Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

He wants an abortion

103 replies

Delta8319 · 29/12/2019 22:46

I found out I am 6 weeks pregnant.... very unexpected...

I have been with my partner 10 years and he's always made it clear he didn't want more kids (has a child to a previous relationship)

However I came off my pill and was honest and told him...

Low and behold.. after 14 months I'm pregnant! I'm
So confused... I don't know what to do.... my husband is 100% clear he does not want this pregnancy to continue... I'm uncertain and emotional. I'm so scared this will be my one and only chance and if I don't do this now then in later life it will come back to haunt me with huge regret...

Advise please...... do I terminate and continue with my life or do I choose to continue and ultimately end up doing this alone..... 😔

OP posts:
Nuttyfellalovesnutella · 29/12/2019 23:39

In this situation I would choose having the baby.

TheClausSeason · 29/12/2019 23:43

Stay pregnant. To be rather brutally honest, nothing is certain at this stage of a pregnancy, but I think you'll regret it if you abort.

I have an aunt who didn't have kids to please her husband. Now she's aged over fifty and the husband's kids have made contact so he gets to be Dad, but she's lost her chance to be a mum.

rededucator · 30/12/2019 00:59

Whatever you decide to do good luck. But I feel sad for the 26 year old you that took up with a man that was clear he didn't want any more kids when you weren't sure yourself :(

Bluerussian · 30/12/2019 01:49

I didn't get the impression the op was trying for a baby; she stopped taking the pill but I assumed that was replaced by a less efficient method. She didn't become pregnant straight away. Her husband surely knew she was no longer on the pill and there's always a risk.

Nuttyfellalovesnutella · 30/12/2019 05:54

I got the impression that the op came off the pill and hoped for a baby (one and only chance) - so didn’t use any contraception. I think most alternative forms of contraception have a similar rate of success (95-99%) unless it’s the “pull out before man ejaculates” method whereby it’s about 50/50.

She says she was honest about this though, so both parties aware that having sex without protection might lead to a baby.

WorriedMum6868 · 30/12/2019 06:21

This is easy. Take your dp entirely oyt of tge equation and make your decision. Do you want to be a single parent....yes or no?
Under no circumstances try and have this baby thinking he will come round to the idea.....he might, but you have no guarantee. Therefore imagine being a single mum as your only option then make your decision

Weenurse · 30/12/2019 06:26

You have received some very good advice which boils down to, do you want to be a single parent?

Pinkbonbon · 30/12/2019 06:38

I'm normally the first person to say abort. But in this situation even I say keep the baby. He knew there was a risk. If he didn't want more kids then he should have had the snip.

It certainly isn't selfish to not want children, but to ask someone else to give up their last chance to have one, via aborting, after contributing to get them in that situation in the first place, is cruel.

As others have said, be prepared to be a single parent. But tbh, your partner sounds irresponsible and unkind anyway so you'd probably be better off without him.

Cookit · 30/12/2019 07:26

So you were trying for a baby by coming off the pill? - at least, you were trying and he was fully aware what would almost certainly happen ...

...What happened is what was almost certainly going to happen and you are pregnant. Do you want a baby? It sounds very much like you do and that you were trying for a baby really or at least letting fate or nature or whatever decide. If he wanted not to have one he should have sorted it out. You didn’t trick him, he was fully aware of all of this.

A19C27 · 30/12/2019 08:54

Sending you lots of love OP it’s a shitty situation to be in don’t rush any decision just take your time talk to your partner and ultimately do what you feel is right for you - not your partner - you xx

Gemc81 · 30/12/2019 09:19

Keep the baby as you obviously want it. However it seems to me that your marriage has larger issues than this. The choice to be child free or not is something you can't compromise on between 2 people. He was obviously staunchly child free and you were hoping he would change his mins when you came off the pill and inevitably became pregnant. That's really not the way to do things on either side.

If you have this baby your marriage is over since husband does not want children and it is a HUGE gamble that he might change his mind when the baby arrives. If you have a termination you will resent him and your marriage will likely end due to that.

The harsh reality is that this issue ought to have been dealt with a long time ago and not passively put on the table

Start getting your ducks in a row and work out what other support systems you will have in place for being a single parent.

SuperMeerkat · 30/12/2019 09:23

@Delta8319 That was bad behaviour to come off the pill when he’d expressly told you he didn’t want more kids. Seriously, how did you expect him to act? By all means keep the baby, it’s your body after all but you tricked him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he leaves you at some point, sorry if that sounds harsh. Really, you should have found someone who wanted a baby.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2019 09:25

You came off the pill, told him and he took responsibility for contraception by always using condoms? No?

You’ve had unprotected sex/been ttc for 14 months?

He’s already a dad and knows how babies are made.

If you want the chance to be a mum then keep the baby.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2019 09:26

FGS, if she told him they were no longer using contraception and he didn’t take responsibility instead she didn’t “trick him” Hmm

JacquesHammer · 30/12/2019 09:28

“He wants an abortion”

Yeah, Nope. No uterus, no opinion.

OP - he consented to the potential of a child the moment he had unprotected sex with you. He’s made his choice, now you make yours.

TheClausSeason · 30/12/2019 09:30

@SuperMeerkat By all means keep the baby, it’s your body after all but you tricked him.

She told him she'd stopped taking the pill. In what way was he tricked?

PixieDustt · 30/12/2019 09:31

I'd rather do it alone than be with a horrible prick.
If he didn't want kids he should of wrapped it up.

puds11 · 30/12/2019 09:32

I don’t understand why you married someone who didn’t want kids if there was the slight chance you did.

If you want the baby, keep it. You can find a new man, the same can’t be said for the baby Flowers

PixieDustt · 30/12/2019 09:32

By all means keep the baby, it’s your body after all but you tricked him.

How dare you. She in no way tricked him. She told him she was off the pill.
You nasty little person.

JacquesHammer · 30/12/2019 09:34

By all means keep the baby, it’s your body after all but you tricked him

I mean she told him she wasn’t on contraception. How did she trick him? Or are you really suggesting he’s so ignorant he doesn’t know unprotected sex can equal pregnancy? Confused

Dawninglory · 30/12/2019 09:35

What's the age difference between you both Op? Does he have a relationship with his other kid/s?
Personally I would keep the baby and ditch the DH if necessary.

GrannyBags · 30/12/2019 09:36

He can want whatever he likes but it’s not his body. If he knew you were off the pill then what did he think was going to happen?
In your shoes, if you can afford the baby (with or without him) then I would continue the pregnancy.

Thoughtlessinengland · 30/12/2019 09:38

your body is no longer yours

What the actual fuck.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2019 09:40

He was obviously staunchly child free

Not really as he already has a child...

JacquesHammer · 30/12/2019 09:40

@SuperMeerkat

Why isn’t he responsible for contraception as he knew the OP was no longer on the pill?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.