and I really think it’s worth giving that some time to see if it helps. I’m 19 weeks now and tend to worry about things still but it’s very manageable instead of overwhelming as it was before.