The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

@awwww @Squiff70 I'm so sorry you're having shitty days, you're such a brave lady though and I really admire your strength. I don't know how I would have coped with what you have. I'm hardly coping now! And X

Meant to say and I've got no excuseb

@Rubyroost, how far along are you now?

36 weeks, I'm hoping they agree to c section at 38 weeks on Monday. Because baby is transverse, I have big baby and polyhydriamnos there are risks if I go into spontaneous labour (and with the size of my uterus this is a possibility) so fingers crossed they'll bring it forward.

@Rubyroost, I won't pretend to know what I'm talking about but I hope it all goes well for you. Are you all set?

Has anyone heard from @InDreamland or @Frillyfarmer?

No! I bought some newborn nappies at the weekend and finally packed those in a bag with some baby clothes. That's it! I need to find the cushiony bits to the car seat and also sort my breast pump out and buy some pads. Got loads to do. I'm so disorganised, I think I'm in denial. 😲
Hope little Ava is ready for her op soon and that you can get her home soon. It must be so hard for you x

No @Squiff70 though I gather you've seen the pic. I was also wondering how @Indreamland was with her cute little girl. She must be busy, though I thought she looked like she'd be one of those easy sleepy babies, looks can be decieving.

I think @frillyfarmer was last seen about a week ago. No doubt the next message will be the arrival of her little one

@Squiff70 lovely picture. I hope she puts on weight soon so she can have the op. She has done so well and you are incredible. I hope you know more about a going home date after her op.
@Rubyroost hope you get the c section date today! Good luck for the scan.
@frillyfarmer all ok? Thinking of you.

I tried to hide my latte at the consultant appointment by giving it to dh to hold (not that there is much wrong with a latte). Instead I dropped it everywhere and consultant ended up mopping it up oops! So much for being inconspicuous...

Hi ladies, sorry I've been absent, I'm really struggling to keep a lid on my emotions lately - the fear of getting this far and it all going to shit, I came off the chat because I was getting a lot of anxiety from other people's worries that weren't helping me!

Baby has shifted in the last 24 hours, she was back to my left hand side, but I definitely can't feel her there now? She's moving, I can feel her but I'm also having very frequent BH so my bump seems to be almost permanently hard and I can't feel where she is, position wise.

I'm 39+2 now, and due to miraculously continuing to be low risk, they're leaving me to go naturally. I feel a mix of relief that I'm low risk and I might get a natural labour, to sheer panic because I want her out and safe in my arms.

I'm glad to see Ava is doing well @Squiff70 but I'm so sorry you're going through such w hard time; I can't even begin to imagine but sending you lots of love.

@Rubyroost I hope you get your section date today and it offers you some peace of mind xx

@Squiff70 So lovely to hear from you! I often think of you and wonder how Ava is doing. Really hope she can have her operation soon. Will be thinking of you on 3rd March 💙 xx

I think this thread is more active than ever so it's hard to keep up with everyone! So many of you close to your due dates now so I hope it all goes well for you all!

I'm 21+3 today and haven't felt my boy move much since the stressful drunk driver incident last weekend. He moved loads the day before it and I felt him most evenings but now I'm not feeling much at all. I know it's still early so trying hard not to worry but that's easier said than done!

I have a question I wondered if you ladies would be able to help with. I was on metformin for PCOS when we conceived and I took it until 12 weeks. So I have to have the GTT test in 6 weeks time. At my 20 week scan his tummy seemed a bit big compared to the rest - could this be that I'm eating too much sugar? I do have sweets and chocolate still so wonder if I need to stop?

I have low PAPP-A so I know he might be born small if the placenta stops functioning properly. I don't really understand my current measurements from the scan and I've googled the TCD one and that's confused me even more! I'll attach my results if anyone can help 😊

Hi ladies,

@squiff70 was thinking of you the other day. Glad that Ava is continuing to do well, sorry to hear you are still away from home. You have been so brave for your family. Will be thinking of you on the 3rd March.

@rubyroost hope you get your csection date agreed. I think our due dates are very close so at 38 weeks we might end up same day!

@RedRobin7 the measurements are an ongoing mystery to me. But i would say my Abdominal is the one that moves the most on the graph. I have concluded that a bit like my teenage stepson, my baby has growth spurts. They get a little tummy roll in preparation to grow and then suddenly they are thinner again. I think 20 week measurements are your baseline measurements and they will look at your trend of growth on future scans. I would try not to worry too much as your report says all is normal, but if worried check with your midwife. I have had similar thoughts around sugar but there has been no correlation between my diet and baby's AC.

@mistymeow I completely relate to the latte incident. Something about doctors appointment develops me a whole level of guilt, and thrust things upon DH!

@frillyfarmer sorry to hear that you have been feeling anxious, I definitely think after all of our journeys the 3rd trimester feels toughest. Great news that you are low risk and can have the birth of your choice, but I can completely understand this adds to the anxiety further. Hope baby makes a nice smooth arrival soon x

@Squiff70 I'm so happy to see Ava's photo and read your update! She is beautiful. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time in hospital, it must feel like a never-ending journey and of course you just want her home now. I hope she puts on more weight so you can have the operation. We are all routing for you both and wishing you can be home together soon Xxx.

@Rubyroost I hope you get your section date tomorrow! You don't sound disorganised to me - I haven't even thought about getting a breast pump or bottles yet! Do I need to before baby comes? I thought I would see how it goes and buy later, I'm also really clueless about what to get.

@RedRobin7 I'm sorry you are feeling anxious about movement and other issues, it never seems to stop the anxiety! I'm afraid I don't know the answers to your questions, but I hope someone is along soon to give you more insight. Hope you are recovering from the stress of that terrible drunk driving incident.

@Mistymeow lol I'm sure the consultant didn't care at all! I haven't had a latte in probably a year, that sounds so divine! I've been off coffee this whole time, but had a sip of espresso the other day and it was heavenly. Don't know how I've been writing my dissertation without it all this time. How many weeks are you now?

@frillyfarmer was also wondering if you had baby yet, not long to go now! I've said this twice to you before, but I again apologise if my comments on strep B pushed you off the thread. Honestly, you've passively referenced me a few times and ignored all my previous apologies, so I'm starting to feel a bit unwelcome on the thread myself. Yes, I'm very anxious and perhaps even more so now that I'm nearing 38 weeks and the end is in sight. I would think we have that in common. But if this thread isn't the place to seek comfort and guidance from those anxieties, then I'm not really sure what the point of it is. I don't want to make anyone feel worse, but also don't want to censor myself. And the reality is that the strep b thing was just a simple test that you can have at any time with a quick swab done at home - you could even still do it now. I didn't reference anything upsetting when I was talking about it, so I don't think I should be blamed (even indirectly) for that. Again, I respect the fact that it made you anxious and you decided to step away for awhile, but I do feel a bit like its my fault and, again, I want to reiterate that I'm truly sorry if that is the case.

So, all that being said, I'm not sure I feel comfortable updating about myself as I did have a very anxious day yesterday. I am also supposedly low risk and having a natural birth, but I'm still having trouble with reduced movement and feeling anxious about whether I should push for induction sooner. I can't seem to be able to weigh the pros/cons and I know part of it is in my mind from all of the stress in the past year. It's just all feeling like a bit much atm.

@sadtoday21 I'm simply responding to the people who asked after me - I haven't blamed you at all for me feeling like this? Mumsnet or the internet in general is not a good place to be with health anxieties, I hadn't suggest you sensor yourself at all, I was just explaining why I've not been updating the thread.
To be honest I really don't need to be made to feel as though I've been passive aggressive or hostile on this thread as I honestly haven't so perhaps it's best I just stay away. I hadn't suggested anyone stop posting about their concerns, I'd just stepped back myself as I considered them to be my issue.

Which pic do you mean @Rubyroost?

Thank you so much everyone. I really admire your courage and bravery. So many of you are right near the end of your pregnancies and you are all showing such dignity and support for each other. It's moving to see you've all been through devastating losses but here you are, still pushing on despite everything. Soon you will be holding your babies in your arms. There's no better feeling.

Come on ladies! We've supported each other through this so far and it's okay to step away from the thread if others anxieties are getting us down. I completely understand and I'm sorry if I've inadvertently added to this. But I think it's the nature of the beast, isn't it?! Not long now @sadtoday21 @frillyfarmer for all of us. Let's hope it goes as smoothly as poss. Gosh birth is so bloody anxiety inducing.

@Squiff70 the pic of her little girl, such a sweetie x

@frillyfarmer maybe I'm being way too sensitive, and I blame hormones and my own anxiety for that, but you did reference strep B as the reason why you were stepping away from the thread and it was me who raised that issue right before you said that. So, yes, I did feel like I was the reason why and I apologised several times to you, which you ignored. You mentioned "other people's worries" again today as the reason why you were leaving the thread, rather than simply saying you were anxious.

Anyway, I really don't want to make a big thing of it, but I'll stop posting here if its making you anxious and please do feel free to come back for support if you need it. Wishing you all the best for the birth and I hope things go smoothly for both of us Xxx.

@Squiff70 Ava's done so bloody well ❤️ I'll be thinking of you on the 3rd.

Hi ladies. Thanks for asking after me @Squiff70 and @Rubyroost - sorry over not been on for a week, it's been an emotional roller coaster. Partly hormones and also was worried about Bubsy's weight loss which she quickly regained sufficient when we started doing top ups with formula. BFing is challenging since my milk has been slow to establish and come in properly, suspect because of the very quick unexpected and distressing labour from induction. I'm hoping I can continue to BF and stop using formula top ups but important thing is Bubsy remains healthy and well fed. Can't believe she is 10 days old today. I'm so in love with her. She is nocturnal so keeps us up and is a velcro baby, hates being put in her moses basket.

Sorry I just can't keep up with the thread properly but really do think about all of you and hope your pregnancies go smoothly and you have the deliveries you want.

@Squiff70 glad little Ava is still doing well and hope she puts on the weight soon so she can have the surgery. You're doing amazing, you're so strong!

@Rubyroost hope you get your csection date!

@InDreamland lovely to hear from you.
Obvs I know very little about your situation, but babies do lose some of their birth weight and then put it back on. Was the midwife very concerned?

Have you got access to breast peer supporters. Of course you're happy topping up with formula as long as baby is putting on weight etc. I just wonder if you could get a little help with b feeding to help you exclusively feed, those bottles are a pain in the arse. And as you know it works on supply and demand, the more baby feeds, the more you produce. I found the peer supporters really useful. They say lots of skin on skin and all that malarkey, a good excuse to lay around half naked in your bed with baby xx

@sadtoday21 I have a pump from last time around so I won't have to go out and purchase anything. I had trouble with baby latching which I don't think is that common, but was due to the enormous amount if drugs I had pumped through me during my failed induction and then emergency c section. He took 45 hours to latch and feed. I was made to hand express and couldn't get any colustrum that way (so baby was getting very little in the first few hours of his life) Finally was given a pump by a more practical midwife. So I'm not taking any risks this time. I purchased a pump in the way back from hospital in the january sales as although baby had latched I was paranoid that I might still need to pump. I used the pump when I needed to leave baby for a couple of hours, but not much in the early days. I know some women choose to never leave baby, each to their own. Its also useful as if you get them used to bottle early on then they are less likely to reject bottle later on, for example when you go back to work etc. I just bought a Phillips one from tesco, there were two makes in there and that had slightly better reviews, I didn't do much research.
This time I think they're supposed to talk to me about harvesting colostrum at my 36 week appt as because I have gest diabetes they like to be able to give colostrum as soon as baby is born to control sugar levels in baby. So that's the reason for pump as I'd rather pump then and there if need be, I don't want to risk labour starting early from me collecting colostrum.

Ahhh @InDreamland I've just seen your photo. Bubsy is absolutely gorgeous, congratulations!

Hi all.

I mm sorry I can't reply to you all individually but you're all in my thoughts. Can't believe how many of you are so near the end now! Do pop over tomorrow the Facebook group when you're babies are here! It's been lovely to put faces to names and continue to support each other.

Main thing I wanted to say was - wow @Squiff70! So pleased to hear Ava is doing well. I hope the funeral goes as well as it can and is a chance to honour your lovely boy. You are so strong, sending love to you, your DH and your wonderful little girl xxx

Will keep following for news of those rainbows! Love to all xxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue may I join the FB group please? If so, can you PM me the link?