Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

So yeah. It took a while for baby to latch. His lips were all floppy and sloppy. Bless him!

20 weeks today 🥰 feeling quite a lot now which is amazing as my placenta was anterior last time and I didn't have any feelings until 25weeks.

Another week to wait until our anomaly scan, and an outdoor weekend in front of me 💤 my first trimester tiredness seems to have returned and my toddler has been dropping his post lunchtime naps this week so I could do with a weekend in bed!

Congrats on 20bweeks @frillyfarmer that's exciting!!

My poor husband accidently found out the sex of our baby yesterday morning when saving down the nipt results file on to our computer for me. Last night I went on the computer and saw the test file in the downloads and somehow just knew that he knew!! I went and asked him and he came clean!! Poor guy had been stewing all day wondering how he could "un-see" it.

It a girl and we are so so excited!!!!!!!!!! It was our dream for DD to have a sister! I mean of course if it was a boy we would be so excited too, we just for some reason imagined a little girl :)

In real life we aren't going to tell anyone that we know. Gosh the last week has been such a roller-coaster!!!!

Whoops, accidentally hid this thread and then could find it for ages!

@Squiff70 a boy and a girl, how lovely for you x

@ChikiTIKI glad your screening results were good and I'm chuckling at your poor husband trying to unremember the sex result! A sister for DD will be fab. I have an all girl squad here and it's lovely!

@Beaglemum93 I'm glad your scan went well, sure all is well but it's good they'll keep an eye on you.

@Frillyfarmer 20 weeks! Fabulous. All those movements are amazing, I've had anterior placentas both times so never felt anything before 24!

I won't enter into BF conversation as I failed miserably both times and it triggered PND and I still find it difficult to deal with BF conversation, so I'm sorry if I seem to be ignoring that portion of conversation! I'm desperately hoping it'll work this time round but not really expecting it to.

Re dtd we have done a few times and probably will continue, have to say sex is better when pregnant! But I totally understand the anxiety around it and only do it because it's not something that causes me worry - unlike pretty much everything else!

No news here - 6 and a bit weeks (I'm sure you lot have progressed two or three weeks in the time it's taken me to get through one!) and no symptoms other than sore boobs, still feel like a total fraud and will do until 12 weeks at least. Was going to join the June antenatal thread as I know I'm trailing behind everyone here by miles, but I went and had a look and just can't. Too much chirpiness and buying of babyclothes the day after a bfp.

You're half way there @Frillyfarmer! Good luck for your anomaly scan next week.

Congratulations on having a girl @ChikiTIKI!

Yesterday was difficult because it was the anniversary of my first loss. I was convinced something was going to happen to this baby just because it was the same date - I know that was irrational though.

I'm completely with you on other people's pregnancies progressing faster than my own @SunshineCrocodile! I swear people who got pregnant after me have already had their babies!

That made me laugh @Beaglemum93! I know exactly what you mean, other people's pregnancies are flying by and I've been stuck at the same point for ages!

I'm sorry you had such a hard time @SunshineCrocodile, but please don't beat yourself up over it (raider said than done, I know). I expected breastfeeding to be this amazingly easy, natural thing that just happened. In reality it is bloody hard work! I wish people acknowledged that more! Anyway, as mums we can only do what works for us and support each other. There is no right or wrong xxx

Great news on the halfway point @Frillyfarmer!!

@ChikiTIKI - haha!! I love knowing the sex and it makes it so much more real. Great news on your girls, I am one of two sisters and growing up it was fab!

Can't wrap my head round all you ladies enjoying preggo sex 😳 I just feel so uncomfortable and unsexy!

We are taking DD to the London transport museum today. Should be suitably exhausting for me but trying to treasure these times as just the three of us. Hope you all have good Saturdays!

Morning ladies, I've really struggled to keep up with posts this week! I think I've read most but seem to have missed a few bits.

Since my scan on Monday dated me a week ahead of where I thought I was things seem to be going very quickly for me at the moment! I've got my 16 MW appointment in 2 weeks and my 20 week scan at the end of November which is crazy and scary. It definitely helps that work is so busy.

@KnitKitty and @UnicornsandRainbows1 we were hoping to move before April too but not sure it will happen now. My DH is named on his mums huge mortgage so she needs to sell but it's taking too long. I love our house but we have no parking and it's noisy at pub closing time.

@TinyPaws I really sympathise with your partner smoking again. My DH really struggled to quit at the start of our fertility treatment. He kept relapsing and lying about it and I kept catching him out. It was dreadful and really hurt me but he did get there in the end. I still check his pockets occasionally though!

We told my brother last night which was nice and everyone had a few tears. I hate being the centre of attention though. I've had two friends text me and avoided replying as I don't feel ready to tell them but also don't want to lie or have them guess if we meet up.

What have you guys done? I'm really dreading telling people at work too as I just don't want the fuss and baby talk but we have a night out coming up soon and I think it might look suspicious.
I've also put on a bit of weight which makes me think it's really obvious!

@janey15 so far at work only my current manager, one other manager, my new manager (I move jobs week after next) and my work bestie know. I haven't told anyone else in our department for various reasons. Not wanting to deal with people's excitement etc. Also I don't want my new team to hear about it before I tell them. I think I should tell my new team first really given the circumstances. I realise it's not ideal (for everyone else) me starting a new job being pregnant but these things happen.

The only reason two managers in my current department know is because I refused to sit with someone and train them a while ago as they were so ill and I'd thought I was having a miscarriage a couple of days before so didn't want to risk it.

I think I I'll bite the bullet and tell my new team on my first day and then the next day I am having a leaving lunch with my old team and will tell them. I don't want to though :(

Also thanks for your kind wishes about my little girl everyone.

Oh my gosh!!! My little girl 😍💃❤️

@rubyroot thanks, I'll consider taking a pump in my hospital bag then... Just in case.

@Frillyfarmer yey! 20 weeks felt like quite a mile-stone for me. So lovely that you're feeling lots of movement. Sorry about the tiredness though.

@ChikiTIKI Congratulations! A girl! So lovely!

@SunshineCrocodile Sorry if I triggered you. I hope you don't feel like a failure, because you're not! From everything I've read BF isn't straight-forward and doesn't work for everyone, which is why I'm trying to mentally prepare myself in case it doesn't work for me either. I've also been informing OH what to look out for with PND because I've suffered from depression in the past and am a bit worried about that being an issue too. I won't say anymore about it because I don't want to make you feel worse, but I hope you are okay. (And we're here if you ever do want to talk about either of those things) xxx
I'm 24 weeks and still haven't joined the January thread... I just can't bring myself to, and find I get all the support I need here. Yes, we're all at different stages of pregnancy, but I think that's nice in a lot of ways... There's not as much comparing yourself to others at the same stage and worrying that you're not feeling the same way, and there's always someone further along who's probably already been through a phase that's worrying you.
You're all a fantastic bunch of ladies!

@Beaglemum93 I'm sorry it was a tough day for you. Did you mark the anniversary in any way? (I think remembering the date can be enough sometimes, but I know some people like lighting candles or something). How are you doing now?
I feel like people are catching up to me with their pregnancies! Time does weird things when you're pregnant!

@janey15 I know exactly what you mean. I dreaded telling people about my pregnancy and felt really nervous (and a little anxious afterwards too). I told my work colleagues when I was 13 weeks (after dating scan). I also thought it was really obvious that I was pregnant because I was showing a bit already and had been dashing off to the toilet to throw up and eating very different foods at lunch times... but only one person had guessed. People are surprisingly self-absorbed and oblivious to what's happening with other people.
I personally chose to tell my colleagues about my previous losses and anxiety I was feeling with this one as I felt like them knowing about it helped to not have them over-excited and overly positive. They were all lovely and supportive.
I've gradually told people about the pregnancy from then on-wards as and when I saw friends and then made a FB post announcing it after my 20-week scan (I have a lot of friends abroad and it was hard to tell everyone individually so I decided an announcement was appropriate - although I thought long and hard about it because of how I've felt seeing other people's announcements when I was going through my losses. I posted a rainbow picture and my scan, and had a PM from a friend who didn't know about the MCs saying she assumed it's not been an easy road to get to this point, so I think it was a good way of doing it as anyone who's had a loss will know that a rainbow signifies).

Breast feeding is so bloody hard to start with. They don't warn you of that. I'm sorry you suffered from pnd because of it, you shouldn't have felt like a failure. X

@KnitKitty we didn't really do anything aside from remember the day. We're away for the weekend to try to distract ourselves to be honest. I'm still really anxious about another loss even though it is so much more likely everything will be ok at this stage. I had another nightmare about losing this baby last night :(

@Beaglemum93 That's totally understandable; but know that it's the anxiety, not a premonition. Keep the positive pants on and try to enjoy your weekend away (great idea to give yourself a nice distraction!). Sending hugs xxx

I saw a friend today but didn't tell her as it just feels weird at the moment. I hate to be the centre of attention! Think I might tell work colleagues on a group message after my 16 week appointment and mention that I'm anxious so don't go OTT? Still not sure. I did take the brave step of joining the April babies thread on here and just joined the Facebook group 😱
Are any of you on there?

@ChikiTIKI congratulations on your little girl! Xxx

@Beaglemum93 nightmares are awful. I haven't actually had one since being pregnant but had loads during fertility treatment. I sometimes have horrible daydreams though when my mind is wandering.

Is anyone else still really exhausted? Last weekend was ruined after a late night on the Friday. Last night I only went to my mums for a meal and I've been like a zombie today!

Oh no @KnitKitty not at all, just don't want you to think I'm ignoring that conversation because I'm rude - it's just a bit of an open wound for me still so I try to avoid getting into conversations! Obviously you're going to want to chat about it, please don't avoid on my behalf!

@Beaglemum93 hope you have a lovely weekend away. The anniversaries and due dates are really hard. Wishing you a more peaceful night tonight.

I faced my demons last night and had friends over for supper including the pregnant friend who completely pissed all over my feelings during my MCs. She was friendly but as selfish as ever, it ended up bringing out my unreasonable subconscious and I had a dream I passed our baby during my sleep last night, so woke in a complete state.

Having a lazy day out of the rain today and I've decided I'm not appeasing bad friendships for other people's sake. My DH doesn't really understands and so thinks I'm drawing some argument out, which I'm not - I've made my peace with her but after her behaviour I feel like I can't go back. She's expecting us to be mat leave buddies and I just don't want to!

Anyway, whinge over, fire is lit, dogs walked and beef in the over - just need the toddler to nap now 👌🏼

Wow you're organised! I'm laid in onesie contemplating going out to get the stew ingredients!
Baby going mad last night for 1 1/12 hours. Could feel weird pulsating too which freaked me out. Anything out of the ordinary and I shit myself. 😂16 week appt tomorrow with midwife, though I'm 17 weeks and she's so useless she can't count weeks. I'm hoping I see a different midwife tomorrow. Though it doesn't really matter as I'm sure it's just a piss test and then off. 😂

@janey15 I was on the thread but can't keep up so joined the Facebook group as I find that easier! I'm on the list as due on the 8th April - when are you due? I'll see if I can work out who you are! I only just joined too, took a while for me to feel brave enough.

Definitely sill exhausted too - had a few days where I thought my energy was back and sickness was gone. I was wrong!

@Frillyfarmer sorry your friend was so selfish again, sounds like you have a lovely day planned to recover though. Fingers crossed for your toddler to nap!

@rubyroot not organised, just have to get up early for the dogs and then always accidentally get busy doing stuff. I love a rainy lazy Sunday for making food and snuggling up though! Hope you get a different midwife - mine is very annoying as well!

Does anyone know what I should be doing for whooping cough and flu jab? I called to book flu jab at docs and they can't get me in until 11th Nov which I thought was a bit bonkers. I've got my 20 week scan on Friday so could ask then, want to avoid calling my midwife because she always makes me feel like I'm being stupid 😂

We don't get the same one throughout here just get whoever is available when we make appts. So it's pot luck really. So I'm hoping it'll be someone different this appt.

@Frillyfarmer I think the whoooibg cough one is after 24 weeks? There's no rush for that one as it's mainly to protect baby after it's born. I also heard flu jab was in short supply this year as the Who took ages deciding which strains to immunise against

@Frillyfarmer ask if you can get the flu jab at the hospital. They must keep them in supply there as some women who have high risk pregnancies will have all their appointments at the hospital. I work in a small hospital and got mine done at work. They quickly ran out though after 800 employees had theirs done in the first few days. Taking about a month to restock apparently!

@Navy123 I was too scared to join the thread before my scan but it seems to have quietened down now. I'm the only one due on the 13th!
I think there are two due on the 8th, one who is having a girl?

@Frillyfarmer that friend doesn't really sound like a friend you should make any effort for! I've had two 'friends' make me feel terrible when we were struggling to conceive. They both went on and on and on about their pregnancies to me even though they knew I found it difficult.

Just visited my SIL and my DH decided to tell our nieces after I had said I didn't want to yet. He is so certain it will all be ok and can't understand why I'm hesitant- it's really annoying. Why is everyone so much more confident than me?

@janey15 found you! We don't know what we are having yet so I'm the other one on the 8th.