Graduates of the TTC After Pregnancy Loss thread. Aka: The Penguin Huddle

[MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue]

This is a safe and supportive thread for ladies from the TTC after pregnancy loss thread who've had a BFP and are now negotiating the scary rollercoaster world of pregnancy after loss.

If you weren't on the original thread, have suffered a loss and are now pregnant please feel free to join the penguin huddle 🐧

Positive pants ON. Let’s get our rainbows ladies 🌈

@Frillyfarmer your gift to your friend sounds lovely. I'm one of the early in pregnancy ones and your message didn't trigger, just made me feel so sad for your friend, no one should have to go through this sort of loss.
@InDreamland I hope you can get access to your midwife for some reassurance, for the sake of a session they could settle your nerves.
@Dimblebimble I'm pleased you saw a wiggly little one and heartbeat, I'm 7+1 today and have agreed with DH we will get an early scan, so I'll be around 8weeks before that happens.
@strawberrye I had my son nearly 16 years ago and was very slim, my bump erupted from nowhere quite late. Six weeks before I had him, if you saw me face on or from behind you wouldn't have known I was pregnant. I'm currently experiencing seriously uncomfortable bloating so feeling like it's obvious.

So I had what I thought was my booking in appt today. It turns out it was just blood taking, scan booking and getting my exemption form. I'll fill out notes at another appt in 3 weeks time, when I'll be allocated a consultant too. I've told DH I need an early scan as my heart is convinced something will go wrong, he has agreed so I will try and go once I hit the 8 week mark, I'm going to phone some places today. Are there any bad chains to avoid or any recommendations of ones to go to? I'm in Sussex if anyone knows any nearby.

Sorry for a selfish post, had my 25 week midwife appointment this morning and my blood pressure was high so got sent to the day unit. The last time I went was the day before DD2 died. My blood pressure has come down but heart rate is high. Got sent up to maternity assessment for an ecg. I had to have daily ones when DD2 was poorly as the medication I was on could also effect my heart. It was a person I remember from before doing it and I cried, it has bought back so many memories, the lady was lovely. Now sat waiting to find what the doctor wants to do. It's so hard being back here.

Thanks ladies. I would like to say I'm less annoyed today but I'm still fuming. SIL was quick to tell MIL to shut it apparently but I've got no idea how far it's got. DH thinks she's probably told them about the infertility and miscarriage too 😡

@strawberrye I have read that if you're slim you might show later? Not sure why although I also read that if you have good stomach muscles that can hold it in. I've put on a bit already with the nausea as eating is the only thing that helps and it's annoying me a bit as my clothes don't fit and I'm so bloated by the end of the day. But it's probably only a few pounds...hopefully.

@InDreamland I'm really worrying about our 12wk scan on the 7th. I'm so worried it will show something is wrong that it's taken over my anxiety about miscarriage at the moment.

Thank you for the welcome ladies. CB digi went up to 2-3 yesterday (have now sworn off testing - honest) so I'm feeling slightly more confident that things are progressing beyond an immediate cp, at least for now. Am now just over 4 weeks - 12 weeks seems an absolute age away!

I'm sorry not to namecheck but so pleased to see that several of you have had reassuring scans this week, such a relief when you see a healthy wriggler in there!

@janey15 MIL was totally out of order, I'd be furious. Nobody ever 'needs' to tell anyone that info apart from in a medical emergency. My mum was cross with me for not telling her my sister was pregnant - she asked me not to, so I didn't. Wasn't rocket science.

@strawberrye have worked in maternity care and I can confirm that some bumps just take longer to pop out! You may have a retroverted uterus which take longer to show, or you may have fabulous abdominal muscles.

@Frillyfarmer that sounds such a lovely gift, I'm sure she'll appreciate it. The thing I valued more than anything when I had my mcs were the friends who kept conversation going, there was a fair bit of dark humour but having someone who was prepared to talk to me about what was going on rather than skirt around it was so comforting. (But also same friends sent me flowers and that was lovely too!)

@Bluebelltulip that must have been really difficult for you. I hope the doctor can reassure you ASAP.

@InDreamland if you phone your midwife and explain re anxiety she may be able to have a quick listen?

@Kayjay2018 I went to Babybond and wouldn't recommend just based on how insensitively I was dealt with over a MMC at 10 weeks. Didn't even offer condolences. However I guess they have the advantage of doing the job and being cheap!

I'm now on my way home. ECG etc are all fine, doing bloods for thyroid and iron but will ring with the results. Got to go back if I get any other symptoms though. Baby is fine and was moving away from the Doppler. Every staff member I saw today I had seen with DD2 which was nice as they understood my worry but also reminded me of DD2's pregnancy a lo t. Looking forward to cuddles from DD1 and DH when I get home.

@SunshineCrocodile thanks for the warning, I'll make sure to avoid them.
That's shocking that they didn't offer condolences, it doesn't cost anything to show some sympathy and caring.
Having the tests move up in weeks is reassuring (I swore I wouldn't do it but I did). 12 weeks seems miles away - must remember I've got through 3 so far! Taking it one day at a time, still thinking it will go wrong, my confidence is really low, last time I was glass half full and it got whipped away, this time I'm glass half empty and will see if I get a nice surprise.
@Bluebelltulip I'm so glad you are in the way home, today must have been so scary and full of triggers. Be sure to take it easy and relax this evening.

@Frillyfarmer that sounds amazing! I would have loved to have received that after my ectopic.

@Bluebelltulip cuddles with your DD will be the best tonic right now. What a horribly stressful and emotional day for you, but good news to hear all is ok.

@Dimblebimble a few days out is fine! I'd only worry if it was a week or over. Great news!

Fuming on your behalf @janey15! How dare your MIL?!

I've had a mixed day. Baby Boy (who is now referred to as Little Brother thanks to DD) has been very active which I always find reassuring. At one point today I could feel a hard little lump protruding from my tummy for a while. It felt like a little heel or a foot and I was able to tap it and get a response which was just lovely!

However, I’ve had yet another horrible journey home on buses and the central line. No one pays any attention to not just me, but anyone around them. I always ask for a seat but I hate that it’s so crowded I have to get passed people to get to the seats and people push and shove to get on. I also have this fear when I eventually do sit down that someone is going to fall on me. (I have never had this happen or seen it happen!) I just feel so vulnerable and anxious. Can’t remember feeling this anxious with DD. Anyone else in London feel this way? I’m carrying all at the front again and pretty big (two people have told me today “it’s like a football!) and I find it difficult to manoeuvre passed people when it’s crowded and am so worried someone is going to knock my bump. I’m only 25 and a half weeks though so feel like it’s too early to speak to work about flexible working/hours to avoid rush hour. Not sure if London commuting is just miserable when pregnant or if I’m totally anxious and over reacting!

@strawberrye,
Here is me at 17 weeks (left) and again at 21 weeks with the same outfit!
Just a couple of weeks after that (23 now) and I have properly popped.
I know it’s hard to wait but it will come!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I was just about to write a similar post. Was ignored on tube on way home .......central line, finally seat became available at Woodford, woman went to sit in it so I said "sorry can I sit there please ", she said of course and I thanked her but she just rolled her eyes at me. I was standing for 20 mins on a crowded carriage getting pushed and shoved and ignored by everyone despite the bump and badge. Feeling very emotional today. I'm so scared of getting pushed over or just falling from the jolting moving train.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue that sounds horrible! It's hard enough to squeeze through people like that when you're a 'normal' size and shape. Hopefully someone can help with more London based experience.

@coconutlatte44 I LOVE seeing bump pictures! I'm worried mine won't appear for ages either.

I'm really struggling to find clothes to wear at the moment. I'm quite slim usually but all my high waist jeans are so uncomfortable. This morning I couldn't wear a jumper dress because my bloat is too obvious and I eventually found a skirt that I could just about squeeze over my hips. Is it unreasonable to hope I might lose a little bit again now that the nausea has reduced a bit and I'm not eating every 30 minutes? Otherwise I'm going to really struggle until I can get maternity clothes.

Also my dh just pointed out that I'm getting a dark line down my tummy 😳

Hi ladies, I'm sorry I haven't kept up with you all this week. My gorgeous dog died this afternoon and I'm all over the place. I'm sorry some of you are struggling. As they say in France, "bon courage". Be brave.

Oh @Squiff70 I'm so, so sorry to read about your dog. It's the absolute worst part of being a pet owner - bringing someone into your home to become part of your family and your life and knowing that they will only live for a short few years. I'm completely and utterly a crazy dog lady and it makes me feel sick that one day I will have to say goodbye to my ladies. Be kind to yourself and know that you've given a dog a truly wonderful life. Xx

@Squiff70 I'm so so sorry - that's so sad 🙁 I'm another crazy dog lady and know the pain is so much worse than losing a 'pet' as they are a part of your family xxx

I'm so sorry @Squiff70 this is my worse fear having an elderly dog myself. Look after yourself and my thoughts are with you! Xx

Ladies thanks for the supportive posts yesterday about my anxiety. Midwife already seeing me 2 weeks after 20w scan just to listen in to HB because of my anxiety. Much of the worry is actually to do with finding something wrong like heart or spina bifida etc. Like something incompatible with life. There's just so much that can go wrong so even if I hear HB I won't feel much better.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope today is a better day for us both. London public transport is horrible at the best of times but I totally agree that when pregnant that vulnerable feeling on top of it is awful. You feel like you can't protect your bump enough and so scared of falling over etc.

@Frillyfarmer glad you're in a good place at the moment and giving yourself that option.

@Kayjay2018 that's a different way of getting you signed up to maternity services. Guess every Trust does it slightly differently. Like my 25w midwife appointment is actually with my GP, not even practice nurse which I have to try book in myself. I was surprised when midwife told me.

@Bluebelltulip yesterday sounds awful. Glad things are looking okay now but that must have been so difficult and emotional for you. Hope today is a better day.

@coconutlatte44 fab bump pic!!! I haven't taken any of mine. Guess just another thing I'm scared to do and jinx this one.

@Squiff70 so sorry about your loss

@Squiff70 so sorry to hear about your dog. I have never had a dog, I'm a cat lady and mum of three cat boys. Pets are part of the family and I can't imagine how sad you must feel at loosing your lovely dog. Huge hugs xxx

@InDreamland I don't work Fridays (it's my day with DD) thank goodness! I'm off to Ikea to buy storage stuff to get this house organised in preparation for Little Brother's arrival! Hope your journey is ok. HATE the central line!

@Squiff70 I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. When I lost my cat last year I was devastated, we had been through so much together and was always there for me no matter what. I don't know what I'll do when something happens to our dogs. They are part of the family so make sure you allow yourself the time to grieve and are kind to yourself.
@InDreamland I'm at the same hospital as my miscarriage and that was only back in April and things have changed! I know I will feel just like you even if I get passed 12 weeks. I have a risk the baby will develop heartblock (on top of usual pregnancy risks) so will need monitoring weekly with scans of its heart from I think 16 to 22 weeks. I believe any damage is reversible if caught (using steroids into me) but if they miss anything it could be disastrous. I hope your midwife etc can support you as much as possible. Stress and anxiety is no good for us, so anything they can do to help minimise that would be good
@janey15 I'm usually quite slender, but all my trousers have become uncomfortable with the dreaded bloat so I've bought some in the next size up to make it a bit comfy. I tried a dress and skirt the other day, looked in the mirror and they were a definite no no

Ps does anyone have tips for dealing with nausea? I have gin gins (wow burn your mouth heat), ginger biscuits - leaving a vile taste in my mouth. I have sea sickness bands but some work tops don't cover my wrists so can't wear them without questions. Also I have a craving for meat and strong meat flavoured products 🤢. Currently desperate for bbq beef super noodles and bacon frazzle crisps. Am forcing down fruit but draw the line at one of my favourite meals, cannot even think about it without feeling sick!

@Squiff70 so sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is so devastating, sending you love.

@Kayjay2018 can't help there, I've never had sickness or pg symptoms in any of my pregnancies - which is anxiety inducing in itself..! Hope you start to feel better soon though. How many weeks are you?

@SunshineCrocodile - when I had my son -almost 16 years ago I had a bit of nausea (remember eating ginger biscuits on the bus to work). I'm just over 7 weeks, it gets me as soon as I wake up, whether that's middle of the night or morning. Then sporadically during the day. I'm trying to eat a little and often but just finding it so hard to concentrate at work as this and tiredness are knocking me a bit. I'm glad to have some symptoms so don't really want them to go away, just need to find a better coping mechanism!

Bump pic at 12 weeks. I'm now 15! 😳 For some reason quite a few people at work have no idea, I'm wearing baggy dresses. I'm fairly slim 10/12 and I tend to show early

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope you have had a nice day, jealous you don't have to go in on Fridays. This morning wasn't too bad thankfully but journey home yet to see if I have a better day. How was Ikea? I prefer to go to the Lakeside one, hate the Tottenham one.

@Kayjay2018 your anxiety must be high but you sound like you're managing it well so far. For nausea I used the travel sickness bands but they didn't get rid, just slightly took the edge off, eating helped a bit too and mint polos were brilliant at helping. I also only really wanted to eat salt and vinegar crisps which then turned into bacon flavour crisps and frazzles. Hope it eases soon and is more manageable.

@rubyroot awww lovely bump pic!

So far better journey home. Have been offered a seat which makes a massive difference.

Yeah sorry for selfish post. I'm struggling to keep up and exhausted currently. @janey15 @Indreamland good luck for your upcoming scans.

@Frillyfarmer excellent gifts. Deffo beats flowers, bet it made your friend feel thought off and gin is a good call!

@Squiff70 sorry to hear about your dog.

To all the other ladies I have missed off. Hope your pregnancy anxiety is not too bad and good luck for any upcoming scans x

@InDreamland I have a stash of polos, mint imperials and chewing gum, plus ginger biscuits and gin gins in my bag, if anyone saw inside the game would be up! I have a scan booked for tomorrow to see if everything is in the right place and measuring ok (last time all in right place but was quite behind). My anxiety has now rocketed and I'm convinced it's going to be over. I had wanted to wait till I was passed 8 weeks but MIL comes next Friday for a week so it would be leaving it too long

Ps I love all the bump pictures, both mums to be and the bumps are all so individual I thinks it's really reassuring to know everything and anything can be normal