The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #6 - 🐧 The Penguin Huddle 🐧

[KnitKitty]

This is a safe space and supportive thread for anyone who is pregnant following a loss. We all understand the worry and anxiety that can come from being pregnant again following miscarriage/stillbirth.

Please feel free to join, even if you were not on the original TTC thread.

Starting the roll call copied from the last thread. Not everyone is on there, so please add to it/update/edit.
Also, thought it might be fun if we add Girl/Boy/Surprise on there too, so we can see who's expecting what

@Amanda81, 38, EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue, 37, EDD 03/01/20
@Laney79, 40, EDD 06/01/20
@Bluebelltulip, 29, EDD 09/01/20
@KnitKitty, 32, EDD 29/01/20 - Girl
@UnicornsandRainsbows1, 29, EDD 29/01/2020
@Newbie21, 38, EDD 06/02/20
@InDreamland, 39, EDD 18/02/20
@Tina363,29, EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer, 29, EDD 28/02/20
@Strawberry, 28, EDD 08/03/20
@Ginmonkey84, 34, EDD 16/03/20
@DuvetCaterpillar, 34, EDD 27/03/2020
@ChikiTIKI , 29, EDD 04/04/2020
@Navy123, 29, EDD 10/04/20
@Catconfusion, 40, EDD 12/04/20
@Janey15, 34, EDD 13/04/20
@TinyPaws, 33, EDD 18/04/20
@Flyfisherlady, 37, Edd 24/04/20
@Dimblebimble, 29, EDD 29/4/20
@FirstTimeMama91, 28, EDD 06/05/2020
@SunshineCrocodile, 37, EDD 4/6/2020
@TwittleBee , 25, EDD 25/06/20

And a shout-out to the Mamas who have already had their beautiful babas!
@Boboelephant, @Yukka, @Melpops36, @Beaglemum93 and a special mention for our hero mum @Squiff70 who we continue to keep in our thoughts and prayers.

Thanks @catconfusion seems this diagnosis isn't certain for either of us. I'm just going through every possibility at the moment and worrying myself sick. I really hope it's all for nothing. For both of us x

@rubyroost it’s so hard. Statistically the odds are good but especially after loss and having been the minority with mmc as I’m sure you can appreciate with what you’ve been through, it is worrying. It’s so odd to feel and look full term but have weeks to go. So tiring as well. Most people I talk to in real life make me feel like I’m worrying about nothing. I guess worrying won’t help but it’s tough to keep the negative thoughts away. xx

Awwww @Catconfusion sorry you're feeling so crappy too. I look beyond full term and certainly am bigger than I was with my toddler at 42 weeks. I never understood why people got wound up when people commented about large bumps, now I understand. Particularly when I have a condition that is the reason. Woman at work the other day.. You look bigger than yesterday... Ffs, like I'm not worrying enough about increased fluid. Funny though, these people who ask when I'm due or comment on how big i am, never said congrats to me in the early stages! 😂

@Catconfusion yeah I really don't want another traumatic birth but it's hard to imagine one that's not at least a bit traumatic.

Its ok to suffer and struggle when something traumatic happens to us though. I think its better in the long run to accept that things can break us, change us, etc, before finding a way to recover. Of course I wo t ever be glad about what happened to me and DD, and my poor husband hwo had to watch it all and supported me through it, but it's changed me in many ways which have been for my own good.

I can't imagine having a newborn and not having ptsd. Being able to sleep... Not being wired on adrenaline. It will be odd this time if it goes well, to feel tired. In a great way though 😀

@ChikiTIKI it is so hard, especially if you’ve had a bad experience before. I guess as a first time mum I’m trying to stay positive but also realistic about how hard it is.

At the moment I’m just not sure whether to go for a c section or induction. The doctors keep saying no medical reason not to induce, even with the excess fluid. I’ve heard such scary things about induction though. We’ll probably just see how the next scan goes and if the fluid issue has got worse. Also how big baby is as he’s likely over 6 pounds at 32 weeks. I’m already very uncomfortable.

@Catconfusion yeah it's hard to weigh everything up but remember you don't have to be pressured in to anything and it's ultimately your choice what to do.

Had a group thing about pelvic pain today was quite good 😀 I got worried beforehand that they would also talk about birthing positions but thankfully there's a seperate class for that.

Got another class about planned c sections in a month. I hope they don't go around the room for that one asking us all to say why we are having them.

Hello checking in after forever. I can’t possibly catch up after 4 months worth. But love to all!

Did they scan you for fibroids? I have a 16cm one at the top of my uterus which makes me measure enormously. I would request a scan if they haven’t offered as it can affect your labour choices. Sorry vvvv behind if this has been done etc.

Hi @Flyfisherlady!! how are you?

@ChikiTIKI see this is the thing, I wish someone would tell me what’s best in my situation. It’s great the doctor and midwife leave it open as our decision but I’d love some honest opinions on it.

It sounds like you’ve got some really good classes in your area. We’re doing a general birth and babies class next week so hopefully it’ll help with the decision.

@Flyfisherlady not sure if you were referring to me but I have the most scanned uterus ever for various reasons and definitely no fibroids. Baby is just very big at 99.8 centile with mild polyhydramnios so why I’m measuring four weeks ahead. x

@Catconfusion if it makes you feel any better I'm happy to share my planned elective c section experience and answer any questions. It was absolutely the right choice for me with my medical phobia. X

Thank you @Laney79 it sounds like a really good choice in your case. We’re going to do a bit of research so I may well come back to you with a question or too. How are you getting on with little one?

I guess in my case I’m ok with the pain and the medical side of conventional childbirth. I’m just worried it’ll end up an emergency c section since baby is big and we have extra fluid. Also being 40 it will be an induction if I don’t go into natural labour. The doctor assured me an induction doesn’t increase the chances of an emergency c section but I’ve read the opposite. I hate the idea of an emergency c section, especially when I could book an elective one. It’s such a difficult choice! xx

morning all,

so busy here atm! lots of work on (in both FT and PT job), lots going on socially too - hope it can slow down a bit soon maybe! so just catching up now.

but yes contractions all under control thankfully @Rubyroost thank you for asking! they only reappear if I do too much, e.g. I cooked a roast dinner for friends on Sunday which kicked them back off again but a bath and a careful rest of the evening stopped them again. Stress at work set them back off again though but they recalmed down once home and thanks to the bath again!

Next scan is tomorrow! Lost count how many this is now, must be at least scan number 10?

@sadtoday21 no proper advice about the sweep, I do understand why you want one but there isnt really any evidence surrounding it apart from it increasing the risk for infection which of course raises red flags for me after my experiences. Would an induction be an option instead, at least that will start things off?

oh what a worry though @Rubyroost about it not being GD that is causing the increase of waters - did he have any answers? My excess waters and accelerated growth with DS1 was never given an explanation for, I was just told I must make big babies and does seem to ring true following DS2 and now with DS3

I am so so sorry @fnej01 what a horrible shock for you all

I am also so so sorry @ChikiTIKI about your auntie too. Does sound sensible to bring your mat leave forward - would it be beneficial to have it start now?

@VenusStarr oh I am sorry, good luck with the investigations and I really hope you get some clear cut answers that have easy solutions to your rainbow

I think some of us do just make big babies? @Catconfusion With DS1 he was on the 95th centiles and I had excess fluid but they said I didnt have GD. Likewise again with DS2, he was certainly on the larger side and whilst my fluid levels werent excessive they were borderline. Now with DS3 it is a similar story again.

That is bloody scary thuogh @Catconfusion about what to do if you do go into labour regarding the cord! I really hope that everything works out okay.

I know how you feel regarding that choice being down to us @Catconfusion ! It is driving me insane not knowing what to do!

Hey @twittlebee, thank you for your input. It’s so reassuring to hear you had big babies and there was no reason as such. I was initially ok with him just being big but the excess fluid is the worry. I’m hoping it just stays borderline like yours.

Exactly, I’ve just reached a point where I want someone to tell me what to do. Both methods seem to carry almost equal risks. I luckily have DH at home with me for 6 weeks after the birth so recovery time isn’t a big issue. If I was younger and didn’t have arthritic hips I’d be fine with an induction and see what happens. I definitely am terrified of going overdue so glad my hospital doesn’t allow that if over 40. I’m sure however he comes will be ok and we’ll all get there! xx

That's excellent news @twittlebee the little one (or big one) seems to be hanging in there. Take care of yourself and don't do anything too strenuous.

In terms of big babies my first was remarked upon by the paediatric doctor on how long he was, but he weighed 8lb at 42 weeks which wasn't that big. However he did measure around the 60th/70th centile (but not 95th) when weighed so I do think my placenta was coming to an end during the last part of my pregnancy.

I had a failed induction with my first @Catconfusion which ended in emergency c section. I have to say it was the best thing about the birth and the emergency part wasn't that bad, it was still relatively calm. I am still hoping I don't go into labour though and can have an elective. I'm trying to get them to bring it forward to 38 weeks, 36 week scan will tell me this.

I had chosen elective, but when baby had accelerated growth, consultant said he was glad I'd chosen elective as it meant they didn't have to make any decisions. His thoughts were baby was too big so would need c section, also I'm breech and now transverse.. So even with my choice it's looking like I would have had to have c section anyhow.

Meant 60th/70th when scanned, not weighed. My brain has almost completely stopped working now!

@rubyroost good to hear your first c section was nice and calm. I’m just worried about being exhausted if the induction goes on too long and then having surgery.

I’m surprised they’re not being more definite about c section with me in that case. They keep saying a medical induction would be fine. Your polyhydramnios sounds worse so maybe that’s swinging it too. I do wonder if booking a c section would just be best. At 99.8 centile he’d be in line to be 10 1/2 to 11 pounds at full term. My sister had a surprise 11 pound baby naturally and it was fine but surely it’s more difficult. xx

@Catconfusion that does sound big, but I guess you just don't know how big he will be yet and perhaps that's what they're waiting for? I think theres lots if factors swinging it including position of baby!

Oh I was exhausted, don't get me wrong. I was in hospital for three days prior to c section (pessaries) and had that god awful drip for 14 hours before my c section. Because I had had so many epidurals I could feel the c section too, the effect of the epidurals had worn off during my induction. Although, I don't think that is particularly common. But the c section was definitely the best part. I think if I was in your situation I'd opt for an elective. But, that's only because I've been through a failed induction and a successful c section.

I'm your situation I would opt for elective c section too @Catconfusion. Everyone is different though and I am biased because of my previous trauma.

I only went ahead with induction because I was told that there was a 25% chance of emcs and less than 25% chance of instrumental delivery. So it was slightly over 50% chance of spontaneous birth so I agreed. The stats I was given were not for a first time birth though they included all births.

Chances of instrumental delivery for a first birth is 65% and obviously this is higher with induction as is more likely to take longer and end up with an epidural. Emergency c section chances I can't remember for a first birth but are at least 25% I think.

@Twittlebee it would probably good to start my leave soon but not good timing as my manager is about to go on leave tomorrow for just over 2 weeks!

@ChikiTIKI I’m ok. Presenting as enormous for 30 weeks and walking only at the pace of a state coach.
Which brings me to @Catconfusion yes. It was you. I was measuring big and little
One is biggish 70th centipedes apparently and it turns out that reason I was measuring big is because of fibroid which has tripled in size to 16cms diameter at top of uterus. It is outside and I can feel it (it’s sore). And there is another one that’s grown. This makes
Me have C section dilemmas too. When I was measuring big for no known I said to my midwife “if it looks like she is going to be over 9lbs I’m having a section” she agreed with me and said “yup pushing out something that big isn’t fun for anyone” which I found reassuring. I’ve had a friends who has had a normal birth, Emergency C section and planned. She said although recovery was hard after the c sections it was a lot worse after the emergency one. She said she actually really enjoyed the planned C section, as everyone was relaxed. All this makes me feel more convinced about going down the planned route because an emergency c section which is pretty common can be very dangerous with fibroids . Just thought I would throw that into the mix to help. Maybe I’m “cowardly” for being keen on a planned procedure but I’m not actually in the mood for unplanned traumas. My miscarriage was prolonged and ghastly. I still have nightmares about it. I just want little one out in the world and safe.

My last post is the worst written drivel of anything, the Spelling Mistakes! I’m so sorry!!

@Flyfisherlady I'm sorry about your trauma and continued nightmares. I've had increased intrusive thoughts at times throughout this pregnancy too, through being worried about how things will go this time.

Been having some really odd dreams again like I did at stray of pregnancy. Yesterday a couple of people were trying to kidnap me!! Very odd. One of those "not sure what's happening but there's a general panic vibe" dreams!!

@Flyfisherlady sorry to hear about your fibroid and the possible complications arising from them. So if you have an elective issue there should be no issues with fibroids? Go for it if that is the case.

@Catconfusion if it helps I did tons of research comparing elective cs v vaginal birth including an foi to my trust about birth for first tome moms over 35. Happy to share it with you if you want? DM me your email if you like and I'll send it x