Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

Can I ask a personal question please ladies? How's everyone's sex lives? DH and I not DTD since getting BFP ........ I feel so bad for DH but I'm too scared to. I'm 20+5 today.

@Indreamland preggars sex is the best. Problem is once I get big the boyf gets funny about it and squashing the baby etc. 🙄So not been getting enough the last two weeks. Got some this weekend tho. 😂👍

@InDreamland ours is non-existent since BFP too. I'm so glad you brought this up as I've been thinking about it for a while! I think in the first trimester we were both too scared (although I know there's no evidence to say sex isn't safe). That plus the mess of progesterone pessaries ruled it out really. I'm 18 weeks today and have been off of progesterone pessaries since around 15 weeks. In my head I'm thinking of trying to rekindle things after the 20 week scan just to make sure my placenta isn't low lying? DH is very understanding and I think it's been a joint decision not to have sex, but I feel we are both missing the intimacy. What are your thoughts on sex for the rest of your pregnancy?

We haven't had nearly as much as usual mainly because I go to bed at 8pm exhausted and he comes to bed an hour or two later. Got a busy morning at work today but will phone the clinic. Got my In Laws coming to visit too... I was so stressed on Saturday I actually felt like I couldn't breathe. Feeling a bit irritated by my husband too. Its clear I am taking on all the stress and have to get this nipt sorted out myself. Weird part of my brain is tempted not to tell him I had it done or tell him the results unless it's positive but obviously I will... After his parents have gone. I hope I can get a test today. They are also visiting when when we are both working as its the only convenient time for them apparently. Very irritating having a visit forced on you. They also want to look after DD instead of her going to the childminder which they have never done. They never offer to help with nappy changes, making her milk, putting her for a nap. They have never done it. They can't understand her when she speaks either and look at me as if I am so stupid when I explain why it's too dangerous to wear a coat in a car seat, etc etc. I will probably end up on sick leave due to stress at this rate!

No sex here either! When I got pregnant the first time from iui the fertility nurse said don't do anything that causes uterine contractions. Then I lost it anyway and this time I'm too paranoid. I had so much cramping early on and now I keep getting sharp twinges so I'm really not sure. Luckily DH is feeling the same but as you've all said I'm missing the intimacy too. Maybe later on?

I've got my 12 scan this afternoon - please send me calm thoughts! I have felt sick ALL weekend and am back on the meds full time which has calmed my nerves a bit but dreamt last night that they found problems so I'm expecting a nervous wait. Then tomorrow I've got a 4hr appointment at the breast screening clinic. Haven't started worrying about that really but will probably start once I get the scan out of the way 🙈

How long did it take to get the Downs etc screening results back for everyone here?

Good luck with your scan @janey15!!

They told me I would get a call in 5 working days if something was wrong otherwise a letter within 2 weeks

We've had sex a handful of times and that's only since about 18 weeks. To be honest I'm not that into it right now - I find it hard to feel in the mood when I'm huge, constantly needing a wee and absolutely shattered! And that is without the anxiety, I know it won't do any harm but I just can't relax or enjoy it.

Good luck today @janey15! I'll be thinking of you.

And good luck sorting the NIPT @ChikiTIKI and with the in laws. Try not to let them stress you out and stick to your guns, you know your DD best!

The sonographer told us that everything looked fine though.

Although I am still worried obviously.

Good luck @janey15 and good luck @ChikiTIKI

Well last night I gave myself somethj g else to worry about. I went into garden and got myself some carrots, washed hands etc and made dinner.

Then, yes I know, Stupidly, sat later on biting my finger nails and I think I chewed on some soil. 😳 Noe I've convinced myself I've got toxomoplosis and I've hardly slept a wink, I feel sick and also feel like I've been so irresponsible. I mean why bite my nails! I haven't done so for weeks!

So is it OTT if I ask midwives for a test? I'm so scared I'll have done something to baby.

@rubyroot the risk is really really tiny, I think it's 1 in 10,000 babies born are infected. I was given some additional information as were arable farmers and soil is a massive part of our lives 😂 If you're an outdoor person and lead a fairly organic lifestyle there is a good chance you've already had it, and you can only contract it once. If you're really worried you could call your midwife, but the likelihood of becoming infected after chewing a fingernail which had been washed is really very tiny. You are usually the one on this thread telling people not to worry so perhaps just try to take a little bit of your own advice - call the midwife if you think it will put your mind at rest but don't stress too much.

19+3 here and on my way into London for a couple of days with work. I hate leaving my lovely family at the best of times but I've left husband and toddler with man flu 😩 and my pelvic pain this morning is really quite strong so I'm dreading navigating the northern line with it. Counting down the hours and minutes until the 4.30 out of kings cross tomorrow!

Jesus fuck and I've just realised I'm on my way to London and my pregnancy notes are still in the car. I hope to god I'm not tempting fate!

Thanks @Frillyfarmer I know I'm so pathetic, but I think there was definitely soil underneath my finger nail! I'm probably over thinking it. I haven't seen any cats in the area for years and the soil may not even be contaminated. Maybe it's because I had such a pisutuve scan I've just got to make some worry up?!

Thanks for sharing your intimate experiences ladies (or in many cases not so intimate). I'm just too scared to DTD in case it brings on mc (yes flame me now for being crazy). I've read about ladies who bleed afterwards and I just can't risk it, the anxiety is too much but I feel terrible for DH. I also miss the intimacy. I feel so unattractive.

@janey15 good luck for your scan!

@ChikiTIKI good luck sorting out the NIPT.

@Frillyfarmer hope you have a baby on board badge for the trains. If it makes you feel better I never carry my notes with me - am I supposed to? Seems a but of a faff to me. I took copies on holiday but when out and about here going about daily life I don't.

@rubyroot the advice from frillyfarmer sounds good to me. Admit though it's something I worry about too - especially when DH cooks and I think he's not thorough enough washing anything that is a vegetable.

@InDreamland we still have sex 3/4 a week now but in the early days not at all. It's whatever you feel comfortable with and if you're not comfortable, it's only a short term solution to a short term problem so don't feel bad. I think for me, after all the sadness and the stress and the shagging on timetable, these last few months of genuinely affectionate sex is just bliss.

RE my notes, in my previous pregnancy I took them everywhere, the MW said I wasn't to be without them. This time they've stayed in my car but I'm usually not far from that? I just feel a bit vulnerable without them in case I should need them whilst I'm down here? Now I'm being ridiculous I know - what are they going to do, refuse to see me without my notes?! 😂

@InDreamland didn't even think about a baby on board badge - to me I'm obviously pregnant but I don't suppose anyone will pay any attention 😂 luckily I'm only KX to Moorgate so not a long tube journey this morn!

@janey15 good luck for your scan today, let us know how you get on!

@ChikiTIKI hope you manage to get your NIPT sorted quickly

@InDreamland thanks for raising this issue! Was starting to feel bad lately when I realised we haven’t dtd in two weeks, but part of that is due to family visiting and being exhausted from hosting them. We have dtd since after the seven week scan I think and there was no bleeding afterwards so have carried on. I agree with @rubyroot about dtd being great in first trimester, but ever since I have hit second trimester I find I’m not in the mood really :/. I always thought it was supposed to be the opposite way around, but then I wasn’t sick in the first tri and I’m feeling larger now. All I can say is everything you are feeling is totally normal and your relationship will be fine! Don’t worry too much about dtd though, it really won’t hurt baby at all unless you’ve been specifically told not to. But totally understand the not feeling attractive or in the mood vibe, maybe do something relaxing or treat yourself to hair or spa day? Having my hair done definitely makes me feel better!

Good luck @janey15 and @ChikiTIKI! Thinking of you 🙂

I’m sure you will be absolutely fine @rubyroot, but do call the midwife up if you are feelihg nervous. It’s probably just the tiniest bit of soil and unlikely to be infected! Hope you are doing well otherwise.

How are you doing @strawberrye? When’s your next scan? Any movement yet?

I’m 17+4 today and starting to feel the anxiety creeping back in after a week of blissful calm following the gender scan. Have a midwife appointment on Tuesday to hopefully listen to hb and then anatomy scan in about two weeks. I’m terrified of the scan and sad that I haven’t felt even flutterings yet on the movement front. Really hope baby boy is ok in there 😔

Got my appointment at 1.20pm :) could have had a morning one but I was busy at work. My mum is coming with me. Feeling a lot better although obviously got the nervous feeling that there may be no heartbeat on the scan 😕 also I told me husband about the appointment even though I am in a mood with him 😂

• my husband

Excuse the selfish rant, I seem to have pregnancy rage today.

I have really had enough of people letting me know how big I am by acting completely incredulous every time I tell them when Little Brother is due. Conversations go like this:

Them: When are you due?/ Ooo not long now! (Or some sort of variant implying I am about to pop any day now)
Me: Late Dec, early Jan
Them: REEEEEAAAALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!

I seem to have a bank of stock responses that basically say "yes, I am big, yes, its my second", when what I really want to say is FUCK OFF and stop making me feel like some sort of bump freak!!!

Hi everyone, hope you're all well. Sorry in advance for the selfish post, but I've been having a really bad few days. I had a scan last Thursday and everything was okay, but since then I've had a couple of fleeting stabbing pains and since then I've been paranoid that I have miscarried again. This is what happened last time. I know that there's a good chance that everything is fine, and it's maybe just growing pains or wind, but I feel really pessimistic about it at the moment. My 12 week scan's not until 17th so we have a bit of a wait. Dh has said if I'm really worried we should go for another private scan this week, but I'm worried I'm just being silly. We can't just keep having a scan every week 🙈 don't know what to do :(

@rubyroot it's unlikely that you have come into contact with toxoplasmosis but midwife might help, I've had my blood tested for it and I haven't had it so I now know that I need to be very careful. I grew up with cats so I was a bit surprised, the test was done as I'd been exposed to something else and the test is done as a group with other things.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I've had some of those comments too it's very annoying.

@Dimblebimble sorry you are feeling worried again. If another scan will help then it could be worth it.

I've not been on much since Thursday and I've read through the thread but sorry if I've missed anything important. On Thursday I found out that my grandmother is dying and so rushed to my home town. It's obviously stressful and I can feel it's effecting my body more than it would usually. On Thursday we were told it could be hours or days and so we are all just waiting. I'm also only a week away from the gestation that we found out DD2 was poorly at so I've got a lot of worry. Seen quite a few family members that I haven't seen since before DD2 died and it's been hard talking to people that didn't contact me at all suddenly express their condolences and concern for this baby.

@Dimblebimble if it eases your anxiety then why not? I imagine after the 12 week scan you might relax a bit and therefore need less scans x

Hi everyone,
Been reading messages but haven’t had the time to respond properly. I’m just about 25 weeks now and baby is kicking the life out of me every day! It doesn’t hurt yet but does startle me sometimes, you can see some of them from the outside - I still can’t believe it some days.

I’m coping ok with pregnancy anxiety but finding I have a really low stress tolerance at the moment, just finding a lot of everyday decision quite overwhelming!

@Bluebelltulip, sorry to hear about your grandmother. Do you have any appointments coming up that might be able to reassure you that all is ok with your little one?

Thank you for all of your messages this morning. I'm going to have a proper read through in a moment. I just can't believe there is an actual proper baby in there waving around!!
All looked good and I measured 13 weeks which is 3 days ahead of my LMP date and just goes to show how inaccurate early dating is...if only I could have not worried so much!
DH thinks baby will take after my family as tall with long arms and legs ☺️
Apparently my uterus is still slightly tipped back so she had to press really hard but so worth it.