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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

He wants an abortion

103 replies

Delta8319 · 29/12/2019 22:46

I found out I am 6 weeks pregnant.... very unexpected...

I have been with my partner 10 years and he's always made it clear he didn't want more kids (has a child to a previous relationship)

However I came off my pill and was honest and told him...

Low and behold.. after 14 months I'm pregnant! I'm
So confused... I don't know what to do.... my husband is 100% clear he does not want this pregnancy to continue... I'm uncertain and emotional. I'm so scared this will be my one and only chance and if I don't do this now then in later life it will come back to haunt me with huge regret...

Advise please...... do I terminate and continue with my life or do I choose to continue and ultimately end up doing this alone..... 😔

OP posts:

K1999 · 29/12/2019 22:51

I wouldn't have an abortion. There's no way once the baby is here he will turn his back on the child. You now have a responsibility and your body is no longer yours. It's your little growing baby's! Feeling the first kicks, feeling your belly grow and seeing your baby's first smile, there's just nothing like it. Your life will get so much brighter with the gift you've been given!

Boymummy3 · 29/12/2019 22:51

He's never wanted more children but you came of the pill so he knew by sleeping with you then there was a chance of you getting pregnant... You do what You want to do it isn't his choice!
You could have a termination but everytime you look at him you will be reminded he is the reason you don't have a baby. Harsh but true and considering you do want this baby that is not something your relationship will withstand unfortunately.

If I was in your position I would continue the pregnancy and hope that he would come round to the idea eventually afterall he does have 9 month to accept it. If he can't accept it then plenty of women are single parents and you would do a fantastic job.

Lalla525 · 29/12/2019 22:53

However I came off my pill and was honest and told him.

Erm - what did he expect would happen? And why did you stop? Were you hoping to get pregnant or is it for some medical reasons and you were using a different contraception method?

Either way - I would keep the baby ( but i want children more than i want a husband!). Only you can decide what's best for you, but my advice is to choose your preferred option without trying to save the relationship, as it might be doomed either way.

physicskate · 29/12/2019 22:55

Why the fuck didn't he get a vasectomy? He kept having sex you! Why is pregnancy unexpected from unprotected sex?

Your body. Your choice. It's going to be tough to deal with the consequences of that choice, but you've got to decide if you a) want a child and b) want to continue to be in a relationship with this selfish man.

I'd keep the kid, ditch the a-hole.

As you can tell, it's a massive pet peeve of mine when men don't take responsibility for contraception and family planning. He had options if he didn't want more kids. Abortion is not an option he can decide on (though he is entitled to express that having a child isn't his first choice, having unprotected sex with you makes him a massive hypocrite).

Undecided91 · 29/12/2019 22:56

How old are you? Definitely KEEP THE BABY. Men come and go, a child will be yours for ever. Especially if you dont have any of yours yet. Good luck x

steakandmantoo · 29/12/2019 22:56

you have two routes - If you have an abortion, you will resent him and end up leaving him. with the regret.

if you carry on with the pregnancy - he could potentially leave you, but you wouldn't care when you look at that beautiful baby you are carrying!

You do not want an abortion - So please do not get one.

Be selfish - You want the baby! congratulations on your pregnancy :)

Frenchw1fe · 29/12/2019 22:57

I think you really want this baby so have it but be prepared to be a single mum. If your dp didn't use contraception and knew that you didn't either then he has to face the consequences.

Aloe6 · 29/12/2019 22:59

However I came off my pill and was honest and told him...

What did he expect? What an idiot.

Jog22 · 29/12/2019 22:59

Don't have an abortion if you don't want one. I wanted one but it was still really difficult.

OhMyDarling · 29/12/2019 23:00

Your body, your choice.
He knew the situation, he didn’t have the snip, no surprise that you now have a baby on the way.
However contrary to what K1999 said- there is every chance he will not be involved in the baby’s life and you need to be prepared for that.
I would keep the baby and start preparing for life as a solo parent just in case he doesn’t grow up and step up.
Massive congrats xxx

rottiemum88 · 29/12/2019 23:00

There's no way once the baby is here he will turn his back on the child.

@K1999 with all due respect, you absolutely do not know that and based on OPs post, you're probably very wrong

rededucator · 29/12/2019 23:01

Do you have children yourself already? What age are you? Do you want a baby? Does he know you came off the pill and was the intent to get pregnant? Do you think you could emotionally and financially do it yourself? If you want a baby and are at the age you Dan do it yourself comfortably and ;without being rude) it might be your last chance I say go for it. If you're young and want a baby I'd say move on from this into a new relationship without this pregnancy x

Orchidflower1 · 29/12/2019 23:02

Keep your baby. Your H knew the risks- you were honest.

You want the baby. If he doesn’t he goes. Kids come first- always.

Good luck🌺

Original poster

Delta8319 · 29/12/2019 23:04

I'm 36.... I'm obviously at a point where this could be my last chance ....

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 29/12/2019 23:04

Just from your post it is obvious to me that you would bitterly regret having an abortion for the rest of your life, and to be frank, I think your marriage will be over either way. If you have an abortion, you will hate and resent him forever. Keep the baby and he'll leave you.

Keep the baby, lose the arsehole.

FruitcakeOfHate · 29/12/2019 23:05

BIN HIM! 'He wants and abortion" Well, that's too fucking bad. He hasn't got a uterus. He knew you weren't using contraception and chose to keep having unprotected sex. NEVER chose a man over your own child, much less a total dickhead like this. He doesn't want kids, he has the snip. Not your pboelm. Do NOT let him bully you. In fact, I'd do anything to get away from him because he will try to coerce you.

'I am having the baby and keeping it. This is not up for discussion.'

The end.

rededucator · 29/12/2019 23:06

I also respectfully disagree with K1999 your body is always your body OP. I also agree that what you choose to do with it is yours, you talk about last chance. I had a termination in my 20s due to my situation but I think (I won't claim 'know' because you never know) that at 36 if I got pregnant I would keep it regardless of OH as it might be biologically my last chance of a child.

sillysmiles · 29/12/2019 23:06

Your DH wants an abortion. Fine. When he has a uterus he can have one, in the mean time it's your choice

alexdgr8 · 29/12/2019 23:07

you want a baby.
you have conceived a baby
keep the baby.

the man will probably be an ex soon anyway, whatever you do.
you have divergent desires, priorities. part calmly. be civil.
you'll be a great mum. good luck

Lalla525 · 29/12/2019 23:16

OP, while I told you before I would keep the bab (and I stand by it), I really struggle to understand the dynamic here.

You say this could be your last chance, but you married somebody who was clear did not want babies. I.e. you married somebody knowing you'd have no chances of having babies (clearly provided he was smart enough to sort contraception out). Then you decide to stop the pill and apparently he is fine with it?! How can that even remotely be possible? He should be adult enough to know that no contraception means high chance of pregnancy. And he was clear he did not want babies. How do the two things stack up?

Now that you are pregnant, it looks like you really want this baby. And while I'm all for doing what it feels right for you, I question whether you were honest with yourself and your husband when you accepted to marry into what was understood to be a childless marriage.

My feeling is that you reluctantly accepted his view (at least temporary) but ultimately you are on two very different pages regarding children. And unfortunately, in my experience, that almost always means end of the relationship. So please, choose what feels right for you and baby. He is not a factor anymore.

GoldfishRampage · 29/12/2019 23:22

However I came off my pill and was honest and told him

I think this was a massive mistake. He has been clear he didn't want another kid but you still chose to get pregnant with him. He has obviously been an idiot but I don't understand why you would do this. I don't understand why you are confused. He didn't want a baby and he still doesn't want a baby???
I 100% think it's up to you to keep it if you want to but I think you have been irresponsible and unfair to your future child. If you knew you wanted a baby you should have left your husband and found someone that also wanted a baby.

You husband is an idiot for not getting a vasectomy though.

Ultimately though this is unfair of both of you - you are risking bringing a baby into a relationship where it's unwanted by one of its parents and where the parents resent each other. If it really goes tits up the child will have separated parents and possibly have to endure all the potential difficulties of that ( I know that separates families can work out perfectly ok)

Bluerussian · 29/12/2019 23:31

In your place I wouldn't have an abortion. If you've been with your partner exclusively for ten years, are mid thirties and having a baby may be a blessing for you. Don't expect it to be the same for him though, he's always told you he wanted no more children.

Make sure you have financial security, can take maternity leave and that your home is stable - and be prepared to go it alone which is not easy. However you may have a good support network, you haven't said.

It's possible he will change his mind when the baby arrives. I do know a couple who resolved never to have children and after many years, the wife became pregnant. Husband wanted her to have an abortion but she just couldn't. When the baby girl arrived, husband realised he loved her.

That's a happy story but not all stories have such a happy ending so get your ducks in a row.

Good luck and - cautiously - congratulations.

anomoony · 29/12/2019 23:33

You're 36 and you want the baby - have the baby. Your relationship would end anyway as you would surely resent him for the abortion.

MiniGuinness · 29/12/2019 23:36

You were trying for a baby, so why would you be surprised it happened? He actually has no say in what you do to your body, he knew you were trying to get pregnant and did nothing to stop getting you pregnant.

Bluebutterfly90 · 29/12/2019 23:36

If you want to have the baby, have the baby.
You told him you were coming off the pill, how can he be surprised? If he didn't want to risk a pregnancy he should have worn condoms or stopped having sex with you until the situation was resolved.

Men can come and go but your baby will be your baby forever.
Your relationship may still break up if you terminate, and if that was the case, how would you feel?
Wishing you well OP.

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