Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

@Squiff70 sorry about the loss of your dog.

@InDreamland and @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue sorry to hear you are both having trouble commuting. I've had to get some rush hour trains where I am recently and that's been bad enough.

@KayJay2018 your stash sounds good, nibbling and sleep are the only things I've found helpful.

I had to go back to hospital today as I had an asthma attack and persistent headache. Everything else was fine so sent home and told to rest. Can the rest of this pregnancy be straightforward please?

I really need to be more careful about which posts I read as I keep adding to my list of scanxiety worries 🙁 Does anyone else start worrying about something just because you've read about it? It's like my mind is looking for fuel for the panic.

@rubyroot a post about yourself is not an issue. This thread does move fast (in a good way) so totally get not being able to keep up sometimes, especially during pregnancy when you're likely to be knackered from that and holding down a job too. Hope you can get some rest this weekend.

@Kayjay2018 love the sound of your little tuck shop there.

@Bluebelltulip you really have had a challenging week. Hope this is the worst of it and the rest of your pregnancy will be plain sailing from here. Get plenty of rest this weekend. Hope you're being looked after at home.

@janey15 I totally could have written that. I think part of my scanxiety for Wednesday is because I read a thread where a sonographer said in one day she diagnosed conditions all incompatible with life in 3 different scans and 1 where baby had already died - these were all 20 week scans. That's 4 couples she had to deliver devastating news to in one shift. So that's made me worry even more as I now think problems at 20 week scans are really common.

Oh god @Indreamland that's the last thing you want to be reading right now!

That sounds like a bad shift and just one of those days. Things are far more likely to be better.

I can't wait to hear your update on weds with the good news. And I hope you can rest easier after this scan.

@janey15 my first successful pregnancy I did this. Drove myself up the wall. I'm determined I'm not going to allow myself to go through every single eventuality this time, even though I feel my risks are so much higher this time.

I'm surprisingly calm currently, I've decided to have a scan at 16 weeks as a midway between my dating scan and anomaly. I am so aware that much can go wrong, but I think we need to keep in mind that much can go right too.

@InDreamland that's awful! I could never be a sonographer.

@rubyroot the trouble is that in all our years of Ttc everything has gone wrong so I feel like I'm waiting for this to go wrong too!

Well me and DH have come to the conclusion that we should not have told our mums about the pregnancy as they have done nothing but drive us nuts 😖 My mum asked me today if I am still anxious - er yeah? Then she said she has googled it and it turns out it's normal to be anxious in our situation 🤦🏼‍♀️ She then went on to say 'of course I won't tell you it will all be ok because no one can know that'. I couldn't help but point out that she has said exactly that on several occasions over the last few weeks. Our relationship has never been good but I am getting so annoyed by everything she says now.
Not pregnancy related but I completely lost my temper when she told me she had given my mobile number to a 'nice man' at church who wants to get in touch with local schools for a charity he is involved with. Does anyone else think it's wrong to give out someone's personal phone number without permission or am I just being over sensitive? I'm quite a private person and just hate the idea of it.
Sorry to keep going on about my mum. I just feel like everything she says to me is either completely irrelevant or designed to raise my blood pressure!

@janey15 I totally understand the feeling of things going wrong, but I'm just trying to focus on the positive this time.

Were you losses after 12 weeks? Perhaps after your 12 week scan you'll find some peace. I know lots of people that things have gone seriously wrong for in real life and they all have healthy happy families now. This could be you too x

Ugh - well I've had a horrible night and morning due to reduced movement. Ended up going to maternity triage to get checked out. All was fine and of course the minute I lay down on the bed Little Brother started thumping me! Apparently it's the pesky anterior placenta coming into play - when she felt my stomach and did the Doppler she said he was hiding behind it and had turned the other way. The midwives were lovely and assured me I'd done the right thing and to always come in if I was worried. So stressful and of course my mind starts playing over all the worst scenarios. Going home now to have a cup of tea and a cry!

Oh no @myheartisbroke I'm sorry for all the stress you've been through. I am glad to hear you and the baby are OK though. Good job you went to get checked. Always best to go in and make sure all is OK. Hope you feel better soon. It takes a while to recover from a stressful event. Take it easy xxxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm glad your midwives are reassuring that you are doing the right thing, it's always worth checking these things out, what a cheeky little one you have hiding away. I think there is a call for tea and chocolate/cake in the circumstances.
@janey15 I'm sorry you are having a tough time. No one in either of our families knows about my miscarriage or my current pregnancy as we were worried about them piling on the pressure and adding to the worry. It's only natural to be anxious when history has shown us that things can go wrong, most times if you look at statistics everything will be ok, but the nerves are normal when you have been one of the people in the not ok camp before.
@InDreamland I have now had my first experience on scanxiety and it's not a nice feeling. I had been doing some reading beforehand - knew I shouldn't but still did, and that added to the worry. I hope all goes well for you on Wednesday.

I had my first scan today at 7+3, went to a lovely place about an hour from home. The lovely lady found my little one with just an abdominal scan and he/she is currently measuring 7+ 5. There was a heart beat, and she allowed us to listen to it (one of my scan pics shows it) and she says it was a healthy 153bpm. I have a small bleed area from implantation that may be re absorbed but not to worry if it causes minor spotting. She was able to point out its head and some arm and leg buds too even though it's only 13mm big. I'm so relieved to have made it passed my last miscarriage date, I know things can still go wrong, but for today I know things are ok. According to DH he/she resembles an octopus, he grabbed my hand half way through and in the car home I was teasing about the little leg buds (I'm taller than him and one of our jokes is his littler legs give him more Fitbit steps) and he said it had little legs like it's daddy. He's never called himself that ever.

I hope it's ok to share one of my scan pics, you are the only people who know except DH

Thank you all for the reassurance about bump size, particularly the pictures, it has really helped put my mind at rest.

@Kayjay2018 lovely clear scan for 7 weeks! Very good news about the heartbeat and measurements,hope you're feeling some reassurance

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue really sorry you have had such a fright but glad to hear everything is fine

@Squiff70 really sorry to hear about your dog, like the others have said our pets become one of the family so make sure you take some time to look after yourself

@sadtoday21 how are you? Did you go for a private scan in the end?

As for me, had our gender scan today at 16+6 and found out we are having a GIRL!!! Feeling pretty excited. We are going to try to keep it a secret on real life but thought I would share the news with you ladies. Might start thinking about names whilst I'm feeling excited and positive - I have a long list of names for girls, we pretty much had one picked out for a boy but so many pretty girl names to choose from!

@rubyroot thanks, just wish I could feel more confident but I'm just not feeling positive at all.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue that must have been so scary but glad all is well.

@Kayjay2018 great news on your scan!

@strawberrye congratulations on finding out you're having a girl.

@strawberrye congratulations! We are also having a girl and also keeping it a secret to everyone else but it's nice to share it on here. I think it's made everything a lot more "real" now I know she's a she (I had a strong feeling she was!)

18+1 today and having a day where my PGP is really getting me down. I can't remember when it appeared in my first pregnancy but I really struggled so I'm hoping it will just come and go rather than stick around! I've got my 2year olds party tomorrow so an afternoon of baking 😩🙄

Yay @strawberrye!!! Girls are great! DD is amazing and funny (and a stroppy little almost Threenager!) and I love her to bits! Does it feel more real now?!

Amazing scan pic @Kayjay2018! Love that she pointed out everything! In my early scans I never know what I'm looking for 😂

I'm ok now, calmed down and decided I'm ordering a takeaway Chinese for dinner. I will have it with a few Becks Blues. What I really want is some nice red wine but hey ho!

@strawberrye congratulations!! That’s fantastic news and definitely makes it all seem more real. Were you hoping for a girl? As for bump size, mine is a bit bigger but I think that’s normal, everyone is different! They all look beautiful to me xxx.

So I did have the gender scan today, thanks for asking! I thought I was 16+1 based on the dating scan, but baby was measuring ahead at 16+2. And we are having a baby boy!! I was really shocked because I was convinced it was a girl, but definitely a boy! I’m thrilled either way, but my FIL was putting a lot of pressure on me and DH to have a girl, so his side of the family is a bit disappointed with our news unfortunately. I wish they weren’t so set on a girl, as it probably influenced me a bit and I don’t like feeling that they are let down. But honestly I’m just happy it’s still alive and looking so cute! The 3D scan was incredible.

@janey15 I'm so sorry about your MIL troubles. I would be furious too. Hugs xxx
As for your mum, it sounds like she's trying (and failing) to be supportive, bless her. If she's googling about how you must be feeling I think that shows she's trying to be thoughtful, but sometimes people just still get it wrong.
And yeah, I don't think it's right to give out someone's number without their permission. Just screen your calls for now...

@strawberrye I don't think you're the first on here to be worried about bump size. I can understand latching on to this as something to worry about; but you're honestly fine, hun!
Like others have said, I've heard the slimmer you are the longer it takes bump to show quite often. And it looks like you're quite muscly (you look fab!) so it's probably all being kept neatly in place. Your scan showed baby was measuring fine, and that's the thing to focus on!
Also know that bumps do fluctuate in size depending how baby is lying and how bloated you are from one day to the next, so don't be alarmed if one day it's there and the other it's barely noticeable.

I think after everything you've been through you probably just want ever 'proof' that you're pregnant (don't we all) and I can imagine you're longing for a nice noticeable bump... but it'll come, don't worry.
Of course, there are women who have no idea they're pregnant until they give birth, which means they must never have had an obvious bump! I remember watching a TV show following ambulance crews and they were called to a hotel where a woman had given birth and she had no idea she was pregnant... Her bump popped out during labour!!!
I've also barely put any weight on at all. I think I lost some in the first trimester and went back to my normal weight after that. I'm 22 weeks now and I think I've only just put a tiny bit on. That's also nothing to worry about. The most important thing is that you're healthy, eating a good balanced diet and that baby is growing well; which it looks like it is!
And YEY!!! A baby girl!!!! Congrats!

@InDreamland Hugs. Scanxiety is horrible, but you've only got a few days left now. I think after everything you've been through what you're feeling is completely normal. Stay brave xxx

@Dimblebimble So glad the scan went well! I wouldn't worry about measurements being off by a day or two at this stage; it's very, very normal. It's so lovely that you saw the heartbeat and some wiggling! Great news! Yey!

@Frillyfarmer sounds like you've been a lovely friend. The gift basket sounds like a great present. When I was in the thick of my losses I would have been very touched to receive something like that.

@Bluebelltulip Oh hun! I'm so sorry you're going through this but I'm really glad they're taking good care of you. I hope it goes smoothly from here. Big hugs xxx

@SunshineCrocodile I'm pleased everything seems to be progressing well. The first few weeks really drag by! Stay strong xx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Oh how lovely about interacting with Little Brother! So heart-warming!
Sorry you're finding your daily commute difficult. I am really grateful I don't have to take public transport to work. I don't think it's too early to speak with work about changing your hours to avoid the rush... Do what you need to do!
I had the exact same thing with my pesky anterior placenta this week... Baby Girl is fine too and has been happily kicking away again since I had to rush to see the midwife to check she was still alive! Glad Little Brother is okay!

@coconutlatte44 Amazing photos! You look lovely!

@Squiff70 Oh hun! I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Huge comforting cuddles. xxxxxxxx

@Kayjay2018 Urgh! I don't miss morning sickness! Things which helped me were: don't let yourself get too tired (i.e. sleep a good 9 hours a night), don't let yourself get too hungry... so snack pretty much constantly. I have a little bag of assorted snacks so I could chose from them when I needed to, because sometimes I couldn't stomach something which another time went down fine. I had dried fruit, nuts, pretzels, salt and vinegar crisps (these were the best, even the smell of them stopped me feeling sick immediately if I started feeling off), I drank lots of ginger beer (Old Jamaica is the best) and squash because I was finding it difficult to drink water and couldn't keep it down and I ate really bland meals. Noodles, pasta, mashed potato, chicken. Just eat whatever you can. Yes, ideally you'd be having a nice varied diet with lots of fruit and veg, but honestly, just keeping your energy levels up is a win.
What a lovely scan picture and precious memories to hold on to! So pleased it all went well and you're past your personal mile-stone!

@rubyroot Lovely bump! (And cute dress!)

@Sadtoday21 Yey!!! A boy!!! Congratulations!!! Sorry your family in law aren't thrilled, but once he arrives they will be happy!
How exciting!!!

I've had a bit of a crappy day today. Woke up in the night with abdominal pain and this morning it was still there. It's when I walk around and move. I was convinced it was trapped wind in the night and this morning because it felt like it, but as the day went on I thought maybe round ligament pain. Feels sort of sharp and achey when I move and goes away when I'm sitting or lying down.
Well sorry for the TMI, but I've just been passing quite a lot of wind and then got up to go upstairs and had gained much more pain-free movement, so maybe it has just been trapped wind.

I'm not worried, anyway. (Which is miraculous!) But I think the 2nd trimester honey-moon phase might be finishing what with these pains and being more tired again this week!
I'm in good spirits and Baby Girl has been kicking. I saw my tummy move for the first time last night which was exciting! And this evening we're going out for a meal which I'm really looking forward to.

Hope you're all doing okay today. xx

What lovely news from scans today! It gives me hope that I might get through these early days yet...

@strawberrye girls are great! I only seem to produce girls, if this one sticks I can't imagine a boy (although would be delighted with either!)

@sadtoday21 I'm sorry your in-laws have been less anything than completely delighted that it's a boy. Totally their issue and I hope you can ignore it for being the ridiculous response it is. Don't let it take the shine off your lovely news.

@Kayjay2018 oh that's a great scan pic! So glad it went well today and how lovely of your OH 😍

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Glad all is well, you absolutely did the right thing!

@KnitKitty Can't recommend the cat/cow exercise strongly enough for shifting trapped wind - just in case it happens again. Glad you're comfier now in any case.

@janey15 Your mum sounds infuriating, sorry she's saying all the wrong things. And yes I'd hate to have my number given out - but just wouldn't answer!

@rubyroot Lovely lovely pics! Oh I do love a bump!

Nothing to report here, but I'm one day further on than I was yesterday so that's a win...

@Kayjay2018 congratulations on your scan. So pleased for you.

sadtoday21 excellent news on your little boy. It's a bit insensitive for your family to be openly disappointed. They should keep it to themselves.

I thought my first would be a girl. I think me and my partner were secretly hoping it would be.

Now I can't believe I thought that. I can't imagine myself with anything but a boy. For me I thought if the second one was a girl that would be great as one of each, but also if it was a boy- great too as good company for my existing boy.

I thought it may be a boy as the one I terminated was. My partner wanted to know the sex so we found out it was a boy at 10.5 weeks.

I would have been happy either way, but this way I don't have to to spend much money, we have all the clothes and toys already 👍.

I don't know how ill feel years dien the line living with three men! 😂We will see.

My boy is just a dream btw, and in response to a pp.. Boys are the best. 😂 My kid is just so chilled, loving and helpful. 😍Of course we all probably prefer whatever sex we end up with.

Thanks @KnitKitty! That’s so exciting that you saw movement for the first time! I can’t wait to feel something. I just found out I have an anterior placenta today - not low whatever that means - so does this mean I won’t feel movement for awhile yet? When did you first feel it?

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I’m so glad everything is alright and sorry you had such a terrible fright. Hope that cup of tea helped and baby is moving a lot now. Xxx

@janey15 sorry about your mum! She sounds a lot like mine and I would be mad too. I take it she has never had a mc, just like mine. Sometimes it’s so hard for other people to understand what we have been through! That’s why I’m glad I can come on here and vent. Hope you have a good way of coping with it all - maybe some distance would help?

@fnej01 how are you doing? Hope all is well!

@rubyroot I totally agree about the 16 week scan, it’s worth every penny! Love your bump pic 💗. I’m also really slim and it’s my first baby but I had no ms first trimester and bump is definitely popping. I think I’ve put on 2-4 lbs so far, mostly in boobs, bump, and hair (I hope!). I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to be gaining honestly and midwife doesn’t seem to weigh anymore.

@sadtoday21 I've heard you're less likely to feel movement with anterior. However, this want the case for me. I felt subtle movements from 15 weeks and more obvious ones from about 17 weeks

Oops x-posted! Thanks @rubyroot for your very kind words, they helped me put it all in perspective and tbh I did originally want a boy! I really just want a health baby. I won’t let anyone take away from this moment! But, yes, a bit insensitive especially after everything we’ve gone through to get this far. How lovely you are having two boys - all the men in your life will adore you!

@SunshineCrocodile congrats on getting through one more day! It’s always really hard and the anxiety is terrible, but try to just take one day at a time as much as you can. I honestly burst into tears today I was so anxious! It never seems to go away, but we are all here for you ❤️

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I had so many frights with my little one. I went quite a few times to have movements monitored and then several when I was about to go and then suddenly he went wild. Just go if you feel you should, I felt silly as I kept ending up there and I think the nurses made me feel as though I was silly too... Which i know they shouldn't.

The midwives said you should know what is normal for your baby. Thing is mine had no normal and kept changing his routines. It's bloody frightening though.

Thank you so much everyone for your condolences re. my dog, you're all so kind and thoughtful. He was 16 and I've had him from a puppy so there's a huge dog-shaped hole in my life now. I miss him like crazy but calling the vet out was the right thing to do for him.

@InDreamland I get severe scanxiety too. Reading that thread about the sonographer must have been awful for you, and truly horric for her and the families affected. It's so sad. I'm 15 weeks tomorrow and lost my previous twins at 19 weeks so I cannot completely relax. I know things can go wrong at any point, but we MUST remember that thousands of babies are born healthy every single day and that the chances of things going well are greater than them not going so well.

My obstetric consultant told me that maternal confidence is a positive step towards having a good outcome.

I was hoping to have a wellebing and gender scan at 16 weeks but DP wants to wait until the 20 week scan. We're both hoping for one of each because quite frankly two boys would be very noisy and two girls could get very bitchy, lol! I'm trying not to get my hopes up though.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm sorry to hear you had such a scare last night but so relieved your little boy is thriving. Hopefully he won't scare you lie that again in future!

Lovely little scan pic there @Kayjay2018! It's great your DH is excited :)

@strawberrye Lovely bump pic and I bet you're over over the moon to be havign a girl (as you woud a boy I'm sure)!

Hello @Frillyfarmer! A two year old's party sounds like utter mayhem. Hopefully you can relax a little and enjoy it too :) Your little one should sleep well tomorrow night, and so should you!

Congratulations @sadtoday21, a boy too, wow! Bet you're thrilled even though you were convinced he was a girl!

@KnitKitty I get nasty pains too, most of which are trapped wind but I think some are round ligament pain too. Glad the pain hs gone now and that your daughter is kicking away. Enjoy your meal this evening!

@Bluebelltulip I really hope you're okay.

@sadtoday21 I'm sorry your in-laws don't seem happy at the moment - they will come round. They have no right to direct disappointment at you, however. They must surely know there's as much chance of any baby being a boy as a girl. Don't let them get you down. We're here for support.

@rubyroot I'm sorry that the nurses/midwives have made you feel silly for going when you've had concerns. My local hospital really push people to go if they're worried about anything so I'm quite let down on your behalf that you've been made to feel like this.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone!

@rubyroot I know what you mean about focusing on the positive. I just need to avoid reading things which will make me worry. More than 4 years ttc means I know way too many ways it can go wrong!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue that sounds dreadful but you did the right thing and it's great they were supportive. With your placenta position it's really understandable and not worth the risk of not getting checked out.

@Kayjay2018 we told them because we knew they'd be pleased. I don't know what I expected though as she could never say the right thing about our infertility- always made it about her.
Beautiful scan photo and love the conversation with your DH - it really is magical when you get those new happy moments ☺️

@strawberrye congratulations on your little girl!!!

@InDreamland Sorry you're struggling to feel positive too. I find it impossible to separate my anxiety from reality - if I'm worrying about something bad I almost convince myself it's going to happen. That's how I see it anyway! I think it's unconsciously trying to protect myself but it doesn't really help and just makes you miserable.

@Frillyfarmer sorry you're in pain but hopefully you can enjoy the party tomorrow x

@sadtoday21 Congratulations on your boy! That's a bit unfair for family to put that pressure on you however unintentionally but I'm sure everyone will come around. DH thinks we're having a girl and I will be happy with either. I think DH is our off by his friend's two naughty boys 😂 I teach some great boys and girls which helps I think.

@KnitKitty I know she's trying to be helpful but she just can't say the right things! She's made it even worse now by telling him my school isn't interested in his charity 🙈 and is trying to make me feel bad for upsetting her. I've actually been reading up on narcissistic parents and she has a lot of the traits!

@strawberrye I've just remembered from what @KnitKitty wrote - a hairdresser where I get my hair done had a baby last year when she had know idea she was pregnant. She'd noticed some bloating and tiredness but nothing else until she gave birth at home!

@rubyroot your boy sounds lovely xx

I'm feeling a bit better with the anxiety today although feel physically tired and got heartburn! The weather's crap here so I've not done a lot but we're going to try and get out to a National Trust property for a walk and some cake tomorrow which I'm looking forward to. Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone xxx