10.5 wks and want an abortion

[Maggie272]

please be kind
Will keep this short as possible...IVF pregnancy, bad reaction to all the hormones including anxiety and paranoia since August. Last week became worried that my prenatal vitamin had little iodine after I read that iodine deficiency can cause mental retardation. It's one worry after another and I'm exhausted. We had a happy life and I'm a shell of myself. Doc said my thyroid is fine and all bloods are fine but it's not enough reassurance. She said she's never seen iodine deficiency before. I'm a vegetarian so no fish and I don't eat dairy just some eggs and goats cheeae. My diet is otherwise so good. I thought I had everything covered for the baby.

My husband has a brain injury and I couldn't manage a child with mental retardation.

My doc had me see a psychiatrist who was trying to push antidepressants, saying my stress would harm the baby. Since he said that I haven't been able to get out of bed or go to work. I've harmed my baby...

In Ireland and can it get abortion up to 12weeks. What do I do. If I was happy and ok before will I be like that again after abortion? I'm so worn down and lost

Thanks for reading xxx

I had significant anxiety for most of my pregnancy so far. What's helped me is something I read on here, which was "women in war-zones manage to have babies". I repeated it to myself as a mantra for months and it really helped to put everything in perspective. When I freak out about my office full of mice and their droppings, I think of that and it helps me go through the day.

X-post.

He sounds like an awful psychiatrist! What a simplistic shit and harmful thing to say.

Please focus harder on relaxation and peaceful exercises to help balance the stress you currently feel.

There is lots you can do to promote well being for you and your baby,so take control of that. Book classes, for relaxation, like yoga if you like that, and anything relaxing. Swimming is also very good.

Whilst other referrals get sorted focus hard on the good stuff, knowing you are doing good for your baby and you.

@Maggie272 please see your dr and accept the medication. You are not well, it sounds as though your baby is fine. You have been through a lot to achieve this pregnancy. Don't rush to make any decisions.

Have you heard of PANDAS? They are a charity supporting women through pre and post natal depression and anxiety. They have a helpline and I really think you should give them a call and access some support.

You are not well. Once the tablets have settled things down you can make a decision.

Know this: anxiety is a massive liar. It tells you that awful things are absolute and real and definitely happening, even when there's no evidence at all that they are.

I absolutely respect every woman's right to choose abortion when it's right for her, but in answer to your question about whether you would go back to being 'happy and OK' if you terminated your pregnancy, I think you would find yourself continuing to experience some very complicated emotions.

You have not harmed your baby. You wanted this baby enough to go through IVF. What you are experiencing right now is a very real disruption to your mental health, for which you can get help. It's OK if that help is medication, if you need it.

One thing I would strongly encourage you to do, when you talk with any medical professional about this situation - which you definitely should, again, soon - is to take a trusted friend or family member with you. It sounds as though what you took from your meeting with the consultant was very negative, but I know that for myself, when I'm very very anxious, I will tend to absorb a negative message and fall to even notice any positive ones. I wonder whether the doctor may have been trying to convey a different message, and I think if you had someone else with you they could help you to navigate appointments, and advocate for you if you aren't getting what you need. Would that be an option for you?

Please take care of yourself. What are you doing with yourself this weekend? Is there anyone around who can help you?

As other posters have said, please find a sympathetic doctor who will help you treat your anxiety. Everything so far - scans and your blood tests - indicates that your baby is doing really well.

FWIW, I've been vegan for several years and vegetarian before that. Have a very healthy 12 month old who is sharp as a tack. I couldn't even take prenatals for the first 16 weeks of my pregnancy due to Hyperemesis. All I could take was folic acid. It sounds like everything is going well for your baby, so it's time to focus on your health now.

Eggs are a good source of iodine. You also get it from sources such as cereals/bread etc.

Iodine deficiency is extremely unlikely. As pps have said your fixation on this is an indication you are not well.

What does your husband think of how you are feeling? Is he supportive?

You really need to push your healthcare providers for better help and support -not in terms of reassurance about the iodine or whatever else but support for YOUR mental health. If you don’t feel able to do that could you show this thread to your husband or a friend/family member and ask them to advocate for you?

At your stage in pregnancy the foetus doesn't have a functioning thyroid, and is dependent on your thyroid hormones. So if you've been tested and your hormone levels are normal then the baby will be fine.

You could start taking a supplement now, and when the baby's thyroid starts functioning (around 16 weeks I think) that may help to ensure there's enough iodine available for it.

I hope you can find some help for your anxiety, this must have been something you really wanted, to go through IVF.

Maggie, is there an emergency number for your midwife? I think you should ring them today. I’m sorry you needed admission to hospital. The psychiatrist you saw would have been an oncall, general psychiatrist - unlikely to have an interest in maternal health. I think you need to be seen by a maternal psychiatrist. You also need to be consultant led obstetric care. This is a treatable problem but there is no quick fix. Your baby is now at a stage where it’s vital organs etc are formed, so carefully selected, well tried and tested medication may help you without risking harm to your baby.

Have you spoken to your husband. Have you got any close family who you can share your feelings with?

Many many healthy babies are born to vegetarian and vegan mothers who haven’t taken any supplements. Babies are born healthily in war zones and areas of famine. I can reassure you that you have not harmed your baby in any way.

Your anxiety is lying to you my love.

You DO NOT HAVE an iodine deficiency. Your bloods are FINE. Your bloods would have shown up if there was a problem.

Please go and speak to your midwife and seek urgent help for your mental health. I'm convinced you have peri-natal depression - I had it too, in a mild form, and it is terrible but you can be helped.

Sending you a hug, OP. You sound exhausted from the worry.

I echo the advice to get support from someone who listens and who you can relate too. The problem is not iodine. The problem is the anxiety and paranoia you’re feeling. It’s deceiving you and messing with you. It can be stopped, and then you’ll feel much more like yourself.

An abortion isn’t needed because there’s nothing wrong with your baby. Moreover, if you were to have one, you put yourself at risk of problems later when you realise what you’ve done. I’m trying to say this tactfully, so I apologise if I’ve not said it well.

Please get some help for your anxiety. That’s the priority.

@Maggie272 I had an ivf pregnancy, I got sepsis and ended up on some incredibly strong drugs that were not licensed for pregnant women. I was very worried about their possible effects on my baby. I was also very anaemic and continued to be ill throughout pregnancy (and beyond).

My son is now 9, he’s in perfect health and brings so much joy.

Go back to the doctor and ask for their help.

Thanks again everyone xx
Yes it was very much wanted, but I was sort of happy go lucky about it before we started.
I wish I knew how iodine works in the body but am afraid if I look I'll freak myself out more. If my thyroid is ok does that mean I was getting enough? No one told me in the hospital. @PippinStar I bet you are seaweeds tho? I was struggling so much on the IVF meds I didn't even think.
I am seeing my ob-gyn on Tues and was going to ask for abortion then. I have been asking for help for months, I wasn't shy to because my personality completely changed when I started the drugs. I literally had to walk into hospital on Sunday saying I was suicidal, even tho I wasn't, to get anyone to listen.

This is your answer: (I am just putting it here, again to emphasise and drive home the point that your thoughts about iodine deficiency do not apply scientifically, biologically and in reality)....

At your stage in pregnancy the foetus doesn't have a functioning thyroid

So your line of thinking here is not actually possible.

Will you be able to relax properly now?

@makegoodchoices did you ever consider a termination because of that worry, or did you think you'd love the baby however it turned out?

Maggie - the problem here is not whether you were/are getting enough iodine unfortunately. If that was the problem , it would have an easy answer (yes/no) and an easy solution.

The problem here is the trend. After you get reassurance on iodine, what's the next fear who will make you struggle this much? And what after that? And wheres the end? Certainly not at birth - that's the start of real worries.

You need to insist on the mental health route and accept medications. If you had a broken leg you would not worry about calcium intake, you would go to a hospital and get treated. It's the same here.

No, no seaweed - apart from the tiny bit on sushi once every 2 months or so. You would be getting much more from dairy and egg yolks in your diet.

The thyroid needs iodine to function, so if yours is functioning normally then you have enough. Baby will take what it needs from your body - as my doctor says, they are the best parasites!

But I would echo what Lalla525 says - this isn't about the iodine, it's about the anxiety.

So you went trhough IVF to have this baby, so it is a very much longed for baby yes? Then why on earth have an abortion. Surely you will then have the guit the what if. And how would your partner feal about this decision. Go to your MW and explain your concearns.Contact the charity mind. Prtegnancy and birth can play without welleing. And don,t say mental retardation it,s a horible phrase.

@Persipan thank youxx
I just can't get out of bed the past few days. My husband is here and he's very supportive, but no one knows, I told work I had morning sickness. I have never had depression before in my life. My best friend did and used to say if she could only go for a walk she'd feel better, I regret that now cos I can't even shower. My brain feels like it's made from rubber. I do feel better having read the encouraging posts here xx

I know in Limerick, there is a specialist nurse in maternal mental health who liaises with all relevant health care workers required. Please please remember that every single pregnancy for every single woman is filled with dreaded thoughts:: I drank alcohol before I knew i was preg, I smoked weed before I knew I was preg, I went on a rollercoaster before I knew, I forgot to take my pre natal vitamins, I fell and could have harmed my baby, I got in an argument and shouted at my sister, could this have harmed my baby. Please don't feel alone and never trust your thoughts when depressed, it is common for women to have problems with mental health post ivf, it is a very traumatic experience. Babies are alot tougher than we think, try not to worry and go back to gp, think where you will be in 12 months time with your healthy baby in your arms, you can do this but please get support xxxxx

Oh OP

I had terrible anxiety/OCD during my recent pregnancy. Like you, birth defects were something that I was anxious about after a high risk combined screening result. I had the NIPT and it came back low risk, but that underlying anxiety about my baby not being healthy remained, and I spent the next few months convinced that something that I had/hadn’t done might have harmed my baby and it resulted in obsessive compulsive behaviours (reassurance seeking as well as handwashing, cleaning etc).

I was lucky to be able to be referred to a perinatal mental health team. The psychiatrist offered antidepressants, which logically I know are safe in pregnancy, but like you, I didn’t feel prepared to take them because of the risk of birth defects. But I was also able to meet with a CPN and a psychologist, which I found extremely helpful. I would strongly advise you to ask your midwife if a similar service is available in your area.

Even if it isn’t, I found that simply asking to be referred to the service helped me acknowledge the fact that my fears were just my anxiety, not something that medical professionals were actually concerned about as a risk to my baby. As PP touched upon, to realise that it was me that was ill, not my baby, felt like a huge relief.

My baby is now 3 months old and perfect- knowing that now and thinking back, I wonder how on Earth I could have been so anxious. But at the time, I know, it is horrendous and all consuming.

I hope my experiences help you gain a better perspective of your situation, feel free to PM me if you would like to.

Prenatal vitamins are a bit of a gimmick according to my midwife. The only ones needed ideally are vit D throughout pregnancy and folic acid (for first 12 weeks). Iodine deficiency is extremely uncommon. There is iodine in soil which vegetables absorb so we all get enough from this and normal every day foods. You do not need to be eating seaweed to get enough! You're more likely to be low in iron but this will be picked up in blood tests and nothing to worry about.

@june2007 pls don't reply if you cannot sympathise, I'm going thru hell. That is the phrase that is used everywhere I didn't know. Why have an abortion, because I'm hanging on my by fingernails and trying to be ok again. If you don't have any understanding pls don't make me feel worse

@PerinatalAnxiety19 yes that is exactly my experience and how I felt about the antidepressants. No one could understand my fears. You never thought of abortion? Sometimes I feel that I am getting ahead of myself and sometimes it feels like it would be the kindest thing.

I forgot to mention that maternity psychiatric services won't be up and running at my hospital til April, that is why I saw a general psychiatrist xx

I'm not in the UK but go to the best ivf clinic in my country, they have a very high success rate (40%) because they are always on tge forefront of research and the newest tecniques. They say that you only need to take folic acid for a pregnancy. All the other advise hasn't been proven. There is absolutely no indication that your baby is harmed by something that you did, so why in your mind do you want to actively harm it by consciously killing it? It sounds so twisted. I second that you probably have severe mental health problems and need help for that. Remember, if the baby is born and you still don't want it, you can also give it up for adoption.