The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

@Rubyroost It was me that had poly but fluid levels have dropped to top end of normal range I'm also carrying a big baby but don't have gestational diabetes apparently. There's so many of us here with different combos of poly/big babies/GD!

@TinyPaws it’s really interesting isn’t it. Maybe age is a factor? Also lots of us having growth scans as well so being picked up. It definitely doesn’t seem to reflect the 1% of pregnancies figure.

@rubyroost @Catconfusion @TinyPaws I was also diagnosed with mild poly but levels have also dropped back into the top end of normal range. I have been cleared for GD and baby is 32 centile (they were 74th).

Yes @tinypaws I read back and realised it was you! How many weeks are you now @tinypaws I know you'll be following me soon won't you @fnej01 did you say you will be having an induction at 38 weeks?

@Rubyroost think I am following you by a week, booked for 9th March will be 38+1. Are you Monday? X

💓 following

@fnej01 @Rubyroost @tinypaws so that’s definitely more than 1% of the thread. Yet at the hospital they reacted like it’s something they don’t see often. The midwife was really surprised too like it’s a rare occasion to see anything other than normal AF levels. Also our baby being 99.8% centile was dealt with absolute surprise.

I went to my first anti natal class last night. It was really good. All couples between 30 and 40, us being the oldest. We were the only couple who had complications. Out of 10 couples. All others head down and low risk. A couple of others were having growth scans but all normal. The instructor who was very much into natural birthing was surprised my consultant isn’t pushing for section. She also let it slip that there’s been a higher number of ladies having big bleeds at our local hospital and she thinks it’s because they are big on inductions and interventions generally. Its definitely making us consider risks again. I just wish I could have a water birth in the midwife unit but they’ve said no to this. I can only labor in water not give birth.

Sorry for the rant ladies but just feeling still very confused about the birth. Really grateful to all of you for your inputs, especially @Laney79 for your birth story and such great information about c sections.

I know we’ll all look back and the worry will have been worth it. Xx

@Rubyroost I will be 33w tomorrow so a little way behind! My hospital are still refusing to induce before 42w, I really don't want to leave it that long due to increased stillbirth risk and also I'm already so big and uncomfortable. Hopefully I'll go into labour naturally well before then.

@Catconfusion no worries! I hope it helps.

Interesting what the instructor said about inductions and interventions. It does make me wonder what drives those decisions...is it actual need of the mom/baby? Trust policy? (Ie keep the section rate down etc) or is it preference/training of the dr/midwife or even a combo of all those things. I suppose I'm more interested in it as my local hospital is under investigation for its maternity services (Shrewsbury & Telford). Although my care was excellent bar the last 12 hours post natally.

@TinyPaws 42w? Wow...I'd be tempted to push them again on that. Perhaps ask to speak to the senior consultant/midwife or even director of maternity? Take some of the stats you have on increased still birth risk (and there have been some more recent studies looking at routine induction at 39/40w I think) and put your concerns to them. I wouldn't be afraid to put them on the spot either-ask if they can guarantee the safety of you and your baby if you end up not going into labour before that point, and ask for it to be clearly written in your notes you asked repeatedly about induction before that point in case any issues should arise...that might make them think again.

@TinyPaws I had the same concerns and my consultant said he would schedule an induction for 40+6 at the latest.

@Catconfusion I was one of those ladies two years ago, head down low risk pregnancy, all normal. I had a lovely pregnancy, really enjoyed it. This time though, things are very different. Sometimes its just one of those things and I keep trying to tell myself every pregnancy is different. Turns out things weren't simple in the end as babys head was not in the right position to come out despite being head down and staying that way since 12 weeks.
I went into hospital the other day and midwife said that she had seen a few ladies with polyhydriamnos and I said the stats need to change from 1%, she agreed. I haven't been made to feel odd with the poly, but it as remarked by an outspoken midwife when I went in for gtt oh you're the lady with a 6lb 3 baby at 32 weeks... How reassuring?! 🙄
As I said the consuktant just said that he had a lot of older mums that grow big babies and @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue had a 9lb at 38 weeks who is getting on well, I believe her first was pretty average and if I remember rightly she is late 30s/early 40s.

@TinyPaws that does seem odd, I saw some stand in doctors when consuktant wasn't there that said I'd be having c section at 39 weeks still regardless, but as soon as I saw consultant he said 37 weeks, he did give me the choice to wait 38 weeks but I like to err on the side of caution.

As far as interventions go, I'm not part of the natural birthing gang, and hate the ideology that all women should have a natural birth. When my baby was late I weighed up the pros and cons and told midwife I wanted to be in for an induction ASAP. I was in at 41 weeks and 4 days, baby was born by c section at 42 weeks and the consultant actually commented on how old my placenta was getting. That's why I made the decision to have induction sooner, rather than later. There's a healthy balance to be had. But whilst there may have been issues with interventions, there's also been issues when midwives have insisted on natural births even when interventions were needed, and I think in some cases this has led to deaths. I read an article about it somewhere.

When I was being induced the consultant came round, I was 9 cm dilated but part of my cervix was hard and as she said baby was not coming out as head was looking up and not pressing down. My midwife was trying to argue with her whilst she was saying emergency c section. If it was up to my midwife god knows how long she would have kept me there!
So it really is a fine balance and I am all up for interventions if necessary. I think sometimes though, mum knows best. I always knew he wasn't in the right position and had told midwives that induction wouldn't work and had asked to go straight for c section.. To have my requests ignored.

It seems age and medical risk factors generally lead to earlier induction. There’s research to suggest if mother is 39 or older the placenta can start to fail post 40 weeks. Honestly I wish I could go to full term and go into labour naturally. If I was younger I’d be happy with going a bit over the due date rather than have an induction. That’s if it were a low risk pregnancy. It just seems the more interventions they use, the bigger the risks. Obviously if mother and baby are genuinely at risk the interventions need to happen. My hospital apparently has a really high induction and c section rate. It does make you wonder if some of those births were more traumatic than they needed to be. I know someone who was talked into an induction on her due date as baby was measuring small, then abnormally big. She endured 5 days of induction/labour hell with instrumental birth and transfusion for baby to be a normal size. Makes you wonder what her experience would have been if they’d let her go over a bit and go into labour naturally. All food for thought!

Yes they deffo do sometimes get it wrong. My friend was measuring small and they wanted to do induce at 37 weeks. She refused and was induced at 40 instead. Baby was fine, just had small legs and big head! She ended up with c section in the end

But I'm so over wanting a natural birth, it was just never going to happen for me. I elected for csection anyhow and now I dont have a choice. 🤷‍♀️ Just think of how many would have died in childbirth if we didn't have interventions. I think UK is actually not bad for interventions etc, obviously I can't speak for your particular hospital, but in comparison to countries in Europe etc.

And bloody hell that first steroid hurt and I only get half the dose compared to someone without diabeyes

@rubyroost yes of course in your case it was for the best. Yes interventions are necessary in many cases. I think it’s my hospital to be honest. I think the outcomes are medically good but difficult to quantify the mental health side of things.

I’m sorry to hear the steroid was painful. How are you feeling about Monday? Xx

God do you know what, I'm not even thinking that far ahead 😬. Don't know why I'm whingeing about a steroid injection though as they'll be more pain than that. 😂

@Catconfusion @rubyroost I definitely think the 1% is well off, but I do think the group of ladies in this group are probably exception rather than the rule, due to our complex histories and the fact that we have all had a much higher level of monitoring. If I hadn't have been having lots of extra monitoring the 4 weeks where my fluid levels were high would've never been picked up between routine scans.

I have had similar experience at NCT - class is all aged 30-40 bar one couple and I am the only complex one. I actually really enjoyed NCT and really like the ladies I've met, we've already been out for coffee since class so I have some mum buddies. However, I had a tough few first couple of weeks at class as I had just found out I would be a section and the class lead was very pro natural birth/midwife lead and anti intervention. And fairly anti doctor. It all came to a head in about the third week when she tried to tell us to visualise our natural birth, and DH told her we would be focussing on what an ideal csection experience looked like, as we weren't having a natural birth (she did already know this), she backed down after that.
I did find it helpful when I realised the natural birth I wanted was never going to happen due to my complex history and I was always going to be consultant led, rather than the whole water birth essential oils experience.

On the how long they let you go, ever since I was diagnosed with APS/autoimmune they had been very clear with me that I must aim to get to 34 weeks and then the max was 39 weeks with close monitoring. At about 24 weeks I had an appointment with a registrar who suggested there was no reason at all that I wouldn't be left until 42 weeks. Following this I made a formal complaint, as felt she wouldn't listen to me. I insisted on a change of consultant, who instantly said on review of my history that I needed to be delivered at 37 or 38 weeks and he didn't want to risk induction so straight to csection. I was a bit shocked (about the c section) but to be honest I am glad I complained and pushed back on the plan to leave me to go over to 42 weeks. I do unfortunately think you have to self advocate all of the way! @tinypaws

Yes @fnej01 this group I guess has far more monitoring so as you say some of the issues wouldn’t have been picked up. My bump is measuring 4 weeks ahead so I think I’d have been sent for a scan anyway. It does feel a bit like some of the worries brought up by the growth scans will turn out to be fine.

Great you’ve met some new friends at the nct. I can’t believe your instructor said that without acknowledging your c section when she knew. Good for your DH for putting her straight.

I also can’t believe a consultant would consider leaving you until 42 weeks. Glad you complained about it and are getting an outcome you seem at peace with. I think I have a little bit of work to put in to accept it probably will be c section. Just waiting for our scan next week and I think/hope after that I’ll feel more at ease with what’s decided.

We’re quite lucky with our anti natal instructor. She’s very old school and of course an advocate of natural childbirth. However she’s very up on recent research and statistics. Also accepting of intervention being the only safe option in some cases. We have a full day on the course tomorrow so I’m quite looking forward to it.

@Rubyroost bless you. I guess you’ve had a lot to sort out. I’m sure it will go just fine. I’m very excited and looking forward to hearing news next week. Will be thinking of you on Monday! Xx

@fnej01 this is why I hate the natural birth ideology, because it's just not feasible for some women. I was very of the attitude that I would go in and have gas and air and no pethidine (god know makes baby sleepy) and epidural was defitely out. Two hours after relentlessly sucking and sucking on gas and air, I was begging for pethidine, didn't even touch the sides, and then I was begging for an epidural. They were reading the consent stuff too me and I was just nodding my head hoping they'd read faster and get the bloody epidural stuck in me. 😂It's all well and good telling these women they'll have a beautiful hypnobirth and everything will be calm etc, but then when things don't go to plan it can cause a lot of issues. I really think there needs to be more of a balance.

I had the same issues with registrars and other doctors @fnej01 I don't think they're consultants are they and part of the obstetric team and I don't think they have the authority (or maybe even knowhow) to make decisions.

I had the same. Saw consultant who said at 32 weeks I would have c section at 39 weeks (fluid levels were just under polyhydriamnos at that point apparently) unless I was diabetic and then theyd look at 38 weeks.
Then when I saw a registrar at 33 weeks she told me it would be 39 weeks and no earlier.
Next doctor who reviewed me at 35 weeks after being transverse and polyhydriamnos said that I needed to be seen by consuktant next time.

Then consultant was like.. Right 37 weeks then.

@Rubyroost the hypnobirthing fanatics drive me MAD - it gave me a completely unrealistic expectation of labour. Lots of the ladies on my FB group are into hypnobirthing but I just think you have to take it all with a pinch of salt - I certainly didn't "breathe" my last baby out 😂

So I'm 40 weeks today. GTT results in this morning and I'm clear of GD. Urine sample tested (I always take in my first morning wee) and 3+ glucose, which is SO high, I know that from my last GD pregnancy. Nurse and hospital not interested as GTT yesterday confirmed not diabetic - I don't know what to think anymore. I'm booked in for induction at 41 weeks, so I'm on my ball, with my raspberry tea. 😬

@frillyfarmer I had sugar in urine last pregnancy and not this one. I know someone who had +3 glucose in urine later on in pregnancy and apparently didn't have gest diabetes.

I was told when I had glucose in urine last pregnancy by a doctor that women can just have 'leaky kidneys' in pregnancy. I don't know how much truth there is to this. 🤷‍♀️ But if you passed the gtt then you passed so I guess you've got to see this in a positive light. Your nearly there now @frillyfarmer

I’m another one with GD but I’m having a little baby (currently on 15th centile) but she is growing well. I don’t have poly but I am on insulin at night time because I can’t have metformin (due to smaller baby). My maternity leave has now started which I’m delighted about because I can have better access to food for my diet. I can’t tolerate bread or potatoes so I’ve been really struggling. 34 weeks so hoping baby is doing well.

I totally agree about the pro natural birthers- some women are made to feel inadequate if they can’t push out a baby without intervention or pain relief. I will just do anything to get her into this world safely and if that means a c section then I’m totally fine with that.

It’s also really good to press the medical team about why induction, why this date and not earlier etc. We need to know the full picture and no one should feel pressured into giving birth a certain way/ at a certain time without clearly stating the medical facts.

@Mistymeow good to hear you're doing well. I started my mat leave today and straight into hospital! It wasn't the original plan. 😂. Its hard working out what to eat isn't it and esp if you eat with your partner. I can eat warburtons wholemeal. Have you tried that, it does have low carbs. I imagine you probably have. Potatoes I also stopped eating. I brought lots of grains in packets that you can do in microwave or on the hob in a few mins and just had those as accompaniments to everything. Brown rice and quinoa, lentils and brown rice, curried chickpeas etc that sort of thing. Aldis do a really good selection. I even ate them with a roast dinner... Instead of potatoes. I'd have different salads for lunch with a bit of couscous, and I found I can tolerate couscous okay. Also strangely enough egg noodles weren't too bad. Though I stuck to small portions of everythi g. You probably know what you can cope with by now and I'm probably preaching to the converted. At first I couldn't cope with carbs with breakfast at all and I k ow many women struggle with breakfast. As time has gone on though its got easier. Maybe it's the pills working or maybe my diabetes has reached a peak.

Really sorry not to reply to everyone individually, I need to catch up on the thread later today.

So I'm really struggling. 38+2 today and I've been up most of the night and at the crack of dawn because I can't stop worrying and putting all these terrible ideas out of my head. The anxiety of the entire pregnancy is getting to me and it feels like I haven't relaxed for one second since...last February. I'm really concerned that my baby doesn't move enough and he doesn't interact with me, but all the ctgs and scans come back normal so they won't do any more scans and I don't know what else to do to check on him. It's not that I don't feel any movement at all, it's just that he's so gentle and now seems low down and I'm just so scared (and please don't say to ring MAU about reduced movements, it just makes me more anxious and it seems I ring them every week already). I don't have a car and I have to take a long bus ride to the hospital and I'm scared of catching coronavirus. The news about coronavirus is the last straw for my anxiety and I feel like it's only a matter of time before it gets worse here. I feel like I shouldn't be leaving my house at all for the sake of my baby, but I also feel like I should be at the hospital monitoring him and I don't know what's best. I am usually a rational and logical person, but now I feel like this baby is my whole life and my life could fall apart at any moment. I really want to be induced, I can't take 2-4 more weeks of this and there is no sign that labour is imminent. But I'm also scared to induce and force him out when he isn't ready and what if that leads to complications in delivery? I feel so alone like I am the only one that has to make these difficult choices and all the burden for caring for this baby is on me and if anything happens to him it will be all my fault and I don't think I can bear that.

I'm sorry, I know this seems like a crazy rant and it is really early. I just want labour to start and not to go overdue. I thought I had some period-like cramps last night, but nothing in the end and all I want is some physical pain now to take away this mental pain and let me know that soon the long wait will be over. I'm lucky in that I've had next to zero physical complaints with this pregnancy and physically I feel practically normal, which I know is rare at 38+ weeks. But mentally, I am really feeling the strain and I don't know what else to do at this point.